Monday, April 13, 2015

The Pastor's Ass

by Dianne

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.  The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:  PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.  The next day, the local paper headline read:   BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of  the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.  The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:       NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:   NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:   NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.  

The moral of the story is :
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.  So be yourself and enjoy life...stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!


Just_Lin said...

Dianne Cute blog! A little ass can brighten everyone's day.

It's supposed to be nice today but right now it's overcast and cool. I have my annual physical this afternoon. That means I will get weighed. Rats!!! Not looking forward to that.

sacBarb said...

LOL J/L, I totally agree!

I now have an appointment with the back surgeon on April 20. So, I'll find our then if I am going to have surgery. I keep thinking the oler I get, the riskier it will be to have surgery. I would like to get this over as soon as possible.

I hope your physical appointment went well.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi..we've been sort of furniture shopping today. We really don't need anything new except I want to replace my end tables and also then entry way. We had a great lady that helped with designs that went together as we also bought some decoration items. This remodel is a little more costly than I'd planned. All I really wanted was new carpet but we're passing on it because there is nothing wrong with the one we have except I don't like the color. I. Also tiring to look more modern so we bought end tables, lamps, sofa table for the wall. They have slate on top. Kind of fun having Louis spend the day shopping with me.

Barb, I'm glad you got an appointment so fast with the surgeon. After watching Louis two years ago, I personally think you'll be happier and pain free with the surgery...just my opinion.

JL, I have to go to dr tomorrow too and face the dreaded scale....and then listen to my woman dr tell me how fat I am!!! Good luck at your physical.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I'm glad you have your appointment with the surgeon. At least you don't have to wait too long for that. Getting on the scale was just as bad as I thought it would be. I started counting calories again last week because I got on my home scale and was disheartened by what I saw. A while back I had lost 30 pounds but now I've gained back 35. I am very unhappy with myself.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I really, really need to go furniture shopping but I keep not doing it. I think maybe I'm a bit of a tightwad except when it comes to taking trips or buying stuff for other people.

My lady doctor did not tell me I'm fat but she didn't need to. She was concerned about my edema that I still have in spite of being on a high dose of diuretics. She had me do a blood test to check for heart failure. I automatically got results tonight from the lab and it looks like I am okay in that regard. I should get an email from the doctor tomorrow about the results. She did tell me I need to restrict salt (I know that and I also love salty stuff) and restrict the amount of fluids I drink.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - This is why I don't worry about anyone else's ass. Just mine ;)

Jodi said...

SLIN - Hey pretty lady! How was your physical? The weather here has been lovely this week. Mid 60's most days!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Sorry about your Granddaughter. So hard at that age especially when she worked so hard and her parents spent so much! She will be a bright shining star on JV ♥

Jodi said...

BARB - Good luck at the surgeon's office. We have Jake's follow up appt with the Neurologist this Friday. I thought they had told me last week the next step would to have the area imaged so we can get an answer as to why his nerve is blocked. I was expecting to have that done before this consultation, but I never received a call to make that appointment. Frustrating!! And to top it off, his primary dr.'s office called and the test they ran for Lyme's Disease came back inconclusive, so we have to draw again for that. What the crap!!!

Jodi said...

Monday was the last dose of my antibiotic. And I must say I finally feel human again. Today we have our Semi-Annual Kwik Clean inspection. I work til noon and then have the next 2 days off. Yippee!!!

Jodi said...

MARY - How did Jim take the news about your trip? Just a little over 4 months and Paul and I will be leaving for Hawaii! I'm going to start building his wardrobe soon. No suspenders, jean shorts or calf length socks for him ;)

Just_Lin said...

HOdi I don't think I knew Jake was getting tested for Lyme's disease, too. My understanding is that that is a difficult test to get a clear result on and there can be false negatives.

My doctor appointment went okay. She had me do some blood tests, the most worrisome for me was one to check on if I had heart failure or not. That's because I still have so much edema even though I'm on a high dose of diuretics. Anyway, that test came back fine; no heart failure. Yay! The others came back as expected. I'm still pre-diabetic and my chronic kidney disease is stable. I'm supposed to limit salt (my favorite thing) and limit fluid intake.

Just_Lin said...

Where is everyone? Did you do anything fun today? I just had lunch with a friend and got my nails done. Nothing much going on other than that. I made some turkey chili that was quite good. The recipe includes pumpkin puree and I know that sounds weird but the chili is very tasty and doesn't taste at all like pumpkin.

Just_Lin said...

Did everybody move and not tell me?

Dianne/Denver said...

I'm here. It's snowing and very wet out. Louis is up in the mountains for three days so I went out to dinner tonight. I think I should have stayed home as I was scared driving. I hate when it's dark and the roads are wet. I can't see the lines very well.

Dang, just put new lights in my fan that re suppos d to last for seven years. It's been three days and one is burned out. Louis will be thrilled to know he has to climb again.

Not much going not on here either. Looking forward to new micro wave and furniture to be delivered Saturday.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I'm glad I'm not here alone. I was starting to get a complex. LOL

I know what you mean about driving at night on wet roads. It's harder for me to see well, too, now that I'm older. Plus, I have a certain degree of cataracts which makes the glare of lights off the wet roads pretty bothersome.

You've been on quite a spending spree lately with the new furniture and appliances. It takes me forever to make a decision about style, color, etc., probably because I know I will need to be happy with it for many years. LOL

Tomorrow there is a neighborhood pick up of e-waste and metal. My neighbor across the street helped me get an old large plasma TV out of the garage and carried out to the drive way. He also took a broken gas lawn mower from the backyard up to the driveway, too. I've added a small bike, a broken printer, and many other metal items to the pile at this point. I will be very happy to have that picked up and gone tomorrow.