Fantasies of a Peri-Menopausal Woman

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Fantasies of a Peri-Menopausal Woman

by Lynn D

Yes believe it or not I have a rich fantasy life. It may not be what you think (Tina, Mo and others get your mind back on the sidewalk) my fantasies of late involve Cell phones…..

I am on an innocent shopping trip to the grocery store. I have my cart in hand and I am wandering the aisles looking for the items on my list. I approach the bread as I need a couple of loaves of whole wheat, but I can’t move, I can’t get to it because some lady (I use this term loosely) is blocking my progress as she has stopped in the middle of the aisle talking on her damn cell phone. I stop and listen and really people do I have to hear about Uncle Tom’s prostrate problems while I am shopping?????

Now here is the fantasy I slip into, I grab the phone from her hand and start sprinting down all of the aisles grabbing cell phones as I go. I am tossing them into the gourmet Olive bins and lining them up to run the cart over and over them. I tell you it is exhilarating. But the reality is I wait or go around her.

Now I was at the library a few weeks ago. People this is my Sanctuary akin to my sacred place. I love to go there. Until the day I ran into the Brittney and Lindsey wanna be’s. I am browsing and looking for my books and a phone rings! I am thinking NO Not Here! Britt answers the phone. It is their friend a Paris wanna be. They have a whole discussion about meeting at Jack in the Box (our town equivalent of a night club) and whether or not Damien will be there and he is Soooooooo Hot.

I realize that I am slipping into a fantasy of ripping the phone out of her hand and race walking to the book drop and down it goes!!! I am laughing gleefully as they whine behind me. I point to the sign you know the one with a cell phone pictured and a big red circle with a line through it? Even the library realizes they are challenged and put a picture up for them.

Sometimes fantasy turns into reality. I was at the movies with Mr. Lynn D we just spent about $25.00 for our tickets and bucket of popcorn. We are settling into our seats as the previews begin and what do I hear? Yes you guessed, a cell phone ringing behind me. Now I don’t know if it is the lack of hormones or I am just loosing my mind but I turned around and the woman is actually answering the damn thing. I look her in the eye and say “Oh no you didn’t”, in a far off distance I hear Mr. Lynn D mumbling something about bail but I just keep my eyes locked on this woman as she hastily closes her phone and turns it off.

I know this is crazy but I just could not take it anymore!!! This is not Get Smart people the cone of silence does not drop around you when you answer that cell phone.

I know you are thinking what is her point? Well I don’t know that I have one, but I just keep wondering what has happened to common courtesy? Are we so wrapped up in ourselves that we no longer feel the need to consider others? Are we so important that only our needs are the ones that matter?

Just maybe it is being peri-menopausal and I am slipping my bonds of reality. Or maybe I am just a cranky bitch.