“He's My Brother” - This is Priceless

by Zona

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and preceded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

 

"Eight", the boy replied.

 

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

 

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. 

They're for him. 

He's my brother.

He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike.

Right now, he can't do either."

Skipping School

by Michael

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends.

 

So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."

 

Secretary at high school answered...

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"

 

Schoolgirl's response...

"This is my mother."

The Pilot and The Priest

by Dianne

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '

The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?

'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'

Silver or Gold

by Iteach

This day in history gold was discovered in the Yukon. While salmon fishing near the Klondike River in Canada's Yukon Territory on this day in 1896, George Carmack reportedly spots nuggets of gold in a creek bed. His lucky discovery sparks the last great gold rush in the American West. 

When I saw this it reminded me of a dilemma that I'm having right now.  I'm looking to buy a Mother's Ring, but I don't know if I should have the band be in silver, gold,etc.....  I don't have a preference.  So now here is a dumb question.  Should all the ring bands on your fingers be the same?  Can you have one be gold and the other white gold or is that a big no-no?  What kind of rings do you like on your fingers?  Also, what should I do with my wedding ring?

My Watch!!!

by Jodi

Mother’s Day weekend Sam and I drove down to spend the weekend with Lois Lane and her family.  Her small little town has become somewhat of a sanctuary for me.  It was my first weekend off after my Dad’s funeral and I just felt the need to get away.

 

Lois is on the board of a place called Teen Turf.  It is a local teen center headed by an awesome lady named Eileen.  The weekend that I was there is their biggest fund raiser of the year.  The have a lovely chicken dinner followed by a live and silent auction.  When we got there Lois introduced me to Eileen.  She is this little ball of energy that hugged me like we were long lost friends.  I told her that I had a fistful of dollars and couldn’t wait for the auction.

 

I had already decided to make a donation, so Lois said find something you like and bid on it.  Eileen had been invited to Oprah’s very last “Favorite Things” show and had donated several items for the auction.  I checked out the Oprah items and I fell in love!!  Philip Stein designed a special watch for Oprah’s 25^th season.  It has a double face with O’s and silver 2 and 5 on the top watch in honor of her 25^th season.  Oh, and yes it has 58 hand set diamonds around the bezel.  It is divine and I had to have it!!  The bidding started at $500….gulp…..ok here we go!!  I have never been so extravagant in my whole life; especially on something for me.  As the bidding got higher, the more I was shaking.  Once the bidding was over and I got the watch, I just broke down.  I was so happy to be able to make such a generous donation in memory of my Dad. 

http://www.philipstein.com/Oprah.aspx

~ One Day More ~

by Tina~in_ut

5 Year Old's First Job.....

by Michael

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers.  It will make you believe that we can all make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time. 

 

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. 

 

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. 

 

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough" more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. 

 

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account. 

 

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age.  The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us." 

 

"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" 

 

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the damn sheet rock." 

 

Kind of brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?