Friday, May 4, 2012

Best Cum-Back Line Ever!

by Dianne

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .

'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: 'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?'

The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as 'Best come-back line ever.'


Shirley(NCC-1701) said...


Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Very funny and very quick thinking on the guys part!! LoL!!!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Anyone want to play tag?? Michael? Tag you're it baggy eyes!!!!!!!!
**runs away quickly**

Tinka said...

Good Morning Shirley - Congrats on being first.

Cute joke Dianne.

I am rushing today. We are going up island to see our little 4 year old granddaughter in her Spring concert at Play School. We missed her Christmas concert but saw it on video. She was so cute I don't want to miss this one.

Have a great day everyone.

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Moaning~

Di~ that was funny~ thanks for sending it in~ Hope ur pain-free soon~

Shirley~ SO nice to see you bright eyed and bushy tailed~

Tinka~ Hope you have fun at ur Cutie's concert~

Michael said...

thats a real knee slapper Dianne!!


Ohhh Shirley.....want to look thru my new opera glasses??? Just press real hard.....

Shirley said...

Nice opera glasses Michael...thanks!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Hey I didn't write that comment! I've been hacked!! My picture has been violated!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

FYI Michael the term "baggy eyes" I got from a Bugs Bunny episode where the Tasmanian Devil is chasing Bugs Bunny. Did you ever see that episode? It was very funny!

Tinka said...

We are home from our little granddaughter's Spring Concert, tired but very happy we went. They were all so cute but would you please excuse a doting Nana saying my little one was the cutest. It was a half hour long so they did quite a few songs and dances. The sweetest one was the Bird Dance because I don't think one of them had it right but they were trying so hard. These things are what makes bad days disappear from memory. I can't wait to see the video.

Off to an early bedtime. Sweet Dreams, Love, Tink.

Dianne/Denver said...

Thanks for the comments today. I thought this was kind of funny and as Michael said, "a real knee slapper"!

Tink--glad u had fun today. I always used to love those dance programs with my granddaughters. Those little ones were always so darn cute.

Hi shirley---nice to see u today. Did ubget tonsleep in this AM?

Tina--when is the prom? It must be soon,right?

Well, things r very quiet here today. Everyone must be out celebrating Spring.

Tina~in_ut said...

Di~ prom was last weekend