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Thursday, June 18, 2009

$9.56...A SMALL PRICE TO PAY

by Maureen

Each day at work I am a part of the care process of many people that can't care for themselves. Not directly, but on the fringe, as support to the clinical staff. I work tirelessly to assure that the clinicians have authorizations from the various insurance companies to make the visits that are so needed by the patients. We are not a profit seeking agency, but we do want to break even so insurance payments are vital to our survival. As the economy falters, it is even more important to provide the best care we can with shrinking resources. So I find that part of the job to be rewarding.

I also work with the clinical staff to get the patients the supplies they need to improve their health status. Mostly it is wound care supplies that I have to order on behalf of the patients. Again, with shrinking resources it is imperative that we order carefully but still provide the items needed to promote healing. We can not provide and endless amount of the supplies, just enough to get them thru until their orders arrive. Most commercial insurance companies will require the patient to make a co-pay. It is going to become more frequent that the patient can not afford that co-pay. What bothers me is that with commercial insurance (not Medicare or Medicaid) the patient makes a premium payment each month for their coverage. Why in the heck do they have to pay for the supplies they need to survive?

Last Monday I ordered wound care supplies for what the nurses described as a lovely man. He is 83 and lives in a very wealthy community. On Tuesday the supply company called me to say they could not ship his order because he had a co-pay of $9.56 and the lovely old gentleman did not have the co-pay. Yes, $9.56. He told the company he would call back when he gets a credit card number to use. I told his nurse and she suggested the company call the gentleman's son, who is also listed as his emergency contact. So they did. On Thursday the nurse arrived at the house to find no supplies. She did the best she could to dress his wound with the supplies she had on hand. Not the dressing the Doctor ordered, but the best she could provide. I called the supply company and they said they called the patient and his son and still no one called back with the co-pay...they still would not ship. I then decided to call the son myself. I got his voice mail and left a message. I told him how imperative it is for his dad to have the proper prescribed wound care in order to heal fully and quickly. I didn't come right out and ask him to pay it, but I tried to impart my Jewish guilt on the son and pleaded with him to "intercede" on his dad's behalf. I left him my number, and the supply company's number to call. Did he call you? He sure as hell hasn't called me back.

Today, Monday, the nurse arrived at his home and there were still NO SUPPLIES. WTF?? The nurse anticipated this and brought supplies from her home to help this man. Supplies paid for out of her pocket. I called the supply company and was determined that if nobody called and paid the co-pay, I was going to do it. Thankfully, I didn't have to as someone called this morning and paid the co-pay. The supplies will arrive tomorrow.

As a child who cared for her mom...as so many of you do, can you imagine not providing ANYTHING that your parent needed to survive? How can a son be so cavalier about his father's health? For crying out loud he had multiple phone calls asking for his help. I know those of you caring for an aging or ill parent would do without to be sure your parent has his / her needs met...without even blinking.

Why didn't this man have $9? Has his son blocked his funds? Did he take away his credit cards...maybe to protect him? If so, then why didn't the son step up to the plate and take care of it at the first call? Is this man being neglected? Do we need to involve Adult Protective Services? So many questions.

I read so many cases that break my heart. I can't imagine actually meeting or seeing these people in person without crying my eyes out. I give so much respect to the people that go into these homes...often the only visits some get...and care for them as if they were their own parents. I complain about their "diva-ness", but they deserve to be recognized for the good they do.

And so do all of you caring for your elderly loved ones.

166 comments:

Tina~in_ut said...

well thank God!!!

Tina~in_ut said...

where ya been Carol?~

Tina~in_ut said...

GA!!!! it's about time!!

Tina~in_ut said...

i've been waiting and waiting! :)~

Tina~in_ut said...

Oh Mo....great blog! (I'll read it later!) :D

Tina~in_ut said...

8

Tina~in_ut said...

9

Tina~in_ut said...

10~

night.owls.sb said...

Tina..

see area 51..

Todays blog is saying posted at 9A, but it did not post at 9A.. maybe blogger is having issues..

Tina~in_ut said...

lol carol~

Mo~ I loved all the people who came to my dad's house to take care of him when he was recovering from surgery! They were very special people! I can't imagine not having what we needed for my dad! That son should be taken out back and shot!

MEK in AZ said...

Tina - LOL - i was thinking the SAME thing ... where oh where was the blog...

had to leave for the dog park!! and there were no little friends to play with...

oh well.......

MEK in AZ said...

happy Thursday!!

Good morning...

Tina - congrats on FIRST...

cpgem - waving howdy!!

I'm going to read the blog now..

:-)

bonachichi said...

Happy Thursday, MEK, Tina & Carol! Ditto to all who come in later. Mo, I'm sure you see a lot of unjustified behavior. I could never let that happen to my dad.

MEK in AZ said...

Mo - your blog today - I agree with Tina - that son needs to be slapped upside the head......

Taking care of a parent is NEVER an easy job - but it comes full circle in my book... They brought you into this world and took care of you - and now it's your turn.. and trust me - i have had more of "my turns" than I care to share.

Thank you for your words today..

MEK in AZ said...

bonacci - good morning...

MEK in AZ said...

where is Tinka..

looks like I need to go for it..

MEK in AZ said...

Happy dance...

cpgem - sure the blog was supposed to post at 9a.m. - I was refreshing and refreshing!! HA HA..

I'm just up WAY too early these days...

I'm taking tomorrow off!!
:-)

East Bay J said...

Good morning!

Congrats on 1st Tina!

Oh man Mo, there are stories upon stories I could tell you on this subject.

Your blog today caused my mind to just flood with memories of situations about patients and co-pays, and caregivers.

I have to leave for work shortly so will try to post later.

Today is the first day we are leaving Nancy home alone for the whole day. We are shutting her in our bedroom and have pulled up cords, put plenty of toys and food.

I know I will be nervous all day long.

Hope everyone has a nice day!

East Bay J said...

Good morning!

Congrats on 1st Tina!

Oh man Mo, there are stories upon stories I could tell you on this subject.

Your blog today caused my mind to just flood with memories of situations about patients and co-pays, and caregivers.

I have to leave for work shortly so will try to post later.

Today is the first day we are leaving Nancy home alone for the whole day. We are shutting her in our bedroom and have pulled up cords, put plenty of toys and food.

I know I will be nervous all day long.

Hope everyone has a nice day!

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories!

Tina congrats on first! I kept refreshing too and was wondering if something was wrong with my computer! LOL

Mo I just don't understand people! The older I get the more I don't get it. Shame on his son. I was reading this and thinking dammit I will send the ten dollars. Thank goodness for caring nurses and support staff! The world would be so sad if we did not have you around.

Hi MEK and Bonacci!

Lynn D said...

Waving at EBJ!

scirish said...

Mo...Good God!!! That son should be put on an island with a wound, no supplies and no one to take care of it!!!! To me, this isn't just the issue of the son failing to take care of a medical situation, he also is guilty of causing unneeded mental and emotional stress!!! Can you imagine how that poor man FELT??? He can't get proper care, his son practically abandoned him and he was probably embarrassed as well. I just can't fathom anyone being that callous. Even if he wasn't Father of the Year, no one deserves that kind of treatment.

scirish said...

Ok, so maybe that pissed me off a little....

scirish said...

P.S. I'm glad the blog finally posted....I was getting worried that something was wrong.

scirish said...

From Area 51

Whabby...LOL @ your "scummy scam". That happened to me a couple of years ago when I ordered the One Touch Can Opener as a stocking stuffer for my Mom. I ended up with $20.00 shipping in order to get in time and a set of crappy binoculars that "could be yours for the low price of $5.00 with your completed order." Sorry to say the One Touch was a piece of crap too. Hope you have better luck!!!

Zona said...

MO: You're blog hit close to home today. My mom spent the last two hours of my dad's life on the phone trying to get the insurance company to ok morphine patches. The doctor called to tell her he ordered them..then the pharmacy called to tell her the insurance company wouldn't ok them. She called the insurance company..then had to call the doctor again..then the pharmacy. Round and round and round. My sister finally told the pharmacy to just fill the dang RX and she would pay for it. She never got the chance..my dad passed away before she could pick up the prescription.

Unfortunately, reading that a son wavered on paying his dad's co-pay didn't surprise me. If my parent's care had been left up to my brother..you can bet he wouldn't have paid the ten bucks, cuz he just didn't give a damn.

It saddens me to think just how often this probably happens.

Caregivers have a very difficult job..and they should be given lots of respect and thanks for all the hard work they do.

Great blog today MO.

Zona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zona said...

Sorry guys..I think I may have gotten off topic there...MO's blog just kinda hit a nerve..

Zona said...

Congrats on "1" TINA..and 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10!

Oh..and 12 ;)

CAROL: Better late than..well you know.. ;)

MEK: Yay! You got a reprieve!!

LYNND: I wanted to send the ten bucks too..

EBJ: We were scared the first time we left Nik alone too..I'm sure Nancy will be fine.

SCIRISH: I can completely understand your anger..

G'Morning BONACCI!

(delete was mine..apparently I can't count today)

Have a nice Thursday Everyone!!

Mary/MI said...

Mornin'Tina,MEK,Bonacci, Scirish & Lynnd!
I hope everyone is well today.

Tinka, I was thinking about you yesterday. I was having a bad knee day because of the cool damp weather.Temps are higher today and I am already feeling relief. I hope you are too.

Mo,your blog left me scratching my head! I can't imagine anyone not responding to such a simple request that could ease someone's quality of life!
There was an article in today's paper that told of a mentally challenged person (related to Down syndrome)His sister was his caregiver as both parents were dead. They reduced his SS from $830 to $116 with no explanation.
Long story short,more than a month later after many calls it was determined to be a "systems error". In other words someone goofed! The sister said " I have a master's degree in social work and I barley have been able to navigate this system. How in the world are mentally challenged folks supposed to do it!"
I wonder if people just don't care or just lazy!!

Mary/MI said...

I will see you all later. I will be helping my Sister Lena move today.
Have a great day all!!

Zona! I am glad I scrolled before "publishing".
I felt sad reading your comment. It boggles my mind that ANY family member can be so cold! [[HUGS}]

Tina~in_ut said...

Carol~ did you hear about CO61? The pilot died enroute from BRU to EWR.....a relief pilot took his place and the plane landed early! Yikes!~

Tinkatia said...

HI Mek - Here I am a little late.

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning Tina, ( 1st through 10)

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning Carol, Bonacci, Lynn and Scirish.

Tinkatia said...

I don't know where Mek is now so I think I will start the count.

Tinkatia said...

Now I can relax, read the blog and comments and explain why I am late.

Tinkatia said...

Maureen - Your blog nearly broke my heart. I can't believe someone is deprived of supplies he/she needs. I know Canada gets criticized for its high taxes but it doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor you get the same hospital treatment for free. That is the only system I am used to. We are however now having long waiting times for some operations so I guess nothing is perfect. I don't know why Health Care isn't the top priority in every single country but I guess I am wishing for "That Perfect World".

Tinkatia said...

I am late because my hands aren't working well and because I am again organizing the cleaning lady. She is coming three times a week until the deep cleaning is done and then once a week. I think my cleaning days are over thanks to Arthritis. Unfortunately it is now in my knees and my walking days may be over too. Here I am complaining when someone can't get the bandages he needs. I need a reprimand for that.

Tinkatia said...

East Bay J - Let us know how Nancy makes out. She will probably sleep all day.

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning Zona-My-Baby - How could I miss you when I scrolled down? My own daughter at that. A second reprimand coming my way.

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning Mary - I guess my eyes are going too. Sorry I missed you in the first scroll down.

Tinkatia said...

Mary - Sorry your knees hurt too. It isn't fun is it?

Tina~in_ut said...

oh baby~

Tina~in_ut said...

62~

Tina~in_ut said...

63~

Tina~in_ut said...

64~!

Tina~in_ut said...

65~

Tina~in_ut said...

66~

Tina~in_ut said...

67~

Tina~in_ut said...

68~

Tina~in_ut said...

69~

Tina~in_ut said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~

Tinkatia said...

Zona - I just read how your dad spent the last two hours of your mom's life on the phone. That is criminal. There has to be karma for that sort of ordeal.
(((((Hugs))))) to you. That memory isn't a happy one I know.

Tinkatia said...

Tina - You little dickens you. I was just going to say I was leaving the numbers open and you slipped in the back way and got 69. Pretty sneaky my dear.

Tina~in_ut said...

Hi Tinka~ :D

Tinkatia said...

I am going to check on my cleaning lady and then have a nap. This retirement was worth waiting for. It would be doubly nice if I still had the same hands, knees, feet and eyes that I had when I was working. Oh there I go complaining again. Sorry about that. See you all this afternoon. Have a great day. Love, Tinka

Lani said...

I am stopping by to say hello and wish everyone well. I have been taking a little break from the computer, but I still think of all of my OWL FRIENDS often. (((HUGS)))

MEK in AZ said...

Good afternoon...

UPDATE FROM SACBARB...

her son is being discharged today!!

that is Fantastic news!!!

MEK in AZ said...

Just watched the Atlas Rocket launch... amazing.......

Tinkatia said...

Mek - Thanks for the update on SacBarb's son. That is wonderful news.

Tinkatia said...

80

scirish said...

Whabby!!!!!! I was in Walgreens today and THEY HAD YOUR ARM!!!! I believe my sanity was questioned several times as I moved through the store emitting a maniacal chuckle...I will spare you the indignity of telling you how much it was....

Lynn D said...

Yay for Sacbarbs son!

Zona level 24 over eleven million!

Tinkatia said...

VIG - Welcome home. I like it when you are back on the island.

Tinkatia said...

Owls are sure busy today.

Tinkatia said...

85 - I think I will count to 100 and see if I can wake up any sleepy owls.

Tinkatia said...

Wake up Sleepy Owls.

Tinkatia said...

Zona - My daughter, are you having a nap.

Tinkatia said...

I have had my nap and I am ready to play.

Lynn D said...

HI Tinka!

Scrishy were you chanting I saw Whabby's arm and it is cheaper here! LOL

Tinkatia said...

First one to the big tree wins.

Tinkatia said...

I won.

Tinkatia said...

92

Tinkatia said...

93

Tinkatia said...

94

Tinkatia said...

95

Tinkatia said...

96

Tinkatia said...

97

Tinkatia said...

98

Tinkatia said...

99

Lynn D said...

100

Tinkatia said...

100

Lynn D said...

Sorry Tinka I could not resist!

Tinkatia said...

Lynn - You beat me. Good on you. At least there are two of us in the nest.

Lynn D said...

We will see how long I can stay int the nest. My phone has been ringing off of the hook all day!

Tinkatia said...

Lynn - No need to be sorry. That was fun and very clever I may add. You were able to slip right in there. Great timing.

Tinkatia said...

Lynn - I have to leave too. It is dinner hour. Thanks for the fun.

Lynn D said...

At one point I was on my cell and the house phone kept ringing! Oy I would slap Alexander Graham Bell upside the head if he was still alive!

scirish said...

The above will be my last sober comment of the evening!!!! My best friend of 25 years (Donna, 'member her? She just lost her Mom from the same thing, but her Mom went sooo damn quick) Anyway..she made me take a night off and she will be on call..There hasn't been a reason for anyone to be on call for a while, or I couldn't do it. Actually, I'm not sure I can now, but I do have a glass of wine in front of me, the iPod is charged and the SO is gone 'til 10.

Oddly, I don't have the iPod blasting in my ear as usual....I want to be able to hear the phone...I understand why she wants me to have a "night" though..One of the nurses (who became a hospice nurse after she took care of her Mom) told me I wouldn't be able to handle it on my own. Donna told me to call her when I felt like I was killing my mother with the morphine. I remember my Mom having a problem with that after Grandma died. Donna also told me to apologize for anything I felt bad about. I don't think I have anything, but I remember Mom had that problem too, as she had "snapped" at Grandma the day before. Donna also told me to cry when I feel like it NOW and I can't....Maybe that's why she wanted me to have this night...I seem to be pouring all this crap out here on the blog..I just feel like I have to be strong and in control around Mom...And to do that, I can't let it break through. Especially as she switches from denial to semi-denial. I am gonna let her set the tone. (except for the bitchy one!!) Thank you all for "listening" and for being....just being.. I don't want to talk to Donna....It is too new and raw for her, yet she tries for me. She told me, that as bad as it was for her, she will have had a better time than I will. We have these conversations where our voices are all over the place, trying not to cry...I'm scared

Lynn D said...

Have a great dinner Tinka!

scirish said...

Clean up on 108!!! Sorry guys

Lynn D said...

Oh Scrishy just pour out everything you are feeling here! We have big shoulders and just as big hearts! I wish I could do more than offer (((Hugs))) from a great distance.

You have a wonderful friend she is so trying to be strong for you. Bless her.

I hope you can feel my hand in yours right now because I am thinking about you at this very moment!

MEK in AZ said...

Scirish - I cried for you!! and it's okay... you do what YOU need to do for YOU!!

sending you a huge big ole' (((HUG)))

MEK in AZ said...

Lynn and Tinka - I had a little chuckle at your march to 100!!

good job...

MEK in AZ said...

Zona - did you survive the heat today??!!

scirish said...

Lynndeeee...Thanks....You have no idea what hearing that means.

Maybe I should actually DRINK the damn wine...

Lynn D said...

MEK sending you (((Hugs))) to!

Scrishy have a glass it will help a little. Like MEK said you need some you time.

kahonugrl said...

Squishy~

You share, dump, pour, throw, catapult, laser beam, rubber chicken, stomp....anything you want or need to. Lots of shoulders here and usually at any time of the day or night.

Huge rainbow filled hugs to you~

Have a seocnd glass, turn the iPod on and dance like no one is watching.

scirish said...

MEK..Thanks....Could you work harder a getting rid of my tears??? :) They choke me sometimes....

The other day mom said: "All I have is a bad cold" I promptly looked at the floor so she couldn't read my face. Once I got my face in line, I looked up at her....and she the freaking Cheshire Cat smile. The one she has when she is telling you something fun...That almost did me in...

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Scirish all I can offer you are (((HUGS))).

scirish said...

Kgrl...catapult, laser beam, rubber chicken?? I'm sure I'm capable of the first two...If I get to rubber chicken, someone needs to save me! I shall consider the dancing, but dosen't everyone dance as if no one is watching??

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Maureen I'm glad your blog had a good outcome. Shame on the son. I have had to use my credit card to get some things for mum. Her Resue Alert necklace and raised toilet seat were both put on credit. I'm unemployed, but I will get what she needs. My siblings are suppose to contribute finacially but so far I've seen $15.00.

Good night everyone.

Tinkatia said...

Scirish - A big hug from Victoria. I know how frustrated I would get and then I would feel guilty. It's not easy. My heart goes out to you. God bless you Sweetie.

Tinkatia said...

123

Tinkatia said...

124

Tinkatia said...

125

kahonugrl said...

Shirley: Hooter posting counter chick extrodanaire...

Hugs to you too~

Maureen said...

SCIRISH...honey, let it out. It is often easier to write it than say it...SO WRITE all you need to. We love you and will always offer you any support we can. And if you do get to rubber chicken...make some rubber soup out of it ;)~

LANI...good to see you.

ZONA...dear one. I am so sorry I hit a nerve for you. Had I known, I would never have written this blog for publication. {{hugs}} to you.

SACBARB...so glad Chad is home. He will heal a billion times faster in his own home...and with his mommy by his side. Take care of YOU.

Thank you all for your comments today. I actually spoke to the lovely gentleman today. I called him to be sure he got his supply order and he had. He sounded so frail. I also looked a little further into his case and it does appear his son has taken control of his finances. If it is to protect him, then that makes sense. But if it is to force him into an impoverished existance then he should be strung up! I asked his nurse if he appears neglected and she didn't think so. Maybe there was just a glitch in the son's system!

Thanks again

Maureen said...

Write the blog AND shut it down...now that is a super super power

scirish said...

Mo...Rubber soup???

Mo..There is no glitch that can sustain the number of phone calls that were made to the son. I wonder if the son is trying to force a move that the father doesn't want. Whatever the situation, it isn't good or in the interest of the father.

Maureen said...

SCIRISH...chicken -->soup...
rubber chciken --> rubber soup! Just my lame attempt at humor.

I know that this situation is comprehensible. I am just hoping it is an isolated incident in this mans life. One can only hope.

MEK in AZ said...

UPDATE FROM SACBARB...

her son is HOME !!!!

YEAH!!!

back to regular blogging..

iteach said...

Oh, Mo, your blog hit home to me. I have encountered numerous parents in my time who will not provide their student with any school supplies. However, I see those parents walking out of our local tavern regularly. It makes my head shake.

iteach said...

I have a lot of neat stories to share with you today about today's ag. adventures. However, I have been busy typing my final paper for this class. I will definetly share tomorrow.

I will give you a clue to one of my adventures today.

We finally visited a farm today that has their livestock breed naturally!!!!!

Stay tuned to find out what animal does that and you will be in for a surprise!

night.owls.sb said...

All of you are such caring, giving people and I am so fortunate to have you all in my life..

Scirish,
Write all you want, say all you want, for god sakes drink all you want.. Its a long road, and you need all the strength you can mustard up. I am so glad your friend was able to give you a break. We did that for Ar many times when Aunt Jo was so sick.
I told Ar and I will tell you, what you are going thru is unimaginable, but it has to done, and the strength will come, I saw it in Ar and I am seeing it in you as well..

Now please...drink the wine, and do as turtle said turn the ipod on loud and dance like noone is looking..

Many hearts.. ♥♥♥
and
Many smiles..♥♥♥

iteach said...

BTW, Mo, I so adore you...........

night.owls.sb said...

Hooray for Sacbarb... Her son is home, just very good news.. He is young he is strong... he will push thru...

night.owls.sb said...

oh..That was rude..

Mek.. Thanks for the update..

iteach said...

Yeah SacBarb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scirish, I just raised my Dt. Pepsi to you right now and pretended it was wine.

night.owls.sb said...

iteach..

Can't wait to find out the animal..

Just one question will there be a test at the end of the week, cause if there is.. I have to tell Shirley to start taking notes.. so I can
cheaqt off her.. LOL

iteach said...

Carol, how are your legs doing today?

Mine hurt from standing in manure all day, seriously. Liquid pig manure to be accurate.

night.owls.sb said...

Tina..

Yes I saw that this afternoon.. So sorry for the pilot only 60yrs old.. But a big Kudos to the co pilots who all landed the plane safely..

night.owls.sb said...

Iteach...

LOL.. you crack me up...

Actually, they are still sore.. but I am fighting thru.. Thanks!

iteach said...

No test, Carol, you all have suffered enough listening to me ramble about my outings.

However, it will continue to next summer, because I will be signing up for Ag. in the class part II.

night.owls.sb said...

Turtle...

I loved what you said to scirish..

iteach said...

Good for you Carol!!!!!!!! I'm proud of you.

I have one more page to type, I hope everyone has sweet dreams tonight!

night.owls.sb said...

Oh how fun.. then we get to learn more.. I love to learn.. just don't like tests..

:O)

night.owls.sb said...

Iteach..

Thank You!

night.owls.sb said...

Nite iteach, sweet dreams to you too..

:O)

night.owls.sb said...

MO...

Geez, that poor man, not having $9, his son should really be ashamed of himself, thank goodness ppl like you kept calling him, as I guess someone got the msg and called in the credit card.. I hate that he lives alone, so sad.. It is such a shame when ppl discard the elderly, I could never do that...

night.owls.sb said...

I am stealing this from Zona, cause it applies to me as well.. hope she does not mind..

"If my parent's care had been left up to my brother..you can bet he wouldn't have paid the ten bucks, cuz he just didn't give a damn."

Thanks zona, for saying exactly how I feel..

night.owls.sb said...

Zona...

Your mom did all she could, it can can't very frustrating, such a sad time and on top of it all you have to worry about fighting insurance companies.. Kudos to your sister for doing as she felt best to do..

When Aunt Jo was fist diagnosis, she wanted to try the chemo pill the dr told her might work. The problem, it was not covered my her insurance, so Ar paid $2400.00 for a one month supply.. She starting taken the pill and felt somewhat better.. So I made several phones calls, and finally got the pills for her free.. she only took them for another month and stopped. As the pill by that point were making her sick.. So they did not help her, but at lease she tried..

Maureen said...

CAROL and ZONA...when my mom was ill I told my brother he better start coming in to see her, because she didn't have long. He lives in Wisconsin, so I could understand a little him not being here too much. But when it got close to the end, I told him SHE needed him and HE needed to be here. It wasn't because he didn't care, but because he was scared. I always told him that even though he is the older sibling, I was the more mature one! Anyhow, after his 2nd visit in a couple of months, I could see the fear on his face. He then said he couldn't afford to come again. Bullshit. But I decided that I would put an end to that excuse...I gave him money to use for gas for about 3 or 4 trips! He did come again and then he came for the funeral. I know he loved her and he did give a damn, but couldn't deal with it. He wrote the most unbelievable poem for her that was read at the funeral.
But, to be honest I was resentful that I was alone to deal with everything. Sure we discussed stuff over the phone, but it wasn't the same. I had to make all arrangements myself...look at nursing homes, deal with docs and then arrange the funeral. When I was at the funeral home, the hardest part was when I was taken to the basement to pick out a casket. I was in a bit of a state of shock and that sure snapped me into reality fast.

night.owls.sb said...

Mo,

Oh, mo, I hate that you had to do it all alone.. But I know, I will be doing it alone as well.. My brother will surly show his face, but that would be it.. and I know my resentment for him will grow stronger.

kahonugrl said...

Mo.... I have so much to say on the subject, but have been biting my tongue (ok tapping my digits on the desk rather than the keys) as I cannot say exactly what it is I am thinking. I know that when I took care of my friend as he recovered from cancer a couple yrs back, I went without alot just so he had groceries, toilet paper, and such...he was out of work (a professional singer) and relied on state assistance for his insurance needs. I recently took a local family here to Costco and bought them a months worth of groceries as they needed what little they had to pay their mortgage as the Dad recovered from back surgery. Luckily in Hawaii you can go without many comforts that the mainlanders have. Their water is heated by a propane system (as is their stove) but they we're not able to have the giant tank filled. Another friend filled their tank and I took them shopping. I don't want any kudos from you Hooters, I did this because I wanted to, and because when I had my surgery 10 yrs ago I was given help by many, and it is only right to pay it forward.

I would love to have a "talk" with that son. I sure hope someone looks into the Dad's finances and makes sure that he is not being abused financially.

Maureen said...

CAROL...you will have us with you...if not in person, then surely in spirit.

night.owls.sb said...

Turtle..

I would have done the same, I admire you for helping.. Ralph came into office on Tuesday, he did not ask for money, but I gave him some freely. All I had on me was $12.00 and that is want I handed to him..

We all have big hearts, that is why we can't imagine that, thats man son could do such a thing..

night.owls.sb said...

MO,

TY

♥♥♥

Maureen said...

KGIRL...ok, I wont GIVE you kudos, but I will still think it. You recognized where your act of paying it forward was most needed. And if they are friends of yours, then when they are able they will pay it forward as well. Your a good kahonu...and a great friend.

I am trying to figure out a way to get Social Work involved. maybe if we let the doc know how hard it was to get his prescribed order filled, he will write an order for the MSW. He can evaluate the living situation and financial, too.

night.owls.sb said...

I am off to bed.. I have a early nail appt..

c u all tomorrow..


I hope the blog publishes on its own, I just checked it and its correct..

I will not be in my office till 10ish, so if it does not publish, I can't publish it till then..

Nite..

night.owls.sb said...

Mo,

That is a great idea.. Go for it..

You are so smart.. want a lollipop..

:O)

night.owls.sb said...

Mo..

It only takes ten licks to get to the center.. so the anticipation will be nill..

:O)

night.owls.sb said...

ok.. really going now..

night.owls.sb said...

OH..EBJ.. let us know how Nancy did my herself..

night.owls.sb said...

really, really going now..

night.owls.sb said...

oh, mo, I so forgot..

How is the TV working..

Clearer pic?

night.owls.sb said...

Forgot this too..

Lani.. always good to see ya, and its always good to take a break..

Maureen said...

169

Maureen said...

169

night.owls.sb said...

Sandie..

I have been thinking about ya.. With summer almost upon us, I am sure you are busy with the kids..

Hope all is well..

:O)

Maureen said...

169

night.owls.sb said...

ok.. really , really, really going now..

night.owls.sb said...

Mo..

We were marching and I had no idea.. who got the lucky 69????

Maureen said...

CAROL...nice...offer me a lollipop then run over me for 169...real nice!!!!!

night.owls.sb said...

Mo..

You got it.. Happy 169.. was it as good for you as its been for me in the past.. ;O)

night.owls.sb said...

MO..

LOL.. did I get it????

Maureen said...

CAROL...you got it. You were supposed to be gone at 166!!!

congratz

night.owls.sb said...

OH... crap I got it.. I am so excited.. My lollipop was a ploy..

Truth.. I had no idea..

But I am happy..

night.owls.sb said...

I was suppose to be gone at 166..

LMAO..

night.owls.sb said...

Truth or Dare!!!

Truth.. I am really going now.. time for bed..

Dare.. Do a handstand..


HA.. now you all know me very well, which am I choosing????

Maureen said...

now you can fall asleep with a smile on your face!

Just_Lin said...

MO Thank you for your blog today. It's really unbelievable that the poor man was without proper bandaging material just because of $9.56. You really have to wonder what is up with the son. A couple of months before my husband died, he had a surgery and skin graft on his scalp that I looked after and dressed both the graft site and scalp twice daily. A home visit nurse would come by and check the wound and leave us with more dressings, bandaging and antibiotics than we could use. I really can't imagine not having the proper supplies to take care of a wound, especially for an elderly man whose resistance to infection would be compromised.

Scirish Please know that you can let it all out here. It is important for you to let the emotions flow so you can keep it all together and be strong for your mother. I am so glad you have such a good friend in Donna. (((HUGS)))

Shirley You are such a good daughter to you mum. I hope you family wakes up and starts helping out more soon. (((HUGS)))

Just_Lin said...

I don't know why I keep dropping the "r" off of "your". I must be a lazy typist.

SacBarb I'm so glad to hear that Chad is home.

MEK Thank you for your updates.

Sweet dreams.

night.owls.sb said...

J/L..

I always drop the r off the your too..

:O)

whabbear said...

Mo: I have equal parts of the reaction of Tink, Zona, and Scrishy. Seriously.... equal parts of each of them.

How can people treat their elderly parents with anything but respect and love and support? How can nuclear family members not do that?

I don't get it. Any time it happens.

Scrishy: You bitch! HOW MUCH WAS THAT ARM??????