We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5:00.
Sorry to hear about the global warming… Karma's a bitch.
You produced Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber is your punishment.
What was your power again?
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! It..." just saying...
Dear Twilight fans:
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You Fuchsia Piece of Shut.
Every iPhone User
Dear Windshield Wipers:
Can't touch this.
That Little Triangle
Dear girls who have been dumped:
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Fox News:
So far, no news about foxes.
I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either.
Dear Osama Bin Laden:
Marco.... Dumb Ass! We got your Polo right here!
Dear World of Warcraft:
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Global Warming:
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Dear Ugly People:
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall:
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up...
The Girls of Jersey Shore
Dear Dr. Phil:
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.