by DeeDee
A Cow, an Ant, and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!
The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter. I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!
Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something.....
47 comments:
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha~
I'm so stinking pretty today~ :D
One of your adjectives is correct.
I couldn't help myself!!
lmbo!!!!~
Bonachichi~ I read your comment to Janice....she laughed and then stopped and said, "Rude!" :)~
DeeDee, cute blog. Tina, no training class today?
Tina, Rude is something I'm very good at. I mean no harm, it's just something I do.
lol...i know....and so does janice~ ya'll crack her up~
omg!!! now Janice wants to make sure you knew she was joking! (rolling eyes!)
Tell Janice to piss off. ;)
Morning Glories!
Tina is prettiest today.
Well this old fart is the greatest because I put up with so much shit and laugh at the bad jokes everyone slings around here.
Hmmmm who is the rudest? Tina, Bon, Deedee......oh the list could go on and on.
Before Tina and I take over the blog insulting each other whilst apologizing for it, we should talk about old farts. I got in a car with one, and he immediately blew one. I said, "I hope that felt good" and he pretended nothing happened. Can you do that? Is that like, "safe"? You pretend you didn't fart and it magically goes away?
If you fart in front of someone you know, but not well, what do you do? I mean, etiquette-wise?
Good morning....
I am too demure to ever be considered rude...but you know sometimes even "ladies" like me wanna be bad!!
Bonachichi....if you pass gas in close proximity to another or if it is VERY noticeable....the polite thing to do is simply let out and "ahhhhh" and a wink as you lower your leg...and its always nice if you can "fan" the air in their direction.....
I have often thought of writing a book on the untouched upon subject matter such as this. Etiquette for situations that haven't been covered in previous books because proper etiquette makes it impolite to write about them!!
As the trailblazer that I am I would like to cross todays etiquette boundaries by touching on real life subjects....like I have today with Bonacci...
I will have a few free etiquette tips for everyone throughout the day....and maybe I will start offering a tip o the day on "etiquette for todays whacky world".....
Yes, DeeDee! I would also like to know what is the proper thing to do when one of your companions passes out in his or her plate. Do you pick their head up by their hair and try to make it "stay"? Is it acceptable to decorate the victim with food items, providing a whimsical atmosphere in which to achieve consciousness?
Good morning/afternoon!
HA HA HA! Funny Dee Dee!
I have lots of funny fart stories.
One day at work, a small Phillipino man came in to my room to have his blood pressure checked.
I asked him to sit, before he did he let out a HUGE ripper. He said "AHHHH" (not kidding) and said "now my blood pressure will be lower".
Also, when someone new comes up to Poe, he almost always will make a very loud fart sound.
It is hysterical. Most people "crack" up when they hear him. Poe will usually start laughing too.
One day, a friend of MR. E's came over and I was sitting at the desk. He went up to Poe and I knew what was going to happen, so I kept looking at the computer and just waited.
Sure enough, Poe did his thing. I turned around and gave kind of a shocked look at this guy, who looked totally mortified.
He said "that wasn't me"!!
We all got a good laugh over that one.
Congrats on prettiest again, Tina!
Have a nice day everyone!
OMG- LMAO!!
hello oh pretty tina~
Hello to chichi, EBJ, Lynn and DeeDee too!
Working my ass off (oh, I wish) today~back to it!
Tina/Janice Congrats on being the first and most stinky today.
Bonach LOL Good retort to Tina! I wonder if she's wearing training pants.
LynnD Maybe we should get the naughty mat out for all the old farts around here. I guess we need a giant, economy size mat.
DeeDee I think you're on to something. There is a children's book about a farting dog so it seems society is ready to discuss this issue. There is so much ground to cover. What if you're at a formal dinner when the need arises? Should one fart into their napkin or what?
EBJ Poe is so funny! And where did he learn that noise?
Goldie I hope it's a good sign that you're so busy. Is your shoulder pretty much back to normal now?
Lani and I were working on a jigsaw puzzle until 3 in the morning. I think we spent most of the time past midnight just staring at the pieces with a glazed look in our eyes.
I'll be going to Curves shortly for a little workout then out to dinner with friends tonight. As far as dieting goes, that's like one step forward and two steps back. Oh, well. LOL
DeeDee: hahahaha..this old fart didn't say anything, I just farted..hehe.
Tina..you look so pretty today.
DeeDee: LOL at your response to bonachichi...fanning it your way, honey....hehe..*wink*
Good one DEEDEE....you got me on it. At least I am admitting it, right? I think you should do you etiquette of the day each day....I bet we would find them very interesting.
ZONA AND BARB; Ahhhhh yes,, how well I remember being left on the side of road with my Bronco shirt on and all my "friends" passing me by. I had tried to block that out but now it is making my legs and feet hurt even more and my tender side too....I can't believe everyone of you left me...!!!
EBJ AND BARB: Well, that was quite a show last night wasn't it? I am glad that Frank is gone as I never liked him. I picked the last two from the first night so I am okay with either. My friend said today that maybe Alli is with Jake...gross I hope not. Anyway, I read in my all tell magainze that Jake is now dating Kate plus 8. They started liking each other when they were on DWTS. Good riddance to him.
I have finally watched the full season of Greys, , Brothers and Sisters and Desperate Housewives so at least I have accomplished something and read a book too and slept tons. I don't go back to dr until August 5th and believe me, I am counting the days.
J/L: Good for you going to Curves before you eat out. At least it won't make you feel bad going out afterwards. You sure are doing great!!
BEBBI; IT seems like you are always saying you have gas. I guess that is what you and TINA have in common.
GOLDIE: How are you feeling? Did you get all that shoulder worked out with the grandkids and golf? Sounds like you are doing better.
LYNN; I am glad to see you are a good audience for all these jokes, etc. It is always nice to have someone laugh......like you never have jokes we nicely laugh at....:)
CHICHI; You haven't seemed to have much excitement lately. Maybe you are settling down???
Dianne, I've been working for government contractors until just this past weekend. I can't talk about most of it.
I rode in another Chinook helicopter... I kept lifting my butt cheeks off the seat cuz we were so low. I made a lawn-chair water-ski, but it's not very useful. I ate 11 peanuts out of a bowl with chop-sticks before I dropped one.
Let's see... there's more, but it's "R" or "X" rated and DeeDee doesn't want me to tell because she was in on one of the three-somes. Don't tell her I told you. That woman cooked two men "al dente".
Okay, one of those paragraphs has a lie or two.
Bonachichi...
there are factors you left out...
did this person pass out from illness/drugs and/or alcohol?
if the person who's face is in the plate behaved recklessly...then its fine for others to follow that example in dealing with the results of his/her recklessness....
J/L...
If ur at a formal dinner party and need to pass gas the obvious thing is just excuse yourself and head for the powder room...right?
Wrong!
I mean why should you have to go traipsing around to find a "room" to fart in?
There re many solutions...depending on the circumstances...
1. Say something uproariously funny and when the other guests burst into laughter...let her rip!
2. If the group is not prone to uproarious laughter you can use the "Fred Sanford" technique...simply grab your heart and raise the other arm and hand in the air and scream "MY HEART" while simultaneously passing the gas...
If when using either of these techniques people notice an unpleasant odor.... simply direct all inquiries to your host and say...
"Hey...its her house....
DEE DEE...what is the proper etiquette when in the restroom at work and you have to have an arse ripping explosion and someone is in the next stall?
Do you do the flush first and have a fart follow?
Do you let it out then sit in the stall until the person leaves and has more then adequate time to return to their desk and hope they didn't recognize your shoes?
Once when I was managing Pfaltzgraff I had a customer that was playing a frigging concerto out of her ass. It was the most disgusting odor EVAH. No one wanted to wait on her and I couldn't blame them. Everywhere she went in the store was like a toxic cloud looming. When she finally left, I had to walk up and down every aisle and spray deodorizing spray. I don't even know how she could sit in her car on the way home...it was winter and no open windows!! EWWWWW!!!
Ugh, I just typed a long comment and there was an "error" and didn't post.
Cliffnotes version:
MO I said that people should not go in a public place if they have the farts that bad!
Di I said that I like Chris better but both guys are ok.
I wonder if Frak will show up at the reunion show?
I never liked him either!
Oops Frak should be Frank
Maybe someone should invent underpants with a built in time-released deodorizer for people with flatulance issues...ijs!
Mo, DeeDee knows where to get some nice anti-bacterial Y-fronts.
Well, I think we've proven that if you put "fart" in the title of a blog, there's nowhere to go but down.
Maureen....
always take your purse to the restroom.....in which one should always carry an extra pair of shoes.....for the very reason you mentioned!!
And when you are in a :rest: room....the skys the limit! Fart. Belch. Just change your shoes....
Fibonacci...whats a Y-front? (look what spell-check did to Bonachichi! lol)
Judy: Does Poe ever make his laughing sound spontaneously? Which is to say, does he actually laugh? That would be amazing!
DeeDee that was good and I needed that laugh.
Tonight we went to divorce parenting class that is mandatory in the state of Illinois. It was a very good class and the instructor was amazing.
I totally feel like we are working really hard at making all of this as painless as possible for the kids and really it hasn't been hard at all working with him in regards to the children.
However, the hardest part is not being able to be his wife anymore. I still love him and letting go is so hard. I guess it is like death, the pain will not be so raw as time goes by.
Jennifer You are exactly right; the pain will ease as time goes on. (((HUGS))) I'm so glad to hear that the two of you are able to work together for what is best for the kids.
Dianne I'm not doing that great, really. My weight has inched up 1 or 2 pounds because I'm not keeping strictly to my 1500 calorie per day plan. I keep cheaqting. :( I need to get back on track.
MO I used to know someone who'd lift her feet up when in the bathroom stall so no one would know who was in there. LOL
Oh, and I didn't like Frank, either. I didn't trust him. He was too wishy-washy.
JL, Poe came with his disturbing immitations (farting, burping, smoker's cough, etc).
We found out that the woman who had him before us taught him all this plus all the swear words he says.
Bear, yes he laughs all the time! He giggles plus does a couple diff. laughs. He is a riot.
Jennifer, hang in. I kinda know how you feel, I had no kids tho.
My divorce was "friendly" and was still extremely painful and hard.
It will get better!
See ya'll tomorrow! Sweet dreams!
What's a Y-front? Really? It's men's underpants. Tidy whities, is another name. Jockey shorts? I don't know what else to call them. Really?
Jennifer, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Just because two people get divorced though, doesn't mean it's mandatory that you hate each other. If you can have an amicable divorce, your kids will appreciate it for the rest of their lives. I hope you're able to stay the friendly course.
Thank you guys for all your support. He bought a house today, so that kind of also set me back a little emotionally.
All righty, my pity party for tonight is over, back to farming.
I have nothing to add to any of the fart comments already made, except that Tina is right. :)
EBJ, Ali was on Jimmy Kimmel last night and she said Frank will be on the reunion show and it will be interesting. I like Chris best too, but I think she'll pick Roberto.
Jennifer, Hang in there and concentrate on your kids. They will get you through this difficult time. Did you read Eat, Pray, Love? I know you can't do what the woman in the book did, but there are some great words of wisdom in the book.
Waving a wing to all the other Owls. Have a great Wednesday.
Went to bed at 11 woke up at 2am and here I am. I hate when this happens and I didn't even nap today!!
Hope everyone else is in dreamland. Night
Waving at everyone!
I wish I could fart. I seem to be having a little back up right now.
I am up early and need to get my fartin errrrr I mean my farming done. I need to be at the food bank. Have to get everything in order as we have a site review by one of the agencies today. Won't be home until late this afternoon.
Jennifer I really like the parenting classes for people who are divorcing. That is a fantastic idea.
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