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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Good Ole Mississippi Boy

by Zona

Good ole Mississippi boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it
home and his wife looks at him and says, "What the hell you gonna do with
that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of
here." He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks
where his brother is. She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing
to the field behind the house. The brother heads out behind the house and
sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down
in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him, "What the hell are you
doing?" His brother replies, "I'm fishin. What the hell does it look like
I'm a doing."

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Mississippi a
bad name, makin everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out
there and kick your ass!!"

76 comments:

Michael said...

BAM!!

Michael said...

very funny Zona...

Last night was so strange! I had seething dreams about hooters!!

and I just heard on TV that J-Lo and Marc Anthony are getting a D-I-V-O-R-C-E....

and check this out...I knew this years ago with my corn....but I think its time we organize as investors and buy farmland! How does a 15% return sound? I know...Bernie Madoff.....but this is for real....just read the article...

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2011-07-16-farmland-boom-investors_n.htm

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories!

Mimi you look fabulous!

That's all I've got because I need a damn cup of coffee! I can barely see the screen.

Zona you story did make me laugh.

Tinka said...

Well it isn't August yet but it is raining hard and feels like Fall so I guess my break is over.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Mr. BAM man, Michael. I feel bad about J-Lo and Marc. I hope they work things out. Please explain your farmland comment. I guess it's American news because I don't understand it.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Lynn. I am not quite awake either. I can hardly see the screen as well. My eyesight use to be so much better. Ah to be young again.

Tinka said...

Zona - Loved your story. Started my day with a laugh. We watched the episode of E.R last night where Eric La Salle (Dr. Peter Benton) goes to Mississippi to work for two weeks. It was a town that looked the same as it did a hundred years ago. Are there still places like that in Mississippi or was that true fiction?

Tinka said...

Yesterday Jack bought me a beautiful candy apple red scooter with silver trim. It is beautiful. It was delivered at 5:30 and for half an hour I had fun going around our circle driveway up to the sidewalk and back again. It was rather scary but fun. The man who brought it walked with me giving me advice. Jack and I will go for a walk with the dogs this afternoon if the rain stops. It came with a ramp for getting it in and out of the Explorer. I am very excited about about my new toy. it makes me feel very independent.

Tinka said...

O.K. I have written 5 of the 8 comments. If I shut the blog down for 6 hours again today I am taking another break.

Have a great Sunday all owls everywhere. Hope your weather is more like summer than ours. I think we are the only place in Canada and the United States that doesn't have some heat. Please send some this way.

Tinka said...

10

Michael said...

Hi Tinka....

well! Food is not getting any cheaper and land is not so high right now...so invest in something that is growing (so to speak)....farming.

When the 33 year old in the article bought his farmland... corn was $4...now its $8 and trading at $7!

Wall Street investors are snapping up farm land...so in a few years farming will be corporate rather then families with generations of the land in their families...

I know this makes me some like a capitalist, but I can assure you I am only thinking of me!!

Oh! And we will need the illegal immigrant farm workers so everyone needs to get with their legislators on that....

We can also perform gay weddings on our investment land and acres and acres of farmland will provide a great place to hide the bodies of the republicans we don't deem fit to live....

I can just see it now...Bachmann tomatoes...Santorum Squash....and if we can develop a pink tomato we can name that after Michelles huzband! Emperor eggplant and Sun Goddess potatoes!!

Its a win/win!! Illegal immigrants get jobs! Republicans die!! And the Japanese Emperor get to keep having intercourse with the demon Sun Goddess!!

Tinka said...

Now it's 7 out of 10. See you later.

Michael said...

Have I lost anyone?

Michael said...

See...one of the people invited to Rick Perry's Shindig at the Reliant Center in Houston said Japans problems are because the Emperor has sex in a demon called the Sun Goddess....

We are talking a gathering of bat shit crazy kooks...

And then there are all Michelle Bachmanns ravings against the Catholic church...

I read a comment in one of Whabbears threads about this meeting of the kooks called together by Rick Perry and I liked it better than what Ghandi said about Christianity...

" The only thing wrong with Christianity is that it has never been tried."

Mahatma Gandhi said: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians...."

lol...Republicans...can't live with em...can't...WAIT!!! Yes we can!! Just think how sane things would be....

Michael said...

Lets have a round of parenthesis...on me! lol

iteach said...

Good Morning everyone!

We are off to do groceries, library time, and the new Winnie-The-Pooh Movie!! We are very excited about it. I suspect it will relax me and remind me of my youth. :)

I so loved Winnie when I was little and now!

iteach said...

Tink, your new scooter sound fabulous!

iteach said...

Michael, I live in astate that produces tons of corn!! :)

Family owned farms is dieing. I did happen to visit a five thousand acre family owned corn farm two years ago and they took a lot of pride in being family owned.

iteach said...

Lynn enjoy your coffee!

Zona, thank you for the cute blog today!

iteach said...

20-the size of my waist!

Michael said...

I wonder why Tuna isn't posting....

She is being very hateful in here emails....must have her tit in the ringer again...

Michael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tinka said...

Good Morning Iteach - Have fun at the movie. I heard this Winnie the Pooh movie is fantastic. I will wait for the DVD. I have all of them and I still watch them with the grandkids and love them. My favouritie is "Pooh's Grand Adventure" where Christopher Robin leaves Pooh for the first time because he must start grade one. I cry at the end of the movie every time we watch it. It is tradition in our house to watch it on Labour Day weekend because that is the day before school starts here.

Tinka said...

Michael - Thank you for the explanation. It is much clearer in my mind now I think.

Farms are disappearing in Canada. The farmers can't afford to keep their farms. I think it is sad. Remember Joni Mitchell's song "They Paved Paradise and Put in a Parkinglot"? It's so true.

Tinka said...

25

Tina~in_ut said...

I see dork got first....can't say prettiest.....seen his hair~ ijs~ :D

Tinka~ Love that you got a scooter...and red to boot~ :D

Miguelito~ I take offense at the fact that you want me dead! You know..if you kill me...I'll haunt you!......AND make sure you live a LONG TIME.....WITH MIMI!!!!~ :D

LynnD~ Mimi is his sister (who he HATES!!!) :)~

iteach~ have fun with the kids~

My cousin and I are going to run around causing havoc until I take her to the airport~ :( but on the bright side....she and her sisters will be back in 2 months~ :D

Michael said...

correction: MiMi is what my sisters grandkids call her....

and Tinaaaaaa.....remember to not fasten your seat belt!! ♥

Tina~in_ut said...

ass alert!~

Michael said...

In honour of Tinka's hog I'd like to dedicate this song to all my friends who ride!!

BORN TO BE WILD

Get your motor running
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way

Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space

I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racing in the wind
And the feeling that I'm under

Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space

Like a true nature child
We were born
Born to be wild
We have climbed so high
Never want to die
Born to be wild
Born to be wild

iteach said...

Has anyone heard from Shirley, I so miss her.

Michael said...

ASS ALERT??

oops! Tina!! Do you have pin worms AGAIN!!??

OH! lol...I am sorry! You just wanted out!! Ok kids...make way...get back.... wide load coming thru...

Michael said...

iteach....yes...Shirley is in Europe shopping for a husband...she has found several that she likes but wants to check out a few more....

I also heard that she is buying an alp....

Michael said...

AND I heard that Mary is in Florida looking for the fountain of youth and flouride...I hope she finds it!! I could use a bath in that.

So could Tina...lets face it ...Tina could just use a bath!!

Tinka said...

Good Morning Tina - I see you have been having lots of fun.

We won't let Michael kill you. He knows that if he does anything he won't be as lucky as Cassie Anthony. He also knows that your haunting him will drive him to the "Nut House".

Tinka said...

Michael- Thank you for the song. Unfortunately my hog goes to a maximum speed of 5 miles an hour. I don't know how much wind I will feel in my hair. So far I have only driven the very minimum speed and that feels very fast to me.

I guess I just wasn't "Born to be Wild". Being raised in a Catholic family and educated in a girls' Academy run by very strict nuns I didn't have much opportunity to sew any wild oats. I started teaching at the grand old age of 17 and married two years after that. I missed the 60's Revolution. My life sounds dull but actually I had a lot of fun.

Maybe I will be wild the next time I come to earth. Then again I think Heaven will be so perfect with all my family and pets I don't think I will want to leave.

whabbear said...

Tinka: I was repressed, too! Didn't even have sex with a man until I was 29!

So in our next lives, let's get together when we're young and whoop it up!

I'm laughing at a lot of things in the next yesterday and today. Suffice to say, I haven't had a "seething, shooting" dream in a long time! And, Michael, do you think your version of "Farmville" would make a good FB game? I'd trade you some "Frothy Mix" fertilizer for some rotten pink "Marcus" tomatoes!

(P.S. Owls: If you don't know what I meant by "frothy mix", just google Rick Santorum. You'll be glad you did!)

Michael, there was a very interesting exchange yesterday between two FB friends named Ray and Carol over Rick Perry's prayer event and the wackadoodle priest who supporting it, and made the comment about Japan. I loved it!

Have a great Saturday, Zona, Lynn D, Tina (stay safe), and Jennifer!

Lynn D said...

okay I may need more coffee! I swear I read where Mimi(Michael and DeeDee combined, maybe it should be MeeMee)I digress, Did Meemee just tell Tina to get her Ass fastened?

whabbear said...

Correction: Google "Frothy Mix", not "Rick Santorum" !!

whabbear said...

Further correction! Google "Santorum". That's the one.

Tina~in_ut said...

i can't stop laughing....we're all a mess!!!!!~

Tinka said...

I am up from my nap and the rain has stopped. It looks like I will have my first ride on my scooter. Jack will walk my "fur babies" while I ride. He will supervise and make sure I don't go off the edge of the sidewalk. It takes a while to get use to the gears. Can't wait.

Michael said...

Whabbear!! 29?? I started when I was... oh no! I'm not going there! But I was slightly younger than you...

Tinka said...

Whabbear - That's a date. We will really "whoop it up" in our next life. I hope Huz and Jack won't mind our having some fun.

Tinka said...

Lynn - The nickname "Mee Mee" is a great name. What do you think of it Michael?

Tinka said...

I am laughing too. We are a weird parliament of owls.

Tinka said...

I am going to play on my farms and watch the count down to the Casey release. It will probably be 12:01 AM Sunday. I hope she can sleep at night. All those lies about Caylee being kidnapped causing all those people to search day and night. I think there is such a thing as Karma and Karma bites.

Tinka said...

Tango and Tia are getting excited. That means Jack is probably pulling into the driveway. My first ride can't be far away.

I will be back tonight to report on it.

Tinka said...

48

Tinka said...

49

Tinka said...

50

Tinka said...

Jack just brought in a crate of local strawberries so I guess it's jam making time and a ride on the scooter will be after dinner.

Michael said...

Tinka....

All it takes is a little imagination...and a studded leather outfit!!

about pets and heaven....a little 10 year old friend of mine was explaining what he knows about Jesus to me and he explained that when we die we go to heaven....but not pets!

I looked at him and said ..."who told you that?"

He said it was a friend at school...I told him not to be so sure of that!

He is very interested and I told him he should tell his parents that he would like to start going to church and learn about Jesus...

Well his idiot parents are not going to church and my dilemma is this.....if I take him to church and I am his Jesus tutor...am I doing him a disservice? He wants to learn....he hears other kids discussing these things at school..

or am I being a hypocrite since I don't believe in God?

I can put my beliefs aside for this little friend.....but I don't think a 10 year old can be objective.

It is interesting and there are good stories in the bible regarding building character....but then there are all those threats of being thrown into fire for eternity...I wouldn't want him to hear that....

I know! I'll just butt out and I will just tell him the good parts when I see him....

He is autistic. Aspergers. When I saw him the other day its like has this boundless energy and get a load of this.

He sat down at my piano. For a few minutes he hit random keys...then he called me to him and asked "how do you play this thing?"

I said...well let me show you something simple for now....lol

so I just played Fur Elise with my right hand....simple, yes?

It was for him! He had it in minutes!

I made the necessary leaps and bounds of excitement...

I told him that when we had more time that I would play him the entire piece.....

But then I thought I would put it in his head for next time...so I played it....

He really got excited....think I may have myself a prodigy.....

Tina~in_ut said...

take him to church.....it'll do you TONS of good~

Just_Lin said...

Good afternoon, HOoters or Shooters, seething or not. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Michael Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care. What does that mean. Do you know?

Just_Lin said...

LynnD Are you implying Michael looked fabulous because you hadn't had your coffee yet and couldn't see? LOL

Just_Lin said...

Tinka Your red scooter sounds fabulous. I hope you post pictures of you on it on FB.

Just_Lin said...

iteach I love the original Winnie-the-Pooh stories. I especially love Piglet.

Michael said...

J/L...its a slave song about a slaves master getting pitched by a horse and killed....

then they pass around the corn whiskey....celebrating

it was originally "gimmie cracked corn I don't care"....

Just_Lin said...

Tina YOU do NOT have a wide load. I have removed the sign Michael stuck on your backside.

Just_Lin said...

Michael I'm confused because one of the things in the wild bird food we bought today is cracked corn. It looks like regular corn but is very hard.

Just_Lin said...

Michael It appears that cracked corn is dry whole corn put into a grinder and coarsely ground and used as animal feed.

Just_Lin said...

If it's really about celebrating a master's death, I can see why they used the terms they did because it would be very subversive.

Tinka said...

We just got back from our first trip on my scooter. It was great. I don't think I could do it alone with my babies. They could get in the way of the wheels and break a leg. I will need Jack to hold the dogs. That's fun but I would love to walk them alone in the morning. I miss losing my independence.

Tinka said...

Michael - Do you really think I would look good in studded leather? I don't think so. It would be fun however.

As for the little boy I think you should let the parents decide whether he goes to church. They may be mad at you if you interfere. He sounds like a very interesting little boy. Teaching him to play the piano would be great.

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - I am having trouble with my camera. My iphoto won't accept the pictures. I think I will get a new one. Then I will put a picture of my scooter on Facebook.

I googled "Jimmy Crack Corn" and it was very interesting. There are a lot of verses, some very strange.

Tinka said...

Jack is picking up Chinese food for dinner. Making the jam and going for the hour walk kind of tired us out, but it was worth it. The fresh air was wonderful and the jam tastes great.

Tinka said...

Leading up to 69. Who wants to grab it?

Just_Lin said...

69

Michael said...

I SAID ITS A SLAVE SONG AND THATS FINAL!!

Michael said...

I don't think they were singing about birdseed.....lol


and yes Tinka...studded BLACK leather!! You may want to consider a "biker mama" tattoo!!

They have tattoos that wash off...

Just_Lin said...

OK, slave song it is. You don't have to yell.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka The part of Mississippi that I saw was very poor but the people were warm and hospitable.

Tinka said...

Just_Lin - I am glad to hear the people of Mississippi were warm and hospitable. That's how I always imagined them to be.

Michael - If I were to get a tattoo my mother and father would haunt me forever. That was sinful in their minds to "mark" your body. Besides, doesn't it hurt? I don't mean the wash-off ones but the real ones?

Tinka said...

75 for Zona for sending in a fun blog. Hope you have cooled down a little. The heat you sent here didn't quite make it.

Tinka said...

It is midnight, the bewitching hour and a warm bed is waiting for me. See you all tomorrow.
"God bless us everyone."