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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Blonde Jokes

by Sac Barb

DISNEYLAND
    
Two blonds were going to Disneyland .  They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and turned around and went home.   
 
FLORIDA OR MOON
     
Two blonds living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blond says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'  The other blond turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'  
 
CAR TROUBLE
     
A blond pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.  After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?' 
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor.' 
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
 
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.  Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
     
There's this blond out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blond on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blond looks up the river, then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side!'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE 
     
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
   
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
    
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blond.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
     
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting!
   
 
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
 
'NO!' the blond yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLOND ON THE SUN
     
A Russian, an American, and a Blondie were talking one day. 
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'The Blondie said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.      
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot!  You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the blond replied, 'We're not stupid, you know.  We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
     
A blond was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'  She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' 
 

FINALLY, THE BLOND JOKE TO END ALL BLOND JOKES!
    
A girl was visiting her blond friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blond responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
     
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'      
 
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs'!

27 comments:

Just_Lin said...

First?

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb Thanks for the jokes. I'm sure glad I'm not a blonde. The first one made me laugh the most but that last one was a real groaner.

Just_Lin said...

What's on everyone's agenda today? I'm going to go get my "highlights" dealt with. I may try to do some clothes shopping after that. It depends on how I feel. I didn't get much sleep last night and I'm tired.

Zona said...

BARB: I liked all of the jokes..I think I liked the River Walk one the best..but they all made me laugh. :)

I was blonde growing up..my hair gets a little darker every year..not sure why..but I know I still have that blonde gene..we all know I do.. :D

J/LIN: Not much going on here..bills to pay..hate that..laundry again..same ol' same ol'.. :)

I spent hours yesterday with Tech Support for this dang computer..it's not the computer really..two programs don't like each other and they keep shutting each other off. The techies said it was fixed....no it's not.. I love computers..but I hate them too..

Zona said...

Oh geez...the Techs reset all my IE settings..now I have to go back and figure out what I have to do to get them back to the way I want them..I guess I'll see ya next week..lol.. ;D

sacBarb said...

Happy Hump Day.

Zona, I was blond for the first three years of my life and like you I think the gene is still there. I liked the River Walk best, too, but the Car Trouble one made me lol.

J/L, The last one was a groaner, I have to agree. But maybe if I ever get another dog, I might consider making it a watch dog. NOT!

I have been MIA because I have been limiting my computer time. I have a lot of cleaning to do here. I need to get rid of so much stuff from my closets. I have three bedrooms and every closet is stuffed from bottom to top. I really do NOT need so much crap and this is the year I am going to get rid of a lot. It's not a resolution, but a decision.

Hope everyone is having a good day. BBL

Mary/MI said...

LOL LOL LOL!! Funny stuff!

SacBarb,I have done a lot of sorting and dumping stuff in my closets. Goodwill is getting most of it. My problem is all the little stuff, like the little crappy things in the junk drawers lol! They seem to multiply!!

Today I went grocery shopping. I am stocking things up so the men won't run out of stuff while I am gone, You know, like turlet paper!

I cooked supper and after I check FB going to the basement and get on the treadmill......

Jodi said...

BARB - Cute jokes!! Loved them all....even the groaners ;)

Jodi said...

SLIN - Work, nap, shopping, now watching Shawshank Redemption with Tim :)

Jodi said...

ZONA - Couldn't help but chuckle at your "I'll c u next week"!!! Hopefully you understood your tech person.....most of the time I can't ;)

Jodi said...

BARB 2 - Good luck with your closets!! *I got a whole house you could help me with* ;)

Jodi said...

MARY - Doing the same here! Although my hubby is the one that does most of the grocery shopping. I'm the one that stocks us up on the turlet paper ;)

Jodi said...

Two days ago I was feeling so much better. Today...not so much. Ear pain and snot is back. Will be calling the dr tomorrow. She said to call back if I wasn't better and she would prescribe Augmentin for me.

*heading back to the infirmary branch* :(

Jodi said...

Heading to bed....will check in when I get up.

Good night HOoters ♥

Jodi said...

15!!!

Mary/MI said...

Jodi, so sorry you are back on that branch! Do you think working around so many people all day keeps you "ill?"
You have 2 weeks to get better! Get busy lol!

Jodi said...

MARY - I told her when I was leaving, that's why she said to call back this week if I wasn't better.

p.s. I don't think it's because I work with "the people"...I just think there is a buttload of crap going around ;) Just thankful it's not that icky flu!!

Mary/MI said...

lol, Jodi, I meant working around customers bringing all their cooties ! I get paranoid getting groceries. I guess if it's going to get yah there is nothing you or I can do eh? Baby yourself :)

Just_Lin said...

I was out shopping today and bought a new top. Hope I didn't accidentally bring anythig else home, too.

Jodi said...

MARY - It's not the people that I fear. Their money is the dirtiest thing you can touch!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - I'm sure you didn't!! What kind of top did you buy?

Just_Lin said...

It's kind of a dressy top and coveres my fat arms. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Sweet dreams, HOoters. I've got to catch some Z's.

Jodi said...

SLIN - Whatever....I'm sure it's pretty!!

Jodi said...

25!!!

Jodi said...

Best get prettied up for work ♥

Jodi said...

Sleep well SLIN :)