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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Georgia Grandma


by Dianne

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
 
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
 
He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
 
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
 
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
 
She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
 
The defense attorney nearly died.
 
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 
“If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.”

21 comments:

Just_Lin said...

Well, I guess this was before Ashley Madison. LOL

Dianne/Denver said...

I guess so!!

Lost weight again today. I have three weeks in a row and up to 13.2 pounds. It really helps to not be able to eat. I had no snacks ca,ping this weekend and except one Twinkie. Must have worked. I've been doing soup and salad for lunch the last two days. I hope I can continue the cycle. I had to go back to dentist again this morning as I felt like one of the temp bridges was loose and it was....so another new one installed. The hygienist said she loves me to come because they get to listen to country music when I'm there.

JL, my son goes to the robbery meetings. My ex husband did too.

Mary/MI said...

That was funny!!!

Today was my monthly lunch with old co workers. I always look forward to it. We did Chinese.
I went shopping for a love seat to replace the sofa. My living room is too small for the large couch since I bought the large comfy chair. I brought home some swatch samples. Three measly 14"x14" and I had to put a $25 deposit! I will be returning them tomorrow for sure!
Tomorrow I get my roots did. I can't have them grays screaming in Vegas lol!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Congrats on the weight loss. Maybe I should go on the soup and salad diet. Did you know that lettuce is one of the most difficult things to chew well? I found that out from my dentist when I got my dentures. You must know your dentist's phone number by heart by now.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I had dinner tonight with friends at a local Chinese restaurant. We actually had cheeseburgers and fries, though. LOL We go there very often and usually have something Chinese but they do make a very good burger.

I guess the furniture place learned that people won't bring the swatches back unless it costs them. I've been needing a new couch for years. Maybe someday before I die.......

sacBarb said...

Hello HOoters!

Sorry I've been MIA, I've been kind of busy. Chad left Tuesday. He did a lot of work outside while he was here. He cleaned out the shed in the backyard and the six cabinets that line one wall of the carport. That created a LOT of junk to dispose of. I called one of those hauling places and they came on Wednesday to pick it all up - except they wouldn't take any paint or the garden stuff with chemicals. So I have to take all that to a toxic waste recycle place. I also had someone come and get my old refrigerator today. The Utility district recycles them and they will mail me $50 for it. I tried to give it away, but no one wanted it, so this was my last resort. The carport looks nice and clean now, except for the pile of toxic crap. I am hoping Dean can help me haul it away

I also drove myself to my mani appointment today. My neighbor was going to take me, but he had a family emergency at the last minute. I didn't want to cancel, so I decided if I was real careful I could drive the one mile. It worked out fine!

sacBarb said...

J/L, I hope you are not too sunburned. That can be painful and dangerous, too. What does the new door look like? Does it look different than the current one? I need to have my door painted because there are a lot of scratches on it. I had the wooden ones (as you know I have double doors)replaced with steel doors after Bob died because I thought it was safer than wooden ones. The old doors had some dry rot and the top half was all glass. I was afraid it was too easy to break in so I wanted to make it safer, since I was alone. The metal scratches easily, so some of the paint has come off. I don't know if I should keep them red or change the color. I do like the red doors, but maybe a change would be nice.

sacBarb said...

Mary, Raquel has a beautiful voice and it was quick thinking of you to record it on your phone. The wedding looked like it was very nice.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Congratz on the weight loss. I have gained five lbs. since Chad has been here and cooking so much. He is a very good cook and he makes things I don't usually eat, at least on a regular basis, like pork chops, ribs and steak. He also got up early and went to the donut shop a few times. I won't be doing that!

sacBarb said...

Jodi, Love your mani/pedi color. I am in such a rut with the same old white French mani.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I'm glad you were able to go to your nail appointment with no problems. I am stuck in the same rut as you but I'm so hard on my hands that just getting nails polished is worthless. Plus, my nails are so wimpy which is why I have the white French in the first place.

I also have some paint cans, garden products, etc., that I need to dispose of properly. It's a pain in the butt.

I assume I will gain weight when I go to my brothers later this month. He is on a very tight budget and it's his birthday so I will be taking him out to lots of dinners and stuff. They have the absolute best donut shop there. One has to time a visit if you don't want to stand in a long line going around the corner of the building. For one thing, everything is very fresh. They are constantly putting new donuts and pastries out and dumping what has sat there for too many hours. It is vitually impossible to buy something that is not fresh.

The door I currently have is what came with the house when it was built in the late 50's. It is a plain, flat, wooden door with a door knocker. The door I've ordered is fiberglass with a wood-grain texture to it and has a small decorative glass section near the top. It will be primed in white but when I have the house painted I think I will be having it painted a reddish color; kind of a redwood red.

It's cool here today because the fog came in and there's a little bit of a breeze.

Mary/MI said...

Helloooo!

JL, we bought a fiberglass door and had it painted brownish beige. It has a window with built in blinds. It cost us a lot to get it painted because it was painted with the type of paint you paint a car with.
I ordered my new love seat today. It won;t be ready for 6-8 weeks. I can't wait to get rid of this large couch. Hardly anyone sits in it anyway.
We went to see Kenny Rogers tonight. Lord to heavens, he needs to retire! He looked so frail! He had a recent knee replacement, which added to his gaunt look. He must have had a gastric by pass surgery. Too skinny. I liked him better with wrinkles and belly lol!

We went to an awesome steak house in the casino. We were almost done eating our filet minion when some gal behind Jim looked like she was passing out. all slouched in her chair. I have a feeling it had something to do with drugs. I say that because all the peeps that were eating at her table took off and left her alone!
paramedics laid her on the floor to check her vitals. We left as soon as we heard her say she wanted to throw up! I felt bad for her and my leftover steak lol! I hope she was ok.
I have a busy day tomorrow. I need to pack and get grosseries! We leave Monday afternoon.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Cute blog!! Congrats on your continued weight loss! Must be so frustrating, though with the temp bridges and all. Good luck to the Broncos today! The Packers are playing Da Bears in Chicago. GO BRONCOS AND PACKERS!!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - Looking pretty as always! Have you ever tried getting just the gel polish? That's what I did for our trip to Hawaii. I'm lucky, though. My nails are hard as rocks and grow like a mofo! This last time I just got regular polish. That donut shop sounds divine!! Love me a good, fresh donut!!

Jodi said...

BARB - Glad Chad was so productive for you!! And congrats on getting to your mani by yourself! A white french manicure is my fav, but it's fun to get a pop of color!! That's what I did for our trip. Hot pink tips!!! And with the gel polish, I didn't have to worry about it coming off.

Jodi said...

MARY - Enjoy your trip!! How scary at the casino! I hope she is going to be ok.

Jodi said...

Friday was a long day, but so worth it!! I had to go in an hour early because we had our inventory that day. I had to have books completed and new sale tags out before our auditor started at 8:30 am. GOLDIE met me at my store at noon and we took off for lunch in Rockford. LOIS had a couple of assignments in that area, so I found a diner that was only 5 minutes away from her 2nd stop. It was great to spend time with her, TURTLE, and Mama Zee!!! We didn't get back until 6 pm.

Jodi said...

So our over all inventory was better, but our cash was worse. THIS is why I get so frustrated with my store leader Milissa. I had a conversation with her on Wednesday about my concerns with her bookkeeping skills. She kind of just poo poo'd me. Said I was a little too anal with how I like the cash, shift tapes, and our worksheet. But I'm ACCURATE!!! It is going to be an uphill battle with that one. I truly think we need to have a meeting with her and our District Leader!! I'm trying to be patient, but it's running thin.

Jodi said...

I'm off today, but need to get into the shower. I have laundry to do before the Packers play at noon today.

Have a great day HOoters ♥

Jodi said...

20!!!

Just_Lin said...

New blog!