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Friday, September 23, 2011

One for the Ladies........

by Zona


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, '
University of Oklahoma .'

And they say blondes are dumb.


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A couple is lying in bed.


The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'


The woman replies,
'I'll miss you.'


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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'


'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?


A: A rumor

 
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Dear Lord,
I  pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive  him;
And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

 
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Q:  Why do little boys whine?


A: They are practicing to be men.

 
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?


A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough!


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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?


A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction  Manual.'

20 comments:

goldie said...

Good Morning!

goldie said...

Holy snotbags~ I'm first??
Is this a joke? Am I the only one not in on it?????

Oh well, Good Moring Hooters!
Very funny Zona, nice to start the day with a smile.

goldie said...

ok, this is not funny anymore.

Where did you guys move to and not tell me?????

Michael said...

lol...Hi Goldie....

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Splat!

I'm here Goldie! Afternoon!

Yes Zona, I too smirked and giggles at your blog! Very cute!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Yo Michael! What's up...oops...never mind answering that!

Good afternoon!

Michael said...

Hey! I watched the republican debate....with the exception of Perry..Santorum and Bachmann they were pretty impressive...I thought I would have to take back what I said about them not being presidential...

and then it happened....

the questions were from people all over and a gay soldier serving in Iraq came on the screen asking Santorum if he would reinstate DADT...

As the crowd booed the serviceman...all the GOP contenders remained silent....after which Santorum said he would definitely reinstate the policy.

So in my opinion if gays can't discuss their spouses...girlfriends or boyfriends...or their children then neither can anyone else...

Rick Santorum is right: Discussion of sexuality in the military is wrong. Court martial anyone who flaunts his sex life by saying he has children back home. Let's clean up the military now!

Real patriots....booing an American serviceman....

So! ...needless to say...I was a fool for being hopeful during the first part of the debate....but I tried to have an open mind...

I cannot imagine anyone wanting or claiming to be a part of something like that...truly repulsive...all of them.

Just_Lin said...

Mornin' HOoters! I am watching the View which is honoring the long run of All My Children. This is the last day that AMC will air, eneding a 41 yr run. I remember watching this show as I was nursing my son, who is now 40. Now there will be another stupid cooking show on, instead. Aren't there enough of those?

Just_Lin said...

Zona Thanks for the chuckles today. I hope Mr. Z doesn't resemble any of those.

Just_Lin said...

Goldie Good morning, Gorgeous! Maybe it was too early in the morning for that outfit....ijs.

Just_Lin said...

Shirley LOL @ answering your own question. Sometimes it doesn't pay to look closely at Michael's avatars.

Just_Lin said...

Michael I saw that on the news. Disgraceful reaction from some people in the audiance. Let's not assume it was everyone, though. It would have been refreshing to have one of the candidates remark on how disrespectful and inappropriate the booing was, but even if they thought so, were too afraid to go against the group. Something for voters to think about.....

whabbear said...

Zona: LOL!

Hello, Goldie, Michael, Shirley, and J/L!

J/L: Thanks for responding to my late night comment in A51!

Michael said...

"When the government fears the people, you have liberty. When the people fear the government, you have tyranny."

Thomas Jefferson

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Moan....oh....afternoon....this is what happens when there's no alarm clock set and you fall asleep on the couch~

Zona~ funny.....thanks for sending it~

Goldie~ u made me chuckle~ Ur not alone...we're just a little slow~

Michael~ What did they say about abortion? hmmmmmm?

Shirley~ U splatted a little late today.....not feeling perky today?

J/L~ That's so sad about AMC...I remember in college...everyone scheduled their classes around that show and you could find everyone in the student union at noon~

Bear~ (whispers) Huntsman~

sacBarb said...

Happy Friday Owls.

Goldie, Congrats on flying in first pretty lady.

J/L, It is a sad day indeed. I teared up a little watching the View tribute.

Waving a wing to Michael, Shirley, Bear, Tina and all the other Owls. I am headed out to Sharon's. We are going to a pasta tasting. I hope there is wine involved also.

whabbear said...

Tina (lowers voice, especially since I'm heading up to San Francisco). Yes. He's a sane person!

Just_Lin said...

I will have to check out this sane person you speak of. They've been in short supply lately.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb I watched the AMC tribute on The View, too, and also got teary about it.

sacBarb said...

J/L I am sad to see AMC go off the air, but I have to say I am a little disappointed in how it ended. I understand that they wanted to make it a cliff hanger so they can continue it on the Internet, but I was hoping for at least a little wrap up. I did enjoy the flash-back scenes of each family during the last week.