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Saturday, December 15, 2012

FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN

by Sac Barb

The day finally arrived..  Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.   
 

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. 

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,
it is certainly good to see you.   We have heard a lot about you.  I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering
an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.' 

Forrest responds, 'It sure is
good to be here, St. Peter, sir.  But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.  I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.' 

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I
know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. 

 
 
First: 
What two days of the week begin with the letter T? 

 
 
Second: 
How many seconds are there in a year? 

 
 
Third: 
What is God's first name?' 

Forrest leaves to think the questions
over.  He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.' 

Forrest replied, 'Well, the
first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy.  That would be Today and Tomorrow.' 

The Saint's eyes opened wide and
he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.  How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 

'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.' 

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds 
in a year?' 

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's
got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.... ' 

'Hold it,' interrupts St.
Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,   though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name'? 

'Sure,' Forrest replied,
'it's Andy.' 

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated
and frustrated St Peter. 

'Ok, I can understand how you
came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?' 

'Shucks, that was the easiest
one of all,' Forrest replied.  'I learnt it from the song, ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'


St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.' 

26 comments:

Jodi said...

Good morning HOoters!!

Jodi said...

BARB - So cute!! I knew the answer to the 3rd question, too!!

Jodi said...

A busy day off planned. Christmas cards, decorating the tree, manicure, and a holiday party later on!!

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories!

Jodi you are lovely at first.

Barb I have to do my grocery shopping today. Yuck and then some laundry.

Tomorrow down to my Dads to make sure they have everything set up for his wife to come home. They are delivering the bed and wheel chair today. The hospice nurse will be there tomorrow when they transport her from the hospital.

I just keep telling myself deep breaths.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi You are beautiful in first, even before your manicure! You will be busy, indeed. I still don't have a tree and I'm starting to consider not getting one. At this point, I'm thinking about how much work ir is to put one up and then take it down, again.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb Thanks for the cute blog today. How are you doing on Christmas shopping? I'm having a difficult time figuring out what to get the grandkids for Christmas and I also have to figure out a birthday gift for my granddaughter next month. Yikes!

Just_Lin said...

LynnD You seem to have a lot on your plate right now. Big (((HUGS))) to you, my friend.

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, I did not see that ending coming at all....made me laugh....thanks.

JL, my grandkids mostly want gift cards ....very boring to me. The girls want a few makeup things and two of the boys want football jerseys and gift cards too. I miss the Barbie days.

Jodi, I had my nails done this week too and had a snowflake put on one finger on each hand with a tiny little "diamond". Very cute as I'm pretty conservative!!

Lynn, you do have a lot going on. Are you going to the beach for Christmas?

Had a little Christmas lunch with my friend and dinner tonight with my aunt and uncle. I'm done wrapping until the next delivery and feel good about it. Things are cleaned up some around here.

Just_Lin said...

But, Dianne, did you find the lost gifts, yet? Your snowflake fingernails sound very cute.

Just_Lin said...

It's raining again, here, and my hands are freezing. Ever since walking across the parking lot at the shopping center a while ago, I haven't had feeling in the tip of my left pointer finger because it is so cold. I put my gloves on inside the grocery store but it didn't help. I've been home for 15 minutes and feeling is starting to come back in that finger. I had been thinking of finally getting a tree today but I don't want to look for one in the rain. I think I will make chocolate chip cookies. That isn't too difficult and I am scheduled to watch the Rolling Stones concert at 6:00 on Pay-per-view. I also need to make Spritz cookies (the ones you have to do with a cookie press). But that's more complicated so I will put it off until tomorrow. I want to do as much baking done as I can this weekend so I can mail some of it off to my brother.

Dianne/Denver said...

JL, no, I haven't found my lost gifts and now I can't find two gift cards either. I have the receipt for them and they had little personalized notes with them but nope....can't find them.

sacBarb said...

Hey Jodi, you are the prettiest to day. Thanks for giving Goldie a hug from all of us. It sure would be nice to see her back in the nest.

Lynn, I spent $264 yesterday at the gross-ry store. In addition to all the regular stuff, I got supplies for our traditional spaghetti with clam sauce Christmas Eve dinner, and a $78 prime rib for Christmas Day. sheesh! Since I don't cook for a crowd on a regular basis, I don't usually spend close to that much, but I'm sure it will all be worth it. However, when the total came up, it did give me a start!

Today I am going to meet my sister-in-law halfway between Sac and San Jose so we can exchange gifts for our respective families. We are actually meeting at BJ's Restaurant near the Outlet stores. I just may have to do some more shopping.

Have a good day all. BBL

Somehow this post didn't publish, so I'm glad I copied it. However it is really moot now because I have met with my SIL, we had brunch and I am back.

sacBarb said...

J/L,It rained on us on the way back from Vacaville and it was freezing cold (31 degrees) there too. My Christmas shopping is all done and mailed the out of town ones last Tuesday. I did some online shopping for my New York Uncle and had them mailed directly to them. Cost me as much as if I would have mailed them myself and saved me the trouble. I may do that again next year.

Just_Lin said...

The Stones still rock!

Tinka said...

Good Evening All - Hope you are having a lovely Saturday evening.

Lynn - ((((Hugs))))) for all you are going through.

Jodi- Congrats on being first this morning.

It sounds like you had a busy day today. I know you are going to have a great time at your party tonight.

Dianne - My older grandchildren don't like gift cards. They like to open something. The trouble is what do you get a 14 year old and a 17 year old? It all fell on my daughter to buy their gifts from Nana and Grandpa. She got things from their wish list. Strange how the things she chose for us to give them just happen to be the most expensive. LOL. It's fun to shop for the two and five year old. They are so excited.

I bet your nails look lovely.

Just_Lin - We have had a lot of rain these last few weeks. It's hard to remember that we had 65 days in the summer without rain.

We have out tree sitting in the living room waiting to be decorated. Maybe tomorrow. I always grow my own tree but this year I didn't have one ready. Jack found a nice one at the farm.

Barb - It sounds like you are ready for Christmas. I have my mince tarts in the oven right now. They smell so delicious. I ordered some things from Amazon but it cost almost as much for the shipping and the Canadian tax when they arrived here. I don't think I will be doing that again.

Tinka said...

I am sorry I promised I would check in on Thursday after seeing the eye specialist and I didn't. I couldn't see for a day and I was also disappointed in the appointment. I thought I would find out if the Macular Pucker that has blinded me in my left eye was spreading faster to my right eye, the one with the flashes and floaters. I also thought Dr. Erasmus would tell me what chance I had in the retina tearing as he is a retina consultant. Instead I was put through two hours of tests by the technician (who was not very pleasant). One of the tests was taking pictures of 600 layers of each eye. I couldn't see anything out of the left eye but the red and white flashing lights at my right eye almost made me sick.
At the end of the tests I was told to take it easy, call if things gets worse and the doctor would see me in January to discuss all my tests. Jack and I were not happy campers when we left. It was not at all what we were led to expect. The doctor wasn't even in his office. He was operating somewhere. Quite a change from when I saw him a few years ago and he diagnosed the Macular Pucker in my left eye. My left eye went in 3 months and he told me the right eye could go in 3 months or it might take ten years. Maybe I will find out something in January. In the meantime I have cut back on using my eyes and I am praying a lot.

Wishing everyone a Happy Sunday. Stay safe.

sacBarb said...

Tinka, I am sorry your eye appointment didn't produce better results for you. It's so hard to wait for a diagnosis. I will pray for healing for your eye.

Tinka said...

Thanks Barb - While watching the school massacre for two days I realize there are many people with bigger problems than I do. I can't get those little children out of my mind. How will the families get through Christmas?

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb The prime rib I got last year set me back $150 so I think you got a deal! Not sure what's happening this year. The kids will be spending Christmas day with their mother this year and they may or may not come here on Christmas eve, depending on my son's girlfriend's arrangements with her ex regarding her son. It has gotten so complicated. My daughter can't come on Christmas eve because she and boyfriend will spend that with his folks. She and Chris will see me Christmas day. Maybe I'll just get a large Honey Baked ham. That should cover it for two days of visitors. I am def not cooking prime rib two days in a row.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka Well, at least you have a tree. I don't even have that, yet. I will be praying for good results on your eye tests. That must have been exhausting today.

sacBarb said...

J/L, There are only going to be four of us on Christmas so I got the smallest rib roast I could get. Still it was almost 8 lbs. I was aiming for no left-overs, but I'm sure we won't eat 2 lbs. each so there will be some left-over.

sacBarb said...

Good night and sweet dreams dear Owls. I am going to bed early because I have to get up early for Church, then I am ushering for a little play called Irma Vep. Have a nice Sunday everyone.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb Someone will want those leftovers for sandwiches. Guaranteed. Sweet dreams.

Just_Lin said...

24

Just_Lin said...

25

Dianne/Denver said...

You two are making me hungry at 6AM