Saturday, May 12, 2012

Airport Security Device

by Michael

United Security Systems in Fallon, Nevada, announced today that they are developing a new security system for airports that will make all present systems obsolete.

Harry R. Kelton, Director of Development at the Fallon R&D Section stated that present systems are receiving a great deal of negative feedback and criticism, and the invasion of privacy complaints are becoming quite a problem.

"We have attempted to take all of the situations that can be encountered in detecting explosives at all locations, and airports seem to be the most critical. It is a situation where a small amount of explosives when set off can do the most damage," Kelton explained.

The USS solution is one that will eliminate any personal body searching or contact or x-ray of any kind.

They have designed, and have a prototype ready, a phone booth sized unit, that is completely explosion proof. It is lined with 8 inches of Teflar, 3 inches of Fiberglas and 2 inches of stainless steel, and layers of a classified material that was procured from NASA.

Radiotronics, of San Diego has supplied the electronics that are encased in the unit.

The passenger, or searchee, enters the booth, closes the door and it is automatically sealed shut, if no explosives are detected, the door automatically opens and the searchee is free to leave.

If any explosives are found on the person of the searchee, the explosives will automatically be detonated within the confines of the unit. It is soundproof and will create little disturbance or attention.

An automatic cleaning unit is being developed by the Henderson Car Wash Company and will be available soon.

This unit also relieves the necessity for an interrogation, imprisonment, court trial, legal fees, burial, and is basically maintenance free.


Michael said...

rub a dub dub...

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...


Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Well I hope they start mass producing these! They should have come up with something like this years ago! Thanks for sharing Michael!

Just_Lin said...

Michael Good morning. Oh, swimming with John are we? I had a very sexy dream about George Clooney last night. That's never happened before. I wonder if I can make it happen again. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Shirley Good morning, Little Miss Sunshine. I hope you have a great day.

Just_Lin said...

Today I will be doing all the little things I need to do to prepare to be gone for a couple of days. It's only a two day trip but I still haven't made final decisions on what to wear. These has been a life-long theme with me. My daughter, who is treating me to this cruise and accompanying me, has a terrible cold. She called yesterday and sounded like crap. I sure hope she's a lot better by tomorrow afternoon.

Just_Lin said...

I typed "these" instead of "this". Oh, well.

Dianne How's Louis doing? I hope he's feeling better every day.

sacBarb said...

Michael, This is very interesting and I totally agree with Shirley. :)

J/L, I have the same problem about packing and I usually end up over-packing. I hope your daughter feels well enough for you both to have a good time. Where do you go on a cruise that only lasts two days?

Shirley, Now that tax season is over for you, are you enjoying being a lady of leisure?

Just_Lin said...

SacBARB We just sail from SF to Vancouver, BC. It's just an excuse to be on the ship, relax, eat well, and play in the casino. The cost is very reasonable (especially for me since it is my daughter's Mother's Day gift to me)for a mini suite. We will then just fly home.

Michael said...


r u sailing on the Star Princess?

Poor John know...Carrie Fisher said...“Wow, I mean my feeling about John has always been that we know and we don’t care,” she said. “Look, I’m sorry that he’s uncomfortable with it, and that’s ALL I can say.”

I wouldn't swim with him...he is too promiscuous....a sex addict...prolly has cooties..

Michael said...


it seems I unknowingly had a large scorpion in my pants...that is... until it stung me about 30 minutes ago.

I yanked my pants off and the monster feel out. I beat him to death with my Birkenstock.

It hurts like a mofo...

Michael said...

oh yeah...I'd like some sympathy and maybe some parenthesis...

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...


Michael said...

well thank you Shirley...I hope that if u ever get bitten by a huge lobster....or whatever it is one gets bitten by in Nova Scotia...that i can extend the same sentiments....

checks sting for swelling...after awakening from nightmare about scorpions during nap...

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi everyone. How r u feeling by now Michael? How did a spider get in ur pants? Creepy. (hugs to u). Interesting on the blog info. It sounds like a perfect solution.

JL---have a fun cruise. I think it would be fun plus u don't have to pack much. Casino and dinner clothes!! Happy Mothers Day to u tomorrow as u might not be around for me to tell u then.

SacBarb---how the heck r u doing? I think we all r bad packers and take too much. When I went to Texas a couple of months ago, I wore everything I packed. I was very pleased with myself.

Shirley---u made quite a mess in the manor yesterday. I hired cleaners to clean up and now u owe money to the bail fund. U never know when we will need it--even for u.

Louis is getting around a little better today. It has been hard for these last few days but he's pretty cheerful and the majority of that pain is gone. We have cut back on some of the meds but certainly not all of them. They sent about four kinds of pain pills home with him.

Just_Lin said...

Michael Yes, it is the Star Princess. Hopefully we will not sail by any stranded fisherman and ignore them like what was in the news not long ago. I don't know if it is the same captain, though. I would hope that captain would be on suspension or something until they figure out wtf happened.

Did you really get stung by a scorpion? How rude! (((HUGS)))

Just_Lin said...

I hate it when somebody's in my pants that I didn't invite.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb SF to Vancouver, BC.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne At least on a 2 day cruise there's no formal night so that makes packing much easier.

Michael said...

J/L...beautiful boat! And no formal night! Perfect.

Yes I did get stung by a scorpion that got into the leg of my pants...u really have to watch right now around here...they are on the move. (scorpions)

But this is my second time. A couple of years ago one got me on the foot. It really leg feels like it is burned.

Main thing is making sure Belle doesn't tangle with one....

That cruise sounds just right to me...couple of nights and home!!

I know you'll enjoy the leisure...

Michael said...

And you might meet Mr. Wonderful...

this song comes to mind....

"Ring Them Belles"....Liza Minelli?

try Dubrovnik dear before u go

Gather around
I got a story to tell
About a Manhattan lady
That I know very well
She lives a 5 Riverside
Her name is Shirley Devore
And she travelled 'round the world
To meet the guy next door

Well there was trouble inside
Apartment 29 E
And Shirley's mother and dad
Were as upset as can be
They said, "We hate to complain, dear.
And we don't like to grouse.
But you're nearly 32,
You should get out of the house!"

You gotta ring them bells
You gotta ring them bells
You gotta make 'em sing
And really ring them bells
It's such a happy thing
To hear 'em ting-a-ling
You gotta ring... them... bells!

Well Shirley was 31
Which she had loathed to admit
And she had never been loved
Which didn't thrill her a bit
And so she sat and she thought
She thought for hours on end
She said, "I'll go to Chase Manhattan
Where I got me a friend!"

And so she borrowed a thou'
And called TWA
And told her mother and dad
That she was up and away
"I'm gonna travel the continent
A month, maybe two
And haul me home a huz
If it's the last thing I do!" (giggles)

You gotta ring them bells
You gotta ring them bells
You gotta make 'em sing
And really ring them bells
It's such a happy thing
To hear 'em ting-a-ling
You gotta ring... them... bells!

She met a Londoner first
But they did not hit it off
'Cause every time she approached,
He got a bronchial cough
And so she went to Madrid
And met a handsome seƱor
But he liked to throw the bull
And he was no matador

She also bombed out in Brussels,
In Majorca, and Rome
'Til someone said,
"Try Dubrovnik, dear
Before you go home
Find More lyrics at
'Cause it's the kind of a town
Where you'll be likely to fall
And all the toni Cognoscenti
Find the Balkans a ball!"

You gotta ring them bells
You gotta ring them bells
Yo gotta make 'em sing
And really ring them bells
It's such a happy thing
To hear 'em ting-a-ling
You gotta ring... them... bells!

And so she went to Dubrovnik
And the very first day,
She met a guy on the beach
Who took her reason away
Yes, it was love at first sight
And quite a beautiful scene
She said, "My name is Shirl Devore."
He said, "I'm Norm Sapperstein."
She said, "Are you from New York?"
He said, "That can't be denied.
I got a swell junior three
At number 5 Riverside."

[Liza speaking]
5?! 5 Riverside Drive in New York?!
That's where you live?
That-that's where I live!
5?! Are you sure?

As if that wasn't enough
Poor Shirley thought she'd gone deaf
When he told her his apartment there
Was 29 F!

Yes, she was E, he was F
And they had not even met
Until she travelled the world
To Yugoslavia yet
He'd always been right next door
And she would never have known
If she hadn't tried Dubrovnik,
She might still be alone!

Well... there's... a...
Moral to learn
From little Shirley Devore
Who had to borrow a thou'
To find a lover next door
You girls who live in apartments
Don't just stare at the wall!
Open up the door
And hurry out in the hall!

Ring them bells!
Come on, come on!
Ring them bells!
Make 'em sing!
And really ring them bells!
It's such a happy thing
To hear 'em ting-a-ling!
You gotta swing them!
Ring them!
Swing them!
Ring... them... bells!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Michael whats the cure for a scorpion bite? Aren't you suppose to pee on them?

Michael said...

thats for JELLYFISH stings!!!

Just_Lin said...

Michael Thanks for the song and the encouraging words. I hope that sting is feeling better.

Just_Lin said...

Shirley I heard that urine doesn't really soothe jellyfish stings, either.

Dianne/Denver said...

Happy Mothers Day Everyone and good night

Tina~in_ut said...

I thought u just died if one bit u~