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Saturday, August 27, 2011

They Walk Among Us

by Goldie


"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have"...........Thomas Jefferson   

A DC  'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of  'WHY' our country is in trouble!

1.
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.  (On an airplane!)

2.
I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information,  and then he interrupted me with,  ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid,  but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,  ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts ,   Cape Town is in South Africa .''

His response -- click..

3.
A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando .  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!''  (OMG)

4.
I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked,  ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''

I said,  ''No.''


She said,  ''But they look so close on the map''  (OMG, again!)

5.
An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas ..  I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas ...  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said,  ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.''  (Aghhhh)

6.
An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.  She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,  and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7.
A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?''  I said,  'No, why do you ask?'

He replied,  ''Well, when I checked in with the airline,  they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT),  and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude!''


After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing).  I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..

8.
A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii .  After going over all the cost info, she asked,  ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9.
I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10
Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane.


She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11
Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China .  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.  "Oh, no I don't.   I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.  When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12
A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino,   New York .''

I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

 
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
 
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.  Check your map!''


So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''


The reply?  ''Whatever!  I knew it was a big animal.''


Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!

Could ANYONE be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.   Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

51 comments:

Michael said...

BAM!!

Michael said...

SO funny...all republicans no doubt....ha hahahaha!!!

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Moaning~

Tina~in_ut said...

Goldie~ so funny.....all Demobrats, of course~ :)~ Thanks for sending it~

Tina~in_ut said...

Oh....good morning, jethro~ :D

iteach said...

Good Morning Mr. Michael and Tina!

Very Scary Post today Goldie :), but I guess I am not shocked either.

Michael said...

Good morning all...you too Stoney...


gall: To irk or exasperate; vex: Outrageous insolence; effrontery.

pookano

A hybrid of the two root words, "poop" and "volcano". It is a poop volcano. Often experienced after eating greasy foods, the day after drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, or daily after having the gall bladder removed.

Tinka said...

testing

Tinka said...

9

Tinka said...

10

Tinka said...

Well, what do you know that stupid blogger decided today that my password is just fine. Yesterday I wrote a comment to everyone who was in the nest and then could not get my password accepted. Then it started to give me one captcha after another until I was almost blind. I tried for half an hour and then again in the afternoon. Thank you Kathy for trying to help me. It must have been a glitch.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Michael, Tina and Iteach.

Michael - I am not an American but I think looking at the names I see both parties represented almost equally. LOL. I know you and Tina were just kidding.

Tinka said...

Tina - I hope you are feeling better now. Michael told us you had a lot of pain. Hope he was exaggerating.

Tinka said...

Iteach - Are you settled in with your new class? Isn't it fun starting fresh each September? Every year I would have such determination to be organized with my desk neat and tidy. I never quite made it. I think I think am "left brained". You know, creative but not organized like "right brained" people are. I sure loved the kids. That is the one thing I miss still.

Tinka said...

Goldie - I loved your blog. I think our members of parliament are not overly bright either. I bet every country says the same thing.

Tinka said...

Jack has left to take my "fur babies" to be groomed. It is their first grooming since Tia's operation. We were leaving for the farm yesterday after picking up the puppies from the groomers. Then she changed the day to Saturday and we decided to stay home this weekend. Next weekend is our big Saanichton fair so I guess it will be September before we go again. Usually September is a lovely month here but this year has been so unusual I wouldn't put money on it.

Tinka said...

I am watching the hurricane news on CNN. I am praying that everyone on the East Coast stays safe this weekend. Hopefully by the time it gets to Canada Shirley it will just be a tropical storm.

Tinka said...

Jack is home and he is making pancakes. He was given two huge bags of blueberries when he was in the Fraser Valley yesterday so I think they will be blueberry pancakes. After that I will makes some blueberry pies and we will freeze the rest. After my nap the "fur babies" will be home looking beautiful so we will show them off on our daily walk. Jack walks the dog and I drive the scooter. The neighbours probably get a good laugh everytime they see us go by.

Have a great weekend everyone. Stay safe.

Michael said...

Oh Tinka...

I hope you didn't get any of those tainted blueberries I read about up your way!

It seems they have live seeds that once you ingest will begin to grow inside you. And most people picked them before going to the doctor so the doctor was in the dark until a woman came in with a sore throat and when he shined his light inside to have a look-see...there it was...a big ole blueberry limb growing up her throat....

So if this happens to any of you....tell the doctor if you have eaten all the berries....ga!

Michael said...

I was not exaggerating about Tinas pain!
I have a picture of her in the ER and they had to strap her down!!

Which was a win/win what with her bondage fetish and all....

iteach said...

Tinka, the school year is going great!

Have fun with all those blueberries today! Yum!!

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories,

Some of these were very funny but I have to wonder when it just says a DC ticket agent. Hey I discovered in the last election that most of these people are no brighter than you or me. I would guess most of us are brighter.

Tina~in_ut said...

Tink~ SO nice to see you today~ Unfortunately, Michael wasn't joking.....i hurt like crazy.....they gave me good meds in the ER....and as long as I watch my diet, I'll be okay until they take out my gall bladder on Tuesday~ YAY!~

Miguelito~ IDIOT alert! The only bondagie thing I can think of would be to put you in a straight jacket and throw away the key! :D

Hi Uteach and LynnD~

Tinka said...

Tina - Take those meds. Don't worry about becoming addicted. Michael would see you through re-hap. Seriously, I am so sorry you had a lot of pain. My niece had that and she said it equalled child birth in intensity. Is that true?

Tinka said...

Michael - Now do you understand why I didn't know whether to believe you about Tina? Have you never heard the "Cry Wolf" story? You are such a jokester. A limb growing out of my throat. Am I supposed to swallow that joke? You must have received high marks in Creative Writing when you were in school. I would have loved to have you in my class. Then again would I really?????

Tinka said...

Hi Lynn - Hope you are doing well. I hear Jack back with my babies. Nap time for the three of us. Jack will go to the farm and feed the fish. I like my life!

Tinka said...

Zona - What is the temperature today? Let me know.

See you all later. Love, Tink

Tinka said...

Hey I got 25 and didn't notice. I must be growing up. I guess I will have to buy some big girl panties now.

Tinka said...

"re-hab" became "re-hap". That's at least one mistake for me today.

Tinka said...

30

iteach said...

Wow, they are going to take out your gall bladder on Tues! Good luck!! Will you be off of work long?

Michael said...

iteach...

Tina is having a new procedure where they bring up a subject that she is adamant about...like republicanism...and once she starts the yakking they just reach down her throat and yank it out....she'll never even notice....

Michael said...

Tinka...you would have loved having me as a student!

I used to enjoy using my classmates in my writing...I would change the names of course but they still knew who they were. I felt it would make the less talented or no talent kids feel included....I could only imagine how they felt...trapped in the world with a simple mind...

Many of them felt insulted and that I was condescending to them...ME!!

ya try to be nice....

Tina~in_ut said...

Iteach~ I see Jethro is being an idiot again~ I don't know how long I'll be out of work~ It's different for everyone. They said that most are back to normal after 2 weeks....so I figure I'll be fine way before then~

Tinka~ Childbirth was WAY easier than this....but probably mostly because then, I knew what it was and they gave me meds quickly~ I didn't know what was wrong this time and let it go all day...twice! ugh~ The only person I'd wish this kind of pain on is.....MICHAEL!!~ :)~

iteach said...

I wish you a painless speedy recovery Tina!

Michael said...

well it won't be if I have anything to say about it! Slowww and tortuous...oozing wounds...busted staples...infection...enough pus to fill a small saucepan....

Michael said...

http://www.stormpulse.com/

just look at this storm....80 mph winds...

Tina has passed faster wind that that!

Tina~in_ut said...

Now Now Michael~ I know you don't like them, but do you really think it's a good idea to stop wearing ur diapers at night and during ur naps? hmmmmmmm?~

Tinka said...

Michael - Be nice to Tina. She is in horrible pain and needs kindness and special care. Now I assign you to say five kind things about Tina and do five kind deeds. Your assignment must be completed by Tuesday. After that see me about a second assignment.
Yes, I would have enjoyed your creativity in class although I think your behaviour would be a little challenging. I always preferred the active, slightly naughty boys to the well behaved little girls. It made for a more interesting year. What do you think about that Iteach? What are your kids like this school year. Classes sure can vary can't they?

Tinka said...

40

Michael said...

How would you like to have your gallbladder out right now?

Tinka said...

We are watching the hurricane and eating blueberry pie with ice cream. Anyone like to drop by? Our door is always open.

This hurricane is just awful. It isn't as strong as others but it is so large.

Tinka said...

Tina - I will tell my niece that you agreed with her that the pain is worse than child birth. She always felt no-one believed her.

Michael said...

WHAT ABOUT HER!!??

Oh never mind...oh...here..


Tina I am sorry you were born deformed and they are going to have to remove some of it.

now...on to # 2.....

iteach said...

Oh, Tinka, I so want a piece of blueberry pie,total yum!

Tinka, I totally agree about teaching boys with spunk, it makes the day more interesting! :)

Tinka said...

Iteach - Drop by or should I send my private jet for you and your babies? I can dream can't I?

Tinka said...

Michael - I can't give Tina an assignment when she is enduring such pain. Her comments are coloured by this pain. I read your first "kind" statement about your good friend and I don't want to hurt your feelings but I think you can try a little harder. I am waiting for #2. I know there is a lot of kindness in you.

Tinka said...

Iteach - I loved the little boys. I remember in my early days of teaching when there was no kindergarten and children could start grade one if they turned 6 by the end of December. I had one darling little boy who was born on New Year's Eve. He couldn't be any younger and still get into the school system. He got tired of trying to print and came to my desk and curled up on my lap. He just wanted to be hugged. I could have taken him home. Now one wouldn't dare let a little boy sit on his/her lap or even hug him. There would probably be a child abuse charge. I know we have to be careful about child molesters but I think we may have gone too far. Sometimes a child just needs a hug. I will now get off my soap box.

Tinka said...

I must stop watching CNN. It will still be reporting tomorrow morning. I will check my farms and go to bed. See you tomorrow. Love, Tink

Tinka said...

50

Dianne/Denver said...

Can't wait to hear the rest of MICHAEL'S positive comments regarding TINA tomorrow. Hey, an assignment is an assignment