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Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Squirrels


by Dianne


There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town: a Presbyterian church, a  Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels.  After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery  and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide. But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, they took one squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

19 comments:

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thank you for the blog. That was cute. I put peanuts out for the squirrels. I'm pretty sure none of them go to church but they do show up here everyday.

Well, I still haven't started packing but I sure have a lot of stuff sitting out all over my bedroom. I'm going to try very hard not to over pack which my daughter keeps admonishing me not to do. So yesterday I took my dog up to her place as her ex boyfriend is going to take care of our dogs while we're gone, and she is taking soooo many clothes. She's definitely the one that's over packing. LOL She says she's going to sort through it and "edit". I'm taking 3 pairs of jeans but I don't really like any of them. I wish I could find a good pair of jeans that fit well and don't get baggy.

Since Nurse Louis is leaving you on your own for a few days, you need a chart for your eye meds where you check off each time you apply your drops in each eye so you won't get confused as to when you did which eye. While he's gone would be a good time to go with a friend to see a "girl's" movie. I don't know if there are any out right now.

Just_Lin said...

Barb I have 3 tube lights; one in dining area, one in kitchen, and one that has a fan in it in the bathroom. The company that installed them also put a heat lamp in the ceiling in the bathroom. The extra light makes a big difference. It took a while to get used to as I kept thinking I left a light on. LOL The fan and heat lamp made a big difference in the steam accumulation during showers. Even with a window open, my walls used to have moisture running down them after a hot shower. Mine were not installed at the same time as the roof but it would certainly make sense to do that if you know you want them.

Today will be my big packing day plus I have an appointment at the nail salon. I wonder if I have time to go shopping for a pair of jeans that I really like. We are leaving for the airport at 6 a.m. in the morning. My daughter plans to leave her place to drive down here are 4 a.m. Yikes! That's giving her plenty of buffer in case there's problems with traffic. Both of us like aisle seats so we are sitting across the aisle from each other on all our flights except for the smaller plane we will be on going from Rome to Basel, Switzerland. There's only two seats on either side of the aisle so we are sitting together. I hope you have a wonderful time at your reunion with your school friends.

Just_Lin said...

Mary Here we are! I hope you get some nice spring weather soon. One of the tricky things about packing for my trip is that the weather is expected to be very varied at the places we will be; everything from very sunny to rain to possible thunderstorm.

Dianne said...

JL, you are probably sound asleep but wanted to tell u to have a wonderful time on your trip. Be sure and post pictures. Hope you finally got all packed and even found a better pair of jeans. Check in if you get a chance. We will miss you

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I just finished packing! I had to rethink things to get it down to less than 50 lbs. So much packing, weighing, re-packing, re-weighing. My back is not to happy with lugging that suitcase on and off of the scale. I have a doctor style scale so I can just make the suitcase stand on it. It started out as 52 pounds so I had to remove one pair of jeans, one top, and one sweater. I didn't find new jeans, by the way. I'm tired but am treating myself to a small glass of chocolate milk before I go to bed. I guess I won't get much more than 4 hours of sleep tonight. Oh, well. Maybe I'll be able to doze on the plane.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I'm sure you will have fun on your trip. Maybe someday I'll take a trip like that. For now I'll be satisfied with Oceanside after Easter and Las Vegas in May. We are staying a few days so maybe we'll get to see another show in addition to Cher.

sacBarb said...

J/L, I'm sure you will have fun on your trip. Maybe someday I'll take a trip like that. For now I'll be satisfied with Oceanside after Easter and Las Vegas in May. We are staying a few days so maybe we'll get to see another show in addition to Cher.

Mary/MI said...

Bwah ha ha, that was funny Dianne!

JL, my back always messes up whenever I pack It's all the bending and leaning into the suitcase along with the lifting. I fear you will wish you had packed even less when you cart it all over Europe, especially trains and the many stairs they have everywhere!

My girlfriend and I discussed going to Spain this fall. Her brother lives there and is not well. I went with her a few years back. We didn't get a lot of sight-seeing in, but I loved roaming around the little village where they lived.

JL, I have been to Oceanside many years ago when my son was traing in the Marines. Vegas is always fun!! We will prolly make another trip since we have the 2, $100 vouchers.

Lunch with my retiree friends was fun as usual. Some of the "snowbirds" are back.
I had a hair appt. at 2:00, so I didn't get home until almost 5:00. I made dinner and took a nice long walk out back. We have to get up early tomorrow for the ultrasound testing on our veins. Jim always freaks because he can't have his morning coffee lol!

Dianne said...

Boy, my left eye is still bugging me. Went to eye dr today and have 20/20 in the right but 20/40 in the left. My cornea is still roughed up looking in that eye. He said keep using drops and that it will heal. I hope so. I can get rid of my distance glasses now so that will be nice.

I'm pretty excited. I lost 7 pounds yesterday at ww. I've lost 19 since I gave up coke. I can't believe it has made that big of a difference. I've actually lost 35 since sept and didn't even realize it. I wish I could see it. My clothes feel a little bigger but not enough to go down a size.

Well, I'll bet JL is already having fun. My friend is going to Europe in a few weeks. They are having dinner in the Eiffel Tower. I think would be really fun.

Mary, how fun that would be for you to go to Spain. Would you stay with the brother? Fun just to get away and do some sight seeing too. Anymore do shows planned? How did your ultra sound tests go today? Do they give you the results right then?

Barb, have you looked up any shows for when you'll be in Vegas? You might need to get tickets. I love the shows there. It was so fun when we went in December to see George Strait. Plus it was a wonderful show too.

Mary/MI said...

Dianne,Yes, you get the results right away. Before you leave. My arteries are still in good shape. Jim is pretty much like he was 3 yrs ago..clogged lol! Seriously though, the artery in the left side of his neck has over 50% blockage. He was again told to quit smoking and to see his family Dr to see if he thinks more test should be done. I guess they don't consider it serious until it is over 85-90% blocked. Weird eh?
No, we didn't stay with her brother in Spain. The apartments in Europe are all tiny. We rented an apartment two doors down from them which worked out great.
Congrats on your weight loss!! I am still struggling! I am walking more now with the daylight saving time. I like to walk after supper.

Jim didn't have trouble with his eyes. He just wasn't fond of all the eye drops lol!

Dianne said...

I wish I could walk, Mary. I just have my lower back killing me and breathing issues. I hope some of that will change if I can lose more weight. I have so much but I'll be happy with any right now. The breathing is a real issue. I have asthma and it's controlled but it's still hard going very far for me.

Oh gosh, I would be nervous hsbing that much of an artery blocked. Jim won't quit smoking though, right? In a week or two it's just going to be you and I on the blog while a Barb is gone unless she can check in. Mary, doing anything for Easter?

I wonder where JL is now?

Barb, what are you doing for Easter? We are just going to a sit down brunch by ourselves that morning. I'm glad it's not buffet. I don't like those at all.

I went to have lunch with my uncle today about and hour and 15 min away. It took 2-1/2 hours as there was an accident. I sat on the hwy gor over an hour. It wasn't even there when I got up there. Then coming home there was another one and it took two hours to get home. Grrr, I'm over driving anywhere else today. It's so frustrating.

Mary/MI said...

Dianne, I hate when Jim drives! He really makes me nervous, but he insists on driving! Our appmt yesterday was in Lansing. It can be tricky driving. He used to do that drive every day when he worked there. He too the wrong exit, but not undo-able. All we had to do was make a left turn a few blocks up... he missed that turn, so we had to back track. On the way back he got in the wrong lane. Ii gently told him to please get over so we could inter the freeway. I tried so hard not to sound irritated or nagging because I didn't want to make him mad or nervous! He did ok, if you don't count that he road the curb halfway up the ramp lol! We made it home...finally!!My son worries when he knows Jim is driving...me too!
Easter I am making dinner. I am kind of glad it will only be me, Jim, Matthew, my sister and her hubby. I admit that am not up for big dinners anymore!

Jim had trouble breathing too. He has to use some kind of inhaler twice a day. He walks the dog a good distance, but it wears him out. He complains about his legs hurting. It's a bitch getting old lol!

Dianne said...

It is hard getting old. I have an inhaler too. It doesn't really help me. I don't ever do dinners anymore. I passed that torch long ago. How is you sister in law doing now? I know you'd said she was home. I hope she's doing better. Did Jim have any trouble with his eyes after his cataract surgery?

sacBarb said...

Dianne, Well, I won't be going to Oceanside after all. Two of the ladies have family emergencies and we decided to postpone our retreat. I'm not too upset about it because I was going to miss seeing The Bodyguard on our Broadway series and now I'll get to see it. I got the renewal for next season and Jersey Boys and Book of Mormon are back. I've seen them both, but I won't mind seeing them again, especially Jersey Boys. That's my music era and I love it. The other four shows that are scheduled I have never seen. They are Beautiful, An American In Paris, Something Rotten and Finding Neverland. I have seen the old movie, An American in Paris, but I don't remember it too well. I think Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly were in it. What is on your schedule next season?

sacBarb said...

Mary, I would so love to go to Spain, but I'll probably never have the chance. I've seen ads for getting those tests like you and Jim got and wondered if I should sign up for them. Does it take a long time? Maybe I'll do it the next time I see it. Do you take the results to your doctor?

sacBarb said...

I am going to my son's for Easter. They want to have a picnic in the park, but I heard on the news today that we are going to have rain on Easter, so we'll probably stay at Dean's.

Mary/MI said...

SacBarb. We called directly to the Lansing Hospital. They have all the latest equipment there for the PAD screening.It is only $60. The traveling screenings are over $200.They send the info to your Dr.
How far do you have to travel to see the shows? I usually only go if there are matinees. I go alone so hate the long night walks to the parking lots.. One time I went out the opposite side of the venue and got lost! One time I drove in very early to get a good place to park. I parked on the side near the campus housing. I sat in my car til almost dusk. I was about to go in when I spotted someone coming out the side door and lighting up what looked like a marijuana cig. I looked again and recognized who it was. It was the star of the show I was going to see! Bob Dylan! Why I didn't take a pic is beyond me! I guess I was in shock lol!

Dianne, what inhaler do you use? The first one Jim was using didn't work either.A friend of his suggested the one he was using, so he got a prescription from the Dr. It works a lot better! It's "ADVAIR" The other was SPIRIVA.

sacBarb said...

Mary, We go to the Sacramento Community Center to see the shows and it is downtown, about six miles from my house. I go with Sharon and one of the Jennifers to the Thursday matinee. The show starts at 2:00 but we go downtown early so we can get parking and we have lunch at a restaurant two blocks from the community center. If we can't find parking close, we valet at the restaurant. None of us can walk too far and valet parking is only $5.00. We usually give a $5.00 tip and we split it, so it's totally worth it. The show is usually over by 4:30.

Wow, that would have been a great picture if you had thought to take one. But you still have the memory. I bet the show was good.

Dianne said...

New blog