* Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
* I recycle. I wore this shirt yesterday.
* I’m good in bed. I can sleep for days!
* Also available in sober.
* Voted class of 2057′s most likely to travel back in time.
* I’m like a museum – look but don’t touch.
* Somebody needs to rub my belly and tell me I’m pretty.
* I cannot be cloned without the express written permission of major league baseball.
* The world doesn’t revolve around you, it revolves around me!
* I’m like a good book. Wanna curl up with me?
* I do all my own stunts.
* I’m not old, I’m vintage!
* Anybody seen my mind? I know it’s around here somewhere…
* Save the drama for your mama.
* Official member conjugal visitors program.
* Official member fashion police academy.
* My long term goal is to get rich quick.
* I speak sarcasm as a second language.
* I have attention deficit… Hey, look at that!
* We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
* 333 – I’m only half evil.
* I can’t see the forest for the gump.
* Alcohol, tobacco, firearms. Check. Who’s bringing the punch and chips?
* I don’t have baggage, I have freight!
* I have the body of a god – Buddha.
* Nobody is perfect. I am nobody so I am perfect.
* Money talks. Mine says, "Goodbye."
* I can’t believe I bought a shirt that says only this!
* When life hands you high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, ester of wood rosin, brominated vegetable oil, tocopherol, yellow number 5 and 1% natural flavors… Make lemonade!