Thursday, December 20, 2012

Timmy's List For Santa

by Sac Barb

        Dear Santa,

        How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
        reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy
        this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4
        for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

        Merry Christmas,

        Timmy Jones

        * *

        Dear Timmy,

        Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the
        elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little
        worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa
        wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll
        bring you something you can go outside and play with.

        *Merry Christmas,*

        Santa Claus

        * *

        Mr. Claus,

        Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice"
        contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see
        your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want
        to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think
        that a jab at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a
        year is a bit trite?


        Tim Jones

        * *

        Mr. Jones,

        While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria,
        need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and
        in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue
        legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my
        attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger
        incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally,
        the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also
        improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks
        like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

        Very Truly Yours,

        S Claus

        * *

        Now look here Fat Man,

        I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
        attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks
        and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to
        tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat *** and I'm taking
        my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I
        WANT, MAN!


        * *

        Listen Pizza Face,

        Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house
        in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger
        wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound
        familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my
        disposal. I got you wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to
        hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your
        Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not
        getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a
        mud hole in your *** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

        S Clizzy

        * *

        Dear Santa,

        Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.


        * *


        That's what I thought you little twerp.



Lynn D said...

Morning Glories just checking in.

I am heading to Dad's in a bit to help him with some of the financials to do with the funeral.

Dad and her kids went yesterday to plan everything. I'm not sure if they nailed every thing down yet but they were talking about having the service after Christmas. I will find out today.

Thank you to everyone who have sent their condolences I will pass them along to Dad and the family.

Waving at everyone.

Just_Lin said...

LynnD You are a true beauty this morning. Congrats on being first today. I hope today isn't too difficult. (((Hugs))) to you and your family.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb LOL Santa Claus gettin' down!

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, cuts blog. Thanks for sending it in for us to read....made me laugh

Boy, things are extra quiet in here today. Everyone must be really busy getting ready for Christmas. I had a Christmas gift exchange lunch with my friend and then a dinner tonight. I did a little (very little)shopping in between. I have to go back tomorrow to get Louis a shirt that they are getting from another store and bringing it to one by me...nice of them because I wasn't going to go to the other store.

Restaurant tonight was rude and told us they hoped we'd be gone by 6:30 has they needed our table for a party. They told my friend that before I got there or I would have spoken up. When we left (at 6:20) waitress told us how there were a lot of people waiting. We hadn't even lingered...we ate, finished our drinks and left. I'm writing a letter...rude...and we go there frequently. Maybe they should have put us at a different table.

Dianne/Denver said...

Lynn, thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

sacBarb said...


Dianne, I hope you didn't leave a big tip for that waitress. I would definitely write a letter, especially if you go there often.

J/L, Is it raining there? We are supposed to get rain tonight and through Christmas and it is supposed to be coming from the Bay Area.

Tina, Thanks for posting this. I hope you are enjoying your vacay.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Well, that certainly was rude at the restaurant. They should have scheduled better or kept their mouth shut. I hope you enjoyed the food, anyway, and the visit with your friend.

Jodi said...

BARB - That was hilarious!! My youngest wants an iPod Touch...again!!! The one he got last year got crushed in the recliner. After all the help he gave Paul yesterday with the snow, I think he might just get his wish!! *I will b smarter this time and purchase the extended warranty for situations like that*!!!

Jodi said...

LYNN - Thinking of you ♥ Thanks for checking in :)

Jodi said...

DIANNE - How freakin' rude!! I hope you write that letter!! I know it's a busy time of year, but COME ON!!!

Jodi said...

BARB & SLIN - Will you both have a water logged holiday? We will b having a very white Christmas!

Jodi said...

Have to go in extra early today. Not sure what to expect, but thankful that I only have to go about 5 blocks to work. The roads were very treacherous last night. Emergency vehicles and snow plows were getting stuck. Thankfully my hubby is letting me take his truck again today!!