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Friday, January 15, 2016

Three Guys in a Bar


by Dianne

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.

He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!"

The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at the drop of a hat. 

The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy. Your grandma liked it!"

The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"

47 comments:

Jodi said...

DIANNE - I could totally see Paul having this conversation with his Grandpa "back in the day"!! Thanks for the smile today!

Jodi said...

Another crazy week here, but I'm looking forward to Jake's wrestling meet tonight. It's Senior and Parent's night. We will be introduced between the JV and Varsity matches. I hope Paul gets back in time. He had a load of wood to deliver after work. Today is also James' 22nd birthday, so I will be meeting up with him for a birthday cocktail (or 2) after wrestling.

Jodi said...

from Area 51:

DIANNE - Very interesting....I hope you find the correct "frequency"! Like MARY said, I will continue to "squeeze"!!!!

MARY - Sorry...that cold weather earlier this week was crazy!!! With the mild winter we've had, it seemed especially brutal. Looks like another cold blast is coming starting Sunday. Definitely a chili in the crock pot kinda weekend!!

SLIN - Have you dried out yet?

BARB - I'm glad you like your cabinets!! And how nice of them to fix your china cabinet (even tho they weren't suppose to)! I hope your kitties have recovered from the intrusion.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, The kitties were OK with being holed up in the laundry room the first day, but Mellie meowed begging to be let out on the second day. When I opened the door they were both huddled together on top of the laundry hamper. The hamper was full and the lid was off, so they were on top of all the towels. It made me laugh that they found the sofest place in the room. They didn't have to stay in there the other days because the guys didn't have so much stuff all over the floor.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, funny Grandpa story. I hope your butt thingy is working for you.

sacBarb said...

Mary, You are such a good pet parent. I wonder why your dog doesn't like to come in the house where it would be so much more comfortable. Is he afraid of Zoie? LOL

sacBarb said...

J/L, we still had a light rain all night, but the wind was really strong. So far no rain today, but it's cold and still a little windy.

Mary/MI said...

That was cute Dianne! I have never heard that one!
Smooches to your arse!

Jodi. I know winter is just starting so I'm bracing for more crap lol! We actually saw some sun before noon! I knew it would rain because I had my hair done! She made my highlights a little lighter then before. I'm loving the cut, just have to get used to the "lites".

Barb, we feel so bad when Roxy won't come in. She barfed both times we dragged her in! She gets along fine with Zoie, but I think she is not so fond of her yapping lol!
We turn off the heat in the living room thinking she may be too hot in there.

Where is JL ??

Just_Lin said...

Mary Here I am! I wonder if Roxy feels too "exposed" not being in her little house. It would worry me big time to leave her out in the cold.

I know it's nice to have a change of seasons and fall colors are really pretty but I am very glad we don't have extreme cold here or extreme heat, for that matter.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne That was a cute blog. Where are you hiding? You haven't been to the dentist in a while. Did you two break up? ;)

Just_Lin said...

HOdi I should be squeezing, too, but I always forget to do it. I got a ureter sling several years ago so that stopped any leaking problems but it would still be nice to do the exercises for other you-know-what-I-mean reasons. I've had a lot of wear in my many years. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Barb I'm so glad you are pleased with your new cabinets. Have you got them organized yet? That was nice of the guy to fix your other cabinet for you.

It was raining during the night and is just drizzling at the moment. More rain is on the way.

I went to see The Revenant the other night and it was quite good. I see that The Martian is now available on my pay-per-view so my friends are coming over on Sunday and we will watch it. I like seeing a number of the movies that are nominated for Oscars, if I can. It makes watching the show more fun.

Mary/MI said...

There you are JLin! All the rain we got turned the snow to ice. Luckily the roads had been cleared a couple of days ago with the slight warm temps and sunshine we had or it would be a mess! Our driveway is one big ice rink! I told Jim to "walk like a penguin" lol! I walked the dogs, but we didn't go as far as we usually go. Just to slippery, especially up the hill and down!

My Son is working at General Motors. His job is to move the cars to a big lot after they come off the line. He is a big guy and the Cadillac s are fine to drive, but the little Camaros are hard to get in & out! He has been working 10 and 12 hr shifts! We barely see him! Oh well big paycheck lol!

I am heading to bed. I will be reading in my ipad and hope to drop off before Jim starts sawing logs!! He tends to talk (to someone?) half the night! I told him to tell whoever the jerk he is talking to, to cut it out lol!!
I have a spare bed, but it is full of unpacked Christmas decorations. I better get off my duff and get them gone!

Nite!!!

Mary/MI said...

BTW Hodi, I watched the game and saw that Hail Mary! Sorry it didn't end the way you wanted :(

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi Eeryone..gosh Jodi, that was some game. Sorry your team lost. It was exciting to watch though. Now everyone needs to get their tassels Out for tomorrow's Bronco game against Pittsburgh!! At least it's a home game. Crowd noise is awesome. Actually, both games were good today.

JL, we went to see that movie too. I didn't think I'd like it but I did. Quite a story, wasn't it? Actually, since you asked.....I was at the dentist this past week getting a cleaning. I'm still scared to chew on my new bridge.

Mary, I don't like that ice either. It scares me to death! We haven't had any snow for awhile (I whisper) hope it lasts for awhile.

Had to go to a funeral yesterday of a person we (especially my brother) grew up with. He was diagnosed with cancer and died 18 days late. He as only 66. Very sad and such a shock.

Barb, glad you like your new cabinet. Have it all organized now? Nice they fixed the other one too. Hope you gave him a big tip!! Wink wink. (Just kidding)

Just canceled a Las Vegas trip my friend and I had planned for the end of February. She wanted to drive there and meet two aunts she hadn't met before and we were going to hang out there for a few days ago. One Aunt was supposed to come from Utah and now she's not so my friend said lets postpone or cancel for now. I'm glad as I was concerned about the driving weather and it's just a pain for me. I was able to rent a scooter that would have been at the hotel. I Just wasn't too excited.

Dianne/Denver said...

P S GO BRONCOS!!

Dianne/Denver said...

We won!

Just_Lin said...

Mary I hope you are walking like a penguin, too. LOL I have enough trouble keeping myself upright without walking on ice and snow.

Sadly, I guess I won't be doing the mediterranean cruise this year. Mostly due to the fact that I had some large and unexpected expenditures not long ago and also the attack in France kind of put me off taking a side trip there for now. Then add on the Istanbul attack which happened a little to close to our cruise route for comfort. Anyway, like I said, I feel like I spent an awful lot of money lately so am not up for another large expenditure right ow. Maybe next year. My daughter and I are thinking maybe we will just do a simple 7 day California Coastal cruise just for the hell of it in October.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Congrats to your Broncos.

Last night my friends, Jane and John, came over and we ordered pizza for delivery and then watched The Martian on pay-per-view. It was a really good movie. We all liked it a lot. We are going to try to see The Big Short at a theater this week.

It was raining buckets most of yesterday and all through the night. We have some nice blue skies now but more rain will be coming in this week.

Just_Lin said...

Here's something that's really annoying me; my cheese slicer is missing. I used it about a week ago but when I went to get it the other night, it wasn't in its place. I have looked in every other drawer I may have thoughtlessly put it in and even went through the garbage but have had no luck finding it. I can't remember which day it was that I last used it but if it was before last Monday, it probably was accidentally in the garbage and has long since been picked up and taken away. :(

Mary/MI said...

JusL, yes, I am def. walking like a penguin! Our driveway is still a sheet of
ice! There were school cancellations for the rural kids because their roads were all ice and too dangerous for them and of course the bus drivers!
I don't blame you for putting off your trip. I wanted to go to Amsterdam via France this year and decided to wait and maybe go next year. I am still going on my trip to the Mexican Riviera in April. I just won't be wondering off of their compound lol!

It is 12 deg here! I am warming up my Jeep before I head out! I need flour to make an apple pie and home made tortillas for mini burritos.
Later...

sacBarb said...

Mary, I wish I lived in your house. You are always cooking something delish! It worries me hearing about all that ice and you having to drive in it. I know you will be careful and I pray the other drivers are careful too.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I worry about traveling now because no matter where you go there has been some violence committed. I would like to see more of the US, but I don't want to go to an open carry state, especially in the South. I know I shouldn't worry about things that might happen, but I guess I don't want to tempt fate! I do believe that when my number is up, it won't matter where I am, but I guess I'd just rather be closer to home when it does happen.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I did try to give the carpenter $20, but he wouldn't take it.

sacBarb said...

It has been raining buckets here today and at times it was even horizontal. I did not step outside at all yet, but I will go get my mail. It doesn't get here until 5:00 pm and I hate that it gets here so late, but I guess someone has to be at the end of the route! For years the mail got here at 9:30 am, but it has been about five years now that it is so late.

sacBarb said...

Hi Jodi. Sorry your team didn't win, but it was an exciting game.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I agree with Barb. I think we should all come to your house for some of that home cooking you are always doing. I admire what a dedicated cook you are. Do you ever take it easy and do something simple? Then again, your idea of cooking something simple is probably my idea of a big deal. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Barb It was raining buckets all last evening, all through the night and morning, accompanied by heavy winds. I'm thankful none of my trees came down. I always worry about that when the ground is so saturated and we get bad winds. I had some rain dripping down the chimney into my fireplace. I had to put an old dog dish in the fireplace to catch it. I have an attached garage and I can see the back side of the fireplace and chimney in there and I saw evidence that some rivulets of water had been running down the bricks. I have to have the roof guys come back out and check the seal around the base of the chimney. It's always something.

So my daughter and I have signed up to just do a 7 day California Coast cruise in October. Starting in Vancouver, British Columbia and ended up in LA. It's easy, the price is right and airfare is no big deal.

Dianne/Denver said...


Hi....well, sounds like everyone is doing ok except for weather. We had a sprinkle of snow early morning but sunny and gone by the time I got up. I've been doing some dr visits and with my new insurance/MEDICARE I'm having to get a referral for specialists and it's making me crazy. The one place tells me it's done and the next dr says they haven't received it. I'm not used to this and not loving it. I almost lost my six mo follow up for cancer dr today because of it. It all worked out an hour later.

We are not excited here about our game this Sunday. I sure hope we can beat those Patriots and go to the super bowl. I thought about having a couple of couples over Sunday but it's not working out so I invited ourselves to my brothers. Haven't heard back on that yet. I think it's more fun to watch playoffs and Super a Bowl with others. My daughter asked us to go to a restaurant/bar with them but too many others and then you can't hear announcer.

JL, yea for signing up for a cruise. I wouldn't want to go out of the country right now either. We have one scheduled for a year from October up the East coast. You'd better get that new roof checked right away. JL, do you ever use crockpot? You could make something for a couple of days or freeze some. Did you find your cheese slicer?

Barb, all those playoff games were good last week. I hope Arizona wins this week. I think it would be fun to see Arizona and Denver in the Super Bowl. I'd have to trick Kathy into betting me and giving me points so don't you be giving her advice!! I think we will be taking another driving trip late Spring-early summer South again. I really loved it there and the Louis can see his daughters again.

Mary, is your Mexican trip a cruise or an all inclusive? I stick on the grounds too. You do cook a lot. Your men are lucky they have you for many reasons. I think Louis might want to live there for all those home cooked meals. Watching the weather tonight looks like you are in for more cold weather. It's been in the 40's here. I'm really glad we canceled our Vegas trip since we were driving. The weather could have been a big factor.

Jodi, thinking about you and missing your posts.

Dianne/Denver said...

I meant to say WE ARE EXCITED about our game. This darn iPad changes my words too much.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi....anything new out there? I lost at WW today so that was good. I've lost 22 pounds now and the only place I can see it is my rings are loose. You'd think I'd notice a smidge in my pants but no.

Boring night. I took a nap. I have so much to do sround here. I'm lazy.

That's about it. Still wondering about your cheese slicer, JL.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I don't have to give Kathy advice. She knows not to bet on football, I think!

sacBarb said...

J/L, no rain here today, but they say it will start again tomorrow.

Mary/MI said...

Our weather has finally settled down precipitation wise. It is still very cold! I can take that as long as the roads are clear!

Dianne, I am afraid to get on the scales as I have cheated lol. My apple pie turned out too dam good :) I made a nice turkey breast with stuffing tonight. I am my own diet enemy! I did quit eating after 8:00pm, so that may help keep me in check.

JL,Come on over for dinner anytime :)

SacBarb, I hope all that rain means you will have green grass this summer!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Congrats on the weight loss! Do you have any diet tips to share?

I think the cheese slicer may have been accidentally thrown in the garbage and is long gone now. Really annoys me.

I was heating something up in the oven yesterday and burned my arm on the inside of the oven door. The burn is decent size; about 1 1/2 inch circumference. The moral of the story is that cooking is dangerous to your health. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Barb It was pretty nice here today. The dog and I had a nice walk around the neighborhood. Another storm is heading our way on Friday, though.

The movie The Big Short was very good and did a good job of explaining the fraudulent and irresponsible crap that lead to the crash of the housing market and our economy.

Just_Lin said...

Mary If I lived closer, you can bet I'd be accidentally dropping by just about supper time. :)

Jodi said...

Waving a wing!!! Another crazy week in Wisconsin. I spent Sunday and most of Monday in bed. Had it coming outta both ends. Thankfully Milissa made it so I didn't have to work on Monday. I was crying on Sunday afternoon thinking that I was going to have to work. I didn't even bowl on Monday night.

Jodi said...

SLIN - I had to squeeeeeeze when I read...."I've had a lot of wear in my many years." I freakin' love u!!!

Jodi said...

MARY - Again with the brutal temps. They actually called school off on Monday because of it. And yes, that hail mary was a thing of beauty...too bad our defense didn't show up for the OT!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Congrats on the win!! I was swinging my tassels between trips to the bathroom. And I will definitely be swinging them against Tom Brady and the stinky Patriots!!! Go Broncos!!!

Jodi said...

BARB - It was an exciting game!! Hopefully we will make it farther next year!

Jodi said...

Almost time for me to hoist n rinse. Have a great day HOoters ♥

Just_Lin said...

NEW BLOG

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thanks for the blog today. I've put my foot in my mouth before but never that bad. The kid is a natural politician.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Oh, I HATE when I'm that kind of sick. It sounds like a touch of food poisoning. It's during times like that that I'm glad I have a small bathroom with the toilet conveniently located next to the sink. I'm glad you're feeling better.

Jodi said...

SLIN - You posted in the old blog. lol!!! Love u ♥