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Friday, May 13, 2011

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN!!

by Maureen

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating." 

Sally raised her hand.  She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand.  The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.  She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

52 comments:

Tinka said...

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Tinka said...

I did it. I haven't been first for so long. It has made my day.

Tinka said...

How annoying to have Blogger so on hiatus. I was writing a comment yesterday afternoon and it wouldn't post. I tried every few hours but we got the same message. If it had been today I would have thought of "Friday the 13th". Then again maybe it was in some time zone.

Tinka said...

I will read the blog and maybe some owl will land while I am reading.

Tinka said...

Good one Maureen. I got my laugh for the day.

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - Where are you. I am being tedious all by myself.

Tinka said...

Was anyone else upset by the results of American Idol last night? I was depressed because James so deserved to be in at least the last two. I like Scotty but as someone said on Facebook, Scotty and Lauren will probably split the country vote and Haley will win. She is a good singer but did you see the smirk on her face when James was singing with tears rolling down his face? That's why I don't usually watch these shows because when I do I get too invested. I was actually sad after the show.

Tinka said...

Still no-one has flown in. I guess I will go and play on my farms.

Tinka said...

Is anyone superstitious today? I am not but just to be on the safe side I guess I will stay inside today. LOL

Michael - Did you finish playing with the voodoo dolls?

Tinka said...

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Tinka said...

See you later. I hope all those who have not been feeling well lately are now on the mend.
Have a great Friday.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Afternoon Tinka and all other Owls!! **glares at Michael**

That was a hoot Maureen!! I love Little Johnny!

Tinka in all your years of teaching did you ever had a kid like Little Johnny? How did or would you handle him?

Dianne/Denver said...

Yay....blogger is back. I really missed checking it throughout the day. I must be addicted.

MO: I love Little Johnny jokes...they are always so darn cute and make me smile!

TINK: I was glad that Scotty stayed and I wanted haley to go. I was very surprised by the outcome., I vote for Scotty every week. I will be on vacation for the next two Tuesdays so you will have to vote for him for me.

I am off to get some sun (been cold and snowy and rainy for two days) and get my hair back to my natural color. I have been for a pedi, nails, and now hair. All I have to do is pack and as some of you know that is my worse thing to do. I have had the suitcase in here all week and I just stress over doing it....dumb but been this way for many years.

Dianne/Denver said...

Whoops, I don't want to leave it as 13 on Friday the 13th....I don't even particularly like it that I was number 13 on the blog. Maybe I get a prize....TINA??????

Tinka said...

Good Morning Shirley - I have had a few kids like that through the years and even though they are young they know exactly what they are saying. One sticks out in my mind because it caused my student teacher to fail her practicum. She was being evaluated by someone from the University. These were grade ones and the student teacher was doing a unit on farming. She held up a strange vegetable and asked the class what it was. Jeremy put up his hand and said "Well it looks like a chocolate pr**k to me." The girl lost control of the class and that ended her practicum. I took him out of the room and would have loved to have slapped his rude little mouth but of course I would never do that nor would I be allowed to do it. I gave him a lecture and sent him back to class. I wonder where he is today. He would be 25.

Tinka said...

Dianne - I was glad Scotty stayed too. We are not allowed to vote in Canada. ( We have Canadian Idol but I have never watched it.) Maybe the outcome would have been different if you added our votes. I know a lot of people who thought Haley should be the one to go.

It sounds like you are ready for your cruise. Sometimes 13 is very lucky so go ahead and pack. I know you are going to have a great time.

Michael said...

ROFLMAO!!!! now thats funny Maureen!!! Thanks for the laugh...I'm still laughing....


glares at Shirley

Tinka said...

Michael - From area 51. Maybe you should copy and paste your comment on today's blog. After all it was written this morning and it must have taken you a long time to write that essay. I will tell you what to do next time. Set your oven (not your microwave) to 350 degrees. When the light goes out put the apple cobbler in the oven. Set your timer for 30 minutes. When the timer goes off take it out of the oven. Voila, you will have a nice dessert. Send some to the nest when you finish.

Tina~in_ut said...

so where in the freaking hell did my blog from yesterday go?!!!!!~

Tinka said...

Michael and Shirley - Play nice or you will spend some time on the naughty mat. Maybe we should have two naughty mats so we can separate you two.
Tink, the teacher.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Tina - It disappeared right under my eyes. Some comments from the day before that disappeared too. I think it's because it's Friday the 13th. Beware and take care.

Tinka said...

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Tinka said...

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Tinka said...

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Tinka said...

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Tinka said...

I am ready for my nap and so are my babies. See you all later.

Michael said...

Tinka and all AI fans...

I have watched the last 2 seasons of AI and I don't like the fact that its based on America voting electronically.....

The most talented...in my opinion was voted out awhile back....

I'm looking for something that is not a dime a dozen.....lots of people can sing....but can they stand out in a crowd?

I enjoyed the judges more than when Simon was there....

But in Naima Adedapo...I saw a true performer...I know not many people agree with me....but when she did her own choreography...added the African drums and did the afrikan dance....then did "I'm still standing" reggae style....she was really impressive....

here is a reminder...amazing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqtaS3sYPF0

and "Dancing in the Street!!??" OMG!! Nobody on that show ever can hold a candle to Naima...imho..

once more...dancing in the street...the Afican drums are at the end...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ksMgMIfQsI

if you just watched those 2 videos... compare them to the finalists now....

I rest my case...

Michael said...

I had a pleasant day yesterday....I got the urge to bake...I NEVER use the kitchen anymore....but a friend gave me a recipe for this apple cobbler made with Splenda....

Long story short...I had to throw it all away including the oven-ware it was baking in....

What a sticky mess....I don't like apples anyway...

I looked in the oven window at one point and the thing looked like a volcano bubbling and burping molten lava splattering all over the inside of the oven....

I called my recipe giving friend Jan and told her what was going on. She acted all surprised and everything and asked me what temp I had the oven on!!

I told her I had it on 20 minutes then I was going to put in on for another 20 minutes...

She said.. "no...I said what temp"...

me: High
Jan? HIGH!!??
me: yeah...and when I looked in there at 20 minutes is when I noticed all this craziness...there is actually crap hanging from the top of the oven!

Jan: Michael...sounds almost like you put it in the microwave by chance? ha hahaha

me: Jan I am not stupid....oh! I'll call you back...someones at the door....

Well I had somehow put it in the microwave but I wasn't going to tell her!

So I got a big spoon and scraped what I could out of the microwave and put it back in the mix...then I put that in one of the other cookers on the wall and let it cook....thought I would check my email and stuff while it cooked and it wasn't long before I smelled smoke so I knew it was done...

It really looked strange and was starting to catch fire right in the middle...that part was much higher than the rest of it for some reason.....

I took it from the cooker and put it in the warming drawer to cool...but I didn't turn the thing on...I just didn't want anyone to see it...any-who...I think thats when the whole thing kind of "adhered" to the pyrex making it salvageable...

I put the whole thing outside so maybe if it rained enough the thing would just get soggy and fall out of the pan.....well..it rained a lot but the cobbler didn't budge....

dogs were coming up and sniffing it and running away....

I knew I should have spent the day at the piano....

Tina~in_ut said...

Tinka~ I think the winner was voted off yesterday~ James was different and can sing and perform....I really like him~ Now i just pray Lauren wins....cuz Haley is a little bitch! She should have been voted off long ago! And country boy....he has a freaking airline behind him just because his father is a Diamond Medallion flyer with them (not mentioning any airlines here!) ugh~

Dianne/Denver said...

MICHAEL: Sounds like we read the same cooking book except I plain don't like to cook anymore. What a mess you had to clean up. Did you even take a nibble of it? Did you ever admit to Jan your mistake? Funny story after it's all cleaned up.

My hair is all natural again and it always makes me feel so much better.

TINA: I would be happy if Loren won too. I just am partial to that old country music. I was very surprised last night. I am so mad that so many of my reality shows will be doing the finale while I am on vacation. A couple of nights I might be able to watch but not out in the ocean in a boat---besides I'll be singing Over the Rainbow at the piano bar!! :)

Dianne/Denver said...

Ok...I might sing Put a Ring On It (Single Lady) too.

Tinka said...

testing - I was just seeing if the blogger was acting up again. The nest is very quiet again.

Michael said...

Dianne!!

I didn't clean anything up! I just turned stuff off and shut the door...

I do not need that room...for anything....

but it is cleaned up and back to normal...

I'm not really allowed in there anyway...not since I put trash in the dishwasher instead of the compactor...

Tinka said...

Michael I asked you a question but it didn't post. I will do a test.

Tinka said...

That worked. Now I can't remember the question. Back to my farms.

Maureen said...

Good evening feathered friends!

I'm glad you enjoyed the blog topic today! Little Johnny is one funny kiddo!!

MICHAEL...once I made my boyfriend brownies (not GOLDIE'S recipe!)and I somehow left out 1/2 the flour and 2/3's of the sugar...needless to say I had a tray of brownies that closely resembled a roofing shingle! Bless his little heart, he managed to cut out a piece and after major dunking got a bit down...YUCK!!! I couldn't even get it out of the pan to throw away! I had to fill it with water and then put it back in the oven to get it loose enough to get out!!

DIANNE...I haven't colored my hair in over a year...getting very salt and peppered! I bet you look even more gorgeous!

TINKA...congrats on being the lovliest today!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Um hello!! Is this thing on? Am I invisable or what? Tinka is the only person to speak to me today. **glares at Michael**

Tinka said...

Hi Shirley - I wonder if the blog is still acting up for some people.
Or maybe they are very busy.

Whabbear - Where are you today?

Zona - Did you have a busy day?Please check in.

Just_Lin - Where are you?

I could go on and on and on naming owls who are absent today.

Maureen said...

SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY SHIRLEY...

Hello

Just_Lin said...

Shirley, Shirley, Shirley!

Just_Lin said...

Tinka Congrats on being first today. You are even more beautiful that usual. I have been out shopping for clothes, which I hate to do, and running other errands to get ready for my trip to southern California on Monday.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Oh, boy, a cruise! Where are you going?

Just_Lin said...

Tina I agree. I really wanted James to win. I think Scotty is very good, too, but I'm sure he'll get a recording contract no matter if he wins or not. Lauren definitely has some pipes. Don't like Haley, either.

Just_Lin said...

Michael I know you don't know your way around a kitchen but, surely, you must know the difference between an oven and a microwave.

Just_Lin said...

MO Brownies are one of my all time favorite things in the world.

Just_Lin said...

That was very annoying not to be able to get on Blogger yesterday. I wonder what the problem was.

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - It's so nice you came out to play. Unfortunately I am heading for bed so I guess I will catch up with you tomorrow. I am so happy you came to the nest. It was very lonely here today.

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - I forgot to say "Have fun in California". You should have a great time there.

Tinka said...

Good Night Little Owls where ever you are.

Tinka said...

50

Just_Lin said...

Tinka Thank you. I'm already in California but in the northern part. Nice march! Sweet dreams.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi Shirley