Friday, August 24, 2012

Blonde Jokes

by Dianne

A friend told the blonde: "Christmas is on a Friday this year" The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A blond is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" She says, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up

A blonde woman and her neighbor were talking...The neighbor said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."-

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", he shouts, "This is her husband!"

A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The Cop says "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks. "Here boy!" she replies.

A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard. "I know," he replies, "but I couldn't breathe".


Tinka said...

Good Morning Owls.

Dianne - I had to say how much I laughed at your blond jokes. I think I am going to become a red head tomorrow. So happy to see there were some blond men included in the list.

It feels like autumn this morning. The summer has gone by too quickly for me. I know we don't have the heat some owls must put up with. I love the warm summer days here.

After a busy first few days this week I plan a quiet one today. Have a great day everyone.

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Moaning ~

Hello beautiful Tinka~

Today is my first official day of "summer is over"! Took the brat to college yesterday and woke up to an empty silent house today....ahhhhhhh!!!!! It's sooooo nice!!!! I love school!!!! :D

Di~ these blonde jokes made me laugh...thx for sending them in....

Lynn D~ thx for yesterdays "shark" video!

Jodi said...

Good afternoon HOoters!! Just wanted to pop in and say HI!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Cute jokes....good thing I'm not blonde ;) I have natural "highlights"!!

Tinka said...

Good Morning Tina - School starts early in your area. School always starts here the Tuesday after Labour Day. Some years it's the 8th of September. This year it's the 3rd. I still get that excited Back to School feeling even though this is my 15th year of retirement.

After a few days of enjoying the silence in your home I bet the empty nest syndrome will set in and you will spend some time crying. Let me know if I am right.

Lynn - I loved the shark video too.

The sun has come out so I guess summer is still struggling to hang on. I am determined to keep taking my "fur babies" on their daily walk with my scooter and doggie trailer even when the weather turns cold. Tia needs the exercise to lose some weight. Tango and I need the change of scene.

((((Hugs)))) to Michael.

Waving at all the other owls.

Off to my farms.

Jodi said...

TINKA - Wishing you a peaceful weekend. It is suppose to warm back up into the 90's this weekend. I really don't mind, because our nights are so much cooler now.

Jodi said...

TINA - Mine didn't go to college, but she is determined to move into an apartment with a friend. I told her she could try, but quite frankly, she has yet to even pay me for her cell phone every month. Good luck with rent ;) So we'll see how long this lasts!!

Jodi said...

Got my car packed and just waiting for Sam to get home. We're heading down to LOIS' for the weekend. It is their annual community festival. It's all about the beer tent and counting!! On the way there, we are stopping in Rockford to meet Judy Greenwood. She is in the Chicago area for a family reunion. Couldn't pass up an opportunity to meet her in person. Being a nurse, she was quite helpful to me after my Dad got diagnosed.

Tinka said...

Hi Jodi - This will be a peaceful Saturday. On Sunday we are meeting our son and grandchildren at the first school where I taught in Duncan. It is a heritage school now and they have an annual picnic with rides for the kids, corn on the cob, hot dogs, pop, homemade pies plus other food for sale. They have it each August to raise money for maintenance of the school and grounds. It closed in 1965 but they have restored it. I will sit at my original desk and feel like I were 17 again. I have only gone twice but it is a nostalgic event for me.

Lynn D said...

Afternoon Glories!

LOL Dianne I think my favorite is the goldfish. :)

Just got home from another painting class and I am tired.

Tina your welcome!

Just_Lin said...

Tinka You are so pretty sitting there in first today. It sounds like you have a fun Sunday planned. When I return to my hometown for a visit, I like to go my the schools I attended as a child. Very nostalgic and many good memories.

Just_Lin said...

That should have been "by the schools I attended". Gee, maybe I should return to typing class.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thanks for the blonde jokes. I was blond for a while in high school but then I got smarter. ;)

Just_Lin said...

Tina It is nice to have quiet time, isn't it? I enjoy mine a lot.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi LOL @ counting mullets. Sounds like a fun weekend; beer, mullets, and meeting Judy. You will post pics, right?

Just_Lin said...

LynnD Waving a wing at you. Are you still the only one in the class?

Tinka said...

We went shopping today and I bought two wedge pillows, one to go under my knees and one I lean back on. They are great for playing on my farms with my laptop, very comfortable. I seem to be using my laptop more than my Imac. The Imac is faster but I am more comfortable propped up with my Macbook. We also bought my own buoyancy belt for water therapy. I don't like using the ones at the pool. It takes ten minutes to find one that fits or adjusts correctly. I am also a bit of a germaphobe and don't like wearing other people's equipment. Does that make me a snob? I hope not.

Just-Lin - I enjoy going back to places I lived in or played in as a child. I wish St. Ann's Academy stayed the same as it was when I went to school there. Now the only thing familiar is the chapel. I love going there.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi Everyone!!

Tink, you look so pretty at first today and I'm so glad to see you back in the nest. I've missed you all summer. Your posts always make me smile and I like to hear what mischief you have been up too. I have one of those wedges for my knees too. I don't use it much but I sure used to. I still should too.

JL, so you used to be a blond chick, huh? So did I when I got divorced in my late twenties. I never knew if blondes had more fun or if it was being single or a little of both.

Lynn, what kind of pictures do you paint? I think that is so great you are doing that for yourself.

Barb, The Book of Morman was a very different kind of play than I thought it would be. I had read enough to know it was or could be offensive to some people. They said that was why it wasn't in our annual package. Weve had our tickets for a year and they are already selling tickets for next year. I still think some of it made me a little uncomfortable but it was funny too. I hope you see it to see what you think.

Dianne/Denver said...

Tina: you are welcome for the blog. Thanks so much for keeping it up all these years for us. I would imagine you are enjoying your quiet time. I, on the other hand, have too much of it to suit me.

Jodi, hope you have a great weekend. It's fun that you were able to meet yet another blog person. You have quite a list now.

Thanks for all the comments today. I was glad to see there some men mentioned in the jokes too.

Zona, where are you today? Musy be out playing!!!