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Monday, August 29, 2011

Underskirt

by Dianne

A soldier ran up to a nun.

Out of breath he pleaded,"Pl,let me hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."

The nun agreed.

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister.
You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .

The nun said, "I understand completely."

The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of  legs!"

The nun replied,"If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.
I don't want to go to Iraq either."

50 comments:

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Moaning~

Tina~in_ut said...

yikes~ sorry....thought i had them loaded til the end of the month~ oops~

Di~ MANY thanks for sending this~ cute~

Bebbi said...

Good morning! :)

Tinka said...

Good Morning Tina - Good Luck
tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.

Good Morning Bebbi - I was just visiting you on Facebook.

Have a great Monday everyone. I am taking it easy today.

Michael said...

well its about time....late and takes the first spot!

Tina is sooo spoiled!! ....ah wait a minute...and SWEET! Yeah...thats the ticket!

She is so sweet that honeybees just swarm around her mouth....

I'll be boiling water all day with the "gallbladder pull" taking place tomorrow...later Belle is having her hair done and we both will be getting mani/pedis...and I will run by the dentist so he can put a shine on my teeth with a wax and buff.
I have rolled my hair on rags...you know...for that Taylor Sift look...

I think I am almost ready...assuming packer is doing his job....

Michael said...

Morning Tinka and Bebbi!

I was listening to Letterman and Rachel Maddox talk last night.....and David was talking about all the criticism hurled at the president....then he asked Rachel....how would we be better off if McCain had been elected....

Rachel said "well we'd have Sarah Palin to reassure us"........

Zona said...

DI: Cute joke! Thanks for the giggle this morning!

TINA: Gorgeous!! And you'll be even more gorgeous when that nasty ol' gallbladder is gone! Good Luck tomorrow! :)

Good Morning TINKA, BEBBI and MICHAEL!

Tinka said...

Dianne - I forgot to tell you how much I enjoyed your joke. Another senior moment!!!!

Tinka said...

Good Morning Michael and Belle - Have fun at the beauty parlour. I wonder which one will leave the salon the most beautiful?

Michael - Your "sweet" comment about Tina is # 6. You are getting there.

Tinka said...

10

Tinka said...

Good Morning Zona-My-Baby - I hope you had a great weekend. I am looking forward to your call.

Tinka said...

And now for an hour of farming.

Michael said...

and a word for our sponsor....

Michael said...

Hello friends.

I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run-down, listless? Do you poop out at parties?
Are you unpopular?
The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin. Yes, Vitameatavegamin contains Vitamins Meat Vegetables and Minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegamin, you can spoon your way to health. All you do is take a great big tablespoonful after every meal. Mmmmmmm..... It's so tasty, too! Tastes just like candy! So why don't you join all the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow! That's Vita-meata-vegamin! (wink)

Michael said...

Well I guess we'll have another word from another fine sponsor!


I like coffee and I like tea, I love my Sanka 'cause it loves me, my Sanka and me I'm glad we're caffiene free, a cup a cup a cup a cup a cup - ah! Sanka and me!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

We have been experiencing technical difficulties with our Owls so lets hear once again from our sponsors.

“Oh,I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
That is what I’d truly like to be
’Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
All the world would be in love with me.”

Michael said...

and another word from a fine sponsor...

Hey there, groovy guys! Got a big date tonight, but got a zit in the middle of your forehead?

No, I mean the big juicy king; the kind that looks like a third eye? Well if they've been calling you "Cyclops", don't get uptight!

Try new Hickey-Off Pimple Pads from Brillo, hey! Hickey-Off not only gets rid of those ugly zits; it rips them out by the roots! And for those big moon-sized craters you're gonna have on your head, use Hickey-Off Plastic Filler, hey! Comes complete with a putty knife and sandpaper and flesh-toned paint for all the rough spots. So get it together with new Hickey-Off Pimple Pads from Brillo, hey!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Ladies are you ready for a happy period? Nothing will make it happier than super absorbent Always pads. You can swim, ride your bike, hike or kill the idiot who thinks a period is happy!!!
Always
For those happy moments in life.

Now back to our blog.

Michael said...

Cabbage Patch Kids growing in the garden, Cabbage Patch Kids growng in the sun. And the most amazing thing about a Cabbage Patch Kiddddd......Is that each one grows to be a special one!

Dianne/Denver said...

Can't remember a happy period much

Tina~in_ut said...

GREAT NEWS!!!!! the blogs are in for a week! AND....I found a GREAT song for Sunday~ I know someone who's going to just love it! :)~

Di~ The period fairy is a man~ ijs~

iteach said...

Tina, you must have a Neil Diamond song for Sunday, I can't wait!!

iteach said...

Mr. Michael and Shirley, Ilove your commercials today!

Tina~in_ut said...

uh....yeah...that's it, Uteach~ yeah~ sure~

Dianne/Denver said...

Thanks for the comments and commercials too.

Tina: I hope u do well tomorrow and will be on the road to recovery.

Tinka said...

Hi Shirley, Michael and Dianne. I would like to play the commercial game too but I can't think of a single one. My creative side has gone to sleep today I think.

Michael I have a Christmas ornament in the shape of a tv and when you push the button it says the entire vitameatavegamin commercial. I keep it on my window sill all year long. Every once in a while I push the button. I really love Lucy. I got the entire 9 season set for Christmas and I just started watching it a few weeks ago. I am on season three which is the one where they go to California. I don't know how many times I have watched Lucy but this is the first time I have seen it in complete order. I am really enjoying it.

Tinka said...

Tina - I hope it's an Elvis song on Sunday. Should we all start betting?

Tinka said...

Michael - How did your day at the Spa go? Do you and Belle look gorgeous?

iteach said...

I wouldn't mind a little Elvis, but I would really like Neil Diamond for my b-day (hint hint).

Michael said...

Tinka....

I would LOVE to be able to watch I Love Lucy in order...in Hollywood she sets her nose on fire....lol

Belle looks lovely....she is always a hit at the groomers...she loves huge dogs and there were 2 today....

I think my nails should be shorter but Lee-Sing kept saying "dees good leen..dees good leen for you mitter Sloan!

Tinka said...

Iteach - I take back my request. If it's your birthday then you should have "Neil Diamond". My favourite song of his is "Play Me". Actually I love every song on his CD "Moods".

Tinka said...

Michael - It really makes a difference watching tv shows in order. You really get the feeling it is one long movie. You don't get the same continuity when you watch shows now and then. I love the "Going to Europe" season and the "Moving to the Country". Those are my favourites.

I bet you are Belle make a beautiful couple tonight. Please translate Lee-Sing's sentence.

We are off to watch "E.R." We are on season seven and enjoying it very much. Will be back later.

Tina~in_ut said...

No one has guessed....and no one will....you know my taste in music~ lol~ And are you kidding me about Neil Diamond? Do you know how many good songs he has? HELLO!!!!

Which reminds me....my friend at work told a story about her Primary class at church yesterday....it's the Mormon church and Primary is like the 3-4 yr olds.....they were learning about when Jesus came to America (she put her hand up to me and said, "I know.....you don't believe this....but just listen!" lol) ...well this little girl was listening intently, but started singing ND's America....."He's coming to America...." and my friend started laughing....and the girl sang it again..."He's coming to America..." and my friend told her that she had to be quiet...but she continued one more time..."He's coming to America!"...and my friend got serious and told her that she had to be quiet now.........and then....her sister piped in..."Today....~" it was just so cute~

Tina~in_ut said...

Tinka~ enjoy my George~ :D

iteach said...

If it is that Ricky guy, I'm puking.

Tina~in_ut said...

no ricky~ ya picky bitch~ :)~

iteach said...

I had my fill of Ricky this year, but anyone else might be okay. :)

Tina~in_ut said...

you are so making me want to find another Ricky song!!! :D

What's ur favorite ND song?~

iteach said...

That is the problem, there isn't one I don't like.

whabbear said...

Tinka: I loved the fact that Sweet Caroline was written for Caroline Kennedy! Neil Diamond is (was) fabulous!

Tina~in_ut said...

IS~

Tinka said...

Tina - I love your George but he left the show in year five. I miss him. E.R. is still good though. Jack and I are enjoying it.

I know every Neil Diamond song is great but my favourite is the "Moods" C.D. It takes me back to 1972 when I had just bought a brand new baby blue and white Maverick convertible with a little red stripe down the side and a small Canadian flag at the end of it. I remember speeding down the Highway on my way to school listening to the tape (1. Song Sung Blue 2. Porcupine Pie 3. High Rolling Man
4. Canta Libre 5. Captain Sunshine 6. Play Me 7. Gitchy Goomy 8. Walk On Water and 9. Morningside) with the wind in my hair and the radio playing far too loudly to be safe. Ah, life was good. I hear one of those songs, especially "Play Me" and I am back in the "Age of Aquarius".

Tinka said...

Whabbear - I didn't know Neil wrote "Sweet Caroline" for Caroline Kennedy. Is that true or is that an urban legend?

Oh I loved dancing to "Cracklin' Rosie" too.

Tinka said...

Michael - I finally thought of one and then I see it is similar to Shirley's. I prefer mine though because I love the little boy who ends it with "How's That?". So cute.

My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R.
My bologna has a second name, it's M-A-Y-E-R.
Oh I love to eat it everyday. If you ask me why I'll say,
'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.

Tinka said...

I must check my farms and then get to bed. I hope to get to water therapy tomorrow. I missed Thursday because I was still hurting from the Tuesday therapy.

Good Night everyone. Sweet Dreams.

Tinka said...

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Tinka said...

Good Luck tomorrow Tina.

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