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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

You can't read this, Not Laugh, and be in a bad mood!

by Maureen

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.
19. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

20. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

38 comments:

Tina~in_ut said...

Thanks Mo~ This one made me chuckle~

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

DeeDee said...

well those are just precious...

My Mother LOVED that Unique rabbit thing...told it a million times...then she would burst into laughter....you couldn't help but get tickled at her...laughing....she was so cute doing it...

Damn now I'm missing my Mother!

Well leave it up to that "Damed" Maureen!!

who...btw...was knighted right here at the nest last evening! Bacon was served in the Great Room and a good time was had by all!!

whabbear said...

I love Owl Manor's Great Room! Can't wait for our Christmas Party! Shirley, are you planning?

And LOL@#18!

night.owls.sb said...

Whab.. I like Owl Manor's great room as well.. I remember the blog I did with all the pictures of the manor, don't remember when it was posted tho... That blog was fun to write and I loved the pictures.. If for only a few hrs, I was able to put myself in that very special imagination place in our minds..

Fun!

night.owls.sb said...

Morning Tina, Dee and Whab!

night.owls.sb said...

Dee.. I stopped by last nite, and enjoyed the bacon.. it is certainly my fav!

night.owls.sb said...

Wasn't Elton John Knighted? and if so that means Mo is up there with the best of them..

:)

DeeDee said...

Elizabeth Taylor...Elton...Mother Teresa...Bob Hope...Billy Graham...Franco Zeffirelli...Steven Spielberg...Ann Murray...Delores Crump.....the list of luminaries is long....

DeeDee said...

OMG I forgot Kiri Te Kanawa...Shirley Bassey and Helen Mirren!!

bonachichi said...

So, it's rabbits today, yes?

A friend had roommates in college. They each took a turn cooking every week. One week, my friend did the shopping and bought the usual things... roast, chicken, ground beef. And rabbit.

At the end of the week the only thing that wasn't cooked was the rabbit. The poor guy who's job it was to cook that night didn't have a clue what to do with it. So he made rabbit chili.

bonachichi said...

Mo, what did you have to do to get knighted? Let DeeDee whack you over the head with her scepter?

DeeDee said...

whack...touch...same same same...

Bebbilane said...

Good morning! I love Quatro Cinco..but all of those are really funny! Thanks Mo! A little giggle was in good order today.

Good afternoon all, hello Tina, DeeDee, Whabby, Carol and Bonachichi...! :)

Bebbilane said...

So, I just noticed..I said Good morning and good afternoon..and then that reminded me of the movie,...The Truman Show!

"Good morning! And in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening , and good night!"...

Just_Lin said...

Tina Congrats on moaning first again today. And you are looking so dreamy, too.

Just_Lin said...

MO Thanks for the blog today. Very cute. I really liked the roast beef one and also the psychopath one. It's always nice to start the day with a smile and a chuckle. :)

Just_Lin said...

DeeDee Dont forget Sir Paul McCartney!

Just_Lin said...

Bonach I have a feeling if DeeDee "wacked" somebody, they wouldn't still be walking around. ijs

Just_Lin said...

Carol I remember those beautiful pictures and the great decorations and food. Was that our first Christmas at the manor?

Just_Lin said...

Bebbi LOL I'll just say good morning as it isn't noon here, yet.

Just_Lin said...

Bear It's a beautiful day here. I hope it's like this during the coming weekend.

Tina~in_ut said...

i am totally dying here.....we are waiting for the outcome of our union vote! voting closed 31 min ago~

Tina~in_ut said...

whew!~ NO UNION!!!!!~ :D

bonachichi said...

Speaking of whacking people....

Maureen said...

Good evening feathered friends!

I'm glad you got a kick out of the blog today!

I like the polaroids one the best!

DEE DEE...my DAMEnation was quite exciting yesterday! And thanks for the list of my co-horts!

Got my car back today! YAY!

Maureen said...

Just because I hob nob with the likes of Paul McCartney, Elton John, Helen Mirren and Elizabeth Taylor doesn't mean y'all can't post anymore after I arrive!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
They were mildly amusing. I thought coming from Maureen they would have been just a DAME bit funnier!!!!!
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
I liked #1,2,8 and 16.
Nice job Bitch!!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Good evening Tina, DeeDee, Whabbear, Carol, Bonachi, Beverly, Just Lin and Maureen!!

If someone wants to pick a date I'll see what I can come up with for a Christmas party. It may only be poptarts and beer, we'll see. Let me know what you all decide.

East Bay J said...

Hi hooters,

Very funny blog this morning, Mo! I haven't seen those before!

Thanx for sharing :)

Quick fly by, have a nice evening!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Lynn D How's the no smoking going? What's it been now 3-4 weeks? Keep going!!

Birdee get your feather dusting ass in here!! Hows the flock or gaggle or whatever it is that you have?

Dianne (((HUGS))) and how about those Broncos!!???

Mary how did you make out today? I almost said "Mary did you make out today?"

It was very nice talking with you tonight Zona! Did hubby get supper or just desert!!?

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Hi EBJ!
Bye EBJ!

Mary/MI said...

I have to say this second mammo test hurt like a MOFO!! I was waiting for 43 year old milk to spill out!!
I was hoping I would hear the results today.I was told my Dr would be notified first.Hell, I got my last results in the mail before he did! Dr had to ask to have them faxed to him!
I hate the waiting game!

Dame Mo,you picked a great day to make me laugh! thanks :)

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve? Black mail!

"Don't hit me, my lawyer's in jail"!

What did the tooth say to the departing Dentist? "fill me in when you get back"

Tha't all I have..

whabbear said...

Not bad, Mary!

J/L, it looks like Saturday is going to be dry with a high in the low 60's. Not bad at all for a Christmas party! :)

Carol, I LOVED those "photos" of the manor! Perhaps you can resurrect them for the party this year.

Just_Lin said...

Bear Good news! :)

Just_Lin said...

Mary Keeping you in my prayers.

Just_Lin said...

Sweet dreams, HOoters!

Maureen said...

how much freaking snow can fall? Geeze.

I think we have accumulated over 22 inches where I live since Sunday night.

Grrrrrr

Maureen said...

The weather should be better around me...I'm a DAME damn it!