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Monday, September 2, 2013

THIS COULD BE US SOMEDAY


by Dianne

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. 

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'


'Sure.'


'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.


'No, I can remember it.'


'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'


He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'


'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.


Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'


Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
 the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.  

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' 

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' 

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.' 

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'



Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. 

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. 

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'


 

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 

'So I hear you're getting married?' 

'Yep!' 

'Do I know her?' 

'Nope!' 

'This woman, is she good looking?' 

'Not really.' 

'Is she a good cook?' 

'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 

'Does she have lots of money?' 

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 

'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 

'I don't know.' 

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'



A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'  

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 

'Twelve thirty.' 


 
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' 

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

66 comments:

sacBarb said...

So, this is what we have to look forward to? Almost not worth sticking around! LOL

sacBarb said...

Happy Labor Day HOoters. I am about to leave to go make cards with the Jennifers. We haven't gotten together since May. I hope I remember how to do it.

Have a good day everyone. I'll check in later.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thanks for the laughs this morning. Those were cute!

Just_Lin said...

Barb You will always remember how to "do it". LOL

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, those were funny! It was perfect timing. My Cousin has had to take in her Mother, my Dad's sister. My cousin who is on FB says her Mom keeps turning of the stove when she is trying to cook or bake. One time she turned the burner off when she was in the middle of making jam. Today she turned off the burner that she was boiling potatoes in. My cousin is so funny. She has the best sense of humor. She wrote on FB to her sister " YOUR Mother turned off my burner again now my mashed potatoes won't be done with my meatloaf!!" It's a wonder my Aunt turned out such sweet daughters, because she was not my fave Aunt. She never treated us kids very well when we visited. I hope I keep my sense of humor all the way to my funeral lol!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Back from our weekend away. It was nice to get away. We never left our hotel/casino. I kind of wanted to drive around the mountain area and ride a train but we gambled, ate, fell asleep for a long nap. It was still fun and came home with more money (not much) than I left with Saturday morning.

Sounds like everyone had a nice weekend. We had great weather. We are now in my top three favorite months. I missed them last year with all my knee issues.

I still need to see that movie. Are you still going tomorrow, Jodi? I can go. I'm going to lunch with Barbara Gordon but can go after that....

I was laughing at those jokes tonight. I guess I forgot I sent them. They still gave me a chuckle.

Barb, how did card making go today? It's about time to get started on those Christmas cards. I'm already picking mine out to order them soon.

JL....cleaning, huh? What's getting into you? I hope I don't catch it. Lol.

Just FYI, Tina tells me she doesn't ever read the blog.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I don't know if I'm gonna make Christmas cards this year. Unless I start soon, I won't have time to get them done since I have to make 80 cards. I should probably cut down my list, but I do have a BIG family and I can't cut any of them out. That leaves friends, and I only send cards to the friends I like a lot, so I guess I'll just keep 'em all.

sacBarb said...

I had a good time making cards today. We got caught up on each other's lives and laughed a lot. We are going to meet again in mid-Sept.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I've removed a pan from the stove and not noticed for a minute or two that I never turned off the burner first. Now that could turn out to be a problem.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne It's always nice to come home with more than you left with, even if it is just a little bit.

I guess Tina doesn't like us any more. Have fun at lunch.

sacBarb said...

J/L, if you're in a cleaning mood, you can visit me. I'll get you out of it.

sacBarb said...

We had rain here today, but not enough to put out the fires that are blazing in Northern Cali. :(

Dianne/Denver said...

JL....she must like us still ....she posts for us. I do miss her humor and visits though.

JL...you left a burner on....quit cooking. I never have that problem!!! There I helped you today with great advise.

Barb, I'm for sure cutting my list down this year...I swear I am this time. I'm not even going to order as many cards as usual. I'm cutting back on family I never hear a peep from anymore. As matriarch, I always feel I should keep in touch but when some can't even RSVP to an annual gathering, etc. you get my drift.

Ok, guess I'll go to sleep now...night

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Thanks for the chuckles this morning!!

Jodi said...

BARB - Congrats on being prettiest AND crafty!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - whew...thank GOD!!! But if you lose your memory, do you remember if you had a good time?!!?

Jodi said...

MARY - I have a feeling you will be leaving us in stitches for a very long time!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Sounds like a fun weekend! I sooooo wish I could meet you for that movie on Wednesday!! I bet it will be fun having lunch with Barb Gordon and hearing all about her fabulous trip!

Jodi said...

I took the boys shopping yesterday. They both needed new jeans, Jake needed new "tennies", and Tim needed a few school supplies. Got some fabulous deals!! An extra 20% off at Kohls AND I earned $40 in Kohl's cash!! BOGO + 20% off at Famous Footwear, and 40% off at American Eagle. The downside was that we went to visit Tim's friend that works at Firestone. I've had a little "shimmy" in my car and Shane thought I just needed to maybe have my tires balanced. WRONG!! My left front tie rod was broken which caused my car to become out of line, which caused really bad wear on my back tires that I had put on last winter. Long story short: Fix tie rod, 4 new tires, alignment AND a new battery. UGH!! Thankfully something bad hadn't happened when I was on the road this summer!! Cost me a pretty penny, but thankfully Shane shared his friends and family discount with me!! Still cheaper than a new car :)

Dianne/Denver said...

Oh gosh, good thing you found out about your car notin the road. That could have been bad. Scary too. Stay safe

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I was almost shaking thinking about just that!! With my luck and tires, I bought the roadside assistance insurance on the tires and the lifetime alignment. So it won't matter, even if I'm traveling. I just have to get to my nearest Firestone Service Center.

Just_Lin said...

Barb Didn't mean to ignore you yesterday. Looks like we were typing at the same time. Your Christmas cards are always so cute. I know they take a lot of time though and you have that great trip coming up.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I'm always double checking my burners now, just to be sure I really turned everything off.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi I'm sure glad you got the problem with the car fixed before it ended up being even more of a problem out on the road.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, why thank you pretty lady. You were very lucky nothing happened to your car while you were on the road. I think you must have an angel on your shoulder.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I think if I do cut my xmas card list down, it will be relatives also. The younger ones don't seem to really care about sending cards, so I figure they probably wouldn't even notice if I cut them out.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I don't cook, I usually just defrost and warm in the microwave or go out to eat. ;)

Mary/MI said...

Jodi, The same sort of thing recently happened to my son's Jeep.
He took it in for what he thought was an engine problem and found out it was something to do with his brakes.I am grateful nothing happened to you or him!!!

I spent the day rearranging my bedroom and killing off some dust bunnies! Tomorrow is our friend's funeral. I will be helping serve at the VFW luncheon after the burial.
I will then be heading to the big city to look for a decent dresser for the bedroom. I prolly should also look for a new Lazy Boy. My hubby broke a spring. Too much time on his ars I suspect!

Just_Lin said...

Mary You will have a very busy day. Condolences about your friend.

LOL @ too much time on his ars!

Dianne/Denver said...

Mary, sorry about your friend.

Barb, now Im exactly into your kind of cooking. I could live inthout a stove but not a microwave. Soooooo, I call tht cooking!!! I told my GD tonight that I was going to home school her and teach her how to cook. She couldn't stop laughing. She has about as much interest as I do. Now my GD loves to cook and bake.

I went to dinner with the two girls tonight. They were very talkative about school and there past weekend adventuresome was telling he oldest (almost 15) that they know too much about sex now a day. She s wisps she has to educate me...gulp...I don't want to be educated!!! Especially by my baby girl

Jodi...bad news ..I have to go to the theater on Thursday night during the first season home Bronco game. I can't believe I have to miss watching the big game. I hinted to my friends that maybe we could change the tickets but they aren't quite the football fan that I am. You will have to cheer for me. Orange shirt..check. Tassels...check.

Dianne/Denver said...

I had a nice lunch with Barbara today and heard all about her trip...very interesting she brought me some candy from Italy too. Very sweet.

JL...are you still cleaning and cooking or did you get that out of your system ?

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Oh, hell, I got that out of my system long ago. LOL Yesterday I made a rack of baby back ribs and a bunch of potato salad and asparagus....just for me. You'd think I was cooking for an army. Oh, well. Plenty of leftovers. I had potato salad for breakfast today.

Dianne/Denver said...

Sounds like a good breakfast to me

Jodi said...

Thanks SLIN, and BARB I think I have several ♥

Jodi said...

MARY - So sorry about your friend ♥ And maybe if you don't replace said recliner, he won't spend so much time in it?!!? ;)

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I work early Friday morning, but I will try to stay up for part of the game!! Brocos shirt...check, tassels....double check ;) !!!

Jodi said...

My friend Angie that lives on Kauai is somewhere over the United States on her way to Oregon!!! I can't wait to see her. Her cousin is getting married in Indiana (that is why she is here). Hoping to spend some time before she heads back to paradise!! *she's here 3 weeks*!!!

sacBarb said...

J/L, Leftover ribs sound really good. Potato salad is good for breakfast. I like unconventional breakfasts.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, what are you going to see on Thursday? Our season doesn't start until October with Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, but I'm going to miss it because I'll be on my way to Australia.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, LOL @ tassels....double check ;)

sacBarb said...

So I mailed Chad's scrapbook on Wednesday to have it in Seattle by Saturday so he would be home to receive it. It didn't get there Saturday, so we figured it would be there Tuesday...NOPE! Checked the tracking and it arrived in Seattle, but then it had some weird code. Went to the P.O. today to have them interpret the code and it's on its way BACK to me! No one could tell me WHY! I talked to a clerk and a supervisor. Arrrgggghhhh AND it will probably take a week or more to get back to me! I am NOT a happy camper!

Just_Lin said...

Barb What a bummer about the scrapbook! I'd been very, very annoyed about that. When you get it back, let us know if there is a reason written or stamped on the package.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Don't poke your eye out with those tassels. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Dianne It was such a good breakfast that I had potato salad again this morning.

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, that's the show we are going to see tomorrow night. It sounds cute but come on....during the first Bronco game of the season?

JL, at WW today they talked about you can have anything for breakfast ...not just cereal or eggs. I was thinking about you but I didn't say anything lol.

Jodi, how fun your friend is coming for a visit. I'm counting on you tomorrow night. Don't let me down.

Barb, I'd be mad about the scrapbook too. After all that planning you did for it to arrive on time. Irritating !!

Mary...hi

Dianne/Denver said...

I'm still laughing at that Rose joke above. I think it's so funny.

Mary/MI said...

Hi all! It was a busy day. After I helped at the funeral luncheon I drove to Lansing to get me a new dresser, stopped and picked up a pizza, did some "farming", and clearing out old dresser.
We decided not to pay the $100 delivery fee and pick it up tomorrow.

Dianne, I can't believe you will be missing your Broncs playing!! I will have to dig out my tassels too!

Jodi, how fun that your Island friend will be visiting! You did mean Oregon Wisconsin right lol! I forget you have one.

JL, I would kill fro some of your breakfast :). Now if Jodi would fork over her secret potato salad recipe!!

Barb, I am getting soooo excited for you and your trip! How I wish I was flying somewhere lol! Have a ball!!!

Time to head to bed.
Sat. I have another funeral jeesh! I have known this sweet lady "Wilma" for over 35 yrs. I worked with her and her daughter many years ago at Chrysler. She was a little fireball. She was on the go volunteering for many organizations. She belonged to the Eastern Stars if you know what that is. I always thought it was kind of weird lol! She was over 90 yrs. old.
niters!!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Ok...everyone dust off their orange tassels ...even you, Barb...and cheer against the Ravens for me tomorrow night ....thank you

Jodi said...

BARB - That sucks about the scrapbook! Did they ever say WHY it was sent back?

Jodi said...

SLIN - I'll try not to ;)

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I'll do my best to stay awake!! GO BRONCOS!!!

Jodi said...

MARY - Yes, Oregon, Wisconsin!! She was born and raised here. Her Mom was my piano teacher and our families go WAAAY back. My parents bought the house that her Dad grew up in. Ever since her Mom died, we have become closer ♥

Jodi said...

I best hop in the shower. I work the next 3 days, then have Sunday and Monday off :)

Jodi said...

p.s. MARY - About that recipe. I'll leave it to you in my will ;P

Jodi said...

55!!!

Mary/MI said...

Jodi, you crack me up! That recipe will do me no good as I will prolly be in heaven by the time you expire lol!!
Hubby's headlights went out last night just as it was getting dark. Looks like a trip to the dealership before getting my furniture. Good thing we have extra vehicles here!

Barb, sorry about your precious album floating out there! You did everything right and look what happens g-r-r-r-r!

Have to check my farm and get some work done before we head out....

Just_Lin said...

Good morning, HOoters! Well, I finished off the potato salad last night so now the question is, "What's for breakfast?" LOL Usually I don't eat breakfast really because by the time I feel like eating, it's really lunch time.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, I was told I probably had an invalid address on the package and that's why it was "undeliverable." I'm sure I addressed it correctly, but we'll see when I get it back. I couldn't argue about it without the package in front of me, but I sure will when I get it back. I addressed his birthday card and the package at the same time and he got the card on Saturday, soooo I'm pretty sure I put the same address on both items.

sacBarb said...

Mary, when I read your Hubby's headlights went out, I thought you hit him and knocked him out! ;)

sacBarb said...

J/L, ribs for breaky would be good.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I can't make any promises about football! Sorry.

Jodi said...

Well, shoot!! Rain delay in Denver. DIANNE I hope they can hear me cheering in my dreams. GO BRONCOS!!

Jodi said...

Waving a sleepy wing at SLIN, MARY, and BARB....good night <3

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, I shook the hell out of my tassels!!!Bout got a black eye lol!!
YAY Broncs!!
Can I go to bed now??

Niters back at yah Jodi!!
Have a great Fri all!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Omg..you guys did great cheering and twirling. Most points ever scored against the Ravens ...seven touchdowns for our Peyton. I kept up with the score on my phone with little peeks during the show and then we were able to listen to the last quarter. This was a big deal game for us and lots of hype. It will be fun next week because Peyton will be playing his brother Eli. Glad I'm not those parents deciding who to cheer for at that game.

Mary, did your husband notice the tassel twirling going on? Thank you.

Barb, that Priscilla show was very good. Great music, dancing and costumes. The theater was not very crowded. I think people changed their tickets. It's all men dressed like women. Boy, there were some pretty men.

JL..I call all my lunches breakfast since I'm up,so late in the morning....so today I had a Stromboli for breakfast. Yum.

Tomorrow is my appt for volunteer at my rehab. Hope they can use me.

Jodi, did you dream you were yelling at the game? Great job. Now I will be ready for your game Sunday.

Jodi said...

Holy cow....my dream cheering worked!!! DIANNE congrats to our Broncos!!