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Thursday, August 30, 2012

These Should Bring A Smile......

by Dianne

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
 
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.. - Mark Twain
 
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible - George Burns
 
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
 
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
 
  By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
 
  I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
 
  My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
 
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
 
  Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
 
  My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield
 
  Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
 
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . - Joe Namath
 
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope
 
  I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. - W. C. Fields
 
  We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers 
 
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
 
  Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller
 
  By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal

20 comments:

Zona said...

Good Morning!

DI: Love these! My favorite is the Mark Twain one about the medical books..it's still so relevant..only with Google!! :D

I also really liked the Winston Churchill quote!

Thanks for the early morning laughs!

Zona said...

I have to admit tho..I kinda felt sorry for Joe Namath..but I think he turned out ok.. :)

Time to feed Nikki and Randy..I sure hope I don't get their breakfasts mixed up! Anyone that knows me knows..it could definitely happen.. ;D

Just_Lin said...

Zona Good morning! You are looking extra lovely today. I am still waiting to see a pic of Randy's talon. :)

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Those were funny! I especially like the one from Groucho Marx, "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury". LOL

sacBarb said...

Winston Churchill was a very wise man, but then so is Billy Crystal.

Zona, Nikki probably would know if you mixed up her lunch with Randy's, but Randy might notice. ;-)

J/L, LOL

Have a good day everyone. Our Sacramento River Cats (farm team for Oakland A's) have just won their 6th consecutive championship, which in the 110 years of the league has never been done. So I am going to the baseball field Team Store to buy a tee shirt for Chad, who is a HUGE fan of both teams.

sacBarb said...

Should have proofed my comment. I meant Nikki probably WOULDN'T notice...

Lynn D said...

Afternoon Glories!

Zona you are lovely at first. Not much going on here. Just watching grandkids. Still feeling a bit tired and cranky and achy.

Dianne/Denver said...

Tina: I'm about out of blogs!!! I seem to get them in spurts. I send some from my brother but most of his cant be posted!!!

Very nice at first today, Miss Zona!!! You look so purdy!!!

I worked very hard today and learned more new things. My little old brain can only consume so much each day. I take notes like crazy and then hope I can read them and make sense out of them the next time I'm there.

Lynn: how was your pedicure? Hope you enjoyed wiggling your toes in that water.

Barb: I was wondering what you were saying that randy nor the dog would know the difference in the food. Lol.

JL: any plans for the weekend? Maybe you should go to the movies and see Hope Springs. It really is funny and I think you'd enjoy it.

We are going up in the mountains Saturday morning for the weekend with the kids. Tammy and family will stay with us in a cabin and Todd and family have a nice trailer. It will be nice to have both kids and families. I just don't like all the traffic in and out of town.

My car broke yesterday and needed a new battery. Louis was on his way to get it serviced when it pooped out. at least he was close to the dealer and off the road when it happened. And at least it wasn't me---I don't do well with those kind of things!!

Broncos play tonight in Arizona so be ready Zona.

Dianne/Denver said...

Lynn: I keep meaning to ask you how Eva is feeling?

Dianne/Denver said...

P.S. thanks for the comments

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I have seen Hope Springs and I really liked it.

Dianne/Denver said...

JL: it was pretty funny, wasn't it? I didn't remember you went to the movies---maybe you didn't tell me!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I went last week with a couple that I am friends with. We all liked it.

Just_Lin said...

14

Dianne/Denver said...

JL: well, you forgot to tell me! :)

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Sorry, but I think I did write here on the blog. Maybe you were already asleep when I posted since you are now such an early bird. ;)

Dianne/Denver said...

I must have been--- that's me a morning person---not (if I can help it). I like to set alarm for about 10. I find that still gives me time to meet someone for lunch at 12:30 and also some time to just lay there until shower time. You can see Im such a lazy bum!!! It's already taking me all night to,pack for short weekend but I rest and play games too much.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I don't like to get up before 10 either. :)

Dianne/Denver said...

We would be perfect roommates!!!

Dianne/Denver said...

Gosh I'm up before the blog. Now this is just crazy!!!