Monday, April 24, 2017

The Ostrich

by Dianne

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to The ostrich, "What's yours?" 

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please" 

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. 

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man Says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." 

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." 

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. 

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 

"The usual?" Asks the waitress. 

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.   

"Same," says the ostrich. 

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."   

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and Places it on the table. 

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" 

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered Me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money Would always be there." 

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a Million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" 

"That's right. Whether it's a liter of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. 

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?" 

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."


sacBarb said...

Dianne, That was cute. It just confirms that we need to be careful what we wish for!

Dianne said...

Barb, you are a woman with a short response. How are you feeling? I think,I asked you and Mary some questions in Area 51 yesterday.

We are putting out lots of bags for donations for morning tonight. There was a whole shelf of jeans that I thought were Louis's but they ended up being all mine. They've been up there for years...all sizes. Off to donation they go. I seldom wear jeans any more. Now I have a whole empty shelf. Good.

Still saying snow for fri/sat. I'm sure hoping they r wrong. We just need some rain.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I'm feeling a little better. My neck is still a little stiff even after two massages. I am going to schedule another one for Saturday. I have a lot going the rest of this week. Tomorrow I am getting my grey hairs colored and having dinner with the Jennifers, Thursday I have a dentist appointment and Friday I have another acupuncture treatment. I think they are helping. The pain is not completely gone, but it has subsided some. This is not a cure, but hopefully it will help enough that I will be able to sleep better at night.

Dianne said...

Barb, so glad you're feeling better. Having daily pain is so terrible. Sounds like you do have a busy week. I'm trying to plan out hair and nails to match with when I go on vacation. It's not working too well. I getting anxious to go. I'll bet you're getting anxious to see Cher too

I went to a different ww today by my house and stayed for the meeting. I at least had a loss this week. I go to the rr for my diabetic check tomorrow so I'm anxious for her to see my weight loss and to see what my three mo blood sugar is after giving up soda. It had better be lower!!

Going to dinner with granddaughters tonight and doing some shelf lining this afternoon. Not too exciting of a day but I need to get it done.

Mary .... missing you

Mary/MI said...

Hello! Here it is almost 1:00 am and heading to bed.Except for my phone I haven't been on line too much today. We have had such nice weather, that we have been outside doing all kinds of yard work and getting the garden ready for planting. Today we went to Menard's and got a new air cond. Our other one pooped out last summer.We looked at new fencing for our Lab. She has been on part of our patio and been using Zoie's fenced in area. We have had to take Zoie out on a leash to do her business. I told Jim I want my patio back and Zoie wants her yard back lol!
For the first time ever, I left my glasses at home. It was weird lol! I had to keep asking Jim for prices on items!
We have to do another Karaoke/DJ job this week end. It's another Birthday party. I sure hope it's not too crazy!

Barb, Sorry you are still hurting! I hope your masseur is cute :) It sounds like you have a busy week. I hope you get to feeling better!

Dianne, no I have not found the purse. I put it someplace "safe" where I could find it lol! I have to put away a few winter things and dig out my summer cloths. Sure hope they still fit!! Good luck at your Dr Appt.
I can't believe you said "snow!" Unfortunately, after our almost 80' weather today, the rest of the week and week end will have the highs in the 40s! We may well see snow flakes :(
Jim is only planting potatoes until the threat of frost is gone.

I bought 18 bags of cedar mulch to put around the patio and bushes. Hopefully it won't be raining all day tomorrow.

Have a great week end all. Don't worry if you don't hear from me, I may be snowed in lol! jk. I will try to do a few fly-bys.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Sharon and I are both getting excited about going to LV, We leave on May 8th and return May 12. We will see Cher on May 10, but will try to go to some other shows, too. I haven't checked to see who else will be there yet.

I am feeling much better today and I'm hoping that nothing else hinders my trip.

sacBarb said...

Mary, I am feeling better and just to clarify, I have a woman massage therapist. It's bad enough that I have to get nekkid, I certainly don't want to subject any man to that sight.

I bet it's fun doing the karaoke gigs. Do you and Jim ever sing at them?

I want to do some landscaping when the rain stops. I have been talking to my gardener about doing a drought tolerant front yard. Some of my neighbors have done some nice drought tolerant treatments. We have been changed from a flat rate water service to being metered and it has gotten a lot more expensive, so if I spend some money now, maybe I can save in the long run.

Dianne said...

Hi.....BARB, you'd better check on the shows to get a seat. Where r u staying? I'm so glad you're feeling much better. I don't really care for men massage people either. I actually think their strength is kind of hard and I don't care for a deep massage. Actually, I don't really like any of them anymore. I signed up to Massage Envy and quit going and they built up. I finally recently canceled and with a lot of conversations , got them to transfer over to LOUIS ...35 of them. He goes every month. I don't like the hassle of taking off my clothes and turning over on the bed. I'm always afraid I'm going to fall off

I almost fell in the garage yesterday. I have a walker out there and was sitting on it doing my shelves and didn't lock it.
when I got up, it went out from under me. Scared the heck out of me. I was home alone so I would have been laying there for a long time.

Today I went to the dr and my three mo blood sugar was down and my weight as well, The dr was so happy she hugged me. All my numbers were really good.

Mary/MI said...

Just got a sec...

(((hugs))) to Dianne!! WTG girl!!

Glad you are feeling better. I like my female massage gal better than males too....don't faint.

I'm off to the store, then getting my Karaoke equipment around for tomorrow night. I hate when I forget things, so I double check and make sure everything is there and ready to go.

Mary/MI said...

Oops forgot to add Barbs name before "Glad you are feeling better. I like my female massage gal better than males too....don't faint."

Dianne said...

Hi all.....well, we have a lot of snow. We got about ten inches. Today the roads are mostly wet but still lightly snowing even tonight. We were going to go listen to my friends band but it's far and we are afraid of the roads icing up when it drops to 29 tonight so we canceled. I just met barb for dinner close by our houses.

Get ready Mary....coming your way. It's a heavy wet snow. We lost our dish tv last night with all the snow and the lights were flickering. I don't think I've ever seen snowflakes that big! It was kind of pretty.

Mary, hope you are enjoying you gig tonight and that's things are calm. As Barb mentioned, do you and Jim get up and sing?

Barb, how are you feeling? Still feeling better? I did my online registering for our cruise today. I was having a problem so they helped me thru it. All I have to do is.......pack. I feel like I should start now but I'd run out of underwear since we don't leave until May 30.

Next week is Kayla's prom. Her "special friend" is getting fit for his tux tomorrow.

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Where are you cruising to this time. You probably told us, but I forgot. I'm getting excited about seeing Cher in Las Vegas. We leave on May 8 but we don't see her until the 10th and we come home on the 12th. I'm checking out other shows that are there during that time frame. Not sure what else we want to see.

sacBarb said...

I had my third acupuncture treatment on Friday and I don't go back for a month. They do three in three weeks and after that they are spaced out about a month apart. I don't know why they do it that way, but it is what it is!

Dianne said...

Barb, we are cruising to Alaska again. We really like it there and the other times we've lucked out with the weather. We won't do as many excursions as we've done so many but there are still a few things we'd like to do. I'd like to go in a sea plane but it's $500 each so we are passing on that excursion. Plus they weigh you to go...not! How embarrassing. What I'm really looking forward to is our drive there and back and meeting my cousins in Seattle for lunch the day we get off ship. There was a 60% off deal to go to a specialty restaurant for lunch so I signed up for that one day at sea.

Hmm, interesting about your acupuncture. Do you still feel like it's helping? I did it once years ago for my lympodema in my legs but it didn't help and I was bleeding all over the table and it hurt. I guess that was enough for the lady and me.

Mary, ouch on the poison ivy. Do U have medicine or will u have to go to dr? I hope it's better

I got my nails done today and then went to a bday dinner for my nieces boyfriend. We were home by 7:00. I then took a little nap.

The sun is shining and all the snow is almost melted and it's beautiful out today. Crazy weather.