Friday, June 30, 2017

At the Dinner Table

by Dianne

A family was at the dinner table when the son asked his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answered, “Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman’s are like melons: round and firm. In her 30s, 40s, and 50s, they are like pears: still nice, but hanging a bit. After 60, they are like onions.”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiled and answered, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree: mighty and hard. In his 30s, 40s, and 50s, it is like a birch: flexible but reliable. After his 60s, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes. The tree is dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.”


Just_Lin said...

Mary I'm glad you've decided to go to your 50th high school reunion. You and your friend will have a great time. Having some drinks doesn't hurt, either. LOL I don't know how far away it will be from you but even if it's in driving distance, I think you and your friend should get a room nearby for the night.

Well, that was crappy that the deceased's family didn't show up for the memorial service. It sounds like it was all about money for them. They seemed to think it was their money, not his to do with as he wished. If the ex-wife has a legitimate claim for money owed to her, she should have hired a lawyer and gone after it long before this.

Personally, I don't want to be kept alive "no matter what". As painful as it is for the loved ones, there does come a time to let go.

Just_Lin said...

Barb That's very nice of you to get the Red Lobster lunch for Arch's mom. I hope she felt well enough to enjoy it.

I did see some of that Family Feud show and you are right. Those women were not the sharpest knives in the drawer. I was embarrassed for them.

It has been foggy, overcast and cool for several days now. I feel like I need to bundle up in jacket and scarf and here it is almost July. This is the drawback to living on the coast.

Have you made any decisions regarding a new car?

Just_Lin said...

Dianne My oven was working fine and just needed screws to be placed properly to hold the bottom of it in place tightly. The appointment took about 1 minute. The irritating part was that when I made the appointment, they gave me options for an arrival window and I chose 10 to 2. Then that morning they changed it to 11 to 3. Okay, no problem. Then a little later they changed it to 2 to 4. Well, since it was wasn't even noon yet, I decided to go get lunch at a place only a few minutes away. Eventually, I double checked on their arrival time and all of a sudden they changed it to 1:15 to 3:15. It was already about 10 to 1 so I hurriedly left the restaurant and got home at 1:00 and the service guy was closing up his truck and getting ready to leave! Thankfully, I caught him in time but that was totally not "fair" that he was going to leave even though he was there 15 minutes ahead of the time they had told me. He said I should just ignore those updates as they are (in his words) stupid. My friend pointed out to me that he did arrive within the time frame that had been set up in the first place. LOL

Congrats on your continued weight loss. I've been losing, too, a little bit at a time. This will probably not be a very successful week as my daughter and I are going to a play on Saturday and going out to breakfast beforehand and an early dinner after. On Sunday, I think I am taking out my friends for breakfast for their anniversary.

sacBarb said...

J/L, Sharon is going with me to check out cars on July 5. It was the first day we both had available at the same time. I could have gone earlier, but I don't want to go alone. I haven't decided on what I want, but I was leaning toward a mid size sedan. At my nail appointment this week a bunch of were discussing cars, prompted by my comment about looking for a new one, and one of the women just bought a Honda CRV. I asked her what prompted her to get the small SUV and she said it was because of all the cars she test drove, in this one she sits up higher and can see the traffic better. Sharon has the same model and offered to let me drive it to see how I like it. So, I am keeping an open mind about it now. I wasn't even considering it originally. We had a nine passenger station wagon for years because we were always driving packs of kids around and even my parents. Every time we got in the car we had to count kids, because we usually had more than just ours. I was a cub scout leader and Bob was a little league coach and we and the kids were active in school events so we were like the local taxi. I never thought I would want to drive one again, but the CRV actually has a shorter body than my current car.

Mary/MI said...

Barb, small SUV's are the way to go. I will never go back to a regular car. Like the lady said, it is so much easier to see traffic, and, they can see you lol!
Wow, you were one busy taxi lady! I am sure the kids appreciated the rides!

JL, glad you finally connected with the repair guy! I hate those so called "window" apptms, especially if they keep moving them! It locks up your whole day!
I feel the same way about "keeping me alive at all costs". Jim, however made it clear that he wants to go out kicking and screaming lol! He is especially afraid of the phrase " induced coma". He thinks once they have induced it, you are a goner, so I have been instructed to not allow it. I have told him they usually only do it to keep your body from going into shock. I may be way off on that.

Jim's friend who stays forever is here. I ordered out pizza and let them go at it. Me and Zoie are holed up in my home office lol! I am trying real hard not to be too impatient or critical, because it is one of Jim's few remaining high school friends. I am sure I will survive lol!

Dianne, hooray on your weight loss. I think I know where it went!!----> to me!

Dianne said...

Hi... nice to see everyone on the blog today.

JL, you wrapping up cold and the rest of us are hot! You would freeze in my house or car. We only had 70's here today so it was nice. It will be going into high 90's tomorrow. I think I'd like that cool weather you have there. Glad your oven is up and working again. I think that guy was leaving too fast. What's the point of time frames and why change them so much?

I hope you enjoy your meals with your daughter tomorrow and the play. It sounds like fun. Spending time with your kids is always nice.

My son and family are in Florida for the first time. They were going to a big pirates dinner tonight for my grandsons 12th bday and when they got there for an 8:30 dinner and show, they were told it changed to 7:30 and they forgot to contact them. Todd had just called Monday to upgrade their seats and order a bday cake and nothing was said to him. They got their money back and they gave them the cake but were very disappointed.

Barb, I have a Rav 4. I love it. I like that it rides higher too. I like Mary would never get a regular car again. I'd like to get the limited one so I could get the bells and whistles. I'm leasing for three years. I think that payment might be too high for me. I wouldn't really want to go car shopping alone either.

Mary, so did the guy ever leave? When are you going to Vegas? Do you have plans yet? Drive and stop by here on the way.

Dianne said...

Good morning this bright and sunny July 1st to my great hooter friends.

Mary/MI said...

I forgot to mention the hilarious joke. Too funny!!
Dianne, no way will I let Jim drive that far again! He has lousy peripheral vision and slow reflexes. I notice he get a bit frustrated when in an area he is not familiar with.
He seems to find his way to and from the Indian Casino ok lol!!
I got the "limited" . I am so spoiled now with all the 'bells and whistles". Do you have satellite radio? I do and love the new Beatles channel.

"Max", Jim's friend left about 12:30am . He brought Jim a small project to do for him and never even brought a single beer to share! He sure helps himself to Jim's stock! Oh well, he will never change lol!

Dianne said...

Mary, you have a jeep..right? Darn..can't you be the driver on a trip? Well, the project will,give Jim something to do while training the dog. Is he working in that?

Yes, I have the satellite radio but I listen to country music. I still listen locally to as I like to hear what concerts, etc., are coming to town.
You forgot to tell me when u r going to Vegas. Do you have for sure plans? Any shows?

sacBarb said...

J/L, Arch's mom did eat part of her lunch and said she would save the rest for dinner. She seemed to be doing well, actively participating in our conversation and though she did say she was tired, she didn't want to nap because then she wouldn't sleep at night. I only stayed for about 90 minutes. I talked to Arch about how to look for signs that she might need something because he isn't too good about picking up those signs. He will help with anything he is asked to do, but he just doesn't see when it is needed. I have always thought he is a high functioning autistic. I actually think his Mom might also be on the spectrum. She is really a sweet, generous and caring person, but just a little slow thinking. She is like a second Mother to Chad because when Arch was in elementary and even junior high school, she was reluctant to let him spend the night anywhere but home, but Chad was invited to spend many nights at Arch's. Chad and I are very sad that she is going through this ordeal.

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, No Vegas plans in the works yet. We are watching the weather. We may go this month or next. Jim and Queenie graduated from doggie training school. She still doesn't mind very well, but she will "heel" real good with Jim and not drag him lol!
I still want to see the "MJ" show. Not sure who is in town that I haven't seen.

Time for bed. Zoie and I are getting so much more peaceful sleep since we are in our own little room.She no longer gets up and hides under the bed or attacks Jim when he comes back from his 1st,2nd, or 3rd trip from the bathroom lol! Our room is right next to the bathroom and hear nothing. We are out! Funny thing is, I no longer hear Jim yelling in his sleep. Maybe he is getting good sleep since he has the bed to himself and all his guy friends who have passed who visit him every night lol!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Well, we finally had a sunnier day today. There was some fog in view over the ocean and hanging over the mountain but it was nice in our little corner of the world.

That was a bum deal with the mix-up for the pirate birthday party. I hope your grandson wasn't too disappointed. So what did they do with the cake? Take it back to the hotel? I hope he had a fun day even if it didn't go exactly as planned.

I had a great time with my daughter yesterday but I sure blew up my WW points for the week. Good thing I get to start over on Tuesday. We went out to breakfast/lunch before the play and then went out to dinner after the play. Dinner was yummy and so was the Bloody Mary.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I seem to be eating my way through the weekend. Today I took John and Jane out to brunch as it is their 51st wedding anniversary. I am invited to their place tomorrow night for John's delicious chili and we are going to watch a movie or something afterwards. I guess I will have to catch up on Bachelorette at a later time.

I'm glad that Arch's mom was able to enjoy her lunch and the conversation. Good thinking to give Arch some hints on how better to help his mom out. Sometimes guys are clueless about those things, especially when roles are reversed and mom isn't the one being the caretaker.

The play, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" was really different. It took me a little while to decide that I was liking it. The set design and effects were really interesting. I recommend it but not to anyone prone to epilepsy as there are flashing lights and loud pulsating noises at times.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I don't think I'd have any patience any more with Jim's friend. Has that guy ever been married? He certainly doesn't seem to have the capacity to think of others. If he's going to come over and eat your food, he could at least bring the beer. He seems to be very self centered. I think I would have announced that it was his turn to buy dinner. It was end of the month. Maybe he runs out of money so gets his meal from you?

I wish I was planning another trip. I really can't afford it but one can dream. LOL

Jim would probably drive to the casino blindfolded. Seriously, I would worry about that peripheral vision problem.

Dianne said...

Hi..happy almost 4th of July. Any plans out there? Mary, are you singing somewhere? We are meeting friends for breakfast and then going gambling for awhile. It will probably be crowded but that's ok. I won't lose $ as quick. I wish there would be some fireworks to watch.

Mary, you do have a lot of patience. Has Jim noticed you and Zoie are in the other bedroom yet? He's probably glad you're not waking him from snoring during the night. Have you seen the Reba show? I hear that is a great one with Brooks and Dunn?

JL, I wish I was planning another cruise but I have the same issue you do....paying for it! I'm always ready to go just not pack. I made reservations for Barb and a friend and Louis and I to go to Royal Gorge and go on a train ride for a couple of hours later this month. Weve been talking about it forever. It's about a two hour drive there. It will be fun with another couple.

Glad you had fun at the show and with your daughter. I haven't heard of that play.

I guess they did take the cake back to the hotel. They ended up at Joes Crab Shack that night. Today they went deep sea fishing. I guess my youngest grandson got sick. Todd had a patch as he's had experience on other trips long ago.

Barb, that was really nice that you took lunch to your friend. I'll bet she really appreciated it. ..and for two meals too. You are so sweet. All of you are..

It's going to be 98 on Thursday here. That's just a little too hot for me. I won't be hanging outside that day. I still need to sort thru my summer clothes. I guess I should do that while it's still summer.

Just_Lin said...