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Friday, February 28, 2014

A Few Laughs

by Dianne


FAMOUS INVENTIONS

The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota , but twenty years later a North Dakotan invented the hole in it.
 
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OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
        
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents.'
        
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POLICE LINE-UP!
        
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'
        
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VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
        
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400,' said the first Norwegian.
        
'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'
        
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THE RELATIONS
        
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. ' Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations?' He asked.
        
'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena . 'I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.'
        
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MUSIC SOLUTION
        
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
        
'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.'  'How come?' asked Lars.
        
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
        
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THE PRANK CALL
        
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here' he says and hangs up.
        
'Who vas dat?' asks Lena .
        
'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.
        
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HONEYMOON
        
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to.'
        
So Ole drove to Dulute.
        
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PARTY TIME
        
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota . The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's said, 'Ole, What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes?  You're naked.'
        
'Yah, I know,' said Ole.  'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.'
        
'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.
       
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!  'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!'  'Vel, vee all got undressed.  Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!'
        
'Yah, vel, I guess I'm the first vun here!'

62 comments:

Just_Lin said...

Groan!!!!

Mary/MI said...

Funny stuff Dianne
LOL@ JLs "groan"

Barb I saw La Boheme when I was in High school. I can't remember anything about it except that I loved it lol!! It did get me to love operas though.

Jodi, noooooo!

Today I took my son shopping. I h ad two sons and Jim had two sons. I never got to do the "girly/Mom/daughter shopping thing, so it seemed weird to go with my 45 yr old son shopping lol! He needed a whole new ward robe for job interviews. We got him a sports coat,shirts,ties slacks and dress socks. We went armed with coupons & rewards money and got store discounts and still paid over $400.00! Oh well, he looks good lol!

Just_Lin said...

Mary It's an investment in his future. :)

Mary/MI said...

Where did everyone go? I know for a fact none of you are basking on some beach or traveling around the world lol! It is almost 4:00 here and I am seriously thinking of taking a nap! I got up early to help at our VFW. I am sooooo not a morning girl!!

Mary/MI said...

BTW,JL, you are right :)

sacBarb said...

Well, we got some rain and it flooded some of our streets and now the sun is out and it's a beautiful day, except the wind is blowing leaves all over the place.

sacBarb said...

Nothing exciting is going on here. I'm still working on the scrapbook. Forty years of pictures is a LOT! I still have two weeks before I go to San Diego and I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. Hopefully, it won't turn into an oncoming train!

sacBarb said...

Mary, I can so identify with you about not having girls. I always hoped that when my boys married, I could go shopping with the DILs, but alas, that has not happened.

sacBarb said...

J/L, how's the construction going?

sacBarb said...

Dianne & Jodi, where are you? I hope whatever you're doing is fun.

Dianne/Denver said...

I'm here. I had lunch with my deceased husbands daughter and grand kids. I'm
so glad to keep in touch with them over the years. I've really made a point of it.

Mary..I'm thinking of a nap too. It's snowing off and on here and 16 degrees out there. There was a 104 car pileup on the hwy this morning. The roads are dry now

My volunteer lady moved to assisted living this week so I went to visit her yesterday it's a very nice place. It's also a very long walk. I had to sit and rest twice on the way there. Such a pain

Barb....glad that book is coming along so well it will be done before you know it. Just don't mail it this time lol

Mary...when do you leave on your trip?

JL....no groaning about my jokes!!

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, not until April 5. I hear we may still be getting snow in April!!!
I know what you mean about long walks. Try walking in deep snow up to your arse lol! My neighbor asked Jim to check his fuel gauge to his propane tank since he is still away. I decided to do it as long as I was taking his mail in. Holy moley! The tank was a ways from the house, with high snow drifts! Jim would have had a stroke trying to get to it. He gets out of breath while sitting!
Later peeps.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - The clarinet one reminds me of my Dad. Only he was referring to himself ;) He always said he could play the radio! lol!!

Jodi said...

MARY - You could take me shopping anytime!! Good luck to your son on his interviews. I'm sure he will go into them feeling better because of his new clothes!!

Jodi said...

Had to go in early yesterday. My boss called at 12:05 am because a co-worker didn't show up that was scheduled at 11:30 pm. Thankfully I had gotten an extra nap in Friday due to the fact that I had done all my laundry Thursday after work.

I just got a text from our Assistant Store Leader. He was supposed to be at the store at 4 am, but hit a huge pot hole and his car doesn't sound good. It's been a rough winter on the roads here in Wisconsin. OY!!!

Jodi said...

BARB - I always subscribe to the comments and wait for the email to post. I guess I should just check the blog because I just realized this morning that there was a new one. OOOPS!!!

Jodi said...

Best get spiffied up and get to work. Hoping to get out a little early today. Jake is in a wrestling tournament and it starts at 12:30 pm!!

sacBarb said...

Dianne, LOL I will NOT be mailing this scrapbook. I'm going to San Diego for Todd's birthday and I'm taking it with me. I am even going to carry it on the plane, in case something happens to my checked luggage!

I'm so glad you are going to the HoFest. It will be good to see you again. J/L and I have our flight and room reservations. It will be a fun time.

sacBarb said...

Mary and Jodi, I am happy you two are going to the HoFest too. It will be a big reunion for those of us who went to Chicago and it will be so good to meet those we haven't met in person yet.

Mary/MI said...

Barb, I am thrilled you and JL are going to HO Fest!! I can't wait for my hugs!!!

I have a full week of appointments incl. mammogram. I also have a recall on my Jeeps airbag so i need to squeeze that in betwix the dog rabies shots,Dr & hair appt..

Just_Lin said...

HI, HOoters! I'm back from a little weekend get-away. A friend and I drove about 220 miles north to meet with another friend who was driving down from Oregon. We stayed at hotel in a little town and had a very nice dinner out Saturday night at a very upscale place. The whole point of the trip was so we could all watch the Oscars today on Sunday night. We had a lot of fun. It rained cats and dogs most of the time except for the drive there. Hope you all had a good weekend.

Jodi said...

BARB - Very excited to see u again!! And MARY, and SLIN, and DIANNE...love u all ♥

Jodi said...

MARY - Sounds like you have a busy week!! Thankfully, it looks like the weather will cooperate :)

Jodi said...

SLIN - Sounds like a fun weekend for you! Me, not so much. I ended up leaving work early on Sunday after throwing up mid morning. I went home and basically slept for 2 days. I was able to hold down some toast yesterday morning, so Paul was sweet enough to get me some chicken noodle soup at the store later in the day. I'm feeling much better this morning!!

Jodi said...

I sure hated missing Jake's tournament on Sunday. He got 3rd and only lost one match. The bracket was screwed up *no shows*. I think technically he should've been able to wrestle for first, but whatever. He was really mad!!! I told him he has to let it go and focus on his practices and the next tournament.

Jodi said...

Time to get prettied up for work. My shower will feel good after being in my jammies since Sunday morning.

Have a great day HOoters ♥

Just_Lin said...

HOdi So glad you are feeling better. Try not to overdo today.

Jodi said...

SLIN - After working 8 hours, it was clear I'm not 100%. You'll be proud of me. My boss asked me to stay because our truck was over 1 1/2 hours late, and I said NO!!!

Just_Lin said...

HOdi I am proud of you. Sometimes you just have to say no.

Mary/MI said...

Jodi, congrats on your "no" lol! I'm writing on my new iPad
Still not getting the whole writing thing lol!
I got my boobs smushed today! Hooray for da machine lol!
Tomorrow my jeeps recall . None of my apps are in the morning :)

Dianne/Denver said...

Mary..bring your iPad to Hofest and I'll help I with it. I use mine all the time. Hardly ever use my computer unless I need to print. I just had my mammogram last week too

Jodi....hope you are feeling better today. You've really been hit with some bugs lately. We need Spring to come some day. It's snowing here tonight but beautiful today and supposed to be tomorrow too. Crazy

I'm looking forward to seeing all of you again. I'm trying to explain each of you to my friend that I'm bringing lol. Hope I can keep Mary and Barb straight this time.

JL...sounds like u had a fun weekend. I thought the Oscars were really good this year plus I'd seen a couple of the movies. I loved Ellen too.

My lady I go visit got moved into her assisted living on the main floor so I really thought it was going to work out better for me to visit ...not do. It's in another wing and quite a hike. I have to sit and rest twice on the way to her room. Ridiculous but I do.

Taking my friend to the eye dr tomorrow. She had surgery today. Hope the snow stops.

Jodi said...

SLIN - I texted my boss saying I was sorry that I "bailed" on him yesterday and he was so NOT mad!!! He knows he can count on me for most anything :)

Jodi said...

MARY - Congrats on your smushing! Do you need a step stool? ;)

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I'm sure your lady appreciates the distance (and the breaks) it takes to visit her! It's snowing here again this morning. We were only suppose to get up to an inch last night, but it was more like 4!!! Let's see what we get today. We are slowly heading in the right direction weather wise. THINK SPRING!!!

Jodi said...

35!!

sacBarb said...

Dianne, LOL Maybe we should wear name tags! I thought you and Barbara Gordon were going together. Is that not the friend you are talking about?

sacBarb said...

Dianne 2, Is there another door closer to her room that you can go in to see your lady?

sacBarb said...

Mary, So is everything OK with the 'girls.' I need to get mine squished soon.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, It sounds like you let yourself get well before you go back to work, then you have a relapse. That can't be fun. But, good for you saying "no" to the OT.

sacBarb said...

J/L, Did you guys get a lot of rain? We are expecting more this week, but it probably still will not be enough.

Jodi said...

BARB - I wouldn't call it a relapse, just not 100%.

Jodi said...

Waving a wing from break. It is still snowing. Started about 10:30 last night. We've gotten at least another 5 inches, and not in the good way ;-)

Jodi said...

BARB - p.s. I would normally take the OT, being a money grubbing who're and all ;-)

Jodi said...

Omg!! I guess the word whore didn't compute in my phone. Ha!!! Fixed it!

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, no I'm bringing a friend by the name of Barbara Paul. She will be like your Sharon has been in the past only she will be my helper and moral support at the airport. I didn't feel comfortable to burden BARBARA gordon with me

Just_Lin said...

Barb There was a lot of rain where I was during the weekend and we were driving in it for the entire 5 hours driving home (one hour was just stopping for lunch). Looks like we got some heavy winds here as I have 3 large broken branches hanging on the plum tree. It's overcast today but I don't think it will rain.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Your boss would be stupid not to know what a gem he has in you. Take care of yourself.

Just_Lin said...

Mary Good for you for keeping up with boob maintenance.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I'm sure none of us would have felt "burdened" by you but I look forward to meeting your friend Barbara.

Mary/MI said...

I will get the low down on my boobs and blood work tomorrow.
Jodi, lol no step stool needed although I did get on my
Tippy toes!
Dianne, I will wear a name tag lol!!
I will bring my iPad too. I am getting a little better at it.

JL, you have a plum tree? Cool! I love fresh plums off the tree!

Just_Lin said...

Raining!

Dianne/Denver said...

You are sweet JL. I'm a little self conscious in case you haven't noticed. My husband gave me a big talk about how I need to have more confidence in getting around and that he was pretty sure my friends would help me. It's just a pain. The funny part is my friend is a tiny girl and we are like Mutt and Jeff. She's working out to help me. Lol.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne LOL @ Mutt and Jeff! I'm so glad you are going to the Ho Fest!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I look forward to meeting your friend! But I'm sure BARBARA or any of us would never think of you as a burden.

Jodi said...

SLIN - Glad you're getting rain. It's not snowing here this morning....yay!!! Clear as a bell and 3*

Jodi said...

SLIN - p.s. that only takes 2 layers this morning ;)

Jodi said...

Have a great day HOoters ♥

Jodi said...

Beautiful sunny day here, but don't let that fool ya....its freakin' -2°!!!

Mary/MI said...

Jodi, it was sunny here too, but still cold! It looks like we missed the last mess and Lois got it.

I went for my Dr apptmt today thinking it was just a follow up tp my yests..wrong! I had a va JJ check up! I had just blindly "trimmed" it down there, lol!! If it was uneven he didn't say ha ha!!
Anyhoo, he did say my Mamo was good as was my blood work. Mt Cholesterol
was 188, bp good, sugar good as well as my heart :) Now I just have to wait on the pap test. Oh, he did give me the info for the colo. test :/ I have to think on that a bit lol!

Mary/MI said...

Looks like was getting my Ys and Ts mixed up on that last post! I hope it made sense!

Just_Lin said...

Mary I just realized I am due for mammogram and PAP. Not wild about the PAP.

Mary/MI said...

JL, get those "girls" checked out!