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Thursday, July 19, 2012

IMMUTABLE LAWS

by Dianne


Throughout time, human experience with the elements of our society have provided a history of repeatable occurrences.  These occurrences then become accepted as Laws that govern our life.  Here is a digest of the most obvious (and important) of those Laws:

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the  Bath    - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.  They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent  lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the  newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.  Oliver's Law of Public Speaking   -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18.   Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

16 comments:

Dianne/Denver said...

Hahaha. Such a true blog Dianne---good job

Whoops I forgot I was talking to myself in writing. Guess I'm first today.

Michael said...

all true Dianne!! lol...

But I don't agree with 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Whats that about?

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi Michael. Nice tossed you this morning. How are you and Belle doing? Don't hear you talk much a out your pooch lately.

Michael said...

Belle is groovy. I think she knows something is going on though...she stays pretty close to me....

That is one thing that bothers me a lot...to think that shes worried or scared...she also sits and stares at me a lot...

Michael said...

more people messing with food in the news...

Lettuce photo gets 3 Burger King workers fired


MAYFIELD HEIGHTS, Ohio (AP) -- Burger King says three workers were fired after a photo posted online appeared to show an employee stepping on lettuce in bins at a northwest Ohio restaurant.

The hamburger chain's statements to Ohio news outlets didn't directly confirm reports that the picture was taken at a restaurant in the Cleveland suburb of Mayfield Heights.

Burger King Corp. says the franchisee that runs the independently operated restaurant quickly investigated the matter, and three employees were terminated.

The company says it won't tolerate such violations of its strict procedures for safely handling food.

It didn't comment on the circumstances in which the photo was taken. News outlets say the picture was posted on the free-for-all website 4chan.org, and GPS data embedded in the photo led to the restaurant.

Burger King Corp. is a unit of Burger King Worldwide Inc.

sacBarb said...

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!! OMG this is soooo true. And I know at least one person who only opens his mouth to CHANGE feet! Thanks for sending the blog Dianne.

sacBarb said...

BTW, about the comments Lynn and J/L left yesterday - I can only say that it's a good thing we were the only ones in the theater at the time or I would have had to pretend that I didn't know them.

sacBarb said...

Michael, It is really getting almost too scary to eat out anymore. If I wasn't so lazy about cooking, I just wouldn't do it!

sacBarb said...

Number 15 isssssss so true. I have met too many people lately that applies to. I call it magical thinking and or stupidity. :)

Waving at Dianne in First.

Tina~in_ut said...

Di~ congrats on first~ Thanks for sending in the blog~

Michael~ I'm with you....that clothes one is dumb....doesn't make sense~

Sackie~ see if you can get your guests to cook for you~ :)~

Michael said...

Tina? You agree with me? Trying to hasten my demise with a coronary...??

Tina~in_ut said...

It did feel weird when I typed it and I felt the world shift~

Tina~in_ut said...

....but coronary....no....you'd have to have a heart for that~ :D

sacBarb said...

Tina, They would cook for me, but I'm on a liquid diet. I'm making them eat so I can get full vicariously through them. It's working so far. Linda did offer to shake my "thing" for me, but I declined.

Maureen said...

MICHAEL...I have eaten at that Burger King many times...but never again!! It is right around the corner from my cousin! I grew up not too terribly far from there and my mom liked to go there for a Whopper!

Waving to all of you feathered friends above this post!!!!!!!

whabbear said...

I'm in shock... Michael just told he about his state of health. Hugs, my friend! We're with you!