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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Smile!


by Sac Barb


Just before the funeral services, 
the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
                                                                                 *
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
                                                                                 *
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.
                                                                                 *
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, 
and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
                                                                               *
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
*
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
*
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
*
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Always Remember This:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.
GO GREEN.....RECYCLE CONGRESS!!

101 comments:

Just_Lin said...

Good morning, HOoters!!!

Barb Thanks for the blog today. I'm filling out my wrinkles quite nicely I think. LOL

sacBarb said...

Hello Hooters.

J/L, I'm filling them out too, and apparently my body likes them that way. I'm headed to Kaiser to see how much damage I did while I was away.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I've continued to do damage and I'm not even away anymore.

Mary/MI said...

Barb, the first one almost made me pee my pants!!! Funny stuff!

Had a great lunch today.I love meeting up with my old co-workers. All are fun and super great personalities! I miss working with them, not the WORK lol!!

Jodi, back to the old grind and good kawfee eh?

JL, I think you are still a bit young to be getting too many wrinkles, hang on they will come lol! I should know!



Mary/MI said...

Tina, I just noticed your little Birthday tune. I know he was listening to you. You were a good friend to him......

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi....well went to WW and gained five pounds in two weeks. My friend was on vacation and she lost a darn pound!!!!!

Mary. I love lunches with my old co-workers too. I miss the day to day conversations with them but like you...I don't miss the work.

Barb, was it as bad as you thought going to your meeting tonight? What a never ending battle and boring.

JL...I think I thought I was on my friends vacation with her ...I wasn't!!

On that note...Jodi, do you have some donuts for us?

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I lost a half pound. Not too bad since I was not home for four days. I NEED to lose about 100 lbs. before I go to Australia. I don't think I can do that in two months, but I'll take whatever I can, even 1/2 lb.

J/L, It's warming up again here. It was so nice for a few days, in the 70s. We also have bad air again from the Forest Hill fire in Placer County...cough cough cough.

Mary, Same here about keeping up with former coworkers and not missing the work.

Hey Jodi, back to the grind? :(

Just_Lin said...

Good morning, HOoters! God, I love this first cup of coffee in the morning.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I seem to think I'm still on vacation. :(

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Don't you hate when that happens? I've been letting myself have desserts lately and I need to stop. It's become too much of a regular thing.

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, desserts are my BIGGEST weakness!! No self control there at all!!!

I went to visit my late brother, Tony's only great Grandson "Antonio" today. He is visiting for a couple of weeks from Tenn.I want to make sure he remembers his Great Auntie Mary lol!
I try to keep connected to my brother's family. I am the only one that does. We all live so far apart :(

JL, I am eternally on vacation in my mind, traveling non stop! I would love to go on an international cruise. Not having to worry about finding a room, just visit a city and hop back on the ship :)

Jodi,your MIA, must be working hard!

Dianne/Denver said...

Mary..I'd like to go on that cruise too

Had a nice afternoon and lunch with my childhood friend. We reconnected about three years ago on FB. It's been fun.

I like a dessert but my downfall is soda pop. I hate diet soda.

Barb, I would like to lose a 100 pounds for my 50th reunion next year ..ha!!! I'd like to notngain a 100 more too

Jodi said...

BARB - Thanks for the giggles! I TOTALLY agree with "You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing" ♥

Jodi said...

SLIN - What wrinkles pretty lady?!!?

Jodi said...

MARY - Grind wasn't bad. Only had to work 3 days this week!! And yes...the BEST coffee!! That's the bad thing about traveling, miss my Kwik Trip cawfee ♥

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Glazers for everyone!!! Remember....just break them open and the calories fall out ;)

Jodi said...

Heading out today to do school supply shopping. Really not looking forward to it. I've learned over the past few years to just go to Staples and be done with it!! I'm then meeting my cousin Jenny and her kids for lunch. I might suggest that we get something "to go" and eat at one of the beaches here. Feeling like taking in some sunshine today :)

Jodi said...

Just talked to my cousin Jenny....no kids today. We're going to the Great Dane Pub and Brewery for lunch. They have a great patio that we can enjoy lunch and a beer on. CHEERS HOoters ♥

Just_Lin said...

Morning, HOoters!

Mary I've looked at those world cruises. To be honest, not sure I'd like being on a ship that long. The longest cruise I've been on was a 17 day Panama canal cruise and I was ready to get off at the end. Of course, the fact that it was extremely hot may have had something to do with it.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I hate diet soda, too. Sometimes I can satisfy myself with Arrowhead Sparkling Water. I especially like the one with a bit of orange essence in a tall glass of ice. Very refreshing and no calories and none of that diet aftertaste.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi You're probably raising your glass about now. Cheers!

Dianne/Denver said...

Good evening...what's up tonight?

Jodi..did you have a nice lunch? I did Mexican today but didnt like it much. I'm a wimp when it comes to even mild sauce and this was too hot for me. I then had a dr appt.

I keep testing over the borderline number for diabetes so my dr keeps me on meds and makes me come in every three months. My sugar test for the last three months was higher this time (probably all that soda). I complained about the weight gain and she said its because my sugar is higher. Great. Changed my meds and go from there. She was very nice though. Thought she might get on me for gaining weight. Ahh, the never ending medical saga.

JL...I'm not crazy about the flavored water either. Are you a big water drinker? Lets just drink margaritas!!!
I think I could do a 17 day cruise but not in the heat. I'd like to go to Iceland.

Mary..I'll go with you as long as cool and we don't have to go swimming. Deal?

We are going gambling and staying for two nights in Cripple Creek over Labor Day. I'm not crazy about gambling that long but it's a beautiful area in the mountains about two hours from here.

Barb...what are you doing? Did you see that girl that used to be on bachelor named Gia hung herself? So sad.

Well, not much else new. I'm meeting my friend for breakfast tomorrow at the middle of the night time of 9:30 am!!! I may as well stay up all night. Lol

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I am working on a scrapbook today. I just told Kathy that my pool table looks like a craft store threw up on it.

I did see that about Gia. It is very sad. She was only 29. She was on Bachelor Pad, also, and had the hots for Michael (can't remember his last name). They went out for a while and then broke up.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - We had a really nice lunch! Just Jenny and I. I had a salad and a turkey club sandwich. It was a beautiful day so we ate on the patio out in the sun :)

Jodi said...

SLIN - I raised my glass of iced tea! I would've loved to have a beer, but I was heading home to pick Jake up to go school supply shopping.

Right when we were going to take off, the garage door opened and in came my hubby. He said he wasn't feeling well and came home early for work. *that doesn't happen often* Tummy issues to start with and last night he said he couldn't get warm. I hope he's feeling better today. I work this weekend and have enough babysitting to do there. HA!!!

After we were done supply shopping I didn't want to waste the rest of a gorgeous afternoon, so Jake and I stopped at our local zoo. Kinda fun!! I hadn't been there in probably 10 years :)

Jodi said...

BARB - Sam's old room kinda looks that way, too!! She really needs to come over and fix that!

Jodi said...

Heading into work a little early today. I will be having a management trainee shadowing me today on doing the books. Sweet....NOT!!! It will be one of those days that I have to remember to BREATHE!!

sacBarb said...

Good morning Hooters.

It's 9am and I've been up for an hour. I didn't go to sleep until almost 5am and was thinking I would sleep until at least 11, but my eyes popped open at 8 and here I am. I see a nap in my immediate future. On the up side, I made more progress on the scrapbook.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, did I miss something? Did Sam move out?

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, I was thinking the same thing

Mary/MI said...

Barb, I didn't sleep worth a crap last night either. Between the dog hearing outside noises and barking and Jim's snoring,jerking and yelling in his sleep, I am whipped! Jim woke me up when he got up at 9am,(all rested!)but I stayed in bed until 11:00 am. mostly watching tv with the sleeping dog! I should have barked in her face lol!!!

Anybody need garden fresh tomatoes,potatoes,cukes,basil,and Rosemary ? Have lots!

Jodi said...

Yes, Sam got an apartment at the beginning of August. It's a 3 BR closer to her work. She and Nate and 3 of his friends are sharing the rent. Makes it pretty affordable for all of them. It will only be about $180/month for each of them. She's so happy. She and Nate have been together 9 months now, and I guess they plan on staying together (at least for the next year's lease)!!

Jodi said...

MARY - Lol @ barking at your dog's face. I wonder what Jim would think of that ;)

Jodi said...

Heading out soon. There is a Oregon peeps summer get together out at Christy's Landing on Lake Waubesa. Can't stay too long since I work tomorrow. I've also been invited to Vintage Bar in Madison at 8pm. My old Asst Store Leader is in town for the weekend. I'll probably stop long enough for one and get home.

Wishing everyone a fun Saturday night :)

Dianne/Denver said...

Went to dinner and came home and turned on TV to watch the Bronco game but there was Ma Ma Mia. I haven't watched a drop of the game. I forgot how much I love this movie. Oh well..I'm only missing pre season.

Very hot today and set yet another record. Too hot for me.

Jodi, its like we've watched Sam grow up. Hope you are having fun tonight.

Mary, hope you get a better nights sleep tonight.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I know, funny how time flies!! I'm just happy that she is in a better place. She's happier than I've seen her in years :)

I had a fun night. We thought more people would show up, but it was just me and 2 other gals. No worries, we had fun!! Good conversation, laughs, and pics all right next to the lake!!

Jodi said...

Heading to work soon. I'm going to take a look at the schedule to see if someone can come in a couple of hours early for me. Hoping to come home and take a nap before going to see Les Mis with Jake, Sam, Shari & James. If not, I'll be inserting a cawffee iv *for real* before the show!!! lol!!

Mary/MI said...

Jodi, you are one busy woman! Glad you took the time to have a "sip" lol! I agree with Dianne, can't believe Sam has grown up before our eyes!

Dianne I love the music of Mama Mia, not that sure I like the story line though.
Had a great walk with my dogster tonight. We have a beautiful river walk near by. The town has two rivers running through it with many walking bridges and paths that go under them too.
Seems like I have something going on for the next 4 week ends. Baby showers, Tiger game, Festivals and visiting. I hate that it will soon be getting dark early :(

I went to an Elvis tribute today. Three Elvis's of different ages in his life. Pretty cool. One had some pretty sexy moves lol!!

Jodi said...

Les Miserables was fabulous!! My friend that played Javert was so good! The whole cast was strong and gave such a moving performance. I had seen a traveling "Broadway" production in Madison about 20 years ago, and they rivaled that!

Jodi said...

MARY - Your river walk sounds lovely! And aren't you the pot calling the kettle black...always on the go, go, go!!! I already hate that the days are getting noticeably shorter. Trying to savor the rest of this summer, cuz u know it won't be long and I'll be cursing the cold and snow ;)

Jodi said...

Heading to bed soon. Jake and I are heading to the Wisconsin Dells tomorrow to spend the day at Noah's Ark. It's a water park that Kwik Trip sells tickets to every year. As a co-worker, I receive 2 free tickets. Jake is taking a friend along to celebrate his birthday early. We are packing a lunch to eat in the parking lot. No sense in paying ridiculous prices for crappy food there!! It's supposed to be about 85 degrees and muggy tomorrow. Perfect weather to play in the wave pool or drift around in the lazy river!!

Mary/MI said...

Hodi, I love the Lazy River thingys! One of the Hotels we stayed in,in Las Vegas had one. I loved it! I can't swim, so it was fun to do something besides laying around.
Have fun!!

sacBarb said...

Happy Monday Hooters.

J/L, Is Custard working on the Bear Creek fire? Our news people are saying it will be at least another week before it is contained.

We are expecting thunder showers tonight. That usually means lightning and could spark more fires. :(

sacBarb said...

Mary, I can't swim either and that's one of the reasons why I don't want to go on a cruise.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, How nice that you get free tics to the water park. My Hubby and I loved to do that kind of stuff with the kids...making memories.

sacBarb said...

Still working on the scrapbook. I keep finding pics that I should include. I'm just going to have to cut it off at some point or I'll never get done!

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, u don't have to swim on a cruise...we have explained that to you, remember?

Jodi, sounds like a nice family day. Hope you had lots of fun. Was still asleep this morning when you called. Remember I'm a sort of night owl....not like I used to be though

Mary, could you explain this cruise deal to Barb?

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I understand I don't have to swim on a cruise, unless of course the ship sinks...

Mary/MI said...

Barb, never fear, if the ship sinks the sharks will eat you before you drown, there, do you feel better now? LETS CRUISE!!!

sacBarb said...

LOL Mary. That's comforting.

Dianne/Denver said...

There Barb...you've heard it from expert cruisers. Pack you bags.

Dianne/Denver said...

Jl.....where are you all weekend?

Jodi said...

Tried posting from Noah's Ark yesterday, but my phone just kept spinning on that site. UGH!!

What a fun day! I felt bad for Jake. His friend evidently forgot about the plans and was working when we stopped to pick him up. Oh, well we truly had a great day, just Jake and me! He got me to go on the Point of No Return water slide. It's a body slide. Lay back, cross your ankles, and your arms across your chest and GO!!! 10 stories straight down!!! Oh my hell...so much fun I did it twice!!! *just thankful lose a boob* ;)

Jodi said...

MARY - No lazy river yesterday....maintenance maybe?!!? Oh, well...had a blast in the Big Kahuna Wave Pool!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I thought of that when I called!!

BARB - I don't think MARY is helping!!! lol!! I swim. I'll save u ♥

Jodi said...

Good grief....s/b *just thankful I didn't lose a boob*.....I did get a major wedgie, tho ;)

Jodi said...

Have a great day HOoters...time to get prettied up for work!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Oh my goodness....where is everyone today?

JL...I'm getting worried about you. You didn't tell us you were going anywhere...please check in.

Barb, Mary, Jodi..what are the three of you doing today?

I see Tina is getting her daughter off to college. It's going to be a crying rest with two of them leaving at once!!

Had my typical day of eating lunch and getting nails done.

im still trying to connect with the lady about being a volunteer. Tomorrow is weigh in day...so fun to pay to get on a scale. Oh well....

sacBarb said...

Dianne, where are you trying to volunteer? Since you like live theater you should look into ushering for local theater groups. It's really fun and you get to see the shows. I ushered for Chicago tonight. Love that show and the music.

Waving to Jodi, Mary, and J/L (where are you?)

Mary/MI said...

Mary checking in!
Just one long boring day.
Yesterday I was debating on going into Lansing to hear a friend play music at a river front bar/restaurant. I have no fun friends like my Nesters that like to do that. Jim was at the casino and he is a drag anyway lol!
I got to thinking about the impending cold weather and loving our beautiful day. I told myself "why the hell not!" So off I went! I am so glad I did. I had one bear and some brushetta. The guy is the desk sergeant at my hair salon. A super sweet guy. Before going home I walked a little on the riverside trail.
I sure wish some of you lived close by. My area is sooooo redneck lol! Most just want to fish,go to races (like Tina lol) drink & party. I don't mind some of this stuff, just wish I had someone who liked to go to movies or shows besides my SIL who likes to talk every min of it lol!

Heading to my exciting gross-ery store......

Mary/MI said...

ROTFLMAO!! I had a "beer" not a "bear!"

sacBarb said...

J/L, I just realized that I asked about the fire at 'Bear' Creek but it's really at BEAVER Creek. Don't know how I could have gotten THAT mixed up. Never mix up Beaver with Bear! ;)

sacBarb said...

Mary, glad to know you didn't have a 'bear.' That would be one for the record books. LOL

Dianne/Denver said...

I emailed JL and she's in Idaho until Friday. She forgot to tell us she would be gone. I guess Custard is not at the fire.

Mary, I wish we all lived closer too. I want to go see the movie The Butler. Can you fly up and go with me?

Barb, I think being an usher would be nice but I can't stand that long or walk far. My knee is good but my breathing is short.

Jodi, what did you do today? You are always doing something fun.

Dianne/Denver said...

I lost 7 pounds in a week today at WW. Crazy what I can gain and lose in a week. I can only hope it stays off. Guilted me into our lunch being at Olive Garden for soup and salad with the diet dressing even.

sacBarb said...

Congratz Dianne. Wish I could lose 7 lbs in a week.

As for ushering, we have assisted hearing devices that are loaned out to people who need them and the person that does that sits at a table to dispense them and also the person that takes tickets is also allowed to sit on a tall stool. Maybe they have positions like that. Doesn't hurt to check into it.

sacBarb said...

Going to bed early tonight. Sweet dreams everyone.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I spent the last couple of days at home. Tuesday morning I started vomiting at work. Went home before 6:30 am. Was hoping to go to work yesterday, but the toast I tried eating at about 2am came back up. How's that for exciting? ;)

Feeling much better today!! So off to Kwik Trip I go!

Jodi said...

69!!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - Waving a wing! Enjoy your time ;)

Jodi said...

MARY - I would've soooooo gone with u!!! Heading out to LOIS's this weekend for Depot Days!! Talk about redneck fun....counting mullets and all ;)

Jodi said...

BARB - Sleep well. Love u lady ♥

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Congrats on the 7 lb loss!! That's awesome :)

sacBarb said...

Happy Thong Thursday Hooters. I am wearing my thongs today because I'm getting a pedi and regular shoes spoil the polish. ;) Have a great day everyone.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, Sorry you were sick. :( Don't go back to work too soon or you may have a relapse.

Jodi said...

BARB - What color are you getting on your tooties? And too late....worked today. It went well...except for when I got caught in the "monsoon" we had when I was outside changing the trash bags. O M G!!! Totally soaked!! *even my bra, panties & socks were soaked*!! My manager sent me home so I could change into a dry uniform and refluff my hair. Can't wait to crawl into bed tonight :)

sacBarb said...

Jodi, I always get a true red (no pink or orange in it)on my toes and french manicure on my fingers, except in December, then I get red on the fingers, too. I know, boring!

Mary/MI said...

Mary checking in!
made homemade pizza,walked the dog,did laundry
Now watching football. I know, I live a boringg life lol!
I'm sitting with the dog trying to type on my Nook Book tablet. I hope this messagge dosn't dissapear lol! Well, here goes I'm gonna hit "send".

Mary/MI said...

Whew! Almost lost it! I had to sign in!

Mary/MI said...

I want to get in FB, but i dont remember my password and the dog looks so comfy lol!

Mary/MI said...

Ah silly me I can use my cell phone.......

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi....went to the theater tonight and saw Peter and the Starcatchers. It was a very weird show about Peter Pan before he was Peter Pan.

It's raining and hailing here tonight.

Jodi...glad you are feeling better. Have a fun weekend.

That's about it for me went to dentist today but couldn't get my cleaning as I forgot to take anti biotic that I have to take since my knee surgery for the dentist. So mad at myself!!!

Jodi said...

MARY - Love my Nook tablet!! Especially since I, for some reason, can't post on the nest from my phone right now *keeps flashing like there's a damn demon in there*....yikes!!

Jodi said...

BARB - Not boring at all!! You're just a hot Mama!!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Thanks...and I always have a good time in "the sticks"!!

Mary/MI said...

There you all are! I thought I was talking to myself lol!

Heading out to get a mani, then buying a baby shower gift.This week end I have a bit of running around. First the baby shower then an author signing, A "fun festival" in my home town and saying goodbye to my almost 2yr old gr. Nephew Antonio.

The shower is for a gr Niece on Jim's side of the family. They just recently found out they were preggy. Her hubby who just graduated from Princeton got a Fulbright scholarship for a year in Germany, so the baby will be born there.
Gottah run....... Have a great day/week-end all!!!

sacBarb said...

Happy Friday Hooters.

I finally got the scrapbook done...well, I filled up all the pages in the book. I have a lot more pics that would fill up a second book, but that's not gonna happen until I get Todd's book done. I will mail Chad's next Wednesday so it will get to Seattle on Saturday. That way he'll be home and won't have to go to the Post Office to pick it up.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I forgot to take my pre-meds once before going to the dentist and he just gave them to me and had me take them right there. It wasn't an hour before my appointment, but he said better that, than not at all and I didn't have to reschedule my appointment. Maybe your dentist was running late and that was his excuse to catch up.

sacBarb said...

Mary and Jodi, you guys have a lot more energy than I do. I get tired just reading about all the stuff you do. ;)

Just_Lin said...

Hi, HOoters!

Just returned from Idaho last night. Had a great time, but I knew I would. Custard and I were staying up by the Sawtooth mountains and the lodge where we were the first night was very smoky due to the fires. There is the Beaver Creek Fire which was sending up huge plumes of smoke and a second fire started the night before we arrived there so that was not helping anything. After the first night, we moved to a different lodge which was about 20 minutes away and in the small town of Stanley. The air was fine there for breathing although you could still see the smoke in the distance. Custard may very well get called to the Beaver Creek Fire since it is lasting so long and now he is back home and available.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi I had to laugh about your wedgie! Glad you are feeling better. It sounds like you caught whatever your hubby had.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I'm glad you didn't have bear and bruschetta. That's a little bit TOO redneck. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Dianne You might want to consider volunteering at a library. Sometimes they need people to read to small children or to help tutor adults that are learning to read.

Just_Lin said...

Barb Sounds like you've been busy with the scrapbook. I need to stop sitting on my ass and get creative again in some way.

Just_Lin said...

Tina Your girl is going off to college? Where did the time go? Are you going to have "empty nest syndrome"?

Jodi said...

Waving a wing from the sticks!! Had a lovely dinner of bbq ribs, corn on the cob and salad! You never go away hungry at LOIS's :) Heading downtown soon to listen to music, drink beer and count mullets!!

sacBarb said...

J/L, Good to see you back in the nest. We were worried about you until Dianne gave us an update from her email to you. Glad you had fun.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, Waiting for a mullet report. ;)

sacBarb said...

Dianne, the Broncos squeaked by Seattle tonight. It was a nail biter.

Mary/MI said...

Late check in..

Long day on the road, but had a great time at the baby shower and all the visiting. I put a few miles on my jeep today, but not as many as Jodi has been getting lol!

Jim took me out to eat and now all settled in for the night. Tomorrow should be a slow quiet day.

The neighbors gave us a bunch of peaches from their orchard so I will be making some peach cobbler tomorrow :)

sacBarb said...

Mary, Love peach cobbler. Wish I was there to taste it.