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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Wife Goes Deer Hunting

by Dianne

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter from Dripping Springs, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas.

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer.

Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, get the #$%^ away from my deer!"

Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the #$%^ away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air.

The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your #$%^ deer, just let me get my saddle off it!"

41 comments:

Jodi said...

DIANNE - This is why I don't hunt. Although I don't think I would mistake a horse for a deer ;)

Jodi said...

Just put a pot roast, carrots, and baby red potatoes in the crock pot. We are getting a nasty dose of freezing rain later today followed by some snow. I'm all set to hunker down for the rest of the day.

I hope everyone is having a great day ♥

Jodi said...

p.s. Looking for a good movie to watch. I was craving popcorn!!

sacBarb said...

Ditto, Jodi.

sacBarb said...

Our temps are warmer, but the north wind has kicked up and is blowing up a gale. So far, we have had 30mph winds working up to 40mph. Not good for the allergies.

Jodi said...

BARB - Hope u don't blow away!!!

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, that's one I have not heard lol!
There is no way I could kill a deer! Eat it, yes! lol!!

Jodi rant away. I did lol!
I do remember the friction with your Brother after your Dad passed away.I hope all goes well at the family gathering.

I am hunkard down here too, waiting on Jodi's weather lol! we have had great shopping weather. Cold, but no moisture!
Time to check FB....

Mary/MI said...

Waving at Barb~~~~~ Hang on to your ta tahs! I will look up to see if you happen to fly by lol!

Jodi said...

Great!! I don't usually shop at Target, but took Sam there last Sunday to get her boots (because they carry boots for her size 11 flapjacks!!!) Received an email from Target about the whole security breach. Just what I need. Something more to worry about....geesh!!!

Jodi said...

Thank you MARY!! My whole family is going. Even Paul!!! And Sam texted me yesterday. Nate has to work on Christmas Eve, but has Saturday off, so she and Nate are coming to the Jacobson Christmas. It will be nice to have everyone there. We will FINALLY be getting the pics I need for our card!!! Yay!!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Maybe things will be different with your brother this time around. I hope so.

I didn't send this weather to you this time. Our weekend is supposed to be colder. Sorry I missed your call today. Went for long lunch with my high school friend. Always fun to see her.

Tomorrow is hair day. Thinking of not getting it cut quite as short this time. Guess I'll decide tomorrow.

Received a beautiful basket filled with goodies from ups from my x SIL and his girlfriend. Very nice

I shopped at target too, Jodi. Once or twice. Darn it.

Barb and Mary, sounds like you are both staying in today. I hope I don't have to.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - The last time I saw him was at my Uncle Jerry's funeral. We will see. The thing is, he has treated Aunt Jane different this year, too. We are both stumped.

Enjoy your hair appt. I should really get a trim, but didn't want to make an appt knowing what kind of weather was coming.

Jodi said...

Heading back to bed for a few hours. Getting up to see if the boys have school or not. Sleep well HOoters :-)

Jodi said...

Well we started with a 2 hour delay, but now they have closed school!!! The only thing is that they didn't build any snow days into the school calendar this year, so for every day they close school, the boys will have to go a day longer in the spring.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I do know the difference between a deer and a horse and I wouldn't shoot either one.

I'm getting "highlights" today.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Unfortunately, I used my debit card at two different Target stores on Nov. 27 which is the first day of the security breach. This sucks.

I hope your brother has had an attitude adjustment.

Just_Lin said...

Barb It was breezy here yesterday and I couldn't believe how cold it was. It must be coming directly from Alaska. Pretty nice today. My house is close to the mountain and I'm in shade this time of year. If I was on the street below me, I'd be in sunshine and a lot warmer.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I'm too busy to hold on to my own ta-tahs. I need to find someone else to do it for me.

Mary/MI said...

JL,I like the was you think!

It has been an interesting day! Ice everywhere! No school and many places closed. Our porch,stairs and driveway are a sheet of ice! Jim went to get the paper and did a weird dance trying to stay upright! He made it all the way to the road (we have a long driveway) and realized the paper had not been delivered! I decided to try 3 hrs later because I had to go the my neighbors to feed his cats and bring in his mail. I made it :) btw, my neighbor the Marine just had another knee replacement!I believe this is the 4th! He keeps getting infections!

Time to do some gift wrapping..

Mary/MI said...

JL "I like the " WAY" you think lol!

Jodi said...

SLIN - I had my bank cancel my debit card and issue a new one. Didn't want to take any chances.

Jodi said...

MARY - I like the way SLIN thinks, too ;)

Jodi said...

Just finishing up some laundry and deciding what to make for supper. I think it may just be a soup and sandwich night.

Mary/MI said...

Jodi, I already announced "hamburger night" tonight lol!
I am having a Mexican dinner here on Christmas day. I can't wait to see my Grandchildren! With them in college, I don't see them much.

We are under a winter snow watch ACK! I don't do winters well!

Mary/MI said...

winter snow STORM watch! Geesh, with all this time on my hands you would think I would proof read lol!!

Jodi said...

We ended up having pepperoni pizza instead. After our freezing rain, we will be getting a dumping of snow starting tomorrow night. 4-8 " are predicted.

Have a good night HOoters :-)

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi all......cold here but no snow or rain and I'm glad.

We went to Burger King tonight for dinner. They are giving 100% of their sales to the family of the girl that was shot at our high school last Friday. They've been packed all day. The restaurant is across the street from the high school. It's a great thing for Burger King to do.

Got my hair back to the normal color today. It always feels good to get that done. Next are the nails on Monday.

Mary and Jodi....you're weather does not sound fun and I think more is on the way. Mary, how many are you having for dinner on Christmas?

That's about it for me..waving to Barb and JL too.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Good on Burger King!! That is a great thing to do for the family.

Jodi said...

Sipping cawfee before I hit the shower. Two days of work then I have 4 off....wheeeeee!!!

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Sipping coffee here, too. Had one of those nights where I just couldn't sleep well, just kind of dozed off now and then. I hate when that happens.

Dianne/Denver said...

JL...maybe you're getting excited for Santa. I did most of my seven stockings this morning and now getting ready for an Olive Garden soup and salad lunch with my friend and her daughter. Can eat much as we are meeting my brother and SIL for dinner later.

Jodi, how fun that you will get those days off. Do you work New Years?

I haven't heard what Burger King made for the fund but I would imagine a lot. This girl was shot in the head and fave point blank with a shotgun before the shooter killed himself. Horrible. She did not know him.

Jodi said...

SLIN - I have nights like that, too!! Thus coffee is my friend!! lol!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I am working New Year's Day. I really don't mind. Especially the time and a half!!

Jodi said...

Green bean casserole is heating in the crock pot. We are taking ornaments for an exchange today. Couldn't really find what I wanted here in town (suppose to spend up to $5), so I decided to put $5 on a Kwik Trip gift card. I punched a hole in the card and strung ribbon to make an "ornament".

Just_Lin said...

Dianne No excitement here. Today I almost took down what few decorations I have up but forced myself to go get a tree instead. Waiting for the young guy to deliver it. Not sure why I'm bothering with this. I'll be going to my daughter's for Christmas day so there really is no point that I can see. Bah humbug!

Just_Lin said...

HOdi That was very clever of you!

Just_Lin said...

I'm drinking Bailey's Irish Cream and putting lights on my tree. I'm not being as anal retentive about it as I usually am. Maybe I should drink every time I put lights on a Xmas tree. LOL

Jodi said...

SLIN - The "ornaments" were the hit of the party!! My cousin Jenny's family kept stealing them (they have a store less than 2 blocks from their house).

Jodi said...

SLIN - P.s. Everything's better with a bit of Bailey's!! And I'm sure your tree is gorgeous *anal retentive or not* ;)

Jodi said...

40!!!

Jodi said...

Our dumping has started, but not as early as predicted. I don't think I will have to use Paul's truck to get to work at least.