Monday, April 3, 2017

English Lesson of the Day

by Dianne

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation
who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket
to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,
"This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3' "

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and
you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop
the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, 
"but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,
took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked

"What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we
could end up with a dangling participle.


Just_Lin said...

Dianne Hahahaha! That was a good one! If it wasn't for you, we'd never have new blogs.

Last night my oven decided not to bake any more. Maybe it's trying to tell me something. LOL Actually, it's very frustrating as I had just used it earlier to make my dinner and everything was fine. Then I go to make homemade brownies which had been requested by a friend whose birthday we are celebrating tonight, and I go to put the brownies in the oven and there was no heat. It will turn on with the Broil setting but not for Bake. Anyway, since I had already made the batter and it was in the pan, I called the friend and rushed to her house to use her oven. I'm glad I didn't wait until the last minute to find out my oven wasn't working. Today I will make frosting for the brownies and we will have them after I take her out for dinner at a Peruvian restaurant she wants to try.

The other day I got a $400 prepaid VISA card in the mail that I forgot was coming as it was part of a sign up deal when I switched my TV, internet, and phone service to Xfinity a few months ago. I guess I know where that money is going now. Besides the oven repair, I have an appointment tomorrow to get new tires on the front of my car as they keep losing air. My back tires are in wonderful shape so not worried about them. I still have fence repairs to deal with after my trip, too. When it rains, it pours.

Just_Lin said...

Mary Yee-haw! Waiting to hear about your country/western karaoke night. Yes, it would be helpful to know a specific theme. You'd think the host of the evening would know that.

Just_Lin said...

Barb Waving a wing at you. How are you? It's going to be a beautiful day here.

I wonder if my new neighbor really needed to be loading/unloading crap from his truck at 6:15 a.m. yesterday morning and waking me up. Probably not. Whatever he was doing, he was doing it for an hour. Grrrr!

Dianne said...

Well, here I am today after a few very sick days. Friday we both had dentist appts, shopping at coach and dinner reservations. I woke up,throwing up horrible on Friday morning. We went to dentist but got sick in parking lot. We canceled rest of day. NOw u know I was sick to cancel a treat at coach from LOUIS. I was very sick all day and night with a slight fever. I called dr and she called in nausea meds for me which really didn't help. I don't if I hate something bad or the flu but haven't been like that in years!! Felt like a hangover or morning sickness. I slept all day Saturday and briefly went out on Sunday. We had our dinner tonight but I'm still not 100% but much better.

I'm doing drops like crazy in my surgery eye and start the other eye on Wednesday....not excited. Went to eye dr today and my cornea is showing major irritation. My eyelid on my left eye also droops so bad that dr wants me to get it fixed. I did years ago but drooping bad again. Man, it's always something.

JL, how rude of people to do unloading at that time of morning. Makes you mad. Sounds like you are getting all your shopping if you are finding things. Tires, oven and fences and a great trip. You'd better go gambling with Mary. you have plenty of underwear?

Barb, did tbgetbthatvdmow predicted on Saturday and now more tonight. I hope they are wrong again. I want to run by the close ww in morning and weigh in for the week since I can't go Wednesday. I probably gained with my good steak dinner tonight.

Mary, can't wait to hear all about western night.

Dianne said...

Barb, I was trying to say didn't get that snow that was predicted. My iPad and I do not get along sometimes.

Dianne said...

Well, today we did get snow but roads just wet and sun came out. It didn't keep me home. Went to ww for a .8's a loss ...and lunch and grocery store. It's supposed to be 70 by Friday. Tomorrow is my surgery. So glad when it's all over.

Nothing much else to tell since yesterday. Hate having the heat back on. I can't decide between heat and air. Lol

Mary....were waiting to hear your story miss cowgirl

Btw, anyone watch the country music awards Sunday night? What a great show. I always love it...just a lot of singing.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I'm glad you cleared that up for me. I was trying to figure it out, but gave up! We have had some beautiful weather in the 70s for a few days. The rest of the week should be the same until it rains on Friday and Saturday, then we will have sun and back to 70s.

I hope you are over whatever it was that was making you sick.

sacBarb said...

J/L, The guy next door is finally going to sell his house. He is having the roof replaced by a guy that I think is one of the homeless that was living in his backyard a while back. I saw the owner, David, today and told him I was getting bids for my roof and asked him who was doing it and he said the guy was doing it for just materials and labor and he wouldn't recommend him for me, because David is also helping him. This guy is so cheap, it's unbelievable! He said he was not going to do any cosmetic changes inside the house, only fix what he absolutely had to fix. The heat/a/c is broken, so he also has to replace that. It is 30 years old!

sacBarb said...

Mary, I want to hear about your karaoke night!

Mary/MI said...

Sorry I have been mia. Today I had my physical with the dreaded "paps test". I had blood drawn for tests and I have to make appt. to get my boobs smooched. She wants me to have a bone density test.
Our "spring" is getting 6-8" of snow tomorrow, with temps in the 70s next week!
Winds of 50mph. I sure hope we don't lose power!!

About my DJ/Karaoke night. A couple of hrs before we were to leave to the venue, I saw a FB friend post about "Western Night" at the place were we going. I had no idea! I would have made a country music file in my puter to make it easier on me. I have many music files, some oldies, and holiday themes. Most are a mix of all kinds, rock, country,oldies,dance, etc. I scrambled to pull out my large stand up figures of Elvis in western gear, and Alan Jackson in tight jeans :). I was hoping to have people sing karaoke so to break up the music. It was almost 10:30 before they were drunk enough to sing. Good thing because I was running out of country music! Try playing almost 3 hrs of country music without replicating!
Why are women the worst drunks? This time there was a very tall gal that wanted to sing "Redneck Woman". Well she stomped her foot through the never ending song! I was afraid she was going to mess up my puter/electronics. After her 3rd time singing I asked her to please not do that. She took her drunk self to the bar and stayed there lol! Another gal did mess up my music when I stepped away to speak to Jim. She thought she would go behind my table and type in her own choice of music and brought everything to a stop! Luckily It was a quick fix!
The guys were much nicer. I get this one guy that always sings the same song
"Lonesome, Ornery, and Mean" LOL!!
We played an extra half hr over because the bar was full and the bar owner was reeling in the $$.

Just_Lin said...

Mary It sounds like you had your hands full at that DJ/Karaoke night. A bunch of drunk people are no fun, especially if you aren't one of them. LOL Definitely not cool for anyone to mess with your equipment.

Is it weird that you are still getting so much snow? We are getting some more rain for the next few days but I guess that's just considered "April showers". I hope you don't lose power again, too. That was really a long time that you were without last time. No fun!

Just_Lin said...

Barb At least you're getting rid of that neighbor and his undesirable guests. It's amazing what homes will sell for, though. When I walk my dog, I go by a house a couple of blocks away that is in terrible shape. There are absolutely no tiles on the roof, it is painted purple and bright green and some red. Even the driveway is painted purple! It is a small house like mine; 3 bedroom, one bath, ranch style, attached garage. It is in crappy shape inside, too, as I saw pictures of it online since it is on the market for $625,000! Someone will buy it and put mucho money into it to fix it.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne How are you doing after your eye surgery? You've had so much done in the last year. You're almost a totally new person! LOL

I'm a little bit of a new person as I got my hair dyed and cut today. I guess I'm not really new; just refreshed.

That's great news that Kayla has signed up for cosmetology school. It's really good that she has a goal and purpose that she can focus her energies on. Hopefully, Jake-ass is left in the dust at this point. That was one long, bad detour.

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, How are feeling today? Jl, is right, you have had a lot going on this last year!
Now they want to do your "lids?" I hope they don't get carried away and you look like Kenny Rogers did lol! Just kidding, you will be fine and prolly look a bit more perky :)

JustLin,I get my hair done next week. I try to wait 5 wks, but my silver roots scream out big time!We woke up to nasty heavy snow! I am glad Zoie doesn't mind doing her business in it lol! We were out at 6:30 and 11:30am! It is 2:00pm and the stuff is still coming down! Thanks goodness it won't stay around long. We are getting 70* in 3 days! Crazy!!
I am not surprised at the prices on those homes. There are a lot of people out there "flipping" them and making a killing!

Barb, your neighbor sounds like a piece of work! Hopefully you will get a better one, although I can't imagine who would buy his house unless they planned on a complete do-over. I hope you get yours fixed before any leaks!

I have been in a bit of pain since my paps test. You know how you have to "skooch"
waaay down when in the stirrups? Well, my bad knee wouldn't bend so she grabbed my leg and forced it to bend! She finally gave up and just pulled the one stirrup back a bit. I was a bit cock-eyed, but she was able to "get in" lol! Now I am feeling the results of her pushing my knee!
It may be a while before I do that again! JS

sacBarb said...

J/L, That is a lot of money for a small house that needs work, but you live in a prime location and that drives prices up. My neighbor told me the first time we talked that he was probably going to ask somewhere in the $200,000s, but I have a feeling that putting a new roof and having to replace the hear/A/C, too, that will drive up the price. I did get to go in and see the place and I stepped right into 1965. LOL It probably hasn't been painted since then, too, and the carpet is worse than mine. I can't wait until he puts it on the market to see what he will really be asking. Chad is thinking about buying it and renting it to Arch's Mom because she want';s to sell her big two story, five bedroom house. It's too much for her now that she is alone. Chad thinks he may move back here in about five years. He will have 20+ years with Bartell's by then and can retire. He is trying to get into a Pharmacy Tech training program that Bartell's has and if that happens he will have a much better opportunity to get a job in CA if he does move back.

sacBarb said...

Mary, Do you get paid more money if the bar owner makes more money? He wouldn't have made that much if you hadn't stayed over your normal time. He should share!

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I would love to have my eyelids done, but insurance wouldn't pay for it. They are droopy, but apparently not droopy enough! I'm glad your second cataract surgery was easier than the first. Now you are all set for your vacation.

Last week I had a crown prep on an upper tooth and they put a temporary crown on until the gold one is ready. Last night the temporary came off and I had to go in to have it replaced today. I get the real one next Thursday, so I have to be really careful eating until then.

I'm so glad Kayla is doing so well. Is she set to graduate?

Just_Lin said...

Good morning, HOoters! We have some very dark skies right now and I just heard thunder. Unfortunately, my dog heard it, too, and now she's worried that the Boogeyman is coming. It rained really hard last night.

Well, I'm doing all the little things I need to do before my trip starts on Wednesday; put a "hold mail" at the post office, contacted credit card and cell phone companies about my travel plans, made nail appointment for Tuesday. I'll be taking my dog up to American Canyon on Monday to stay with my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Chris. I keep changing my mind about what I want to pack for the trip and that makes me unhappy and a bit crazy. I'll be gone 18 days and some of those days will be sunny, some cloudy, and some will have rain or thunder showers. Geez, kind of like there will be everything.

Now it started to rain again. I should have held off on putting out birds seed for the birds and peanuts for the squirrels. I have my first painting class today. that out to be interesting.

Oh, major hail now.

Dianne said...

Hi...How's everyone doing? IM sure gettting tired of putting so.these drops in my eyes for 28 days! You have to keep a chart as each eye is now different. I'm still using my glassses. I don't know if it's habit or what. Both of my eyes are still blurry.

We went to the Coach outlet mall yesterday...Louis's treat. I wanted sunglasses and a summer purse and wallet. I ended up with two purses. One is a small travel one. I offered to pay for the wallet ..on clearance for $21. He told me to skip it. Lol. I love to go there. I hope I can soon switch to those glasses and get rid of my prescription ones.

JL, you are doing my dreaded thing...packing!!! Do you try on things too before you pack them? I do a lot. I guess that's why it takes me so long plus trying to bring enough but not too much. I'll bet you're getting excited. What is the date you will be back?

Barb, yes Kayla is set to graduate. I guess she heard from Jake the other day and told him to,leave her alone. It makes me nervous. She was reminded she cant respond to him to make the restraining order stick. She's working a lot and putting money in savings while she's living at home to some day move out. That would be nice if Chad bought that house. I'll bet you are thrilled to get rid of that owner.

Mary, I'm feeling good now. I went for my eye test Thursday and had a bitch gor a tech. She kept asking me if I stopped drops in my first eye march 4. No. I didn't even have eye done until the end of the month. I knew she meant April 4th. She repeated it twice and then pointed to the screen and asked me if I wanted to look. I told her I can't see. She said I was confused and then talked to me like I was either 5 or 100!! I should have told on her. I have a survey to complete and will say something. Grrr. I was about ready to choke her.

Barb, my left eyelid has been drooping more and more. I've always had an eye issue in my left eye. I'll have to see how Medicare looks at that before I make any decisions. We spent a very lot of out of pocket medical last year and I'm not doing that again. Louis is working an extra year because of it and I'm not doing that to him again. It's always something.

Well, hope you all have a nice Sunday. Mary, are you working again tonight?

sacBarb said...

J/L, we had some heavy rain but it was in the middle of the night and I don't think it hailed. I'm getting clothes out to pack for my trip to Oceanside for the annual retreat with my high school friends. I am only going to be gone four days and Claire and I are flying. It's quite a bit farther than Ventura so we decided we didn't want to drive through the LA traffic.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Kayla is lucky she will get to graduate since she has missed so much school. I hope the longer she is away from Jake-ass the better she will feel about herself.

It would be nice if Chad can buy the house next door. I will be happy to be rid of the current owner, but if Chad can't buy it I hope a 'normal' person buys it. All the neighbors used to be really close and we often did activities with them. We had bbq's and get-togethers at the park at the end of our dead end street. Now, some have died and some have moved away and the new neighbors aren't as friendly. Of course, back in the day, we had a lot more in common. Our kids were in Little League together or went to school together and it made it easier. Now the long term neighbors are all old, including me, and the new ones have small children so we don't have much to bring us together.

sacBarb said...

Mary, So far my roof hasn't leaked and each time I got an estimate they had to go up on the roof to measure it. Each one told me it looks like it will hold up until June or July when they would be able to work it into their schedule. One of the companies that came out also installs skylights and solar tubes. I have been thinking about having a solar tube put in my bedroom roof because it is very dark in there. After we made our garage into a family room, we built a carport in front of the bedroom and it covers the window, so I get no natural light in there. A solar tube would provide a lot of light. So, I may go with that company and they can do the solar tube at the same time.

Dianne said...

Barb, what's a solar tube? I haven't heard of it ever. Are you going to be gone when JL is gone too? Oh no, I will be so lonely. I will have to bug Mary. When do you leave?

It doesn't seem like are as neighborly anymore but I agree, I think it's because our kids are grown. We live in a retirement patio home area so we are all old. I only see a grandchild every once in awhile around and not much. We do have a Christmas brunch we go to and an ice cream social in the summer. LOUIS goes to all the HOA meetings. It seems like most people know each other walking dogs.

I went to my appt at Apple today and my Ipad was A quick fix. I then met my cousin for Chinese food. Tonight I've cleaned out two drawers o my dresser and emptied a big bag that had things stuck in it and found a couple of good gift cards and some nice jewlery o bought in Vegas in December. I forgot all about it. It was like Christmas all over again!!

sacBarb said...

Dianne, A solar tube is like a skylight only the aren't as big and they are usually round. Sharon got one in her hall ceiling and it really lets a lot of light in. Also, they don't cost as much as a skylight.

I am leaving on the 17th and coming home on the 20th, so I won't be gone as long as J/L.

What was wrong with your iPad? I have a problem with mine, too. I went black and I thought it just needed charging, but it still wouldn't go on even after I charged it. I figured I might have to buy a new one, but I haven't done that yet. Maybe it can just be fixed?

Dianne said...

Barb, take it in to Apple and have them check it. Mine wasn't downloading emails fast. I had it on manual and it needed to not be on that setting. It's all fixed. I use mine for everything. I don't even have a desk top anymore. Do you use yours a lot?

We cleaned the freezer out tonight with all the old freezer burn things. My freezer is always too full and I barely cook.

LOUIS leaves tomorrow for Breckinridge tomorrow until Friday afternoon. I could have gone but nothing to do all day. I can't get around enough to go shopping and he sometimes has dinners too. Soooo, I'll be on my own. Hope I behave. I'm going to have to figure out these drop charts as he's been my nurse. It's very confusing as each eye is different throughout the day.

Great weather the rest of the week and thru Easter weekend. LOUIS and I are going to brunch. Kids never want to do much since the grandkids grew up. Anyone have plans? Well, I know you do JL.. We all want to
go with you. I think we weren't invited. Boo hoo

Mary...what's up?

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I was using my iPad most of the time, but not since this has happened, of course. I turn it on and all I get is pure black! I will take it in. Do I need to make an appointment ahead of going in to the store?

Dianne said...

Yes you do and you can make it online for the Genius Bar. They will be able to tell u if you need a new one. I couldn't be without mine for a day.

Dianne said...

New blog