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Monday, May 16, 2011

Short Letters

by Michael

Dear Noah:
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5:00.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Icebergs:
Sorry to hear about the global warming… Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America:
You produced Miley Cyrus.  Justin Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Batman:
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Yahoo:
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know,  let's Yahoo! It..."  just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear Twilight fans:
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.  Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear World:
Please stop freaking out about 2012.  Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear iPhone:
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You Fuchsia Piece of Shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Windshield Wipers:
Can't touch this. 
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear girls who have been dumped:
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding!  They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn:
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News:
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn:
Please lknvfdmv#xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback:
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Scissors:
I feel your pain...  No one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden:
Marco.... Dumb Ass! We got your Polo right here!
Sincerely,
United States

Dear World of Warcraft:
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Customers:
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming:
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely,
Al Gore

Dear Ugly People:
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall:
Please die.  Please die.  Please die.  Please die.  CRAP!  Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified "Lisa"

Dear Trash:
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Dr. Phil:
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper


52 comments:

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Moaning~

Tina~in_ut said...

Miguelito~ Those were hilarious...I read them three times! These are my favorites, especially the first one! Thanks for sending it in~

Dear World of Warcraft:
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Ugly People:
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Bebbi said...

Michael..omg, these are hilarious!!

Good morning pretty Tina cakes..

REALLY fun ones Michael..you rock!

Have a blessed Monday everyone! Hugs!

Tinka said...

Good Morning moaning Tina - Have fun today.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Bebbi - I missed you yesterday. Were you busy or do you just not like Elvis?

Tinka said...

Michael - That's the funniest blog ever. I loved it. My favourites are

Dear America:
You produced Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo:
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! It..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear World:
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
Sincerely,
The Maya

Thanks again for the kind words you wrote to me yesterday.

You never did get back on the blog to report about your baking. How did it go?

Tinka said...

from area 51
Jodi - Thank you for commenting on my Elvis song. He seems to bring up memories for many of us.

Dianne - You were up early. Are you excited? I am sorry you have to go to the dentist again.

Maureen - LOL @ DIANNE...I don't care how cute or sexy your dentist is, this is enough for you already!

Tinka said...

Wishing all Owls a safe and happy week. See you all later.

Tinka said...

9

Tinka said...

10

Zona said...

MICHAEL: I laughed out loud from the first to the last..those were GREAT!! These are my favorites..

Dear Noah:
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5:00.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear World:
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Gotta love Logic's letter too though!!

Homerun blog MICHAEL..thanks for the early morning laughs!

Tinka said...

Good Morning Zona-My-Baby - I am praying for an uneventful week for you. Things come in 3's. I think you have had your three. Now you can relax.

Zona said...

TINA: G'morning Gorgeous..LOL@ you liking the WOW one the best! ;D

BEBBI: Good Morning Sunshine! Has Cyrano visited today?

TINKA: Are you going over to the farms? I'll see you there! I think all my crops may have croaked though..I'm not much of a farmer.. ;D

FROM 51:

DI: THREE hours? Didn't we try hard to avoid that? LOL! I hope you remembered to ask the dentist for extra glue..cuz you won't need it if you did! Safe travels..have fun!

J/LIN: Safe travels to you..it's a vacation..have as much Custard as you want! ;D

Zona said...

TINKA: Thank you..I hope so! I just got the 13th comment though..uh-oh.. ;D

Tinka said...

Zona - Yes, I have my cup of tea, the tv in the background has "Regis and Kelly" on, the "fur babies" are at my feet chewing on their morning treat and I am heading over to the farms for a couple of hours of heavy farming. I get so exhausted from it I then need to nap.

Bebbi said...

Tink: I was actually busy. Went to the Corvette museum and drove back from Bowling Green. I forgot to come and look when I got online last night for a little bit.

I loved the Elvis! Actually posted one on my blog too. Listened to it twice..it was awesome Thanks!! :)

Missed Saturday too but haven't had a chance to go back and look at that one..yet.

Bebbi said...

Zona: No, Cyrano hasn't visited yet today. I do declare I love that bird! :)

Michael said...

Dear Saturn:

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,

God


Good morning...

I liked this little bunch of funnys because they are up to date...so much that we all still laugh about has been around awhile...still funny...just not "fresh"....KWIM?

I like the ones about Saturn and the iPhone. It really is hard to write profanity...my iphone keeps correcting it and making it something crazy...like in the thing about it up there in the sentence...

I text Tina the most so naturally there is a lot of screaming and profanity...

I didn't end up baking anything yestiddy....I have been in a funky kinda sad "mode" and I just don't even want to get out of bed...but I must..have to keep up appearances you know......it will pass...it always does...

I'm glad you all enjoyed my contribution

Bebbi said...

Michael...I hope you are feeling better today. I understand about those funks. I had a great weekend but last night was feeling a little down. I guess the coming down of all the excitement.

Chelsea is the first woman on my side of the family that has completed a four year degree.

Bebbi said...

Area 51: Michael..the link you posted didn't work

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2070503

Can you repost it..if you would be able to find it.

Also, just going back to read the area 51 stuff.

LynnD: Glad you are getting to feel better.

Zona: What all happened? I missed it but saw Tina's comment... I hope you are okay..

Bebbi said...

Barb: I liked your blog on Saturday too. I love that saying.. thanks! :)

sacBarb said...

Happy Monday Owls.

Michael, Thanks for the blog. They are all very funny and as you said, very current. When I first got my iPhone I sent some strange texts because the auto-correct would change some words to something I never intended. I finally figured out how to turn it off, but the downside of that is that now it doesn't correct anything. BTW, have you ever gone to autocorrect.com? People send in "corrections" made by their phone and some of them are truly LOL hysterical.

sacBarb said...

Tina, you are lovely this morning as always.

Bebbi, I keep forgetting to tell you, our news showed a little of the Pegasus parade and I looked for you, but I didn't see you. It looked like everyone was having a good time.

Zona, Is the pool fixed? I hope you can swim soon. We all know how much you and Mr. Z like to swim! :)

Tinka, Have fun farming. I have gotten kinda bored with it and have become a very bad farmer.

Bebbi said...

Barb: Cool! Glad to hear the Pegasus parade made national news. It's a HUGE parade and most of the clips were from the beginning of the parade. We were more toward the end.. but so fun!

Tinka said...

Good Morning Bebbi, Michael. I am just heading for my nap but I wanted to check the nest to see if anyone had landed. I am happy to see you three are there.

Tinka said...

Bebbi - I knew there was a good reason why you weren't on the blog yesterday. That's why I mentioned it. Thanks for liking my song. I love the ones you put on Facebook too. Sometimes I forget to click "like" after I am finished. I will try to remember to do that in the future.

Tinka said...

Michael - I felt a little sad yesterday too. I think we dug up some memories that we hadn't thought of for a while. I feel better today and hope you do too.

Tinka said...

Sac Barb - I miss you on the farms. Maybe you will get back to it someday. We have to take a break every now and then.
I am going to check out autocorrect.com. It sounds like fun.

Hope you are feeling well. Take care. Off for my nap.

Tinka said...

I got "25" and didn't notice. How did that happen I wonder???

Tinka said...

30

iteach said...

Those were hilarious!!! Tonight I will take the time and pick my favorite ones. Loved it!

Thank you Michael!

Michael said...

Here ya go Bebbi...it worked when I went to get it...see what this does...

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2070503,00.html

Michael said...

and again...

http://www.time.com
/time/health/article
/0,8599,2070503,00.
html

Bebbi said...

Michael! Thank you, that was so interesting...

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi---just checked in hotel in Amarillo for the night--long day

Tinka said...

Have fun Dianne.

Maureen said...

Good evening feathered friends!!

TINA...I'm not gonna congratulate you on first today...just because!

SACBARB...glad to see you in the nest today. I hope you are feeling better.

BEBBI...congrats on Chelsea's graduation. You are such a proud mama - and you should be!!

MICHAEL...these are GREAT! I think my favorite is:
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall:
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified "Maureen"

I have been killing spiders everyday for about a week...welcome to spring!

ZONA...Crimini, I would have thought that your favorite would have been:
Dear Yahoo:
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! It..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

I also liked the iPhone one, because it calls me 'month'!

Waving to TINKA, ITEACH and DIANNE

Maureen said...

Did I scare everyone away??

Tinka said...

Hi Maureen - It was fun playing with you in the nest last night. Maybe I should delete that sentence. There is something about it that doesn't sound right.

Michael - I just read the short letters to Jack and I had another good laugh at them because Jack enjoyed them so much. Thanks for the great blog.

Tinka said...

40

Tinka said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tinka said...

Maureen - I deleted my comment because I said, "You can scare me" when I meant to say "You can't scare me, only spiders can do that.

Maureen said...

TINKA...LOL! You are quite a randy gal! Yep, not as innocent as you look!!!

Tina~in_ut said...

i read the World of Warcraft one to the hubby.....and he laughed....cuz we're grateful parents! THEN he showed me this video that made me laugh and i thanked him for my next blog~ :D

Tina~in_ut said...

No Mo~ ZONA is the Randy gal~ duh~

Maureen said...

TINA...good point!

Tinka said...

Is someone talking about my daughter? You will have to deal with me if you are.

Tinka said...

We just finished watching an episode of E.R. I hope Dr. Doug Ross (George Clooney) becomes a better person soon. He must I am sure because right now his behaviour outside of the hospital is far from reputable. He is so cute but after a while you don't even notice his looks because of the way he treats women. We are half way through season three so he has a lot of time to reform.

Tinka said...

49 Off to my farms.

Tinka said...

50

whabbear said...

Very funny, Michael! Thanks!

Bebbi said...

Have fun Dianne!

Thanks Mo! <3