Pages

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Does The Fear Ever Go Away?

by Dianne

I went in for my 11 year melanoma check-up with my Oncologist last week. The blood is taken and then you spend time with the doctor. He does a quick check up and asks a lot of questions. I always have the fear in me that something is going to show up. I go to my dermo twice a year. She tells me to circle anything I am concerned about when I go. You could connect the dots on me for what I circle plus remember I am a redhead so tons of freckles. I know I probably circle the same thing each time but she has known me for years and is very patient with me as she knows my fear.


I had surgery for this unsuspecting melanoma on my leg. It was a tiny bruise but it didn't go away and just by chance, I asked my doctor about it as I had just been laid off and my insurance would be changing. He said it was nothing and did a one stitch biopsy and then called me a week later with the news. Needless to say....I freaked out when I heard "malignant melanoma".

I am very excited to have 11 years behind me. They gave me a little pin after five years. It is frightening for me to even go to the cancer center. I went to a new one this time and they asked me if I would like to go back and see the chemo room? I told them no. I get so scared and plus the last chemo room I was in was with my friend Darrell that passed away in August...so no thanks. They seemed surprised and I did tell them why.

This fear has lessened some with the years but I am always nervous until I get my blood test results. I have had a couple of scares over the 11 years. Are any of you ever afraid of anything ongoing? It can be anything...not just health. I know SHIRLEY has expressed her fear of cats and that is very real also.

Chime in here and help me make a blog.......

76 comments:

Tina~in_ut said...

:)~

Tina~in_ut said...

okay.....so I think I'm ready! I just found a pair of socks that don't have holes in the toes....I'm ready to go thru security! Thing is.....I only found one pair, so I'll have to wear the same pair home! :)~

DeeDee said...

you have email Tina!! Get your butt in gear!! Did you wash out your good eyelashes last night for the trip?
Clean underwear?!

Lord I have to get myself ready in the morning and you too!! Did you put the "baby powder" where I told you?

Don't forget to put those odor-raters in your shoes.....
Your gun will be waiting for you when you land in Oprahville....just remember....aim at the knees and FIRE!!!

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb and I will be getting on the plane in a few minutes. We didn't have holes in our socks, either.

Dianne. My big fear was always the dentist. Otherwise, I guess I always assume I am okay.

DeeDee said...

I just saw that sock remark...omg...perhaps you can pick up a package of socks in Chicago...(rests forehead in hand while shaking head)

Jodi said...

TINA - I have to stop at Wallyworld anyway....want socks?!!?

DEE DEE - lol lol lol!!!

BARB & SLIN - C U SOON!!!

DIANNE - Thankfully I've never had anything "ongoing". A slight fear that my headaches may be something more....but I'm not going to live my life in fear.

Just_Lin said...

OMG! We missed the flight. Never heard it called.

Jodi said...

SLIN - Call me!!!

naughtycroc said...

Hi guys!!! I know I have not been here in a while.. but I just wanted to stop in and say, Have safe travels and a great time in chi town.
Take lots of pics.. and good grief Tina buy some new socks lol...
xo dawn

goldie said...

Good Morning Hooters!

MEK-so good to see you on the blog in area 51!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xxoo

I havent' packed a thing, or even thought of it yet. Still have to wrap presents for my niece (birthday) and nephew (1st communion).

I too had cancer. 25 years ago and had I still remember sitting in that office hearing the big "C" word. I had a 5yr old and a 6 month old baby.

I had 3 different surgery's over the next 6 months. Finally they removed it all. But, I had to go back and be checked every 6 months with biopsy for 10 years. It was cervical cancer,and because of the 2 cold cone and 1 laser surgery we are a family of 4 not 5.

Every year when I get my pap done I live in fear of the results. I too have had a few scares, but it has all been ok. WHew!

Now that you all know about my inerds, I guess I will get back to work!!

TRAVEL SAFE- everyone and see you Friday!

goldie said...

j/l- are you kidding? Did you really miss your flight??

Hi Croc!

night.owls.sb said...

Tina.. so pretty.. ppppuuuuu!

night.owls.sb said...

J/L...

Thinking same as goldie.. did you really miss your flight?

night.owls.sb said...

Dawn..

So sweet! Thanks.. Wish ya could be there!

night.owls.sb said...

Goldie..

I know.. MEK.. how great to see her! and I have not packed a thing either..

night.owls.sb said...

Dianne..

Nope the fear never goes away, every year when I go for by mammo, I hold my breath and pray, cause I think of that day several yrs ago, when they said "we see something"..

Glad all is behind you.. and you are doing good..

night.owls.sb said...

off to work..

Can everyone check in when they arrive in Chicago.. Thanks!

night.owls.sb said...

MEK..

Ya know you can still hop on a plane :O)

bonachichi said...

Dianne, I have the same melanoma problem you do. A bigger fear for me though, is that I will be cave diving and my O2 tank will malfunction. No way out of that. Now I don't do any deep scuba. If I can't make it to the surface, I don't go.

bonachichi said...

I just have to tell everyone, I got the most pleasant surprise this afternoon (morning for you all, I think). Bebbi called me!! She took me shopping to Michaels, Staples and some fabric store. I got to talk to one of the sales clerks who was just so sweet. Then, Bebbi being Bebbi, whips out her charge card for a $0.53 purchase. 53 cents. I almost peed my pants.

Anyway, it was so sweet to get a taste of "home". I'm going bat-shit crazy and Bebbi rescued me and let me come shopping. It was just like being there!!

Tina~in_ut said...

J/L~ please tell me ur joking!!!! OMG!!!!! ...cuz I kinda want to laugh~ And now you're gonna make me sit here and listen to EVERY gate announcement!!! ugh~ I've been ignoring~

DeeDee~ lmbo! Honey, you take just good care of me~ (btw...got any mail?)

Jodi~ don't worry....I promised Di a trip to Wallyworld so I'll git my own socks~

Naughty~ I so wish you were coming with mom~

Goldie~ how scary~....especially with children so young~

Carol~ will check-in when I arrive....will prolly be delayed cuz now I have to go thru the de-icing process......crap! I had no idea it was gonna snow~ CRAP! Did I say C R A P !!!!!

Bonachichi~ you got mail~ OH CRAP!!!!! I kept thinking I was forgetting something! GUESS WHAT I FORGOT!!!! CRAP!!!!!!!!!

bonachichi said...

Tina, does the term "fuori di testa" mean anything to you? I think Carol will know... That's what the Nest reminds me of. Everyone's running around, excited and short-circuting their brains. You are all so MUCH FUN!!!

Tina~in_ut said...

lmbo!!!! i've written a comment to Di three times and have lost it each time!!!!!! ugh!!!!!

bonachichi said...

We're all going for some bangers & mash, pop & squiggles and maybe some spotted dick. I'll check my mail after I've (not) eaten.

Tina~in_ut said...

Di~ I try not to dwell on the seizures....don't let it define me....it's always there in the back of my mind....but that's pretty much it~ I had one pap scare, and I don't think I could handle the real thing!!!

Tina~in_ut said...

lol woman!!! just enjoy Europe....look at it thru my eyes~ I love it there~

Tina~in_ut said...

okay.....no offense to anyone....but they are now boarding the flight to Cancun......I may just take that one~ :)~

Dianne/Denver said...

Leaving for the airport now. It is raining here but I am already hot!! My biggest fear today is the airports with my walking disabilities.

I hope you CA girls are just joking about your plane since we haven't heard from you since!

GOLDIE: I know how you feel for those appts but how scary when you were so young with babies at home.

MEK: Surprised to see you....two big surprises...MEK AND ROSS!!!! Nice to see old owls.

I think I have everything and my husband is in the car waiting.

You know as I think about it....TINA has a gun waiting, snores, farts and haw holes in her clothes and I have her for a roommate. You other owls are going to have to buy me many drinks to compensate that I took her on instead of one of you j/s DEEDEE: Keep giving her rules and manners as we speak.

Bye I think I hear the horn honking as I am late

Tina~in_ut said...

Di~ I'm pretty sure that everyone sees thru ur little scheme .... you'll do or say anything to get free drinks, won't you?!!!~

Bebbilane said...

Okay..gift bags done..YAY~! Thank goodness for Bonachichi or I would have gone stir crazy hunting for those last minute items. Bon: The stationary worked out perfect!

Now, I am going to go and shower and get ready for the parade. I have to be there by 1pm and I got so into the gift bags that I couldnt stop, even tho I was supposed to be in the shower at 11. Okay..bbl.

Mek, it was good to see you! As I said yesterday, I thought of you with the golf balls in the Kentucky store. Also, I was at Micheals today too. Do you still do that crafting stuff? Still going to McD's?? haha. :)

BBL ya all...


And, yes..I did charge $0.53, actually it was DEBIT..just pulled out the card without thinking...haha.

Jackie, the clerk at Staples, thought that Bonachichi was in LONDON, KENTUCKY...roflmao. Too funny. Glad you enjoyed our little shopping trip, Bon.

Tina~in_ut said...

okay....going to go potty (my pre-boarding potty) then get ready to board! Can't miss my fight!~ :D

Jodi said...

Seems like I will have a little extra time before I leave.....and no, TINA I will not be making the apple crisp. Just might treat myself and get a mani on the way of out town!!!

bonachichi said...

Has anyone found Just_Lin & SacBarb? How do you just miss your flight and fall into a black hole?

Just_Lin said...

Yes we really missed flight. But we got on flight to Denver and just landed. We will be on flight to Chicago in about 1 1/2 hrs. Arrives at 4:15.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hurry JL and BARB. Go to shop and get ur bronco shirts

Zona said...

DIANNE: I put off getting a mammo for a long time because I was so afraid they'd find something. When they did see something suspicious, I was terrified. I was told to come back in 6 mos. I dreaded that 2nd appt..after that there was a 3rd 6mos later..I really thought the fear was going to do me in before anything they found had a chance. By the last appt I was told everything was ok..and that I didn't have to come back for a year. I'm glad that I kept going back even though I didn't want to..and I have my friends in the nest to thank for getting me there. I know when that appt comes around again this year I'll be just as afraid to go as I was the first time. It's a terrifying disease..and I think it's just natural to be scared every time you get checked for it.

Zona said...

I'm totally caught up in everyone's preparations for the trip to Chicago! It's so fun to read..well..except the part where J/LIN and BARB missed their flight. I'm glad they were able to get another one..and they are in Denver! BARB..you should have worn your Raiders shirt! Well, maybe not.. ;)

TINA: On the way back you can opt for the full body scan..I don't think you have to take your shoes off for that..besides..when they see how pretty you are, they'll probably just wave you on through.. :D

DEEDEE: LOL@ the baby powder..no chafing allowed.. ;)

JODI: Drive safely! No nibbling at the potato salad.. ;)

GOLDIE: The fear you must have gone through!! I'm so glad everything continues to be ok!

BEBBI: Mr Z has used the debit card for $1.26..just made me laugh that he didn't even think twice about it..lol..

BONACHI: What is cave diving? Sometimes I think I live a very sheltered life.. :D

DIANNE: Sounds like you might have the room to beat..LOL!!

HI EBJ! HI DAWN! HI MEK!

Mr Z has taken a couple of vacation days and we're trying to decide if we want to just stay home or take a day trip to Sedona. I wonder if I could get him to take me to Chicago? Oh how I wish..

Have a great time everyone! I really wish I could be there!!

bonachichi said...

Zona, cave diving is literally, scuba diving in underwater caves. There are some nice ones in/near Cabo, but the most spectacular ones I've ever seen are in Croatia.

There are two problems with cave diving. First, you have to remember how to get out; Most people just string a rope or tether as they go. But the caves are underwater. There's no such thing as "coming up for air" because there isn't any.

Sometimes you can dive through some caves and come out at a high place where you can actually surface. I always carry a spare, portable O2 tank when I scuba, but dang, being in a cave, underwater, has really freaked me out.

bonachichi said...

I guess all the asking the Chi-Towners to keep in touch whilst they're traveling is out the window? They're probably getting settled and having a blast. Except Just_Lin and SacBarb. They're probably on their way to Dubai or something.

Bebbilane said...

Parade done! woo hoo.

Bebbilane said...

Dianne: Great blog..I don't think the fear does ever go away. At least not for me.

Man, I am so tired. I was out there in a parking lot from 1-5:30 waiting, then finally walked the parade. It was very rewarding though. I had a good time! Just dead tired and still not packed yet.

Tina~in_ut said...

omg!!!! I can't believe it's 11:30pm!!!! we just got back from dinner......all 6 of us together! Don't worry, when the police came, Jodi just showed them her rack, and all was right with the world once more~

Just_Lin said...

Had a wonderful visit and dinner with SacBarb, LynnD, Jodi, Dianne, and Tina.

Sweet dreams, HOoters.

Dianne/Denver said...

Someone help---im rooming with tina and night is drawing near

Bebbilane said...

Oh too fun! Where did you guys go for dinner?

Bebbilane said...

Oh Gawd..Dianne...I hope she isn't gassy...haha.

Bebbilane said...

So I take it that Jodi has a lovely rack.

Bebbilane said...

I have to get up in 6 hours...oh shit.

Bebbilane said...

Dawn: Good to see you here today! I will take lots of pics..I just now saw your post..skipped through here too fast today. :)

Bebbilane said...

50 for good measure.

Mary/MI said...

It is 1am and I just kinda finished packing. I hope I don't have to bail anyone out when I get to Chicago! Do they take debit cards lol!
I am leaving the men here in charge of our new mini Dachshund. I hope they are up to the job. The dog is 8 wks old and the size of a small rat lol!

One fear I have is being robbed! We were robbed while traveling to Atlanta at a Holiday Hotel. I still have nightmares about it.
I also fear being the first at an accident. No real reason except that I have see 3 accidents that happened only seconds before I arrived at a particular intersection. The last one was a couple days ago. I can still see the man rolling around the ground and the woman trying to get her door open! It was a busy intersection so I had to keep moving. I hope they were alright.
Time to get these bones to bed. I will need all my strength for Chicago lol!!
Tah Tah!!

Mary/MI said...

Bebbi, get to bed!!

bonachichi said...

So you guys are out partying, yes? My team did that last night and one of them was "too sick" to come help out today. He got ice water dumped on him. Last I heard, he was looking for his testicles.

Bebbilane said...

Mary: I just kind of finished packing too. I am not sure what happened to Dianne..she commented that she was alone and rooming with Tina and then, Bam....silence. Scary, huh!

Be safe tomorrow. I saw the pic of the cute puppy on Facebook..going over there now to say I "like" it..haha. See YOU TOMORROW SWEETIE!!

bonachichi said...

I'm glad Just_Lin & SacBarb made it!!

Bebbilane said...

Bonachichi: LOL at "looking for his testicles"...serves him right..if you want to play, you gonna pay.

Okay..seriously going to try and get some rest. I did sleep for 3 hours after coming home from the parade.

Of course I got a DAMN BIG ZIT..right under my nose..good lord, I am pushing 50 and still getting zits..and right before I meet everybody too...WTF!

Bebbilane said...

Okay..shutting down...Over and out.

Bebbilane said...

oh shit, gotta do it...58

Bebbilane said...

59..In case

Bebbilane said...

My flight

Bebbilane said...

don't

Bebbilane said...

make

Bebbilane said...

gotta do

Bebbilane said...

one

Bebbilane said...

last

Bebbilane said...

almost there.

Bebbilane said...

two more

Bebbilane said...

69

Bebbilane said...

awwwwwwww yes..sorry if I walked on someone.

bonachichi said...

Bebbi, nobody's going to see anything but your sparkly personality. You're beautiful and a zit's not going to change that.

Tina~in_ut said...

hell....i'm gonna pop that zit....right after i smack you~

Tina~in_ut said...

Di won't stop farting!!!!!!!

whabbear said...

Dianne: I can relate! Although none of my skin cancers have been malignant melanomas like yours, I've had four separate basals removed in the last year and a half, and I'm overdue to get back to my dermatologist for another checkup. Cancer sucks!

MEK commented in A51? I have to go check...

Dianne/Denver said...

Not true---i am drinking

Bebbilane said...

Good morning

Bebbilane said...

Okay..off to the airport cause Mr. B has to take me now...I will check in when I get to Chi.