Monday, June 26, 2017

Norwegian Wedding

by Dianne

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch.
Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.   As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a Virgin -- in every vay.  
The doctor told him, "Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and to keep it straight. It should be okay next week,  but leave it on dere as long as you can."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together... quite an impressive work of art.  
Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth .  
That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her  beautiful, untouched breasts.
She said: "'re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez."
Olaf immediately dropped his pants and replied:  “Look at dis, Lena ... still in DA CRATE!"


Just_Lin said...

Dianne Hello! Here I am. That was a cute joke. I sent a joke to Tina a few weeks or so ago but I don't know if she ever saw it. Maybe I no longer have her correct email address. We aren't "friends" on FB anymore so I don't know what the deal is.

You have a new trip set up already. Deadwood sounds like an interesting place to go. Is that going to be a road trip? That's where Wild Bill Hickok got killed, right? Don't play poker there! LOL

Isn't it nice to have everything put away? I worked on a back room of mine the other day and got some things straightened up in there that had been needing straightening for some time. That includes putting away suitcases that I had pulled out for the last trip. My son and left a bunch of clothes here a few years ago and I sorted through those and either tossed them out, put in donation bag, or hung up or folded and put in a dresser. The donated stuff will get picked up tomorrow. It feels so much better to walk in that room now even though it is kind of a catch-all room. There are bookcases in there where I keep extra stuff like toilet paper and paper towels. There's file cabinets and a big desk that my husband kept a lot of his papers in for when he was teaching criminal justice courses at the local community college. I really don't use that room except for the file cabinets and storage. OH, and there's an old-fashioned doctor's scale in there. I've been using that.

Just_Lin said...

Mary My life is so boring compared to yours. You are always going, like the Engergizer bunny. I did go meet former co-workers for breakfast yesterday and that was fun. We hadn't done that in a while due to holidays and our travel schedules so we had quite a bit to catch up on.

Tomorrow I have another appointment for my oven. That will be the big event of the day. LOL I am looking forward to next weekend. My daughter is coming down and we are going into San Francisco to see the play, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time". I love live theater and don't get to see it often enough.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I hope you haven't melted in the heat up there. There's going to be lots of drama tonight "Bachelorette", our guilty pleasure. LOL

Mary/MI said...

JustLin, Actually, my life is pretty boring. Its the peeps around me with all the action lol! This week is pretty clear. I may run to my old home town to visit my elder friends who spent the winter in N. Carolina. They keep inviting me to go to their winter home, but, you know I can't, cuz, you know, it's winter lol!!

Our 50th high school reunion is this year. I wasn't going to go, but my friend since kindergarten, Sylvia, talked me into it. Jim won't go, and she is estranged from her hubby, so she asked me to be her date lol!

I managed to survive the memorial celebration. None of his family showed up. I was expecting them to crash it. I think they organized a major boycott. I felt sorry for the widow. She worked so hard to prepare food. There was a lot left over. There were a few that came, but not the usual large crowd we get at these things.
We had fun anyway. I sang a lot of songs. There were two sweet gentlemen who kept raving about my singing. They wanted to buy me drinks, but I declined. Finally one of them came over and handed me a few bills and insisted I take them. I was embarrassed, but finally accepted and thanked them.
The widow (Gema) was married to Terry for 4 years. He brought her from Washington state. They claim they had known each other 10 years. He was divorced at least that long.Terry had been ill for a long time, but didn't expect him to die anytime soon. He was quite the bragger, you know " I bought 10,000 shares in Google,etc. His house was always under construction/ repair and never finished.His kids rarely showed up to check on him. He was blind in one eye and weak.
After he passed, his kids tried to get his marriage annulled and wanted her to sign off all properties. His ex-wife claimed he owed her $50,000 and wanted it back. She went so far as to call Gema's lawyer for info. The lawyer told her 'no way", to get her own lawyer! Terry had left instructions that should he become incapacitated, she was to make sure all medical means were to be used to keep him alive as long as possible. Well, his daughter showed up, saw him and insisted they pull the plug! Gema threw her out! Unfortunately he was in bad shape and passed away.
I guess he left her in a financial mess! Local folks told her she should just let everything go. She was adamant that she had to pay all his debts when she was able.
It was a bit spooky,she showed me a plaster of paris hand print of her and Terry's hands, entwined. It looked like it was recently done and home made type.
She has no family here. Personally I would sell all and go back to Washington and away from Terry's family.

I need to check out area 51.......

Mary/MI said...

SacBarb, I see you are car shopping. I love my rear view camera. Try to get one that has the "blind spot" sensor. I love that too! I hate turning my head all the way to my left to see who is coming next to me before passing. I have the smaller Jeep Cherokee. It is the best riding vehicle I have ever had. It's lower to the ground then my last one so I am not jumping in and out of it lol!

sacBarb said...

I posted on the old blog. Sorry. That was a very cute story, Dianne.

Mary, I laughed when I read that you don't have to jump in and out of your car anymore. I know just what you mean. Sharon and Dean both drive a big Chevy truck and I have to jump to get in and out of it. I have a list of things I want on my car and the blind spot monitor and the rear view camera are must haves. I don't think I want the automatic stop feature. Kathy's husband had an accident in their car because the woman in front of him stopped suddenly and he smashed into her. Kathy thinks it was because she had that feature. Anyway, I don't want it!

J/L, Tomorrow night's Bachelorette should be interesting and drama filled. I have to watch the first half of tonight's show to catch up on what I missed. I can't believe I fell asleep sitting in the chair before the show started. Did you watch Celebrity Family Feud with the Bachelors and Bachelorettes? Those women were not smart at all!

Dianne, You are quite the traveler. I would like to travel more, but my body tells me "NO!" I know if I lost weight, I would feel better, but I have no will power. I do well for a while and then it all goes to hell, especially if I don't feel well.

Dianne said...

Hi..I wouldn't be able to do all the travel if if wasn't for louis helping me, Barb. I'm still working on weight so I can try and walk better and breathe. Breathing is a huge issue for me. We bought a new transport chair for me today. Mine was very old. We tried to find one that was a little lighter. They are sure expensive. My will power isn't great either. I eat a lot of popsicles ..sugar free and pretzels. I got the pounds off from vacation so we will see how tomorrow goes.

I'd like a newer Rav 4 with more bells and whistles. I for sure want the blind spot thing on the side mirrors. Louis has that and it's so nice My car is a 2015 and I lease and it's not time to get a new car yet. I wouldn't like that auto stop either. My friend has it and likes it. I'd think my car was stalling.

Mary, you'll have fun going to the 50th. I went a couple of years ago and it was fun once I got there. Everyone sure got old though. It seemed kind of strange. Looking at their high school picture and then at them now. Boy, your memorial group sound very confused.

JL, how did the oven appt turn out? Everything working again?

Last Tuesday we were to meet another couple for dinner. Well, they got the nights mixed up and we ate alone. We rescheduled for tonight same place and time. They went to a different restaurant. I think it was my fault this week and misread her text today on restaurants. We again ate alone. Good thing we like each other!!

Dianne said...

Oh yes. Tammy and Kayla went to court on Jake today. His whole family were there even an uncle. Usually no one Is there. He now has another court date for the restraining order with Kayla and harrassing tammy plus a felon for drugs. He goes to another county court next week for the assault on the minor. It upsets Kayla to see him and the family kept giving her mean hateful looks. Enough that the DA asked if they wanted an escort out. Such an ass!! Can't believe the only family was there when they wouldn't even let him live with them.

Dianne said...

Did good again at ww today. Must be all the popsicles I eat. Whatever, I'll take it.

Louis took my car to get detailed and waxed today. He's so sweet. That's about my day. Ww and lunch and home. Not too exciting

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Yay for your good WW result. I bought some of those Outshine juice popsicles and I really like them, especially the lemon and the orange/carrot ones. I got a package of each and with all the heat we had, they are both gone! I need to get more.

sacBarb said...

Chad's roommate is here for two weeks visiting his mother. She has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer so he has come to help his brother and two sisters. She has been craving Red Lobster and doesn't feel well enough to go out to the restaurant, so I'm going to pick up lunch for her, Arch and whoever else will be at her house tomorrow and we will all eat at her house. She is getting chemo treatments and they leave her feeling very tired and weak. Chad and Arch have been friends since their first day of Kindergarten and we only live two blocks from each other, so we have all been close for almost 40 years. Arch's Dad passed away from cancer about 7 years ago.

Just_Lin said...