Learning to Cuss

by Zona

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.

His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

WHERE I'VE BEEN

by Dianne

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you
can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have,
however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven
there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and
work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too
much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit
there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the
adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the
stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in.

It's an age thing.

Dark Shadows

by Zona

I was watching TV last weekend when they showed a trailer for the new "Dark Shadows" movie starring Johnny Depp. The second the commercial was over the phone rang. It was my sister. "What did they do to our TV show? How could they do that to a classic?!" she yelled. You see..when we were kids..my sister and I would run home from school every afternoon to watch "Dark Shadows" with my mom. It was our favorite show. It scared the crap out of us..but we wouldn't have missed it for anything! btw..to those of you that have heard me talk about the 'fringe' towel..this is where it started! :D I still remember Quentin, Angelique and of course Barnabas..the vampire that seemed to actually be a nice guy sometimes..at least until his fangs appeared! We absolutely loved the show. I was intrigued when I read that Johnny Depp was going to star in the new movie. I figured that with Tim Burton directing..it would have to be good. Well..I didn't know exactly what to think when I saw the trailer last week. I could kinda understand what my sister was upset about..it almost seems wrong that it's going to be a comedy..but then again..it could work too..it's hard to tell. What do you think?

Health Message

by Dianne

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's "Patootie". It's the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn't run-- and does nothing--yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

I'm retired.

Go around me.

~ Festival of Colors ~

by Tina~in_ut

Tens of thousands of people gathered at the Krishna Temple in Spanish Fork, Utah for the annual Festival of Colors.


The Festival of Colors, also known as Holi, is a festival celebrated every spring by Hindus. As part of the celebration, participants traditionally throw scented powder and perfume at each other. The festival has roots to many Hindu legends, most celebrating the victory of good over evil.


“The colors come from the emergence of spring after the stark bleakness of winter. Everything bursts forth in colors and fragrance and so that’s emulated through the festival,” said Charu Das, the founder of the Lotus Temple.

My twins went to the Festival of Colors. My daughter came home and announced that she wants to become Hindu!

~ How to Shower ~

by Tina~in_ut

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit; tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of yourself in the mirror and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
11. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
12. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
13. Pee (in the shower).
14. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
15. Partially dry off.
16. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire your size again.
17. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
18. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
19. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo” sound again.
20. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

~ Rumor Has It ~

by Tina~in_ut

Never really been an Adele fan, but this song makes me move! Love it~ I think she's growing on me~

BBM and Adele

by Michael

Liberace - Bumble Boogie

by Michael

~ The Art of Su Blackwell ~

by Tina~in_ut

Su Blackwell is an artist who works predominantly within the realm of paper. Armed with a scalpel, she transforms the pages of old books into three dimensional works of art. She finds her books at used book stores, reads them for inspiration, and then creates these amazing dioramas set in either wood or glass boxes. I hope you enjoy them as I have.

The Baron in the Trees

Tiny Details

The Orient Express

Out of Narnia

The Woodcutter's Hut

Little Red Riding Hood

Alice in Wonderland

~ Stupid People ~

by Tina~in_ut

I gave up cussing for Lent! I give up cussing for Lent EVERY year. Last year I didn't last more than a couple of weeks. The year before I did a really good job! I think God was testing me last night!!! Not one naughty word came outta my mouth. NOT ONE!!!! I did, however, rant "Stupid People!" over and over again.

My cousin flew in for the scrapbook expo last night. On our way to the hotel, yes....the hotel a whole city away from my house.....my daughter called and asked if we wanted to meet for dinner. She was downtown and we had just left the airport. We met at the mall to have dinner at the pub. We had a nice dinner and then walked back to our cars. The girl was only 3 cars down from us, but we all went to my car to get a present out of my cousin's suitcase for my daughter. It was kinda hilarious cuz I was trying to open the hatch without the suitcase falling on us and I noticed all this glass on the ground. I was so mad......I didn't want to cut a tire on all that glass. Then I realized that the glass wasn't there when we parked.....so I was trying to figure out where it could have come from......yes, dears.....I'm slow!!!!! Then I saw that my window was smashed......and as I'm writing this....I'm shaking my head and saying "stupid people!" I know in the big scheme of things, this isn't really a huge deal, but they took some of my scrapbook supplies. I bought a tote to hold all my tools. Gone! I had bought a small scrapbooking case to put my cutters, paper, scrapbook, twine, Gypsy charger, and other odds and ends in. Gone! That's it. That's all they took. It makes me sick to think about it, but listen to what they didn't get. My cousin's laptop! Stupid people! They didn't get the two afghans that my aunt who just passed away made. They didn't get my Gypsy or the $150 worth of markers that were RIGHT NEXT to what they took! (I didn't pay $150.....but that's what they retail for!) What they took is really only important to me. Stupid people!

I kept saying it over and over even when the security guards came. They were SO nice. They even had a sense of humor. I had to move my car to another spot so a maintenance guy could vacuum out all the glass. I parked in two spots to give him enough room. One of the security guards said, "Ma'am! I'm going to have to site you for taking up two stalls!" He's lucky I didn't hit him!

Why why why why why why why?!!! Why are people so mean and stupid?!!!

I have to say, though, that I'm grateful no one was hurt. I'm grateful my daughter wasn't there alone. (I almost sent her on home ahead of us because I knew she still had a lot of homework to do!) I'm grateful my cousin didn't lose anything. I'm grateful that I kept my cool and didn't cuss like I really wanted to. And I'm grateful you guys let me vent! Stupid people!!!!~

Heaven’s Gate Mountain, Zhangjiajie City, China

by Michael

You’ll climb 999 grueling steps to an opening in the mountains considered to be the door to heaven. A cliff collapsed years ago, leaving this more-than-400-foot-tall hole. The number 999 was selected as lucky since the number 9 has the same pronunciation as the word that means “eternal,” or “perpetual,” in Mandarin—which may seem cruelly appropriate to those who attempt the climb. Just to get to the base of the staircase, visitors must first take a cable car that climbs 4,000 feet or a bus along a mountain road so winding it’s been compared to a dragon’s back. 

Personally...I think I would charter a small plane and fly right thru that hole.....

~ Every Girl's Dream ~

by Tina~in_ut

Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect Guy!!!

...pshhh.......every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~

The Marriage of Figaro Duettino - "Sull'aria" - Kiri Te Kanawa - Mirella Freni

by Michael

You may recognize this aria from the movie Shawshank Redemption. When Andy locked himself in the office and played this music for the prisoners their reaction was very special.

I liked this comment left on YouTube about the aria....Morgan Freeman's character "Red" said it in the movie:

I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

~ Happy St. Patrick's Day ~

by Tina~in_ut

Or maybe this is more your speed!~

Maxine on St. Patrick's Day

by Dianne

Loretto Chapel Staircase, Santa Fe, NM

by Michael

A masterpiece—and mystery—of woodworking, this spiral

structure is entirely self-supporting, without any central column 

to provide stability and with wooden pegs instead of nails. Legend 

has it that when the chapel was finished in 1878, there was no 

way to access the choir loft except by ladder due to space issues. 

An unknown carpenter came into town and built this miraculous 

staircase only to disappear without pay.

"tada"...it's magic Zona!

Smash!

by Zona

My NEW favorite new show..well..ok..it's a tie between this and "Once Upon A Time"...but this is definitely Must See TV! :)

I'm a slut, I'm a slut, I'm a slut slut slut!

by Lynn D

~ Kony 2012 ~

by Tina~in_ut

Yes......it's 30 minutes long. Watch it anyway~ My daughter is involved at her school in the Africa Outreach program which includes collecting money for Invisible Children. This is just one of her many passions~

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW

Sung by Gotye (featuring Kimbra)

Submitted by Just Lin

I really like this song and I like the video, too. Although the lyrics don't at all represent how things went with Custard and I, it is true that he's now become just somebody that I used to know. That still feels sad to me but it's getting better.

~ Let Calcutta Surprise You ~

by Tina~in_ut

The Ultimate "That's What She Said" News Montage

by Michael

The Most Astounding Fact

by Michael

~ Ponderings 101 ~

by Tina~in_ut

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

When they ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Kids Say the Darndest Things

by Dianne

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.

"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.

His grandmother knelt down next to him "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"

The boy looked up, "Really?"

"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."

The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."

**************************************

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

**************************************

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he said.

*********************************

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied "I'm not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."

***********************************

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.

They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."

***********************************

Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his friend about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.

In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?"

With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"

***************************************

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said. "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add "es."

(Why wouldn't an English teacher love that one?)
****************************************

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.

The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

********************************************

A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning.

He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green Army men in the cup. She said "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"

***********************************

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close..."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

***********************************

I Love Irishmen!

by Lynn D

I stumbled across this video of Michael D. Higgins the President off Ireland. This man tells it like it is and obviously will not take shit off of anyone! lol The man interviewing him Michael Graham does not have a chance and as the Michael Higgins calls him a fear mongering wanker seems about right.

The nests Michael I dedicate this one to you. :)

~ Stronger ~

by Tina~in_ut

Love Kelly~

Elvis Presley Medley 1968

by Michael

~ Baptism by Proxy ~

by Tina~in_ut

Baptism by Proxy has been in the news a lot lately. Most recently, it was reported that Mahatma Gandhi was baptized by proxy as a Mormon in the Salt Lake City Temple on March 27, 1996. Before that, it was discovered that Anne Frank was also baptized by proxy. Of course, many people are outraged, but I don't think people understand what really happens and the intent.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints believes that baptism is an indispensable requirement for entrance into the Kingdom of God. Baptism by proxy allows those members of your family who were not given the opportunity on earth to get baptized another chance. This is why Mormons are encouraged to research their genealogy. The idea is to find all the people in your family who are not baptized and get baptized for them. My husband found that his great-grandfather was baptized by proxy. Unfortunately, we don't know by who. The one thing that is left out of most articles on the subject is that the person who has died has the option to accept the baptism or reject it in the afterlife. That is, of course, if you believe in this, which most do not. I guess if I were Mormon, I would feel comforted in the fact that I was able to do something for my family.

I read an article where Gandhi's grandson, Arun, was quoted:

“My grandfather always believed in respecting all the religions,” Gandhi said. ”When anyone asked him in his lifetime which religion he believed in, he said, ‘I’m a Hindu, I’m a Christian, I’m a Muslim, I’m a Buddhist, I’m everything, So in that spirit, I think he’d now say he’s a Mormon, too.”

Unfortunately, no one is clear on whether or not Gandhi or Anne Frank were baptized by a member of their family. In recent years, because of criticism received by non-members, the LDS church has published a general policy of performing temple ordinances only for direct ancestors of church members. They are in the process of removing names from the registry of those persons baptized by non-family members, but it is a labor intensive process and must be done on an individual basis.

Not surprising, I found that Pope John Paul II was baptized by proxy, as well as Christopher Columbus, Adolf Hitler, and even Barack Obama's mother. What are your feelings on this?

Night Sky

by Zona

When I was a kid..you could go out into the backyard at night and look up and see what seemed to be every star in the universe. We would lay out on a blanket and pick out the constellations..feeling so small under the vast expanse of the star filled sky. Gradually, the city became so populated..light pollution ruined that view. After Randy and I got married we would drive from here to his parent's house to visit. We travelled at night to escape the heat of the day..and we would always pull over once we got out of town..just to look at the stars. This video was shot by a photographer in time lapse. He set up cameras in Utah, Wisconsin, South Dakota and Colorado to capture these amazing views. Watching it makes me feel like I did when I was a kid..like I could just reach up and touch the stars. Believe me..there were many nights I tried. :)