Friday, April 26, 2013

A Different Way of looking at things!

by Dianne

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'  
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really
good with the kids.'

A blonde calls Delta Air Lines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll
take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,'  the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe:  'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.  'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.  
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.


Mary/MI said...

LMAO!!! I am going to copy these off for Jim!!

Mary/MI said...

There, I will be numero uno for a day lol!

It has been a busy day. I did all the usual wifely things (not that), and got my oil changed. The replaced a small bulb that was out too. I have to take it back next week for a gas tank recall. They said it will take at least 2-3 hrs ick! I told the service man, that until I got the recall in the mail I thought I was jinxed at the pump. When ever I tried to fill the tank, the gas would spurt out! It did this a lot and I would go in to the attendants and tell them that their gas pump was screwy! This was at different stations! Come to find out it was a defect GAH!!! The serviceman laughed and said, one gal kept getting free car washes because the gas would go all over her car and she would get pissed off.

On to my farm.......

sacBarb said...

Hey Mary, You look so bright today. Must be that new bulb and your new oil. ;)

Happy Friday everyone.

Just_Lin said...

Hi, HOs! Just returned from dinner out with friends. We had delicious Philly Cheesesteaks at this great little place in San Francisco. Yummy! We then went to our local Starbuck's for coffee. Usually we will have a little treat there, too, but we were too darn full!

Dianne/Denver said...

Ahhhh Mary , so you had your oil changed? Your wifely duty entails sounds sexual to me no matter what you say. :).

Boy, JL it would be nice to be close and go to SF for dinner. Glad you had a nice time.

Btw Mary, glad you enjoyed the little jokes on the blog.

Barb, you forgot to tell us you excitement today.

I had lunch with my high school friend that I get to see about every three or four months. She brought a scrapbook with her with a lot of our pictures as majorettes. Memories, memories. We laughed a lot at all her treasures she collected like a sugar pack touched by a boy she liked. Lol.

I've been a little irritated with Louis for two days but over it now and went to dinner.

We had our alarm system updated today to alarm the alarm place if fire and an alarm for windows more than they were. It just makes me feel better as Louis left a window open all night the other night and now the alarm would not allow it. I must be really getting old.

Dianne/Denver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just_Lin said...

Dianne I forgot to thank you for today's blog. LOl @ your friend's sugar pack. I have a couple of scrapbooks from freshman year high school and there are some odd things glued in there. I guess they meant something at the time.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I didn't mention the excitement in my life today because it didn't happen until tonight. The son of my Mary Kay Consultant brought my order to my house. Woo Hoo!

And I forgot to thank you for the Different Way of Looking at Things. They were very interesting and made me smile.