Friday, February 24, 2017

Getting Older

by Dianne

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'


'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 
'So I hear you're getting married?' 
'Do I know her?' 
'This woman, is she good looking?' 
'Not really.' 
'Is she a good cook?' 
'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 
'Does she have lots of money?' 
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 
'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 
'I don't know.' 
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 
'Twelve thirty.'

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' 
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.' 


Mary/MI said...

That was hilarious Dianne!!
I can relate, especially right now! I want to comment on someones post in are 51
and can't remember who it was lol!!

I am taking a chance that it was SacBarb, Zoie stays away from me when I put on anything related to my sore muscles! I try to use stuff with little smell, but they are hard to find lol!

We have been getting pelted with rain, thunder and lightening! It will all turn to snow soon! Crazy!
Matthew was putting Jim's new desk together, yesterday, in the garage.<--(I know my
"commas" are messed up lol). Anyway, he got bitten by mosquitoes... in Feb! Flies and ants are out and soo confused!!

We got our taxes done today. We didn't get hurt too bad. Jim has to send in $2.00! no misprint...two dollars! Whew!

Dianne said...

Barb, how did you like Hidden Figures? I loved the story. Tammy is going tomorrow for a movie marathon to see about 5-6 movies. She pays $30 and spends the day watching Oscar nominated shows. She went last Saturday too. I don't know if I'll go to any movies this weekend. Don't have plans to...but things change.

Mary, Wow...$2 bucks. He got off lucky. We haven't done ours yet. We go on the 13th. I need to get busy and get them ready. Ugh!! I ordered a new nightstand tonight that LOUIS will be putting together too. I'm anxious to get it as I don't like the one I have now. We have had snow yesterday and briefly today with the sun peeking out. I found a car wash that's open until 9pm and went there tonight just to get the junk from my two hour trip on the hwy today. Trucks splashed me like crazy.

I went to my cousin's bday luncheon in Colorado Springs today. The roads were just wet and no ice. It was nice and met an interesting group of women.

Good news today....Kayla went to school. Jake was not happy and told her she couldn't wear make up but she did anyway. He's a jerk! She picked up her cap and gown from a Tammy today and seemed e cited about it. I only can pray it lasts.

Barb, thanks so much for the invite but I don't think we will be going into CA on our cruise trip. We will already be gone a long time and LOUIS is thinking of coming home a different way maybe thru Yellowstone. Thanks again

sacBarb said...

Dianne,I loved the movie. I remember all the NASA launches and after seeing the movie I now realize that watching it all on TV, there were only white men on the screen. I don't remember even thinking that was odd and am embarrassed that I didn't give it a thought. But, they did a great job with the movie.

I have heard of people going to movie marathons to see all the Oscar nominated movies and every year I try to see as many as I can. Does Tammy do that on her own or is it an organized thing? I wonder if they do an organized marathon here in Sac.

I'm so glad to hear Kayla went to school. If she is excited about graduating, maybe she will continue so she can participate in the ceremony. I hope she is realizing what a controlling loser Jake-ass is and kicks him to the curb. I keep praying for that!

Sorry I won't be getting to see you when you will be so close.

sacBarb said...

Mary, All the weather people were talking about your area getting slammed by the bad weather. I hope you don't have to be out in it. We have had a couple of days with no rain and it's supposed to last for a week. I hope that's enough time to dry up some of the excess water all over California.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I'm itching away on a new bite that I have but it's not from a mosquito. I react really badly to mosquito bites, egg size swelling. These bites I am getting lately are from Midges. I keep confusing them with Chiggers but are two different things. Anyway, Midges are very tiny flying insects and, like mosquitoes, like standing water and wet, soggy ground. They cause a welt where they bite and the bite itches like crazy and lasts two weeks. We're going to have several days of sunshine so I'm hoping the ground dries up and these pesky biters go away.

I always thought I wanted a roll-top desk but then my husband got one and it is in the back room. He used it for school stuff and other papers (he was teaching criminal justice courses at the local community college). Anyway, I don't use it for anything and it's really big and takes up too much room. I'd just as soon not have it.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I've seen a lot of the nominated movies this year. I also really liked Hidden Figures. What an interesting story! The other night my friends and I streamed the movie Hacksaw Ridge. That's another really good movie and also a true story. I think tonight we will be streaming Moonlight as that is the last one we haven't seen that is nominated for best picture. Tomorrow night we will watch the Academy Awards show together and root for our favorites. Jane and I will be commenting on the ladies' dresses. John couldn't care less about that. LOL

I'm glad Kayla went to school, in spite of the Loser's controlling ways. I think she is at least safer from him, physically, while she is in her father's house.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I'm sure you saw on the news how horrible the flooding was in that San Jose neighborhood. I can't even imagine having to deal with that. All I have is some downed fencing and that's upsetting enough. Although, to be honest, I've just put that on the back burner. My neighbors and I don't seem to feel rushed about fixing it so I'm just not going to worry about it for now. My dog is really good and she doesn't try to climb over the shrubbery or downed fence to go anywhere other than in her own yard. She is only outside when I am home, anyway, and she demands to be let back in if I have the back door in any position except wide open. She is such a weirdo! If the door is only left ajar, she will stand at the window and whine at me. I have to give her encouragement to push the door open further with her snout. She still hasn't figured out that she isn't locked out. LOL What's going on with your roof? Did you get another estimate?

sacBarb said...

J/L, Yes I saw the San Jose flooding on the news and immediately called my sister-in-law to ask if it affected her. She is on higher ground and not near any creeks or lakes, so they are safe. But it is scary when there are rivers, creeks, etc. nearby that can overflow and cause such flooding. Luckily, our river, though high, is still OK. This next week of no rain should help a lot, too.

I have not yet gotten other estimates for my roof. Everyone is so busy fixing leaky roofs all over town, they don't have time to give an estimate on a non-emergency job. I won't be getting it done until spring or early summer unless it develops a leak. So far it has been OK.

sacBarb said...

Mary, Yes, I was the one that laughed about my cat staying away after I used the smelly oils. Other than that I don't use any fragrance much. I hope the storm has passed and you aren't having bad weather.

Mary/MI said...

Hellooo! Our part of Michigan is not as bad as the southern counties. We are getting rain and high winds.
My son Matthew finished a big outside/inside project just before the heavy rain hit. He replaced our floodlight on the garage. Jim kept putting it off. I finally went with Matthew and bought a new one. Matthew also added another light on the far side of the garage. It has been very dark when I take Zoie out to do her business! We usually do repairs when Jim goes to the Casino LOL!! It took Matthew almost 7 hrs. His back keeps him from moving too fast, plus we had to run to town a few times for various parts.
I am loving all the motion lights!

I just checked outside. We are getting a lot of rain! Looks like I have to get my big umbrella and boots out!

Dianne said...

Hi..Barb, Tammy gets the movie ticket on her own. They were just about sold out a couple of weeks before the show. She was there a long time. They got a two hour break for dinner. I think she really enjoyed it. She just went by herself. I went to dinner with Em and Kayla tonight. I was surprised that Jake let her go. He stayed at her dads. He may be going to California to see an aunt. I wish he'd stay there. Kayla sounds like she's getting tired of him, i think. She said a lot of things at dinner that didn't sound like "love" to me. Thank you for continuing your prayers. She's still in school!!

JL, are you still itching? I'm glad it's too cold for those bugs here. Our flowers are beginning to bloom with our unusual nice weather. Well, what did you think about the awards? Boy, that was some ending. I have a lot of movies to see. Getting excited for your trip? It sure won't be long.

Mary, we had snow showers here today with the sun peeking out. It was off and on so no icy roads. It's supposed to go up to 70 again on the weekend. Our weather girl said the groundhog was wrong about winter lasting except we are going into our snowy month now. Boy, seven hours work..that's a long time. What's going on snout your sons job? Will they let him go back?

We cleaned our basement store room this weekend and closet downstairs. We ended up with 17 bags for the homeless and four of trash...the big trash bags. They came and picked it all up today. We had a lot of nice new things in there like wedding picture frames, candle sets, toys, etc. It was hard to part with some of it but it sure felt good. i haven't been downstairs in a couple of years. LOUIS has quite a nice office set up down there. I always say he could have another family down there and I wouldn't know it.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, So, Are all the nominated pics shown in succession at the same theater with a break for dinner? I think Caryn Franson did something like that one year and she posted on FB about it. That might be fun to just see them one after the other, marathon like!

Dianne said...

Yes Barb..that's how they do it. Tammy really enjoyed it.

Well, we had to get up at 6:15am today and go up in the foothills to pick up Kayla and take her to school as Andy ended up with car issues. It takes about an hour from there to kaylas school. LOUIS was having eye problems so his Dr wanted to see him right away so we went there for an hour. We went home for a short time and then I had to drive him for emergency appt to eye surgeon. He has a torn retina and it was bleeding so had to be lasered. I waited in car for three hours reading magazines. We didn't realize it would take so long for the appt. we then had a social security seminar to go to at six. It's been a long day. We took my sister in law to dinner after meeting.

I think Jake is going to leave for California on Sunday. I can really see signs that Kayla wants to move on. I do hope so and she doesn't change her mind. I think being back in school has made her want to have some fun.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Oh, I so hope Jake gets out of state. That would be the best possible thing for Kayla so she could have some breathing room. It might actually be best for Jake, too. Maybe he can start over on a better road, especially as he won't be around the same old friends, i.e., usual suspects.

My God, woman, you sure had a lot of clothes to get rid of. I think I'd have empty closets if I got ride of as much stuff at once as you do. It must have freed up a lot of space. That was funny what you said about how Louis could have a whole other family downstairs and you wouldn't know it.

Yes, I am still itching but not as much as before. I do have a new bite on my forearm. Day Two is the worst day as the bite turns into a welt and itches like crazy. Things are drying out so there aren't as many of these midges as there was, although I did see one bouncing off of the outside of my window the other day, trying to find a way in. Little bastard! LOL We are expecting more showers again this weekend so we won't be all the way dried out yet.

You sure had a busy day yesterday. I'm sorry about Louis' eye. These are the Golden Years, right?

Just_Lin said...

Barb I ended up seeing all of the Best Picture nominees but I don't think I could sit through more than two at a time. I remember the old days of double features at the theater and that was normal. One 2 or 2 1/2 hour movie is enough for me to sit through at one time. I would not have chosen Moonlight as Best Picture but it sure was a shame how that all came down at the Oscar ceremony. Having the wrong thing read really took away Moonlight's moment to shine. Those accountants that screwed up will never be able to work the Oscars again, nor should they. They had one job......

It ought to be interesting to see Nick on DWTS. He looks like he will be a better contestant than Chris Soules was. He won't win but he'll make some bucks. One of these days he'll have to go back to work for real. What a shock to the system that will be. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Mary How are you doing with your weather? I have a motion detector light on my front porch and I really like it. It made me laugh that you and your son do projects when Jim is away. That would be a good premise for a skit on a comedy show.

My daughter and I have been making arrangements for all the things we are going to do on our trip. Our few days in Barcelona at the beginning of the trip will not be too harried, I don't least not yet. We want to go to a Flamenco show and will probably go to the Picasso museum. We are set for excursions every stop on the 7 day cruise. The french countryside won't be too busy, I don't think. We end with 4 days in Paris. So far, we have tickets to go up the Eiffel Tower, go on a dinner cruise on the Seine, and go to the Moulin Rouge. Whew! I'm going to need a vacation from my vacation.

Mary/MI said...

JustL, you are making me soooo jealous!! I have been on a champagne tasting cruise on the Seine& gone to the Eiffel Tower. We almost went to the Moulin Rouge, but opted to go to a near by erotic museum lol! I have een to the Picasso Museum in Spain. I was drooling reading your post!!
Our weather has been so weird this winter!One day I am outside with only a sweatshirt on, and today, wearing earmuffs,scarf, down coat and wool hat & gloves lol!! We will be going from the 20s, to near 60s this week!
Believe it or not, our doing things while Jim is away has been going on for years lol! He hates doing projects and fights me on many,but when they are done, he seems pleased!

Dianne, I am so hoping Jake stays away long enough for Kaya to feel more independent! Sher has already lost too much of her young teen years to him! How in the hell did Louis rip his retina? Was he in pain? Poor guy!

Hi SacBarb!! How are you doing?

Dianne said...

Well, i cautiously say that hopefully prayers were answered today as Jake is out. He leaves Sunday but Kayla wanted him out of house. Andy called the grandma and they agreed to take him for the next two days until he leaves. I can't tell you how happy we are tonight. I'm hoping this is for sure the end. She's hanging out with friends again and the boy she hung out with when Jake was in jail. She's known him for years. Maybe now she can get back on track.

JL, those weren't 17 bags of clothes I got rid of the other day. The were silver trays, wedding picture frames, candle sets, etc. a lot of new things and some old too. I don't have clothes like that around. I only have my summer clothes to go thru as I went thru my winter and gave them to Barb for her sister in a nursing home. We had a lot of "stuff" in that storage closet to get rid of including holiday items. I'm trying to get rid of things while I'm able and before I die.

We went for Chinese tonight with a friend and husband. I think he'd had a couple of drinks before we met and my friend was not too happy about it. It was fine.

I don't think I could sit through that many movies at a time either. Barb and I are going to see The Shack on Sunday. It's a Tim McGraw movie!!

Mary, I don't know how LOUIS hurt is eye. Dr said it could have been a strain from carrying all those bags upstairs.

I called Social Security today and was on hold for an hour. I wanted to make an appt to go in and talk about some benefits. Gosh, it took forever once I finally got to talk to someone. They had no appointments open so i have to wait until they call me back in seven days. Hope they call.

My friend from Wyoming is driving half way to meet me tomorrow for lunch. We try every few months to do this and the weather is nice.

Hi Barb....

sacBarb said...

Dianne, where is halfway between Wyoming and Denver? That seems like a long way for a day trip.

I'm glad Kayla isn't thinking of goint to Cali with Jake-ass. What city is he going to? If they are that far apart, it will be easier for Kayla to ignore his calls and get on with her life. Still praying for her.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I don't think we have those things that are biting you, but I have seen mosquitos and they love to bite me. 😧
I read something recently about Chris Soules working for a republican politician. I guess he isn't a full time farmer. Not surprised that he is involved in politics.

sacBarb said...

Mary, you are so lucky that your son is so handy and willing to do all those projects for you. My sons are handy, but the one that lives here always has projects to do around his house, so I hate to ask him. His wife keeps him very busy.

Dianne said...

Barb, half way is about an hour drive for both of us. It's actually right by my sons house. It was a nice visit ..always fun.
No, Andy bought the ticket to get rid of him. Hopefully he's not going near your area!! :) I don't know where he's going. I hope he stays. Kayla and Emma and her boyfriend. Tammy, Andy and kaylas friend sll went to a playoff basketball game today. Keep praying that she doesn't go back. Thank you.

Andy used to do some of our handyman things but I don't like to ask him anymore so we hire someone. We don't have that much. Our next thing will be getting the handyman to change our smoke alarm batteries as they r very high. We will do that next week sometime.

Louis's eye is still really bothering him. He's busy putting a nightstand together for me now. He's a little handy.

Looking forward to movie tomorrow. Have a good night

Dianne said...

Went to see a The Shack today. It was very good. I thought at times it seemed a little slow but overall I really liked it. Good message.

Mary and JL, you guys must be busy this weekend. Tell us about your fun.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Well, there's not a whole lot to tell about my weekend. Friday I went to lunch with my friend, Jane. We drove to a restaurant about 45 minutes away so we could meet up with another friend who was down from Oregon to visit her daughter. Anyway, we had a very nice lunch and a long visit. We all tipped the waiter really well since we took up the table for so long. My daughter came down for a visit on Saturday and we went to a Peruvian restaurant that I kept meaning to try out. The food was good and I expect I will go back again. Sunday was hail, rain, sunshine: repeat. It was like that all day long. Saturday my neighbor across the street, Rainbow, made homemade chicken enchiladas and brought me some. So yummy! I'll be eating the last of them for dinner tonight.

Dianne said...

Well JL, it sounds like you were pretty busy this weekend. We always tip extra for holding up the table too at lunch. It's fun to visit for extra time at lunch. I've never had Peruvian good. What is it exactly? Are you planning on seeing the movie I did yesterday?

We're still having nice weather but the wind has been blowing horrible and it even made it kind of cold today. I do not like the wind!! 73 by Friday. We are going up in the mountains for two nights next weekend. LOUIS is on Spring break and we usually go away and plan our cruise excursions , etc. We will plan our drive there and back too since we aren't flying.

My friend I had lunch with today is going to London, Paris , Brussels and Amsterdam next month. I was getting envious listening to her tours. They are having dinner in the Eiffel Tower and then going on a boat cruise after fun. I want to go.

Hi Mary and Barb.

sacBarb said...

Hi Dianne, I'm glad Jake is gone. Maybe he'll find another girl he can control in his new place. Does he have relatives where he went? I'm just wondering how he picked Cali? I guess I'm being too nosey.

I have another roofer here climbing all over my roof. I'm hoping to get a lower estimate than my Hubby's 'friend' gave me. It's another small business company. I prefer doing business with small businesses because we used to have a glass business and I know what it's like to compete with the 'big guys' and it's difficult.

sacBarb said...

J/L, Sorry I bailed on watching the Bachelor last night. I got a call from the son of that couple I posted the Go Fund Me request about. They didn't know that their son started the account and when his Mom found out she got very upset and called me to tell me that she was going to return all the donations. So I called her. She was in a very dark place because of all the problems they have had and I was trying my best to console her and tell her that there are people who care. I convinced her that all the money was given in love and please accept it in that spirit. I know they don't have the money to return the donations because her son told me he paid the very overdue electric bill with it. Unfortunately, the only money they got was what we donated and $35 from another school friend. I am really pissed at the rest of the family because I know some of them could have contributed a lot more than I did. My niece (Shirley's cousin) and her husband both have jobs that pay them well into the seven figures and it wouldn't hurt them to help out. Anyway....

I have been out most of the day so I haven't been able to watch the Bachelor and I only saw the rose ceremony at the very end. I'll probably watch tomorrow.

Dianne said...

New blog