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Friday, January 31, 2014

A Few Laughs

by Dianne

FAMOUS INVENTIONS
        
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota , but twenty years later a North Dakotan invented the hole in it.
        -----------------------------------
        
OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
        
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents.'
        -----------------------------------
        
POLICE LINE-UP!
        
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'
        ------------------------------------
        
VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
        
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said the first Norwegian.
       
'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'
        -------------------------------------
        
THE RELATIONS
        
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. ' Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations?' He asked.
        
'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena . 'I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.'
        -------------------------------------
        
MUSIC SOLUTION
        
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.


'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.'  'How come?' asked Lars.


'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
        -------------------------------------
        
THE PRANK CALL
        
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here' he says and hangs up.
        
'Who vas dat?' asks Lena .
        
'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.
        -------------------------------
       
HONEYMOON
        
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to.'


So Ole drove to Dulute.
        -------------------------------
        
PARTY TIME
        
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota . The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's said, 'Ole, What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes?  You're naked.'
        
'Yah, I know,' said Ole.  'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.'
        
'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.
        
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!  'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!'  'Vel, vee all got undressed.  Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!'
        
'Yah, vel, I guess I'm the first vun here!"

85 comments:

Just_Lin said...

Dianne LOL @ the last one. Thanks for the blog.

I hope everyone has a good Friday. Beautiful day but we need much more rain than the little sprinkle we got the other day.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Very funny. Thanks for the morning laugh.

J/L, you are looking very pretty in first today.

I have a big day planned. I don't have to leave the house, so I'm gonna (try to) stay off the computer and spend all day working on the scrapbook. Have a great day everyone.

Just_Lin said...

Barb How'd you do?

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Love me some Ole and Lena jokes!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - Looking good at first lady! Did a rain dance for you but it backfired....it's snowing here ;)

Jodi said...

BARB - Hope you got some work done on that scrapbook!! I'm sure you son will love it ♥

Jodi said...

MARY - Looks like we are suppose to get 2-3 inches of snow today, but it looks like you're going to get more!! Be safe out there today :)

Jodi said...

Best get prettied up for work.

Have a great day HOoters ♥

Dianne/Denver said...

Jodi....Your rain dance brought us more snow too...stop dancing and save your energy for tomorrow. I'm getting so excited I can hardly stand it. My Bronco shirt I ordered has still not arrived.

JL...lovely up there at first. You too will be twirling tomorrow for Denver, right? How r projects going? Probably on hold for weekend

Barb...you still off the computer? Come back ...how did u do with your scrapbook yesterday? Who r u cheering for tomorrow?

Mary....Stay safe in that darn snow Jodi danced into our states Should make it easier to twirl if u get my drift!!

GO BRONCOS. !!!!!

Warning....I will need TLC if for some awful reason the Seahawks -----well, you know.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi I hear we are supposed to get some rain tomorrow. Keep dancing!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I am definitely twirling tassels for the Broncos tomorrow. I will be over at a friend's house watching the game and they are rooting for Broncos, too.

No projects today except for going back to the dentist to get my newly lined denture tweaked and adjusted so it wouldn't hurt me anymore. It's much better now.

Jodi said...

SLIN - Shaking my boo-tay as I type this!! Hope it helps!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Pretty excited here, too!! So happy I have tomorrow off so I can twirl the whole game ;) Just painted my nails a pretty orange color to go with my tassels and an awesome blue ring that I have!!

Dianne/Denver said...

I think I've watched every football special tonight. I have one more I'm recording at 9am. Can u tell I'm excited?

Thanks for all the twirls for tomorrow.

Jodi said...

P.S. I'm also wearing my orange Share Aloha bracelet. Couldn't hurt!! GO BRONCOS!!!

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Your dancing helped! We've been getting a good soaking this morning. It's a drop in the bucket for what we need but it's a really good start. Keep dancing!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne We will be cheering and rooting for the Broncos today. Hope it helps.

Just_Lin said...

LynnD Just in case you are lurking.... Normally, I would root for the team that bested us in the playoffs but after that last game against the Seahawks, I just can't do it. Sorry.

Just_Lin said...

Barb How's the scrapbook coming along?

Just_Lin said...

Mary Get your little booty in here!

Jodi said...

SLIN - Glad you are getting a soaking. I'll keep on dancing!!

Jodi said...

Just put a pot of coffee on. I tried taking a little catnap, but that only lasted about 25 minutes. Don't want to fall asleep during the big game!!

sacBarb said...

Hellooo....

I am still working on the scrapbook. It's going to take a long time. I have tons of pics. Each of the other books had about 50 pages (25 double sided). My creative juices are not flowing so much and it's frustrating. I really need to get in a groove.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I hear there is rain in your neck of the woods. I hope it moves in this direction.

sacBarb said...

I will not be watching the game today. I have family living in and rooting for Seattle and friends living in and rooting for Denver, so I am too conflicted. Maybe I'll check in on the game occasionally.

Jodi said...

BARB - Maybe a little vino will help get those juices flowing ;-)

sacBarb said...

Very sad to read that Philip Seymore Hoffman has died of an overdose. He was such a talented actor. I do not understand why people who have so much resort to taking drugs.

Just_Lin said...

Barb Yes, very sad about Philip Seymour Hoffman. A really great talent.

Just_Lin said...

Oh, and it's still raining very steadily.

Jodi said...

BARB - Agreed. Such talent, such a waste.

Jodi said...

SLIN - Yay for rain!!

Jodi said...

Rough start for the Broncos. I'm twirling, I promise DIANNE!!!

sacBarb said...

Finally raining here - not a lot but any moisture is helpful.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Tough loss. Seahawks just dominated the game. Can't help but feel a little Wisconsin pride for Russell Wilson. He's a class act!

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, "OUCH!" :( So sorry!

Barb, I have so many pictures to put in albums! I quit taking so many because now a days everyone has their own mountains of pics. I keep my fave. stored in my puter and lots more of my trips, stored in my head :)

I canceled my Wed. hair appt. because we are supposed to get more snow. Changed it to Fri. It seems to be the only decent day coming up.We have no place to put more snow! Our roads have snow banks at least 15' high!

Heading to FB.....

sacBarb said...

Congratz to the Seahawks.

Sorry Dianne!

sacBarb said...

Jodi, Agree Russell Wilson is a class act.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Sorry about the Broncos losing. It was a sad game to watch. We cheered as loud as we could. There was also a lot of swearing, not surprisingly.

Just_Lin said...

On my FB timeline I posted a video chat between my step-grandson, Daniel, who is a medic serving in Afghanistan, and Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. Daniel was one of 5 military personnel that the Secretary called on Christmas. Very cool.

Dianne/Denver said...

Here I am...without my Bronco shirt. It's washed and put away until next year. I'm not dancing any jigs tonight. My tassels are gone and I'm bummed....to say the least. It all started in the first 12 seconds of the game when they got a safety....downhill from there. Thanks for the cheering. Good thing the Olympics start soon.

JL...THats cool. I'll go and check it out.

Jodi said...

MARY - We are supposed to get hit again this week, too. I had a guest come in and hinted that it could be a foot of that crappy white stuff. I'm sooo sick of this weather!!

Jodi said...

BARB - Did u see Howie Long's interview with Russell in the pre-game? Brought a tear to my eye.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I had a bad feeling right from the beginning when Peyton fumbled and they got that safety.

Jodi said...

SLIN - Swearing, indeed. Good thing I don't work today. I don't have much voice left. I will check out that video after Paul leaves for work.

Jodi said...

Just watched the local weather and our snow total is going to be much less. Only an inch or two. I can live with that.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, I did see that interview. I was very impressed. The day before the game he also tweeted that he was honored to take the field with Payton Manning.

sacBarb said...

We got some rain again yesterday. Every little bit helps.

Jodi said...

BARB - I will keep dancing!!

Jodi said...

Waiting for Jake to get done with practice. On Monday and Wednesdays he practices with the high school wrestling team. We have to back at 6:30 for Freshmen Orientation. Can't believe my baby will be in high school this fall!!

sacBarb said...

Thanks Jodi. I think it's working.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi.....still in the dumps about the game...I think the whole city is blue. Oh well.....

I'd dance for you too Barb but I'm afraid I'd fall down.

Had lunch with an old friend today and caught up then off to get nails done and then a nap. Busy day.

Tomorrow night I'm going to a rosary for my friend that suddenly lost her mom. She went in for knee replacement and two days later she quit breathing. Forgive me if I've already written about this..I can't remember. Very sad.

We r in for a week of snow and one digit temperatures. I hope not much snow. Looks like lots of snow back East again.

Well, time fore Inside Addition so have a good sleep everyone.

Just_Lin said...

I think we should all dance.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Sorry you're still in the dumps, but I understand. How sad about your friends Mom. I wish her family peace <3

Jodi said...

SLINV- Brilliant idea :-)

Jodi said...

Whoops!!! Dang phone. Not sure who SLINV is ;)

Jodi said...

BARB - I'm glad it's working!!

Jodi said...

So Freshmen Orientation was enlightening. I'm glad I went, even though this is my 3rd child to attend this school, as did I! They've upped the ante on some required math and science classes to graduate along with 40 hours of volunteer community service! The one thing that hasn't changed is Ms. Buyarski. She taught home ec when I was there and she still is. Good grief woman, it's time to retire!!!

Mary/MI said...

Wow Jodi, old is that hard-to-spell-teacher's-name? lol!
Most of our school teachers that were that old were only subs.

Dianne, were are expecting more snow tonight into tomorrow :( I'm not sure where we're going to put it! The snow banks by the roads and in our drive are high! I don't remember when our temps have been above freezing!

Waving at Barb and J/L~~~~~

Dianne/Denver said...

Btw..Inside Edition was misspelled above...hey, it was late

Jodi said...

MARY - I graduated 30 years ago. I would guess she's in her 60's by now. We are suppose to get another couple of inches of snow starting tonight. How many more days til spring?

Jodi said...

No worries DIANNE! I knew what u meant!

Dianne/Denver said...

Jodi...thanks for the nice song

Just_Lin said...

Just saw a robin sitting in the plum tree that is covered in blossoms. Geez, only one good rain and there are already signs of spring everywhere.

Mary/MI said...

JL, No sign of spring here! We got dumped on again! 4"on top of the 30 some inches already on the ground! Bleck!!

Jim just came in from another round with his snow blower! He has to make a path to the bird feeder, trash barrel, doggy area and of course the driveway! We have a wonderful neighbor who helps when we get too much snow.
I gave up walking to the neighbor across the road with his mail and meals lol. I drive my jeep. We both have long driveways.

Jodi said...

No signs of spring here, either! Well, except for the beautiful hyacinth Sam bought me. You should smell it!! It fills my kitchen and dining room !

Jodi said...

SLIN - We won't see a robin for at least a month and a half here!

Jodi said...

MARY - Bless u for all u do for your neighbor <3

sacBarb said...

Mary, You made me LOL @ driving across the street. Not that I blame you, it is just a funny visual. BTW, your fur baby is so cute.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I hope you are out of the dumps. I know how that feels. We all have hopes for our teams in the next season.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, Keep warm.

sacBarb said...

J/L, Have a safe trip.

Dianne/Denver said...

Well, it's going down to -25 tonight. It's freezing out there

Mary/MI said...

Dianne dam that's cold! I hope you meant "wind chill".

Jodi, lol, remember I live out in the boonies. We have long drives and its COLD out there!
Tonight I took him and the neighbors that plowed us out, home made burritos and peanut butter cookies.
My kitchen looked like a bomb went off in it. Thank goodness my son helped with the clean up :)

I lied when I said we already had "30" inches of snow on the ground. It's more like over 60" lol. I saw it on the news tonight!

Heading to bed nite all.....

Jodi said...

SLIN - When do you take off?

Jodi said...

MARY - Crazy amount of snow you've gotten. My cousins in Ohio and Indiana have had it much worse than I have this winter, too!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Crazy cold!! Are you going to hibernate today?

Jodi said...

BARB - Thank you. Love that we burn wood. It's always so cozy here :)

sacBarb said...

Jodi, We have to check with the city/county on any given day to find out if it is a 'burn or no burn' day. If the air is 'bad' we can't burn in the fireplace or stove, no matter how cold it is. That's why our only heat source is not wood. I have a fireplace and I do love to sit by a cozy fire and read a book when I can. There are heavy fines for not obeying the law.

Jodi said...

BARB - Is it because it's so dry? Or has it always been that way?

sacBarb said...

Dianne, is Flashdance on your Musical series this season? Sharon and I saw it today and we loved it. The "Maniac" number closed the first act, water and all, and was epic.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, It's because we have smog and the burning contributes to the smog. We also have "Spare the air days" where they tell us to stay indoors unless we have to go out. Sacramento is in a Valley and all the crap in the air settles here.

Jodi said...

It's Friday!!! And I have this weekend off. Kicking it off with going out dancing tonight with some of my work peeps. We're heading to our favorite gay club....wheeeeee!!!

Jodi said...

BARB - Thanks for the lesson. I had no idea!

sacBarb said...

Jodi, Sounds like fun. Is Paul going too?

Jodi said...

BARB - I almost choked on my coffee!! Not that he wouldn't be invited, but its not quite his thing ;-)