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Thursday, January 19, 2012

~ Dirty Mind Quiz ~

by Tina~in_ut

Do you have a dirty mind? Take this simple quiz and find out. See if you can determine what is being described in the following ten items:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me. What am I?

5. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I’m at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
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Answers:
1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4. bubble gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. the paperboy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush
How did you score?
All correct – Your mind is as clean as a whistle!
7 – 9 correct – Your mind is still pretty clean. OK to bring you home to meet mom.
4 – 6 correct – You’re average.
1 – 3 correct – Your mind is definitely headed toward the gutter…
All wrong – YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND!

51 comments:

sacBarb said...

Helloooooo

sacBarb said...

Geeze, I thought for sure someone would be here by now. I am almost ready to leave for the hospital and I thought I'd check in one more time.

Tina, I got 8 right. I should have gotten them all right because I've seen this before, not because I don't have a dirty mind! I couldn't remember the peanut butter one and the paperboy.

Have a good day everyone and thanks for all the good wishes. Chad may be back later to post an update.

Michael said...

OK! I'm going to boil some water!

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb. You are beautiful in first today and you'll be even more fetching in that hospital gown. We'll keep your branch warm for you. Prayers being sent your way.

Just_Lin said...

Michael. I'll grab some clean towels.

Just_Lin said...

Tina. Well I got some of them right. LOL

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb. You are beautiful in first today and you'll be even more fetching in that hospital gown. We'll keep your branch warm for you. Prayers being sent your way.

Zona said...

TINA: Who cares about the answers..I like the questions..guess that means I pass..Dirty Minds R Us.. ;D

BARB: You're looking gorgeous this morning! Saying prayers for you..well..you know how I feel so I'll just say..SWAK! :)

Good Morning MICHAEL and J/LIN!

Michael said...

Paula Deen's Health Food Cookbook

Recently, Paula Deen has admitted that she’s had Type II Diabetes for years. Accordingly, she’s putting out a cookbook of healthy food. Here are some excerpts!


FRUIT SALAD
INGREDIENTS:
1 lb. bag of Skittles
3 cups ranch dressing
DIRECTIONS:
Mix well. Serve room temperature.

PAULA’S BROWN RICE
INGREDIENTS:
1 pilaf white rice
1 bowl melted Junior Mints
DIRECTIONS:
Cover rice in chocolate. Serve with maple syrup to taste. To splurge, top with a sprinkle of sausage calzones.

SCRAMBLED EGG WHITES
INGREDIENTS:
1 dozen (12) Cadbury eggs
2 lbs. Frito crumbs
1 package extra-fat pork lard
1 pilaf Paula’s brown rice
DIRECTIONS:
Break the Cadbury eggs and harvest the crème-filled white centers. Dip them in the Frito crumbs. Put the lard (make SURE to get the extra-fat kind or it will be BLAND) in a frying pan on high heat, and fry the crème centers until golden-brown. Serve on a bed of Paula’s brown rice.

PAULA’S GARDEN BURGER
INGREDIENTS:
3 bags Olive Garden® Endless Breadsticks
12 Olive Garden® Stuffed Mushrooms
1 plate Olive Garden® New! Baked Pasta Romana with Chicken
4 Olive Garden® Black Tie Mousse Cakes
1 slice American cheese (optional)
DIRECTIONS:
Smash all of the Olive Garden® foods together until they resemble a large patty and top with cheese. For lowest calories, hold the cheese.

Michael said...

PAULA’S GUILT-FREE FAT-FREE® SMOOTHIE
INGREDIENTS:
34 lbs. sugar
DIRECTIONS:
Put sugar in smoothie glass and drink with straw, serve chilled in white wine tumblers or, for special occasions, lap from trough. This delicacy is guilt-free since you can make a conscious choice not to feel guilty about anything you put in your body like Paula does!
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BUFFET AND A BURGER
INGREDIENTS:
1 burger
1 Las Vegas buffet
Christmas-themed elastic pants (optional)
DIRECTIONS:
Go to Las Vegas buffet. Make sure the buffet has burgers, or provide your own. Do NOT walk around the buffet. Get a motorized scooter, or stay in one spot and use a jaws of life to pick some of each buffet food out of the tubs and put it on your burger. Elastic pants are nice because your gupa (gunt-fupa) stays nicely inside the stretchy pants except for a few folds of fat with stretch marks that seep out of the pants.
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PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLIES
INGREDIENTS:
1 peanut
18 sticks of butter, mashed
1 pair Jellies shoes
DIRECTIONS:
Cover the shoes with butter and top with the peanut, and then eat the shoes. If you eat shoes it’s like you’re exercising so it’s VERY healthy.
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PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® PIZZA PANTS
INGREDIENTS:
10’x20’ swath of pizza
Another pizza to use as pepperonis on the pizza
Stuffed mushrooms
FYI the mushrooms are stuffed with smaller pizzas
Smuckers magic shell ice cream topping
Rolos
Coca-cola
3 bags gummy bears
Fondue
Caesar salad dressing
Wood chips (as a thickener)
Grenadine syrup
Butter-flour mixture
Pizza Pockets
1 sewing machine
1 sewing pattern for pants (size XXXL)
DIRECTIONS:
Mushrooms are a vegetable and there are definitely some mushrooms on that pizza so technically they are HEALTHY-style pizza pants. Take the really big pizza. Put all of the other ingredients on the pizza. Pour the coke on the pizza. Dip the pizza in the fondue, and resist eating it before you make it into pants, no cheating!!! Sew that pizza into pants using the machine and the pattern. Make sure to sew in some pockets so you can keep a few extra spare Pizza Pockets in your pizza pockets!!!! Then eat your pants!!!!!!!!!!!
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PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® TURTURTURDUCKDUCKENDUCKEN
INGREDIENTS:
3 turduckens
DIRECTIONS:
Stuff a turducken in a turducken in a turducken. While you’re waiting for it to cook, make your fat niece make you some pizza pants while you’re watching Pawn Stars and eat your pants and then slap your niece.

Michael said...

INSULIN AU GRATIN
INGREDIENTS:
1 insulin shot
15 lbs. block of cheddar cheese
DIRECTIONS:
Bury insulin shot in cheese. When you’re going into a diabetic coma, just eat your way to the shot!! Eat the cheese fast or you’ll die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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SPARKLING WATER
INGREDIENTS:
1 glass sparkling water
1 ham
DIRECTIONS:
Put ham in water.

Michael said...

Those cracked me up...had to break it up to get it all in...

Michael said...

J/L...

boiling water..clean towels...CHECK!!

Tina~in_ut said...

Barb!!!! don't let people see ur ass sticking outta ur gown!!!! That happened to me!!!!~ mwah~

Michael~ ur ugly avatar made me laugh out loud~

J/L~ lol....I would never think of you having a dirty mind!!~ lq~

Zona~ uv got the dirtiest mind of us all~

Shirley~ git ur ass back in here!!~

Tinka~ r u no-ed in?~

Michael said...

oh that reminds me Tina...who is your man....candidate wise I mean...who ya backing out of that embarrassing mess of GOP hopefuls?? Hmmm?

sacBarb said...

Hey guys. I just thought I'd pop in and leave a little update.

Originally, mom was scheduled as the first client of the day. Yesterday she was told that there would be someone getting done before her and her stuff would be pushed back a couple of hours.

It's now noon:ten and she is still waiting in pre-op with the youngest son. They won't even let the whole tribe hang out there with her so most of us are waiting at her house on a call letting us know to come see her before she goes in.

That's the mini-update for now. I will post more later in the evening as info becomes available.

Chad

PS - Hospital gown pics to follow as well. Hopefully hers will be better than the one I had. Mine was cracked in the back. :)

Tina~in_ut said...

Lol Chad~ thanks for the update~ Ur sweet to do this....don't think my hubby would...wait...he didn't~ Make sure ur mom's ass is covered! mkay?~

Just_Lin said...

Chad Thanks for the update. I hope she doesn't have to wait too much longer. That would be difficult.

Just_Lin said...

Shirley Where the hell are you?

Just_Lin said...

HOdi You, too, Missy!

Dianne/Denver said...

Tina: u r right. Zona is the naughtiest of all on the nest.

Chad: thanks so much for the update. Hope it will be soon. I hate that waiting

Shirley , just because u r working doesn't mean for u to forget us.

Now Jodi -- u and I r still trying to get over r football losses from last week.

JL---area 51--- yes, I will be cheering ur team on to victory this week again. Go 49ers!!!!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thank you. :)

If anybody else wants to cheer for the 49ers, you are more than welcome to do so.

Maureen said...

Good evening feathered friends!

Darn it...I got 8 right. I so thought I had a much dirtier mind then that!

CHAD...thanks for the update. Keeping the prayers going.

MICHAEL...I almost pee'd myself with those recipes!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Michael. --- those r quite a group of yummy things to make for r next owl manor party. I think I will make the fruit
salad. I think I could even cook that up.

Dianne/Denver said...

Mo-- no going potty in ur feathers in the house or library or branch. It's not tasteful and lady like

Dianne/Denver said...

Tink----where r u? R u snowed in that toasty house. Come out and play.

Zona said...

Hi Guys!

TINKA asked me to say HI to everyone for her. She and Jack aren't feeling well..she thinks they may have a touch of the flu. Hopefully she'll be able to play in the nest tomorrow.

TINK: I hope you and Jack feel better very soon! :)

CHAD: Your mom has been on my mind all day..thank you for the update!

TINA: Who...me? ;D

DI: Who...me? :D

J/LIN: Ok..49ers it is..but just for the next couple games..then it's back to my Raiders.. :D

MO: You do! :D

MICHAEL: I'm gettin' a stomachache just reading those recipes!

Prime Suspect was cancelled..bummer.. :(

Zona said...

TINKA: When you read this..don't pay any attention to that ZONA has the 'dirtiest naughtiest mind' talk..ok? I'm your cyber daughter..and my thoughts are pure.. :D

J/LIN: I made a folder! :)

Ok..back to going through papers..ugh..

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Sorry for being gone. I know, I suck at being an Owl! As the start of tax season approaches (January 30th)I find my anxiety level and stress level going up.Since last May I have been only leaving the apartment on Tuesdays for work and groceries, which has been fine with me. There has been the odd exception to that for blood work or a doctors appointment or extra work. Now I have to go to meetings and training and our office is having work done to it and I am just out of my comfort zone and it feels like I am loosing control. I know this is all stupid and other people are going through far worse stuff (like Barb (((HUGS))) )but I also know I can rant about it here.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Splat!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

SacBarb you look great in first!

Tina I do not have a naughty bone in my body! (that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

Zona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zona said...

I just got a call from BARB's friend Sharon. She tried to text me earlier..but the text didn't go through. BARB went into surgery at 3pm..and she is still in surgery. Her boys are all at the hospital. If Sharon hears anything from them, she'll let me know. I'm sure Chad will give us a much more thorough update later. Just wanted you all to know.

Maureen said...

ZONA...thanks

SHIRLEY...hi

Michael said...

Barb should be out of surgery soon if they got started at 3pm...usually takes 5 hours...max...

She will be in bad shape for the first 24 hours...in ICU...thats normal...but I feel for her boys...nothing can really prepare you for it...seeing your Mother or Father like that...

It was very emotional for me...and I'm sure it will be for them...

I don't mean to dwell on the bad part but its the reality of the procedure...

all 3 of them are heavy on my mind...

They have a tough road ahead...

Just_Lin said...

Zona Thank you for the update on Barb. I sure hope things have gone well. I've been anxious for news.

Zona said...

Sharon just called..BARB is out of surgery. The family will be able to see her in about an hour. The surgeon said it went well. :)

Sharon said Chad will update on FB and here at the nest when he gets back to the house.

Maureen said...

That is good news!! Let the healing begin!

Just_Lin said...

Zona Yay! I'm so glad things went well. Thanks again for the update.

Maureen said...

My mom had CABG surgery and the next day they brought her breakfast. The nurses said it is better if the family helps so I was feeding her. They had brought scrambled egg beaters.
She ate 2 forkfuls and said no more. I asked if she didn't like them or if she was in too much pain to eat. She whispered..."eggs...cholesterol...bad for the heart" It was a much needed comedic moment!

Dianne/Denver said...

Zona---thanks for the update. I've been thinking of barb all day. Glad she is doing okay

Shirley---of course u can vent here. We all do it. I'm going to hug u too now. Hug hug. Do u feel it?

Just_Lin said...

Shirley You will be fine. It's what you do every year, right? You are woman, hear you roar! (((HUGS)))

Just_Lin said...

MO Waving a wing at you!

Maureen said...

JUST LIN...flapping a wing back attcha!

I'll check back in the morning for more good news from CHAD

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi month xxoo

Dianne/Denver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sacBarb said...

We're finally home after an exhausting day. I tried to update from mom's phone but some dumb ass left her password at home. My bad.

Things got pushed back from the original start time of 8am to 9am. Since Todd got in late last night, he went in with her this morning because only one person could go and he hadn't spent much time with mom. They were gonna call us at the house in a couple hours to let us know to come down and spend some time with her before she went in.

That 11am call came at 1:45 because she had been pushed back again. Anyone seeing a pattern developing here?

When we got there we all went back to see her and they had given her an Adavan (I think) about a half hour before. After about 15 minutes mom was REALLY high-ppy. There are pictures (and a video) that will probably never see the light of day......unless the price is right. We all made fun of MOD (Mom On Drugs) for a bit and then they took her back at about 2:45. They told us it would be anywhere from 4-6 hours from that point.

We went to the cafeteria for a bit and then back up to the waiting room to set up camp.

At 6:15 we were told that things were still running behind and that it could now be as late as midnight before she was done. WTF? We were not very pleased, but what are you gonna do?

Luckily at about 8:30 the doctor came out and let us know that he was done. The procedure went well. She ended up getting a quadruple bypass instead of the 5 or 6 they had originally thought.

*On a little side note here, mom had said that she was gonna beat me but in the end we ended up with a tie.*

After about an hour we were able to go in and see her. She was doing really well. They didn't even have her on any type of drip for her blood pressure at all. She wasn't awake yet but she was really trying. She looked like she was trying to do the Bill Cosby dance (youtube it if you don't know) only she was laying down. I leaned in close to tell her that she was out and doing fine and that me and Todd were there. Even though I'm sure it didn't fully register, she moved her head just the tiniest little bit and her eyes opened ever so slightly.

I'm going to call and check in with ICU in a couple of hours because she will be out of the "danger window" at that point. Then it's off to sleep for a few hours and back to hang out mom.

I Just want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. It's meant alot to all of us and I know it's meant the world to my mom. Pfft. I thought I got alot of calls before I had mine done but DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN her phone has been nonstop for the last 3 days. You guys have all shown the love and we have all felt it so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Chad

Dianne/Denver said...

So glad everything is going well. Get som sleep Chad and thank u

whabbear said...

Just responded to Chad's cross post on Barb's FB page... crossing my fingers and hoping for a recovery without any complications!

Tina: I got absolutely zero right. Surprised?

Shirley: Hang in there! The days are getting longer, and Spring is not far away!

Tink: Hope you and the Mr. feel better soon!

Just_Lin said...

Hugs to Barb, Chad, Todd, and Dean.

Maureen said...

CHAD...such good news and thank you for keeping us posted.

like JUST LIN said...hugs to Barb, Chad, Todd and Dean.

DIANNE...HI to you, too!!!