Pages

Friday, December 23, 2011

10 Gifts No One Wants

by Shirley

It's definitely the thought that counts when it comes to holiday gift giving. However, even the smallest amount of consideration will suggest that the following 10 very unique gifts will not be appreciated by anyone on your list this year.

The iPhone Virtual Reality Viewer 
It's been 30 years since we first starting talking about the concept of "virtual reality," and, while it's been the subject of countless movies and TV shows, we're not partaking in virtual reality on a daily basis. So, it's highly unlikely anyone would really want to receive what amounts to a pair of binoculars you clip to your iPhone to watch 3-D videos.     
 Bacon Candy 
Sure bacon is ultra-trendy, but the fact is bacon candy (or any of the other myriad bacon-flavored food items) isn't going to taste good. The recipient of this gift would pop one in his mouth, spit it out, and never look at the tin again. A better gift: A subscription to the Bacon of the Month club


Drive Scorpion Jacket 
Drive, the film starring Ryan Gosling was a critical hit this year, but does even the most ardent fan want to wear the scorpion-accented satin jacket Gosling wears throughout the movie? Probably not.
 
  Kackel Dackel 
Apparently Kackel Dackel is one of the most popular kids' games in Europe and is set to take America by storm this holiday season. However, we can't imagine actually giving a child a flatulent plastic dog whose mess he has to pretend to clean up. Yikes. 
 
 The Situation's GTL Garment Bag 
Jersey Shore's "The Situation" might be really into laundry, but no one outside the Shore wants to tote their clothes around town in a branded GTL garment bag-even if it does convert into a hamper, duffel bag, or laundry bag. 
 
 "F" Bomb Paperweight
Fred Conlon's "F Bomb" paperweight sculpture is sort of clever, but we're not sure anyone would be too thrilled to open up a package containing an "F bomb." 

USB Fishquarium 
The USB aquarium seems like a gag, but it's real! This strange gadget contains a 1.5-liter fish tank; pencil cup; task light; display that features a clock, calendar, and temperature sensor; and a speaker that plays soothing nature sounds. The entire thing is powered via your computer's USB port. It's another gadget that sounds cool, but no one would ever use for longer than five minutes. 

Ron de Jeremy Rum 
No one (and we mean no one) wants to open a bottle of porn star Ron-Jeremy-branded rum. Not even if it's been aged for seven years and expertly crafted by Master Distiller Francisco "Don Pancho" Fernandez. 

As Seen on TV Forever Lazy 
As the Snuggie was to 2009 holiday gifts, Forever Lazy will be to 2011 gifts. But, remember how unenthused you were to receive that Snuggie? Exactly. Don't give anyone Forever Lazy. 

Shock Ball 
We've likely all played a game of hot potato at some point, but chances are we haven't ever played it with a ball that will randomly emit an electric shock. That's probably because we spend our lives avoiding electric shocks, not tempting fate by playing games where we might get zapped. As much as you think you can cajole your family into playing on Christmas morning, leave this one on the shelf. 

 

48 comments:

Tinka said...

Good Morning everyone.

Michael said...

Hi Tinka!

Tinka said...

Shirley - I found your blog fascinating. I have never seen any of those and you are right. I hope Santa doesn't bring me any of them.

Michael said...

I saw that dog toy thing on Letterman...its funny...don't think its going to go over very big here...lol

You feed the dog and it poops...what fun is that?

Michael said...

here is one of the really wonderful gifts from the Neiman Marcus Christmas book...just fantastic!

International Flower Show Tour Arranged by JetWay Private Air Fantasy Gift

Botany buffs rejoice—we've handpicked an extraordinary vacation just for you. Round up nine friends and head to Europe's most celebrated flower shows, organized by the exclusive private jet-chartering company, JetWay Private Air. Your journey begins May 12, 2012, where you'll hop across the pond in first-class style on a Gulfstream G-IV—with a JetWay representative as your group's guide, concierge, and wine aficionado. Your tour will begin in Merges, Switzerland, at The Tulip Festival, where Lake Geneva provides a sparkling backdrop to 300 varieties of some 100,000 tulips. Later, rest and relax in luxury at the Hotel Lausanne Palace & Spa. Next, you'll fly to Athens, Greece, home of the Kifissia Flower Show, a lavish display of more than 2,000 native and foreign plant species. After a lovely promenade, enjoy superior accommodations at Hotel Grand Bretagne. Your next stop: Avignon, France, where the Altera Rosa Festival awaits. Famed for its 1,000-plus heady blooms, the garden boasts an extensive collection of established rose breeds, which comingle with 30 new species introduced each year. Afterward, head to the Hotel d'Europe Avignon, where you'll kick up your walking shoes in exquisite style. Finally, you'll visit London, England's renowned Chelsea Flower Show, site of The Daily Telegraph Garden, an award-winning illustration of how to gracefully blend traditional and modern horticultural design. Later that night, you'll bask in the beauty of the historic Goring Hotel. This opulent package includes two nights and three days at each destination, gourmet in-flight meals, private ground transportation, and flower show tickets. With the purchase of this memorable excursion, NM will donate $5,000 to the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center, an organization devoted to increasing the sustainable use and conservation of native wildflowers, plants, and landscapes.

Tinka said...

We are off to a funeral in an hour and a half. Sadness in the middle of all this Christmas fun -- The mother of my best friend (I have known her since grade one) didn't make it to Christmas. She was 94 and I guess God wanted her for his Christmas party. It is going to be a sad day for us.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Michael - I didn't see you slip into the nest. I guess i was typing and thinking.

Tinka said...

Michael - Let's all go on that trip. What fun we would all have. Do you think you could buy the tickets for all of us? That would be very kind of you.

Michael said...

YES!! Its only $420,000.00....let me get my purse....

Michael said...

Seriously though...I thought that sounded so fantastic....10 friends flying around Europe in a private jet to see all the spring flowers...

yum!

Michael said...

just needs to be extended to include Holland...

Tinka said...

My last post just flew into space when I tried to delete one word.

Thank you Michael. The trip will be such fun. I think you shouldn't keep that much money in your purse. You might mugged and then we wouldn't be able to go.

Zona said...

Good Morning!

SHIRLEY: At first I didn't think these were real..but I just saw the commercial for the 'Forever Lazy' last night on TV. I was walking through the room when the ad came on..I stopped and backed up when the announcer said it had 'openings in strategic spots' so you didn't have to take it off..and showed some guy running to the bathroom. I seriously thought Randy had Saturday Night Live on..but no..it was for real!

I've also seen the Bacon Candy at the used record store we go to..and bacon gum, bacon dental floss and bacon toothpaste!! Almost bought some for a gag gift..GAG being the operative word.. ;D

Interesting blog today SHIRLEY thank you!

Tinka said...

I must go. I wish the crisp sunny weather had lasted. It is pouring out there. My mother used to say "Happy the bride the sun shines on and happy the dead the rain pours on". I hope she is right.

Have a great day everyone.

Dianne/Denver said...

Good Morning everyone!

MICHAEL: I will go on the flower trip with you. When do we leave? It sounds wonderful.

SHIRLEY: That poop dog game is really no different than the dolls the kids get here that wet when you feed them. I wouldn't want one of those either. I was kind of interested in that desk top fish tank. I thought that looked pretty cool. Thanks for the blog today.

TINK: Morning to you too. Congrats at being first and most beautiful today. So lovely to look at first thing in the AM. I'm sorry you have to go to a funeral today. That is always a hard thing but especially during the holidays.

Everyone have a good day. I am out and about today. The sun is shining and the roads aren't too bad..mostly snow packed so not so hard to drive on.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Zona-My-Baby - I just saw your post.

You are my BFF now. Dorothy was my best friend from school. I just wanted to make that clear.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi ZONA: We were writing at the same time. I hope that "gag" gift of bacon dental floss isn't for me...I think we both know a person that would LOVE it!!! I woke up early today and as I have said before to you...."I just don't see why these early mornings are so attractive to you"?

Tinka said...

Good Morning Dianne. Have fun today.

Now I must really get going or I will be late.

Zona said...

TINKA: Congrats on FIRST my beautiful cyber mother! I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your best friend's mom. Hugs and lots of love and prayers headed your way today! ♥

MICHAEL: I think that would be a wonderful trip! I love flowers. I've seen pics of the Tulip gardens in..Washington state I think..absolutely gorgeous! I always say we are going to go some year..but we just never do..I'm not giving up..someday..someday! :D

Zona said...

TINKA: And you are my BFF! Love you!

DI: I just got up..can you believe it?? I really slept in today..I'm sure my farm is just weeds..oh bother! Have fun out and abouting today!

I have so much to do..we've been running around all week..and now it's time to dust and clean. I really have to try and stay off the computer today..if that's possible! ;D

Have a good day everyone!

Zona said...

DI: No..I did think you might like the toothpaste though.. ;D

Oh..and they also have band-aids that smell like bacon!

Randy and I saw the new Mission Impossible movie yesterday..I don't like Tom Cruise..but the movie was really very good..I didn't almost fall asleep or look at my watch at all! Oh and MICHAEL..there was some serious calf action in this one..and I don't mean..moo.. :D

See how easily distracted I am..I have to get off this machine!! HA!

Michael said...

Zona! Thanks for the "calves up" on the new Cruise film. I saw him talking about the stunts in Dubai a pic of him atop the tallest building there...omg...I wanna see it fer sure now!! CALVES!! YAY!!

So thats Tinka...Diane and Zona for the flower trip this spring...if I win the lottery tonight I will buy it and foot the entire bill.

But we still need 6 more people...

I'll bet J/L and Barb would enjoy it... Tina already told me that I could cram the flowers....

And I like the way Jodi travels...she would make a great world traveler...

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

**sniffle**sniffle**

No that's Ok Michael I didn't want to go on your flower trip anyway, but thanks for asking.

**runs from the room in tears**

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

**runs back into the room**

Splat!!

**runs out of the room again still in tears**

sacBarb said...

Is it Friday already? Crap, I have so much to do and here I am on this stupid computer.

Shirley, If that stuff sells, I'm sure we Owls could come up with some products that would make us rich. Why would anyone want to ruin bacon by combining it with anything else? Right, Mo?

sacBarb said...

Tinka, How lovely your little owl looks in first place today. Sorry you have to go to a funeral in the midst of Christmas celebrations.

sacBarb said...

Michael, I would love to join you on this trip. Thank you so much for your generosity. When do we leave?

sacBarb said...

Zona, I'm glad you liked the movie. Band Aids?? Then you would smell like bacon...who would want that? That reminds me of when I was a child and my mother would rinse my hair with vinegar. I felt like I smelled like a salad.

sacBarb said...

Di, be careful driving out there. Even though the snow is packed, isn't it still slippery? (is that a word? sounds like snow with slippers)

sacBarb said...

I really have to get off this computer. I am having everyone here for Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day so I still have lots to do. Have a good day everyone. ♥

Michael said...

omg Shirley!

u r ALWAYS the first person I think of for these things!!!

I fantasize about surprising everyone with YOU because you haven't been on any of the get together thingys!!

I haven't either but YOU are the one I think EVERYONE would LOVE to meet in the flesh!!!

SO! You would have to fly on over to Switzerland to make a grand entrance and surprise everyone....therefore making the whole thing an EXTRA SPECIAL TREAT!!

Michael said...

Shirley...I should have filled you in on the SURPRISE!! part but it was all just so sperm of the moment!

Damns!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

"... sperm of the moment!"

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

OMG!!!!! So I can really go? OMG!!! What do I wear? I don't have very many clothes? Should I go shopping? Will I need sunglasses? I don't have sunglasses? Should I go buy sunglasses? What if it rains? Should I bring an umbrella? I don't have an umbrella? Should I go buy an umbrella? How many bags am I allowed to bring? I don't have any luggage, can I use garbage bags? Or should I buy some luggage? Will it be cold? Should I bring mittens and a hat? What if it's hot? Should I bring a couple of my fans? I don't like being hot. Do they have Wendy's over there? I don't like fancy food. Will I be able to get a burger? Made out of beef? I don't want a camel burger or a goat burger. Do they have diet pepsi over there? Caffeine free? Will I have to hire an interpreter? What about money? What kinds of money will I need? So much to do...

Michael said...

lol Shirley...

the only money u need would be for things you might want to buy...momentos..or gifts for family...

Don't buy luggage...I have enough for a large family. Matching..I might add..

You might want a light coat/raincoat....we can shop and buy whatever you need...its fun to say "I got this in Europe"...

You will have plenty of good "unfancy" food if thats what you want...

The baggage restrictions will be tight with 10 of us on a Gulfstream IV....plus our guide...there is a great galley on board and a lavatory...

SO calm down Shirley...its no big deal...really...you just go with the flow...and hey...you may like camel burgers....lol

Maureen said...

I wanna go. I wanna go. I wanna go.

Did I mention that I wanna go?

Maureen said...

TINKA...congrats on 1st and I am sorry for your loss. {{hugs}}

SAC BARB...I'm a bacon purest! I have had the chocolate covered bacon and I didn't care for it. Love chocolate and bacon, but not together!

Michael said...

now that would be awkward! DO you think you could get through the whole trip without acknowledging me Maureen?

Tinka said...

We are home and slowly getting the Christmas spirit creeping back into our souls. Today was a hard one. My friend's mother who was buried today was my mother's best friend so I have a million memories connected with her.

I was 6 years old when I was led into the huge Academy and left sitting in a double desk beside an equally frightened little girl with white hair and round very thick glasses. She took my hand and we sat there holding hands waiting until the nun entered. I had never seen one before and her black Habit scared me even more.

It didn't take long to adjust and soon it became like a second home to me. Dorothy's mother and my mother became life long friends. She would visit my mom in the Home and they would suddenly became young again with all the memories of their girls at St. Ann's.

I imagine they are reliving all those old days again in Heaven and I know they are both as beautiful as they were back in 1945.

Now I am starting to ramble so I will get back to last minute Christmas planning. Jack is getting the dressing ready for the turkey tomorrow. It will be wonderful to have the family all under our roof for Christmas Eve.

Good Night everyone and God bless. Just two more sleeps.

Tinka said...

Another senior moment. I forgot to say "Hi" to Barb and Maureen. Hope your holidays are fantastic.

Michael - I am really looking forward to that trip. Keep buying tickets.

Good Night again. Sleep tight.

Maureen said...

As long as we are gone less then 1247617836257891 days, then I think I can :)

Unless of course snapping my fingers and saying "get my luggage"
counts.

Just_Lin said...

MO LOL That gave me my second laugh of the day. Thank you.

Just_Lin said...

Don't mean to ignore everyone but I seem to be in the midst of a gigantic pity party today so am just going to wish you all a good evening. I'm trying to keep tears at bay but not doing a good job of it at all. I hope tomorrow will be better.

Tinka said...

I just checked in and want to send Just_Lin hugs. Feel better soon Sweetie. Love you. tink

Michael said...

Maureen...my trip. Ur not invited. Never were.

Maureen said...

JUST LIN...glad YOU got the humor as it was intended. Feel better

Dianne/Denver said...

Michael, tis' the season

Alvinnixon said...

I am really appreciate to visit this nice post. This post give a well explanation for several types of gift item. I will prefer to buy a nice mobile for my brother birthday.

Birthday Gift Ideas