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Thursday, January 8, 2015

Tips For Making A Woman Happy!

by Sac Barb


In the world of romance, one single rule applies: 

Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

 

SIMPLE  DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

 

SOCIAL  ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)


HER  BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)


A  NIGHT  OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

 

YOUR  PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


THE  BIG  QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response  (-20)


COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

46 comments:

Just_Lin said...

Barb LOL! Thanks for the morning chuckle. I especially liked the social engagement one. LOL 2 silicone implants!

Jodi said...

BARB - I literally just choked on my afternoon coffee! Lol!! Especially,

Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - Hey pretty lady ♥

Mary/MI said...

JL, you are a beauty to behold today as #1 :)

Barb, I LMAO!! I have never seen this!
Hodi, Can't trust them Tina's ;-)

Speaking of Tina! Hey girlfriend, I think 23 Birthday greetings may be a bit tedious! LOL!!

sacBarb said...

I forgot I sent this to Tina. I really thought she would change the name of the dancer with the implants! LOL She probably didn't read it! ;)

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi All.....very funny blog, Barb. I loved them all especially the last one where he falls asleep. I think that may happen in my house.

Well, a happy Birthday again/still Mary. You must be getting pretty old by now. When are you going to Palm Springs? That will be fun and nice and warm too.

JL, you look lovely at first today. Your beauty blinded me when I opened the blog. Glad it was evening and not morning. :)

It was so beautiful here today and now darn snow tomorrow and cold. We need a few of these sunny days to melt our snow.

Jodi, you have a big game this weekend. I'll be cheering for you against those Cowboys. We have ours too against the Colts. At least both our games are at home...gives us a touchdown favor. We should try and beat everyone and then play each other in Super Bowl. I don't even know if that's possible but it would be fun...since you are a Bronco fan :)

Had a pedicure today and nails tomorrow. That's about the extent of my life. I need to get going on my New Years resolution of cleaning my messy office. Soon...I will soon.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - That would be fun, but I'm not sure that could happen. Good luck this weekend. I feel confident for both our teams playing at home!!

Jodi said...

Day 5 of 7 in a row. Best go "hoist and rinse"!!

Have a great day HOoters!!

Just_Lin said...

Good morning, HOoters. Gee, I've already been up for an hour which is very unusual. I am up early because I have a handyman coming by this morning to look at a project I need dealt with. I will probably go back to bed as soon as he leaves. LOL

sacBarb said...

J/L, I hope you got to go back to bed. What kind of project are you doing?

sacBarb said...

I plan on hanging around the house and just vege today. I've been on the go all week and I'm tired. Guess I'm getting old!

I got a notice for Jury Duty yesterday. They want me available Feb. 9th. I'm going to ask for an extension because I'm going to Palm Springs on Feb. 12 and it would be just my luck I'd get on a jury that goes for weeks.

sacBarb said...

Have a good day HOoters. Stay warm!

Barbara_in_COviaWA said...

OMG! That is so hilarious!!!!

Just_Lin said...

Barb There was one time (maybe the last time) when I got jury notice and I was able to delay service until a time of my choosing because I was going on a cruise. There was no problem about it.

The heavy rains we had revealed that moisture is getting into the back bedroom which I basically just use as a storage room at this point. It's coming in along the baseboard and not easy to figure out how exactly. Looks like we'll have to remove some of the wall inside around a window to try and find the entry point. Fun times! Anyway, the guy can't get to it for a week or two as he has a bigger project he's working on right now. Fortunately, no heavy rains predicted in the near future.

Just_Lin said...

Barbara in COviaWA Waving a wing at you. I hope you are well and keeping warm.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I have rescheduled jury duty before also and it wasn't a problem so I'm not worried about it. I don't mind the actual jury duty, I'm just not too thrilled about getting up very early every day for a week and fighting the traffic to go downtown when I do have to go. I have only been picked for a jury once. Usually the defense excuses me because I worked for a criminal justice arm of the Governor's Office and my son's FIL is a Sac County Deputy Sheriff plus my former supervisor was an Assistant District Attorney and is now a Superior Court Judge. All those ties with law enforcement make me a poor choice for most defense lawyers. I imagine it's the same for you given your husband was in law enforcement.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, I guess this is day 6 for you. How many days off do you get after working 7 in a row?

sacBarb said...

Waving to all the other Owls and hoping you are all staying warm.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I've never even gotten that far. I get called to jury duty, sit around in a big room with a bunch of other people for hours and then we all get dismissed.

Mary/MI said...

JusL, That's as far as I have ever gotten, Jury Duty wise. I have only been called once. Jim has been called at least 3 times.
btw, check your eve troughs and the direction the water flows, hopefully away from the house! That was our problem for years! We couldn't figure out where it was coming from. We bought larger troughs and buried the outlets leading away. Not a drop inside since!

Just_Lin said...

Mary I have a new roof and new gutters. Plus, the area that is getting moisture is at the baseboard but that room is approximately second story level as my property is on a slope.

sacBarb said...

I have been called into the court room every time and only once did I not get called into the jury box for questioning. Prior to going into the court room, I had to fill out a voir dire (not sure I spelled that right) which is a multi-page questionnaire asking a million questions about my life and work and people I know. Then in the jury box the attorneys go through the answers and ask follow up questions. Then one of the attorneys usually says, "thank you juror number xx, you are excused" and I go see my former boss in his courtroom. If it's near lunch, I make him buy me lunch. ;) Only once did I actually get on a jury and the case was resisting arrest by a school cop on a college campus. We found him guilty! That was before my former boss became a judge and right after I retired.

Jodi said...

BARB - Day 7, then I have Monday and Thursday off this week. Kinda nice to have a 3 day work week and then the weekend off!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Big games today!! GO PACKERS AND BRONCOS!!

Jodi said...

Waving a wing at SLIN, BARB IN COviaWA, and MARY!!

Jodi said...

I have my chili dip all set to go, just have to call Jake at 11 am to turn it on.

Day 7....I got this!!

Have a great day HOoters ♥

Jodi said...

Woot woot! Packers won! A little nervous for yhe game against the Seahawks. I guess they gotta wanta. May the best team win.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I was wearing my tassels. Promise! Tough game.

Jodi said...

BARB IN COviaWA - Sorry you had to sit thru that in person. You looked cute, though :)

Dianne/Denver said...

We are not happy here in Denver right now. Some fans are being mean and even booed Manning (rude). There were a few other guys on the field with him. It's just disappointing. Ok Jodi...I'm for the Packers for sure next week. Better pump,them up,against the Seahawks. Tough game coming up.

We stayed home and Barbarba came over and watched with us (barb that came with me in June).. Louis fell asleep.

It's raining now. Kind of strange for us to have rain in the winter. Hope it doesn't turn to snow. My car is all clean and I don't want it to get dirty tomorrow. I even towel dried it personally.

Hope everyone is doing well. I have to go sulk for awhile

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Congrats on your Packers win. I'll be rooting for them against the Seahawks.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Sorry about your Broncos. Sometimes fans can be jerks. Frankly, that's why I'll be rooting against the Seahawks. Too many of their fans are jerks, imho. Not our Hooter friends, of course, but many, many, others.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Hope you are feeling better today! I'm getting ready to watch the Ohio State vs. Oregon game. A little torn. Ohio State whooped us good for the Big Ten Championship, but I've always been a little partial to the Oregon Ducks. Ducks it is!!! (don't tell my cousins in Ohio)!!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - Thanks. A little nervous about the game, but it will take a lot to bring Aaron and the rest of the team down.

Barbara_in_COviaWA said...

Well 2 crappy games in a row :-( Dianne is right. There was a ton of booing. Robert and I both had feelings of dread while driving to the game. The last month or so has been horrible for the Bronco's. Everyone could tell something was wrong with Manning, and we knew it was being kept a secret. It was too obvious. As for the Ducks. Good freaking lord. Ohio was all over them. And #15 Elliot was unstoppable. Another disappointment. Had tons of Ohio fans on my FB though, so happy for them. Ducks are way better than they played last night.

I got my first Jury summons last year. I was nervous and excited at the same time. Called the night before only to find out my number was not called and I was excused for the week. I was so relieved!

Waving a big howdy to everyone!

Just_Lin said...

Barbara in COviaWA I don't follow college football but I know my friend's husband was looking forward to watching the Ducks game. I will be seeing them tonight and I bet he is disappointed in the game. And what's with Manning? Has something come out about his health or something or is he just in a slump as can happen to anyone?

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Well it appears that that Ohio whooped the Ducks good, too. At least you have some happy cousins.

Dianne/Denver said...

JL ...they are saying Manning has been hurt for a few weeks now but that it was kept a secret. Who knows if it's true. It seems like it because his game playing changed overnight the last few games. Our coach was fired yesterday and now they are waiting to see if Manning will come back for another year. It was kind of sad with our coach as he was a good guy and we were in the playoffs every year but they want a Super Bowl win so.....one of assistant coaches is interviewing with your team. I'm for the Packers now. Have to be...that the color of my tassels.

Well, it's snowing again so my clean car is now dirty again but going up to 50's the rest of the week.

Seems boring now with holidays over, football over for Denver, gloomy weather...anyone doing something fun? When are some of you heading to Palm Springs? That will be fun. I'm going to Texas for two weeks the first of March and then our Alaska cruise mid May. But I'd like to do something fun like tomorrow!! Guess not...maybe clean my office that I've been trying to do forever??? Boring!!

Oh, I was just back reading and noticed the Palm Springs gathering is in Feb. I need to pay attention.

Time for sleep. Went to financial planner today to see when Louis can retire. He really wants to by end of school year. Guess it's time.

Jodi said...

BARB IN COviaWA - I agree about the Ducks!! I've gotten a jury summons a couple of times, but my number never came up.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I'm so sorry for the Broncos loss. But I'm glad you will be swinging the green and gold this weekend!

Jodi said...

SLIN - They were ecstatic!

Jodi said...

Just waiting for the boys to get ready to leave for school. I now have my late day on Wednesday.

Yesterday I made beef stroganoff for supper. I found a recipe online and tweaked it. I made it in my slow cooker, and boy it was good!!!

Jodi said...

Tonight should be a blast! I'm going to gay bingo with my gays and invited Sam and her's too! Weeeeeee!!!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne We were sad to see our coach go, too, as he is a great coach. That's great that you have your cruise to look forward to. I have some of my veterinary-related friends thinking of taking a cruise to Alaska in August. It would be one of those land and sera combos; 7 day cruise then 7 days on land, including Denali. My daughter and I are discussing going, too, but I don't know. It's kind of expensive so I don't know if we can swing it. Plus, these people are really nice but not nearly as fun to be around as the HOoters. Maybe Elizabeth and I will do a different, shorter trip.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi It sounds like you will be having a lot of fun tonight.

Your dinner sounds delicious. I haven't had stroganoff in decades.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hold on to your pants....I went to the store today...the grocery store ..and actually bought things to cook twice. Now I haven't told Louis as I don't know when this big day will be and I don't want to feel pressured. I'll also be using the slow cooker for one meal. Boy, hamburger sure went up since I last bought it at $1.99/lb last time. Guess it's been awhile.

JL...we would like to take that Alaska trip. Louis never has enough time off. I hear it's a great two week trip. Come on our trip and meet us. We got a good deal of half price for the second person. Airfare will probably cost more than cruise. Whole cruise was about $1400 for two for seven days with ocean view extra large room. We didn't get a balcony this time as we don't use it in Alaska very much. I got a handicap room this time mostly for the shower.

Jodi, did you have fun tonight? Your pictures looked like you were having fun. It's nice when your daughter gets old e ough to do adult things with you.

Have fun in a Washington Barb in Co we will do lunch when you return.

Barb and Mary . What are you doing? Mary, is it getting warmer yet? It's getting warm here starting today for about five days so it's car was day tomorrow.

My friend is getting ready for her annual trip to Hawaii for a month in a couple of weeks. Boy, that would be nice.