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Monday, May 30, 2011

Why I Am Divorced...

by Shirley

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel
Very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
Hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
And possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
He barely said good morning,
Let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....   Well, that's marriage for you,
But the kids.... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
And didn't say a word..

So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
My handsome Boss Rick, said,
'Good Morning, lady,
And by the way
Happy Birthday! '

It felt a little better
That at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
When Rick knocked on my door
And said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
And it is your Birthday,
What do you say we go out to lunch,
Just you and me..'

I said, 'Thanks, Rick,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro
With a private table.
We had two martinis each
And I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Rick said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We?'

I responded, 'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
He said, 'Let's drop by my place,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house,
Rick turned to me and said,
If you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
For just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and,
After a couple of minutes,
He came out
Carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my husband
My kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there....

On the couch....


Naked.

61 comments:

Michael said...

RIPPP!!!

Michael said...

yeah...that exact same thing happened to me one time....

Tina~in_ut said...

oh look.....breakfast~ (rolls eyes)

Shirley~ thanks for sending this in~ ur a gem~

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Tina could you be more specific...a diamond, ruby, pearl...which?

Tina~in_ut said...

Black pearl~

iteach said...

That was a good one, I couldn't stop laughing.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Michael, Tina and Iteach. Happy Memorial Day.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Shirley - Thanks for the laugh. That was a good one.
You got your wish: the Vancouver Cougars are playing the Boston Bruins for the Stanley Cup. Will you be able to watch them live? The games start at 5:00 pm our time which is 9:00pm your time. That's pretty late, at least for me.
I can't wait for the first game. I think we are going to win The Cup for the first time in history.

Tinka said...

I tried and tried to post a short comment from our weekend retreat at the farm. I know I had the right password but Blogger wouldn't accept it. I just hope I stay signed in on my computer.

Tinka said...

10

Tinka said...

We have a busy day planned. First to the doctor's office, then the pharmacy and then shopping. We are getting season 4 of E.R. as we have really enjoyed the first 3 seasons. It's our first time to ever see that show. I don't know why I never watched it when it was on tv.

We have a lot of shopping to do so I will once again be the princess on her throne sitting in the wheelchair. I hate it but at least I get to go through the stores again.

Have a great day everyone.

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories,

Meant to comment the last few days but have had the grandkids. Mom and Dad had to work. Mostly I just have not had anything to say of late.

Wanted to wish everyone a restful Memorial Day!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Morning Lynn! I know what you mean about not having much to say. Love ya! ((HUGS)) I do like hearing stories about the grandkids though. I bet they keep you on your toes!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Morning/afternoon Michael, Tina, Iteach and Tinka! Glad I could make you laugh!

Yes Tinka I will be watching the hockey games. They sometimes don't get over until 1am but I'm not working much now so I can sleep late the next day. I do hope the Vancouver wins. It should be a great series! I like Boston too.

Zona said...

Good Morning!

SHIRLEY: That was close to the perfect joke..loved it!

MICHAEL: 'Hellllo Gorgeous' **said in my best Barbra voice** Great avatar..footlongs I bet.. ;D

TINKA: Mr Z thinks Vancouver is going to win too! Have a nice time today..but don't overdo it..

TINA: So are you caught up on the races yet?

LYNN: Sounds like you've had your hands full..I hope you'll be able to relax a little today. :)

Michael said...

Well thank you Zona!! At least someone acknowledges me being first today!

If anyone else makes first you all make such a fuss!

"Oh! You look so pretty!"
or "look whos all pretty in first place!"

or my favorite..."Well don't you look...well...aren't you just the...ah...oh look! I believe somebody washed their hair!!"

Thats ok! Treat me like a second class citizen!

I can take it!Rosa Parks took it! Imelda Marcos took it! Jesus took it! And then he damned you to hell!!


happy friggin' Memorial day!

Michael said...

yes Zona and thank you for asking...

Those are the hotdogs at Baejarins Beztu Pylsur in Reykjavík....

Can't wait to get my hands on a dozen or so of those someday soon....

I Iceland I don't think they are considered "foot long"...they are just bigger than what we are accustomed to...

I'm hoping thats true about the rest of the country too!!

Tina~in_ut said...

Miguelito~ I truly regret that you provoked me into not acknowledging ur prettiness this morning when u farted first thing!

Michael said...

!!GMO

just as well...I saw the racist undertones when you called Shirley a "black" pearl..

you Mexican gem!!
!!dolc trid uoy

Tina~in_ut said...

~ql

Michael said...

ha hahahahahaaa....

ohhhh...you always know just what to say to make me laugh!!! Ah...I mean...there a first time for everything isn't there!!

off to the groomers! ...strangle you later!!

Just_Lin said...

Michael Sorry, but farting your way into the next first thing in the morning just isn't the way to win accolades and compliments. I see you brought attention to the fact that you just washed your hair and it does look very lovely, almost like a golden halo around your head.

Just_Lin said...

Oops! That should have been nest not next. Are you getting your hair cut, Michael?

Just_Lin said...

Shirley Thanks for the laugh this morning! Good one!

Just_Lin said...

Tina What? You don't like hot dogs first thing in the morning?

Just_Lin said...

Tinka Blogger has not been working that well, lately. I hope you enjoy your busy day.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

You're welcome Just Lin! Glad you liked it!

Just_Lin said...

Oh, look! I got 25 and no one gave me a damn parade. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Oh, look! I got 25 and no one gave me a damn parade. LOL

Just_Lin said...

LynnD I don't have much to say on most days, either. I just blabber like an idiot but in short semi-coherent bursts.

Just_Lin said...

Okay, I really don't know why I have a double post. I didn't click on "publish" more than once.

Just_Lin said...

Zona Will there be any swimming and snorkeling today?

Just_Lin said...

It's overcast here on the coast. My son has gone to Urgent Care as his throat has been killing him since yesterday. The grandkids are amusing themselves at the moment. Tommy is watching some creepy movie and Kaylee is counting her money. She must take after me. lq

Just_Lin said...

Boy, do I know how to clear a room.

Michael said...

J/L....

I didn't mean for that to be a fart....lol

and no...my hair is growing back out from a "trim" I gave myself...Belle had her hair and nails done today...

and of course she couldn't wait to take a roll and rub in the grass when she got out of the car...she thinks money grows on trees!!

I am pretty sure that Blue told her we are rich when she first came to live with us....I guess to Blue it seemed that way...we had lots of food....lol

Michael said...

hey wait just a dadd blame minute!

I don't GO TO A GROOMER for MY hair!!

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - I know how you feel. I am usually the one who clears the room at # 10. I think blogger posted twice to make sure everyone knew you got #25. I swear blogger has a mind of its own.

I love your chatter by the way.

Tinka said...

Zona - Looking forward to your call. Hope you are having a great weekend.

Tinka said...

Lynn -That's exactly why I am not on at all some days. My life consists mainly of carbon copies of the same day over and over. It looks silly to keep repeating myself so I then stick to lurking.

Tinka said...

Shirley - We are going to be watching the same game at the same time. Except for the Oscars that rarely happens; having the same show on time zones that are 4 hours apart. It will be just like we are visiting each other.

Tinka said...

Michael - I noticed you were first and happy you beat Tina. However, the teacher in me can not condone or reward rude words. Please return to "bam" or "first" and I will give you great praise. I know you are a very nice boy but think before you pick your words. You usually write so beautifully. I love reading what you write when you are being kind and sensitive. Teacher Tink

Michael said...

"Yes Mrs. Taylor"

Tina~in_ut said...

LMAO!!!! It looks like you go to a groomer to git ur hair cut, Miguelito~ :D

And Teacher Tink.....YOU TELL HIM!!!~ You should hear what he called me!~

Tinka said...

Michael - You know you are teacher's pet. That is why I am more demanding of you. I think you have tremendous potential to be a fantastic author. Teacher Tink

Dianne/Denver said...

SHIRLEY: Very funny blog. I didn't see that ending coming at all. At first I thought you got married and divorced while I was gone...a lot can happen in two weeks!!!

Congratulations on first MICHAEL, it is not nice to have "fluffies' in a crowd....but you are still the prettiest today in first place!

We got home last night and I still haven't unpacked. I almost hate it as much as packing.....almost. I have done some laundry and slept in and done nothing else. When we going to Amarillo on Saturday night the temp was 112!!!!! I don't know how the people that live there can stand it. It cooled down to a balmy 95 by 9pm. It's 65 and sunny here today. Just can't beat Colorado weather. We had a great time on vacation with my cousins and the cruise was a lot of fun. We laughed and laughed so it will be quiet around here for awhile.

I still can't post from my blackberry and that was very frustrating to me on the trip. So sorry Month....I wasn't even able to call you that!! :)

Dianne/Denver said...

TINK: Why does MICHAEL get to be teachers pet? Not fair!!!!

MO: I am glad Elaine is doing better and you are a great cousin staying and taking care of her.

J/L: I am sending good thoughts to your mom

Tinka said...

Dianne - I love the girls too but teacher's pet usually is a boy. Michael is so cute don't you think?

It sounds like you had a wonderful holiday. Did you use your scooter a lot? We are still looking at them and comparing quality and prices.
Our weather has been unusually cool. I think it is the coldest May on record. I heard on the weather news that Victoria is the only Canadian city, excluding the Northwest Territories that has not hit 20 C which is 70 F. We usually hit 26C (80 F) a few times in May. Once it is warm we are going to really want the scooter so we can take our evening walks. I want a red one.

Tinka said...

48

Tinka said...

We couldn't find the fourth season of E.R. today so I am going to look on-line. Have a great evening everyone.

Tinka said...

50

Michael said...

THANK YOU MRS. TAYLOR"

does the nana nana boo boo dance while sticking tongue out at Dianne and Tina

Tinka said...

Michael - Did you put your dance on video? Please share.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Thanks everyone for your comments today! Glad you liked the blog! Good to see you back Dianne! Missed you!

I need to go to bed, so I can get up early and see if I can get in to see my doctor. I need to get new prescriptions and then go to the pharmacy and wait half an hour or more to get them filled. Then I have to go to the mall and get groceries. Then get my laundry done. If I can get all that done tomorrow then I won't have to go out again for at least a week. Yay!!!

Nighty night Owls!!

Tinka said...

Good Night Shirley. Yes get rested up, just 2 more days until the puck drops.

Just_Lin said...

Michael Dogs just don't appreciate all those perfumed shampoos and such, do they? They'd rather smell like Mother Earth any old day. I bet Blue did think you are rich and I'm sure Belle does, too. Food on the table, or in the dog dish, is a good criteria.

Just_Lin said...

Shirley It sounds like tomorrow will be a very busy day for you. I hope you get everything done that you want to.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka I think a red scooter would be perfect!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I'm glad you had such a good time and a lot of laughs. Did you see my comment about Blogger looking into the issue of problems some of us are having posting comments from our mobile devices? It has been very annoying and inconvenient, hasn't it? I hope they get it fixed soon.

Dianne/Denver said...

J/L: Yes, I read your comment about our phones but could not comment back. It is very inconvenient and annoying----I agree and it has been like this for over a week now. Let me know if you read anything else. Where did you do to see that problem?

Dianne/Denver said...

60

Just_Lin said...

Dianne If I recall correctly, I read it on the Blogger home page. At the bottom was "Help" and on that page I saw something to the effect of "Known issues". I read it there. I think it was dated May 24.