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Sunday, May 3, 2015

Three Holy Men and Three Bears


by Dianne

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

30 comments:

Dianne/Denver said...

Jodi, glad you liked the movie. I thought it was really good too plus I loved the bull riding in it, didn't you?

JL, you'll have to let us know about that movie. I've seen the coming attractions but I don't know if I'd really like it or not. You might more than me since you are an animal person.

We had our air on for awhile yesterday. Finally got it fixed. A bug had broken the fan switch!! It was dead in there. Glad we have repair insurance. It would have been $300 but we paid nothing. Now our garage door is sounding funny. It's always something.

Louis and I sat down last night and planned our road trip for the end of June. I'm going to be able to meet up with Beverly in Louisville. We are going to Nashville first and I found a package deal with the hotel and three things we wanted to do. The hotel prices are crazy. I wanted to go to the Grand Ole Opry, take a night and dinner tour of Nashville, and do a lunch riverboat cruise. We will then go see Bev and Louis's daughters for about three days and then to Dayton, Ohio, for Louis to go to an Air Force museum. I don't think I'll be doing that for a whole day. We will be gone about two weeks.

Went to my grandsons baseball game today for two hours. I think baseball is very boring. It's my best way to see the boys though but then the other two weren't there. It was disappointing to not see them. Oh well......

Louis is at our ex SIL's tonight watching the fight. I'm hanging out at home napping and doing laundry. Exciting!!

Thinking about all of you tonight. I'm going to lunch with Barb in Co on Tuesday. She's going to Nashville for a week the end of May so I'll be interested to see what their plans are going to be then.

Dianne/Denver said...

Helloooooo. I hear my echo. Where is everyone? Sunday is a day of rest....where are you?

Not much new with me. Went to lunch, grocery store and home. Bought Louis a to go burrito at lunch and then forgot it at restaurant. Big waste of money and no dinner for Louis.

Nothing to even comment on. Night

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I was lost in Area 51 yesterday. This is what I said:

It sounds like you have a fun road trip planned. It will be fun to get together with Bev, too. I watched that fight tonight. I wasn't planning to but then I saw that my dog walking person asked on FB if anyone was going to watch the fight and asked if she could watch, too. I checked into it and decided I wasn't interested enough to pay $100 to watch it but told her I'd be happy to split the cost with her. She thought that was great so she came over here and we watched it together. I already owed her for watching my dog while I was in Oregon so this took $50 off of my bill.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thanks for this blog, btw. Very funny!

Besides watching the fight and having lunch out, there was nothing special going on with me this weekend. I did some housework, played with the dog, and put old clothes and other stuff in bags for PARCA to pick up on Tuesday. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones so I did a bit of that, too.

Dianne/Denver said...

JL, isn't tomorrow your birthday? I mailed you a card but it will be late..I'm sorry. I hope I have the date right as you haven't mentioned it at all. Heck, I'd be celebrating turning 50 all week long!!! What are your plans? Maybe the lunch and movie with your daughter? Anyway, have a good day.

Jodi, looking at cars yet? Is your dong okay now? I loved the picture of you on FB when you were a little girl with your brother.

Barb, how are you doing? Has the pain gotten any better for you? Won't be long until your surgery. Just think how great you will feel?

Mary, I see you've been painting or was that picture just a pose for Shirley?

My son took me to lunch. It was a miracle because we've been planning it for two years and he has to keep canceling it. It's hard with his police job to know when he's called to a robbery scene or court so it was a quick hour lunch but nice just to be alone with him. He's a good boy (man) and is working so much and busy coaching and keeping up with three boys that I just don't get to spend much time with them.

Had a dr appointment, went to Walmart briefly and home. BTW....NOTICE......I COOKED AGAIN TODAY. I made a pork roast, potatoes, onions, carrots and boy did it smell good. Louis loved it. I guess I'm turning into a gourmet crockpot chef in my retirement. Don't let the word get out.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne My birthday is Wednesday and I will be spending it with my daughter. I do have dinner out with friends tomorrow night and Thursday night, as well. Won't want to get on the scale at the end of this week. I was feeling bad about turning 68 and then got word yesterday that a veterinary technician I used to work with was found dead in her bathroom last Friday. She was only 48. There were postings on FB about it and the need to find a home for her two cats. I sent out some emails about it and our former boss, Nancy Craig, responded that she'd take the cats. Her contact info was forwarded to the deceased sister this evening. She lives in Ohio. It looks like the cats will have a great forever home so I am feeling good about that.

Just_Lin said...

Ooops! Didn't mean to say deceased sister but meant to type deceased's sister.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Hodi has a dong? LOL

Glad you were able to spend time with your boy. It's been a while since I've been with mine, too.

Dianne/Denver said...

Oh JL...between my typing and this word changing iPad ...Jodi might have a dong but I wasn't really writing about it. I hope she will know I meant car.

Wow, sorry about your friend. How terrible at the young age of 48. I thought you were going to say you were taking the cats. I wonder how your dog would feel about it?

I do miss my son as we were really close while he was growing up. I think he's closer to his wife's family now. I guess I sound a little irritated by it...actually, I am sometimes. Oh well....

I always like it when you are finally my age again. Sounds like you have a fun week planned. Hey, we need to celebrate each day!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Oh JL...between my typing and this word changing iPad ...Jodi might have a dong but I wasn't really writing about it. I hope she will know I meant car.

Wow, sorry about your friend. How terrible at the young age of 48. I thought you were going to say you were taking the cats. I wonder how your dog would feel about it?

I do miss my son as we were really close while he was growing up. I think he's closer to his wife's family now. I guess I sound a little irritated by it...actually, I am sometimes. Oh well....

I always like it when you are finally my age again. Sounds like you have a fun week planned. Hey, we need to celebrate each day!!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Apparently, her cats do not like dogs. Heather and I were not close but she was easy to work with and a really nice person. I'm glad her cats will have a good home and not go to a shelter where they would probably be put down. They are 12 and 13 years old so not good candidates for finding a home.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I am still in pain, but at least I know that it will soon be fixed (but not soon enough). I am hanging in there. I am supposed to go to Solvang with my high school friends on May 17 and I am going to try to make it. One of the girls (we will always be girls) lives here and she is going to drive. It was my turn to plan the 'retreat' so I really want to go. We call it a retreat because we all went to Notre Dame Catholic Girls Academy together. I figure I will still hurt at home so I might as well go. I was in pain when we went to Bear's retirement party and it was a good distraction, so this will be too.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I don't get to spend much time with my boys, either, even Dean, who lives here. However, since I really don't want to go out to eat for Mother's Day, he suggested cooking for me at my house. So he is going to shop for all the ingredients and make spaghetti and meatballs for me. It's a great gift as he has never cooked for me .His wife will go to her Mom's so it will just be the two of us. Do you have plans to be with your kids on Mother's Day?

sacBarb said...

Waving a floppy wing to Mary, Jodi, Barbara and and anyone one else that may be lurking. 😉

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, tell me again when your surgery is going to be done. I thought I had it on calendar but I can't find it. I think you should go to your retreat too. I think it will be a nice distraction. I wonder why we don't get to spend the time with our boys that we would like too? I think in my case, it's just that Todd works so many hours and busy with three boys. I think when they have a minute they like to have their own family time. I miss him though. Now with a daughter, I at least here from her almost every day. I call it her "duty" call that she does on her way home from work. I never get a phone call from a grandchild anymore though....that makes me sad too. I don't hear much from my DIL either. I need to just remember how it is when you are working and raising a family. I must have too much time on my hands. Lol

I went to lunch with Barbara from Co today. We had a nice visit and she told me all about her trip. She said it was a lot of fun but sweaty. She's got a lot of travels coming up.

It's pouring here today. I got a few things done around here this afternoon. My grandsons game was ranked out so that kept us home tonight...which was just fine with me. It's kind of cold too. Last year we had a blizzard on a Mothers Day but I'm hoping it's too warm for any more snow down here.

Big day tomorrow JL!!!! We will be singing to you. Maybe I'll call you at 7am and sing to you..ha ha. I would have to set my alarm for that time.

Dianne/Denver said...

It's your birthday in Denver!!! You are officially my age...yea!! In two years we will for sure have to plan our birthday cruise. Maybe by then we can bribe Barb into going along.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Bwahahaha!!! That poor Rabbi ;)

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Not looking at cars yet. As long as I have a son that can fix mine, I'll stick with the Pimpala. Trying to hang on until after the first of the year. Tim was able to replace the alternator the other night. Probably saved me over $300 from having to take it to a shop.

Jodi said...

SLIN - Happy Birthday pretty lady! Do you have any big plans for your special day?

Jodi said...

BARB - That sounds like the perfect Mother's Day!! Enjoy!

Jodi said...

So on Monday I looked at the schedule at for Tuesday, and it's a good thing i did. Milissa had a Manager's Meeting in Iowa and training the next day in LaCrosse, so she wasn't going to be here. She hadn't scheduled anyone to do books. Tuesday was my day off, but I went in to do books. The only thing Jess would have to do is the bank run. She then had to give me a half day today. Kinda liked how it worked out.

Monday night I met GOLDIE for dinner. We went to a Mexican restaurant I had never been to. It was so good!! I had shrimp tacos with a side of my Spotted Cow!

Tonight I am going to Bingo at Five Nightclub with Alex and Dustin. I think Sam is going to meet us there after she gets done with her second job. Should be a fun night!

Dianne/Denver said...

Jodi, what's SAMs second job? Is she still with her boyfriend? That's good she has two jobs. I'm trying to tell my 16year old granddaughter she needs a job for summer. It makes it hard with cheer as they practice every day all summer. I really think kaylas boyfriend needs one. He's 17 and sitting on his butt all summer. She tells me, "he doesn't really want to work". Well, that's sounds like an ambitious kid!!!

Must be busy on your birthday today, JL. Hope your having a fun day....and misbehaving little

I went to WW today and lost 5 pounds. I received a star and then leader wanted me to tell how I did it and what changes I've made....I was stuck!! No answer from me. I quoted something I saw on FB that said "I hate when I'm hungry and go to the kitchen and all I find is ingredients". They thought that was funny and moved on...whew.

Went out with my granddaughters tonight and we were discussing drugs and how weed is legal FOR ADULTS here in Denver. They wanted to know if I knew what a joint was and were they invented when I was young?? I asked if they were ever around anyone that did that..they tell me just at school. That's a comforting thought.

Not much going on. Still raining except tonight was the most beautiful rainbow.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I'm glad you'll be going on the retreat with your friends. It will be a good distraction. I hope the long car ride won't prove to be problematic with your back. Have your meds handy.

I don't think I'll be seeing either of my kids on Mother's day. The dinner your son plans on making for you sounds yummy. My friends took me to a wonderful Italian restaurant in Mill Valley last night. Soooo delicious!

Just_Lin said...

HOdi I bet you had a ball tonight with your friends. Good for Sam having two jobs. She's a hard worker like her mom. That's great that Tim was able to fix your car for you. It's nice to have a mechanic in the family.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I had a wonderful day today with my daughter. We had a great lunch and saw Monkey Kingdom which was great! One thing for sure, I won't want to get on a scale at the end of this week. Last night was the wonderful Italian dinner, today was filet mignon and lobster tail at Benihana's and cupcakes that my daughter made, tomorrow night is dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Yikes!

It's funny that your granddaughters think joints are some kind of new phenomenon.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - She is working at Noodles and Co. It is less than a mile from the store she works at during the day. And no, she and Nate broke up again in January.

Jodi said...

SLIN - I had a blast. Our friend that hosts Bingo has decided to hang up Bianca's wig and only take it out for special appearances. Besides, volleyball starts in 2 weeks and he plays on that league, too! I'm glad you had a good day with Liz!

sacBarb said...

J/L, So you aren't doing anything on Mother's Day? Come to Sac for Spaghetti and Meatballs!

sacBarb said...

Dianne, My surgery is June 9th. My Grandson came over today after work to fix a problem with my computer. Since it was dinner time when he was done, we went to Olive Garden for dinner. I had herbed salmon and it was delish. Took half of it home for tomorrow.

sacBarb said...

Jodi, I wish I had someone who could fix my car when it's needed. My Hubby used to fix everything and now I have to pay someone to fix everything. My Grandson can simple things on my computer which is nice.