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Friday, March 13, 2015

Children in Church

by Dianne

A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him,
"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."


After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
And I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."  


A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service,
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."  


A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"


A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"


Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane.
She asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said,
"That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus.
But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"


The Sunday School Teacher asks,
"Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No ma'am," little Johnny replies, I don't have to.
My mom is a good cook."


A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"

29 comments:

sacBarb said...

Dianne, thanks for the chuckles. I hope you are finally seeing some sun on your vacay.

sacBarb said...

Waving a wing to all the rest of you HOs.

Just_Lin said...

Hi, HOoters!

Dianne Thanks for the funnies today. Are you having fun yet?

Just_Lin said...

Barb How are you feeling? Will we be watching DWTS together?

sacBarb said...

J/L, I've stocked up on wine so we can watch DWTS together. I'm anxious to see how farmer boy does! He strikes me as being a little clunky! ;)

sacBarb said...

I don't know what the heck is wrong with me, but I spent most of the day sleeping, even tho I slept pretty well last night! And I am yawning already!

Just_Lin said...

Barb You must need the rest. You're still mending and healing so just go with it and rest.

Mary/MI said...

"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Cracked me up lol!!! Thanks Dianne!

SacBarb, what I wouldn't give to be sitting next to you (and your wine) watching tv :)

JL, I'm with you. Barb is still mending. It takes us a little longer to recover at our tender age LOL!

Hodi, I know you are having a wonderful Birthday week-end! Safe travels back home!

Dianne/Denver said...

I am just about ready to come home. Fun seeing everyone but missing my driving my wallk in shower with a seat, , intranet , phone working, and tall
Cars to
Get in and out of. And sim and Louis too

Dianne/Denver said...

Not sin but sun

Just_Lin said...

Hi, HOoters! I'm up way earlier than I would like. Set the alarm for 6:30. I'm traveling "over the hill" to meet with friends for breakfast. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

My allergies have been acting up as things are blooming around here. It makes my asthma act up a bit, too.

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, you sinful woman, when are you going home :) Nothing like your own personal shower and comfortable car :)

JL, 6:30 am is waaaay too early for this owl!! Allergies suck! js

Barb,are you "perkier" today?

I reached a milestone for me today! I walked over 10,000 steps, almost 4 miles! Hurt like crazy, but I was determined to do it! I was watching a Dr on PBS. He said we should walk that much every day,,, no excuses! He explained how he had a patient in a wheel chair who said she could never do it. Well, he said, "can you walk to the bathroom?" she said "yes". Well, he continued. here is a pedometer let me know how many steps you are walking. Next visit she said 45 steps. He asked her to add a few steps every day. She did. and she advanced to a walker, then no walking assist at all! I was ashamed at myself for being lazy and decided I was going to reach my goal everyday,,, no excuses!
I have been walking 5,000 steps, so I knew I could do it :) Yay me lol!!

sacBarb said...

Mary, Congratz on 10,000 steps and I was told by a nutritionist that equals 5 miles,so you go girl!

sacBarb said...

I did feel a little perkier today and I went to lunch and to see Cinderella with my former secretary. Then I came home and too a nap!

sacBarb said...

J/L, I'm looking forward to DWTS tomorrow night. I saw some clips of Farmer boy rehearsing and I wasn't impressed. Don't think he'll last too long unless his fans keep him there like Tommy Chong's fans kept him!

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I bet you will be happy when you are back home.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, did you have a good time in the stix?

Mary/MI said...

SacBarb, are you talking to yourself lol!
I am going to brag just one more time, I promise! Another 10,000 steps today :) I have to admit I didn't think I would make it. My stubbornness kept me going lol!

I was beautiful in Mich today, but I see the cold crap is coming back :(
Spring is just a few days away. Mother Nature better straighten up!
Where is everyone?

Hodi, are you still recovering from your Birthday?

Dianne/Denver said...

I'm here and going back to Denver tomorrow night. I'm ready. The sun finally came out today and then it was kind of hot.,,,rain again tomorrow. I've been in snow, an ice storm, rain that didn't stop all day, and three days of sun all in two weeks. That's quite a weather forecast!!

Louis has had another relapse and is still sick. He's on his second round of antibiotics and sounds horrible. I'm nervous about the germs going home.

Jodi. Hope you had a fun weekend. Glad you are back safely.

Wow JL 6:30 AM!!!!! That's way too early for breakfast. How long does it take you to go "over the hill"? I'm at my friends and they turn in about 8:30-9:00 at night so I've been in my room pretty early each night. They get up early and I still sleep in each day.

Barb, how did you like DWTS tonight? I watched some but I really don't know the people. Maybe I'll watch again next week.

Mary, great with your walking. I'm really impressed with all those steps in a day. I'm really going to try and get on my recumbent bike when I get home. Louis has been doing some walking. He said he heard a saying that there are fat people and old people but no old fat people so he's going to work on it....actually, he said "we can work on it".

I mailed a box to myself today so my suitcase won't be so heavy. I didn't buy a lot but I did get drapes that I don't want to be all mashed when I get there.

Well, time for sleep.

Jodi said...

Good merrrrrrrrnin'!!!

DIANNE - How cute!! I hope you are having a good time in Texas!

Jodi said...

BARB - Waving back at you!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - Love seeing the pics and video of Ursula! Looks like she's really enjoying her outings!

Jodi said...

MARY - We had a fun weekend! Did a little driving around on Saturday. She showed me a beautiful cemetery with a quaint little chapel, went to Sublette for a tractor toy show, and to the fire hydrant that was a 20 foot ice formation. On Saturday night we went to see Burn 'n Bush, but the place was packed!!! Stayed for 1 beer and got he heck outta there. Ended up drinking at home with Savana and a couple of her friends!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Sleep well and safe travels!

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Fortify yourself with Emergen-C before you go home and continue to take it after and maybe Louis' germs won't bother you. safe travels home.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Fortify yourself with Emergen-C before you go home and continue to take it after and maybe Louis' germs won't bother you. safe travels home.

sacBarb said...

Mary, Are you going for another 10,000 steps?

sacBarb said...

J/L, DWTS was pretty good even though I didn't know who some of the celebs were. Who do you think will go home next week?

Jodi said...

Best get prettied up for work. I feel pretty good about yesterday. No upper management in the store while I was there, but got out of stocks, cigarette count and my coffee order done. I also fixed and re-submitted the books that were done incorrectly on Sunday. BAM!!! I hope Milissa will give me the time I need to show Jessica what she has been doing wrong.

Have a great day HOoters ♥