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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

MY NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN.........

by Dianne


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q
: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"


19 comments:

Michael said...

booga booga....

Tinka said...

Good Morning Michael - I know there is a story about your avatar. ???

Dianne - Thanks for the morning laugh.

I must get ready for the cleaning lady.

Have a great day everyone. I will try and be back later this morning.

Tinka said...

I forgot to say-

Happy Shrove Tuesday, Fat Tuesday or Happy Pancake Day, whatever you call it. Lent begins tomorrow so I am eating my last Valentine chocolate today.

Michael said...

Yes there is a story behind my avatar. And thank you for asking.

This is a picture of Jonathan Schmitz form when he was originally imprisoned and now.

Does anyone remember who he is??

Just_Lin said...

Michael Congrats on being first again. No, I don't remember who he is. I could Google it but I figure that would be cheating.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thanks for the blog today. I seem to have known all those things instinctually. Go figure.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka Happy Fat Tuesday to you, too. This reminds me of a very fun trip. My husband and I took my mother with us for a Mississippi River cruise. First, we spent a couple of days in New Orleans and we hadn't realized ahead of time that it was Mardi Gras. Great fun watching the parade and catching beads. Then we had such a good time cruising up the river on a paddle wheeler, stopping to tour plantations and other sites and learning more about that part of the country. We ended up in Memphis where Mom's brother flew in from Kentucky and met up with us. We had a lot of fun going to Graceland and also just walking around Memphis, seeing the ducks at the Peabody Hotel, and listening to blues muscisians playing on outside patios. Good times and great memories. We laughed a lot on that trip.

Michael said...

Thats the guy from The Jenny Jones Show about secret crushes....his was a guy...Scott Amedure...

Jonathan...3 days later shot Amedure and was found guilty of second degree murder. His sentence of 25-50 years was overturned on appeal but upon retrial he was found guilty again and his sentence was reinstated.

The show taped on March 6, 1995.

Michael said...

Love the Peabody....

Michael said...

btw...He is currently imprisoned in the medium-security Thumb Correctional Facility in Lapeer, Michigan, with an earliest release date of July 1, 2017.

Tinka said...

Michael - Thank you for explaining that. I remember when the show aired but I never knew what happened to Jonathon. The whole story was so sad.

Tinka said...

Just-Lin - That sounds like a fantastic trip. I had plans to go to Mardi Gras but then I was afraid of all the crowds and noise. I should have gone because I will never get there now.
I have been to Graceland and loved Memphis. Like Michael said "I love the Peabody".

Just_Lin said...

Michael Now I remember. Scott had a crush on Jonathan. What a tragedy.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka We did not experience the parade on Bourbon Street, but rather out in front of our very nice hotel. It was still crowded but not like Bourbon Street with all the young drunk people. Our crowd was a little older, though some in their 20's, but no urinating or vomiting going on by us, thankfully.

Zona said...

Hi Guys!!

DI: That was cute! I like the 'And remember' the best..I think I've got the 'skidding in sideways' part in the bag..ijs.. :D

TINKA: My mom always called this Fasnacht Day..or Donut Day. They made donuts for the same reason you told me they made pancakes..to get rid of all the butter, sugar and lard from the pantry before Lent. I think..like sauerkraut and pork for New Years..it's a custom she learned as a kid. I remember her once telling Randy..as he left for work in the morning..'Don't forget to bring home fasnachts!' and Rand saying to me.."What the hell's a fasnacht?" LOL!!

I'm giving up chocolate and candy for Lent..it might be tough this year because Randy just brought home a bag of white chocolate M&Ms..they are so good! Oh well.. :D

MICHAEL: I saw your post about TBN..all I can say is I hope they get them...

J/LIN: Googling isn't cheating..it's..it's..ok..it's cheating.. :D

Thanks to everyone for your comments on my blog yesterday..the Cathedral Of Light was soooo pretty..and the other vid was cool too..I'm glad you liked them. :)

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi all....glad you got a laugh from the blog today. I thought it was funny.

Hope all is well with everyone...off to pack something so I can say I packed today.

sacBarb said...

Di, That's the kind of doc I am looking for. Thanks for the laugh.

Waving to all the Owls. Had a busy day and am turning in early. Night all.

Zepharia Andres said...

A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in
good times fears for a change in fortune. See the link below for more info.

#good time
www.ufgop.org

Shea Kang said...

Do one thing everyday that scares you.
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