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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

by Dianne

A true story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher..

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,

' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven? '

' NO! ' the children answered.

' If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into
heaven? '

Again, the answer was ' NO! '

' If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven? '

Again, they all answered ' NO! '

I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven? '

A six year-old boy shouted out:

"YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN '  DEAD...."

It's a curious race, the Irish.

54 comments:

Lynn D said...

Well duh??? LOL

Tinka said...

Good Morning Lynn - Congrats on being first. I have to wake up but I wanted to say "Hi" and "cute story Dianne". Be back later

Zona said...

DI: Ahh..Saints preserve us..I didn't expect that last answer..twas funny indeed.. :D

Good Morning LYNN and TINKA!

Time to throw together a lunch for Randy to take to work..well..maybe not exactly 'throw'..lol..

bbl..Have a nice morning everyone!

Michael said...

Good morning ladies....

Ah Ireland....land of Waterford Crystal...

Reminds me of my thoroughly stupid younger sister and her equally stupid husband....

Vickis huz (stupid) had gone to play golf in Scotland...

then he came back. (rolls eye)

a few days later I go to their house for dinner...and in the foyer that leads to her ugly bedroom is a table on which sits this very strange looking piece of crystal. It has the clarity of Waterford but it looks like a giant gravy boat on a crystal pole with a smaller version of itself as the base. There I stand looking at this monstrosity in a very confused way.

Vicki walks over and says with a smile..."thats what Steve brought me from Scotland. I said...what is it?
Its Waterford...but I'm sure YOU knew that! The salesman told Steve that this is the single most expensive piece that Waterford makes!

I just looked at her and she whispered to me that Steve had paid $2500.00 for it....

Now I'm thinking how can this flippin' idiot really be my blood sister?

I then told her about a Waterford bowl that I had admired at Neimans days earlier at a cost $35,000.00 that begged to differ on that "most expensive piece that Waterford makes thing"...

At one time shortly after they built their present home Vicki made some pretty serious purchase mistakes and Steve established a rule that I had to approve whatever she wanted to buy for the house if it was over $1000.00. So Steve knows I know my stuff and I was able to explain to him that he had been "had" on his Waterford purchase in Scotland....it wasn't Waterford at all....and I did mention that Waterford is a city in Ireland.

And Vicki seized the opportunity to amend Steves purchase rule to include him.....Michael has to approve purchases in excess of $1000.00.

Of course I can no longer be bothered with what they stuff into that house....and believe me....that one level ranch style house is crammed with replicas of all things gaudy...very overdone...

As Rick Santorum said... "It makes me want to puke!"

Tinka said...

Good Morning Zona - You sound better today. I am happy about that.

I didn't think you were in the habit of throwing things at Randy. Our English idioms are funny aren't they? When I had Japanese students they had to learn all the English idioms like "pulling your leg" or "burning the candle at both ends". They found it so hard because they couldn't translate them into Japanese and get the correct meanings. There were hundreds of idioms the students had to learn, like "throwing together a lunch". I had never thought of it before I had International students.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Michael - My it sounds like you don't like your sister or brother-in-law very much. Am I right? I am thinking Steve isn't too bright if he bought a $2500.00 piece of crystal and didn't get it verified to be truly Waterford. I have a couple of Waterford crystal vases but I know Jack didn't pay that much. I love them. They are my favourite vases.

Tinka said...

Ireland is one place I would love to visit. I am drinking my tea from a mug that has shamrocks all over it and it says I love the Irish. (Actually it has a heart but I don't remember how to do the HTML tags.)

For a few years I travelled with a man from Ohio. He was gay and the nicest guy you could ever meet. We had plans to do England, Ireland, Scotland and France. He died of a heart attack before we had a chance to get there. I will never see Ireland now. Jack has no interest in going and I could not sit that long in a plane. Of course if we went first class I could lie down in my pod. That however is a little expensive. I guess i will just continue to see Ireland in movies like "The Quiet Man"

My great grandmother came from Ireland. Her name was Suzanna O'Shay. I have never seen her picture but I feel like I know her for some strange reason. I feel a connection to her. Is that possible?

Tinka said...

Off to my farms. Be back later.

Have a great day everyone. Stay safe.

Michael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael said...

Tinka...

I think you may have a connection with your great grandmother...

Have you ever began to cry – Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Agh! Agh! raising your notes from the first OH! to the last AGH! in a kind of mournful howl… ?? And are you familiar with the terms ‘Bean Sidhe’ or ‘fairy woman’...or keening?

And does this picture look familiar to you?

Just_Lin said...

LynnD Top o' the mornin' to ya. And look how lovely you are all green and Irish looking. I see you are going to do your "white glove" inspection of the nest. I hope you find everything to be clean and well dusted.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka Now I know why your cleaning lady never arrived at my house yesterday. She must have been in the nest cleaning because she knew Lynn would be coming with her white gloves to inspect the premesis.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Cute blog. I'm looking forward to St. Patrick's day and corned beef and cabbage.

Just_Lin said...

Zona Did you throw a lunch together for Randy? Maybe tonight you will toss a salad for dinner. I hope Randy is a good catcher.

Just_Lin said...

Michael You are so funny.

Tina~in_ut said...

okay Michael....this is sick and wrong.....but I know what ur talking about to Tinka~ I'm scared!!!~

Tinka said...

Michael - I have never seen a banshee or heard one. I hope I never do. All my Irish experiences in my previous life in Ireland were beautiful happy ones. I know my great grandmother did not look like that old woman in your avatar. She was petitie, beautiful with red hair and a voice of an angel.

Tinka said...

Hi Just_Lin - When I posted to Michael I didn't see your comments. I didn't miss you on purpose I promise.
Yes I think you are right about our cleaning lady. She did say something about it being her day to clean the nest. She sure gets around fast. She will catch you next week. There's another idiom. I am going to be thinking of them all day. Like "tossing a salad" --good one.

Tinka said...

The gardener is here and it's time for my nap and he is so noisy. I would like to tell him to come at a different time but I wouldn't dare. Good gardeners are hard to find. It's his first time this year. He's a little late starting this year The gardening season lasts from the middle of February until the 1st of December. I think it's a good place to live if you are a gardener. You just get two months off in the winter. He always goes South for the month of January.

Michael said...

"Zona Did you throw a lunch together for Randy? Maybe tonight you will toss a salad for dinner. I hope Randy is a good catcher."

ur in good form today yessef J/L!!

Michael said...

allright already! Ga!!

So I made a mistake! Don't get ur dress over ur head Tinka! I was just trying to find the connection...

There were beautiful banshees with red hair....and eyes....lol

just pulling ya leg sweetie!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Howdy (that's how they talk here). Thanks for blog comments. I thought it was pretty cute if I do say so myself.

Hope everyone is having a good day and everyone is feeling better

Barb-- how r u doing? How is the recovery coming along?

Well, it's 80 here today and not my exact "cup of tea". We go to the beach or gulf or whatever y call it tomorrow for a few days.

Dianne/Denver said...

Im still having trouble posting on here from my phone. Anyone else having problems? Maybe it's the humidity--- just joking. Maybe it's the operator--- not kidding

Tinka said...

Up from my nap and feeling rested.

Michael - You didn't scare me. I thought it was funny.
Now why did you shout at Just_Lin for her idiom? I thought it was a good one. Miss Tinka, (the teacher) gives you the punishment of thinking up and listing ten idioms. You have 3 hours to complete this assignment.

Tinka said...

Hi Dianne - We were typing at the same time. I am glad you are having such a good time. Send some heat this way.

Tinka said...

That was # 25. I missed it.

Zona said...

J/LIN: No salad..but I might slap together a sandwich for him.. ;D

TINKA: I am feeling better..thanks! :)

I don't think I'll ever get to Ireland either..it's on my bucket list..but I think it's only a dream..

TINA: I remember you and that banshee... ;D

DI: That's how we talk here too..only a little more slow and drawn out..so Hooowwddyyy! :D

Could you send me a seashell from the seashore..I'd be so gosh darn tickled if'n ya could.. ;D

Tinka said...

Zona - I loved your idiom "slap a sandwich together". That's a good one too. I can get carried away collecting English idioms.

Tinka said...

How about? ---

"Hear it on the grapevine" or "See eye to eye".

Tina~in_ut said...

Lend me your ear~

Tinka said...

Good one Tina. I am waiting for Michael's assignment. I think he skipped school today.

Michael said...

All Greek to me....All Bark And No Bite...As High As A Kite...An Axe To Grind...Apple of my eye...A Picture Paints a Thousand Words...A Drop in the Bucket...A Dime A Dozen...A Chip On Your Shoulder...Elvis has left the building...

But Ms. Taylor I wasn't shouting at J/L....I was complimenting her funny comment...

Tina~in_ut said...

Oh Michael~ how cute.....I found that same website....but I went down to the L's before copying one ....or 9......lq~

Just_Lin said...

"It cost an arm and a leg." How gruesome.

Just_Lin said...

"It cost an arm and a leg." How gruesome.

Just_Lin said...

"It cost an arm and a leg." How gruesome.

Tinka said...

Michael - I will have to give you an A+ for your assignment. Well done! I am sorry if I accused you of shouting at Just_Lin. I associate "capitals" with a loud voice rather than loud enthusiasm.

Having an assignment was good for you anyway. It stretches the brain, (not that yours needs any stretching). You are quick enough.

Tinka said...

Tina - In today's modern techno world it is acceptable to use the computer to assist in assignments so I don't think Michael was cheating. Do you?

I found a different site re idioms. I wish I had had this computer when I was helping my International students. I had a computer in 1999 but "Google" was just a baby at the end of the last century.

I loved helping the students with their homework. They were so excited about learning English.

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - "It costs an arm and a leg". Another good one but I wonder what the origin of that idiom is. Yes it sounds gruesome.

Tinka said...

40

Tinka said...

Michael - The words "Elvis has left the building" gives me a thrill and a sad feeling at the same time. Visiting his grave at Graceland gave me the same feeling. I can't wait until Saturday's blog.

Tina~in_ut said...

Tinka~ I don't think he was cheating.....it just makes me laugh~

Michael said...

Miss Prissy Tina you just mind ur own business or maybe I will step on your old sore foot and turn that "shooting" pain into a continuous "throbbing" pain!

Just_Lin said...

Did I hear "throbbing"?

Btw, I don't know why my last comment posted three times. I sent it from my phone.

Just_Lin said...

Tina What's the matter with your foot? Been kickin' too much ass?

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - I wondered why your comment posted three times too. I thought maybe you were making sure the teacher saw your good answer. You know like waving your arm and saying "Teacher, teacher teacher".

Michael said...

Tina has a horrible fungus on her foot....

Tinka said...

Michael,Tina and Just-Lin - Thank you for humouring me by finding idioms for me. I get obsessed by the topic and I don't know why. I guess it's because I spent so much time trying to remember them for my students. Some days I would be very good at it and other times my mind would go blank.

Tinka said...

It is almost 9:00 and time for us seniors to go to bed. We are almost finished season 13 of E.R. Then there is just one left. After that I think we will watch last year's season of Grey's.

Thanks for the fun today. March madness begins tomorrow but I think we got a head start on it today.

Good Night All and God Bless. Love, Tink

Tinka said...

50

Just_Lin said...

Sweet dreams, Tinka!

Tina~in_ut said...

J/L~ don't listen to GI Joe~ I don't know what is wrong with my foot....I keep getting these sharp pains in my right ankle....they last from just a few seconds to about a minute....sometimes it's enuf to bring me to my knees....I was talking to Kgrl last night and it just hit me outta nowhere....it's happened at werk....the worst is when I'm driving....and I have no idea what's causing it....I'll have to see my neurologist soon anyway, so I'll ask her about it~

Tina~in_ut said...

Goodnight Pink Tink~

Just_Lin said...

Tina I'm sorry about your ankle. That's kind of weird how it just kind of came out of nowhere. I hope it gets resolved soon. Do you remember hurting it or getting it banged by something? Pay attention to what you're doing with your foot while sitting at work. Sometimes just repetative motions can eventually become a problem.