by Bebbi
In honor of the mighty Leo I am writing this blog. Today is the start of the astrological calendar for Leo and I thought I would write about my experience with courage. I should have written this at 4:00 a.m. when all this stuff comes to me, but I waited until I got to work (shhhhh!)… Courage is….well, I am still learning every day what courage is, but here are my experiences so far….I have struggled with courage at different points in my life. I have not had the courage to write down my thoughts and feelings because I was afraid that someone would take it and use it against me (which happened in my past). I have learned that I can’t be afraid of what someone else will try to do to me, that I have to do what I need to do to make myself whole. What they do is THEIR problem, not mine.
I have struggled with mental and physical games used by others to manipulate and control me. I have allowed this and haven’t spoken up because I don’t want to “rock the boat”. I will have the courage to always stand up for myself and not allow them to pull me down by their hatefulness and their pains of unhappiness with themselves. If I feel the attacks coming, I will remove myself from the situation after standing up and speaking out! No one knows that you are not going to take their crap if you don’t tell them you are not going to take their crap anymore. And then, FOLLOW THROUGH..don’t be afraid to just do what your mind is telling you to do. They will learn your strength if you follow through. I will have the strength and do what I need to do to prepare for my future of being a fierce and courageous person!
I have the courage to live everyday for myself and for the people that have good intentions towards me and the rest can go to hell. I have the courage to do this because I love myself and I alone allow others in. I, ALONE, allow others in my life. I have the choice to have them in or not, and I can change my mind if I want!
This has really helped me because since I have lost weight I am getting a lot more attention from men. I am not a “super hot mama” or anything but I have gotten more attention from men than I have in a long while. It makes me feel good to get compliments but in some ways it was easier for me to be heavy because I didn’t have the courage or wherewithal to hold back the advances (not that I got any, lol). Just because I am thinner doesn’t mean I want your attentions anymore than I did when I was heavier and it doesn’t mean that I am suddenly your “sex toy” either! No means NO! Hey, I was a frigid ice princess before I lost weight, why would that change now? I don’t think there is a man in this world that could thaw me out!
I will have the courage and conviction to watch out for people who want to poison, manipulate and control my life. I won’t be taken in by this anymore because I KNOW the secret. I can’t share with you the secret because everyone has to learn it on their own and in their own way but here is a little hint (okay, maybe a big hint):
The Labrynth is a favorite movie of mine. My son watched it when he was 3 years old so much that he had all the lines down. He was so cute when he would play he would say them. My favorite quotes from that movie reminds me that I have the Leo in me and it is the heroine (Sarah) of the movie telling the Goblin King (Jareth) something. The first part of this is about Jareth’s feelings of what he’s done for Sarah and the second part is Sarah’s discovery of how to get the child (symbolizing anything you might need to obtain).
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up 'til now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: *Everything*! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up 'til now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: *Everything*! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
Sarah – “Give me the child “Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great...
[thunder rumbles]
Sarah: For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great... Damn. I can never remember that line.
[Sarah looks up the line from the Labyrinth book]
Sarah: You have no power over me.”
[thunder rumbles]
Sarah: For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great... Damn. I can never remember that line.
[Sarah looks up the line from the Labyrinth book]
Sarah: You have no power over me.”
The key to that is the last one….YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME. That is a part of the secret but the rest you will have to figure out on your own and believe me, it’s NOT an easy road to travel!I know that with the ebbs and flows of life I will misplace my courage, but the lesson here for me is that I can live through anything and be happy and at peace. Also, I have the courage to dream, while I am awake or sleeping..I have the courage to dream!
Now, all I need is the secret to finding my car keys in the morning when I am heading out to work…..and I am still working on that!
I know that I am the sappiest owl ever, but I want to thank all of you for giving me courage too. Your words and kindnesses as I have struggled with issues in my life have helped me more than you can ever know! I love you guys! Also, this blog is dedicated to one mighty Leo and he knows who he is!
Tell me about your experiences with courage. Do you feel you have courage? Do you feel that there are areas where you need to gain more courage? Tell me about times where you found courage in yourself that you didn’t realize was there…
56 comments:
I know, I am tacky..but well, I can't help it.. It's just fun to be first on your own blog..haha..
Tina: Thanks for getting the blog in today. I appreciate all you do.
Good morning to all who fly by later. Have a great Friday everyone!
Well, a courageous person you are, Bebbi; I think the bravest thing you do is to walk away from bad situations. Brave and smart.
Thanks bonchichi... :) Hope your Friday is going well.
never had a problem with courage...
other than the problems that not tolerating bullshit brings....
There is just not time for dilly dally with people who don't have ur best interest at heart....
I love to play and have fun with people....but its like Faye Dunaway said in that movie....
"Don't fuck with me fellas....this ain't my first rodeo!"
Bebbi...stop struggling....you have it together.....if anyone tries to rain on your parade....just keep a stack of business cards from a good shrink on you and give them one..... tell em you think he can help them.....and that if he can't...he can recommend a good euthanasia clinic in Switzerland...ijs...
Morning Glories!
The courageous Bebbi is prettiest today!
My favorite quote is "What other people think and say about me is none of my business". I use this everyday to remind myself that I have to be who I am. It is what it is.
Some days I am more courageous than others. I usually find that I have to decide if I have the energy to fight something. If not then I realize that it really is something to just let go of and let fate or whatever take it's course. As I get older I realize that often times that is the answer.
Waving a Bon and everyone else who pops in.
DeeDee: LOL at the business cards to a good shrink. And, I on the road to not struggling so much. :) You are a wise woman!
LynnD: I like what you said "just let go of and let fate or whatever take it's course" Let Go! :) Good advice.
Lynn: I read that as anyone that and everyone else that "poops" in..I need glasses! haha.
Good Morning Hooters!
hello tacky, pretty Bebbi!
I think overall I am a courageous type person (but cautious)- I have no fear at all when it comes to protecting my children or grandchildren.
The most courageous thing I ever did? I had a root canal without going under. Yup, for me that was HUGE!
Hi Lynn, chichi & DeeDee~hope everyone has a good day.
"Courage - mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty..."
That is the definition I found for courage, and it certainly does NOT discribe me. I lack selfesteem, which I believe is a big part of courage.
Bebbi I think you gained a lot of courage the day you walked into the Chicago hotel to meet the Owls. I'm glad that you have realized the amount of courage you have.
Morning Bonachichi, DeeDee and Lynn D!
Morning Goldie!
Good morning,
I will have to read more thoroughly a little later. I am off for the yearly booby squish!
Congrats on being prettiest today Bebbi!
Hi Bona, Goldie, Dee Dee, Shirley and Lynn!
Hi EBJ and Shirley-
Shirley- the flower pics are finally posted on FB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shirley: Thanks! I hate to see your moon avator. You do have a lot of courage Shirley, everyone here sees that. :) HUGS!
Ohh Goldie: Root canals..uggh.. !! We should say that too loud, Dianne's Dentist might call her for another appointment!
Bebbi, my courageous beauty, what a fascinating blog! You have come a long way! It took me years to find " my courage" and "secret".
I do remember the first two people who gave me courage. I was 17 and on my way to my first wedding reception with my soon to be 1st hubby. I was a nervous wreck and self conscious. I was thin and a beauty then, but didn't know it lol! My Sister Janie looked at me and said one simple sentence, "Walk like you own the world!" I still think about that when I am feeling inadequate.
The second was my my now hubby Jim. I used to look the other way when anyone would say mean spirited
things to me especially about my Nationality. After one such remark, Jim said "you know Mary, you DON'T have to put up with that!", "Oh," lol! A light went off in my head! For years I have thought silence was the way to go! Being the middle child I had always sought comfort in keeping the peace/fence sitting! Mind you, I don't go looking for trouble, but beware, I do speak my mind!
and,btw, I got my "back bone" from working in a Chrysler Trim Plant where 75% of the workers were female. They taught me a lot about standing up for myself too.
Waving at all who read my novel lol!
Bebbi I am very impressed with you and your blog today. I agree with Shirley that it was very brave of you to meet the Owls in Chicago. I know how scary that was for you to do but you did it anyway. Bravo! It wouldn't have been the same without you. You are a beautiful spirit no matter what size you wear or if you arrive in the nest first or last. : )
I wrote of my trials (bit of a pun there) shortly after the beginning of the blog. I don't care to go into it all again but I will say that my first marriage was to a very scary, abusive, and sadistic (probably sociopath) man. Only one of us survived the relationsip. It was very difficult to rediscover who I really was after that as everything that was "me" had been obliterated but I credit having two pre-school children for giving me the courage to do it and built a new life. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, no matter how frightening it is. Thank you for writing this blog as I have been going through my own "stuff" lately, saying goodby to a relationship that I had hoped would last forever. Whenever I feel weak and start wanting a reconciliation, I have to remember those parts of the relationship that really were not working. Although parts of it were marvelous, parts of it definitely were not and it is time to move on and not accept less than what I deserve.
Mary: That was really great to hear..also, I am a middle child too!! We are good fence sitters/baby sitters/care takers (at our own expense too often).
Waving at Bonach, DeeDee, LynnD, Goldie, Shirley, EBJ, and Mary! I hope everyone has a great day!
Justlin, you are a survivor for sure! I look back and see how all of us have come so far in trusting ourselves, with each other.
DeeDee, love that quote!
I have been watching one of my favorite movies "The Ghost & Mrs Muir". Now there is one independent woman lol!
JustLin: Thanks! You have been through so much and you have done so well, you are a good example that people can come through the other side of struggles and be okay.
Thanks, Mary. We are a bunch of strong, brave women. : )
Bebbi You know that saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? By necessity, it really is true.
Happy Friday Owls.
Bebbi, How pretty you are today (and not too tacky).
Your blog is very enlightening. I was once told that fat is an insulator. It is one way to keep people at a distance and withdraw into ourselves. I did withdraw for a long time. But as I got older I have adopted the same attitude as Lynn. I am what I am and I don't worry about what others think. I try to be the best person I can be and that's all I can do.
I have let people take advantage of me in the past because I wasn't strong enough to do otherwise. But I have learned that no one can take advantage of me unless I let them and sometimes that takes more energy than I have. The most difficult thing I have learned to do is "let it go" but that also brings some peace.
You have come a long way and you are an inspiration to many. Thanks for the blog today.
J/L, You are probably the most courageous person I know and you deserve the best, so do not accept less!
DeeDee, I think we all know this isn't your first rodeo.
Shirley, I don't agree that you have no courage. It took a huge amount of courage and strength to care for your Mum like you did. Plus, I remember when you opened up to a bunch of strangers when you were 'sad n lonely' which took a lot of courage. Don't ever sell yourself short.
Waving a wing to all the other Owls. I hope everyone is having a good day.
Do not talk about root canals
LOL Dianne, I knew you would say that!
Sacbarb: Thanks, I have come a long way..still have a long way to go but I am on the right path now, I am sure.
SacBarb Thank you for your kind comment. Hey, I still have the travel bug. Let's go somewhere. : )
That was interesting what you said about fat. Years ago I used to meditate on occasion (I should do that again). Anyway, I would envision myself as thin but it would make me feel weak and vulnerable. That's when I knew my extra weight was serving a purpose for me, emotionally. Now that I am feeling stronger and more grounded in who I am, I think I could envision my self as thin and strong. : ) It's hard work getting to the "thin" part, though.
Dianne LMAO!
Shirley I agree wholeheartedly with what SacBarb said.
J/L: That, I think is part of my "angst" right now, I don't have that layer of protection from emotional stuff that I had and I feel like I am floundering at times. It was an emotional crutch whenever things would "come at me" and I don't have it now..don't ever want it again, so I am struggling with a new way to handle what I have been handling with food. I will succeed in figuring this out though. I am confident of that.
Thanks to everyone for the great comments. It means a lot to hear your feedback. :)
oh Hell..30 cause I have to tedious like that!
well now that I have seen what you all have to contribute....I must say I never had a clue that any of you were fraidie cats....
Bebbi...with your vivacious personality and fantastic sense of humor....I played with you pretty hard the first time I got a friend request from you at FaceBook....and you played it through with great aplomb!!
Things happen to everyone that tests their courage....I tend to agree with EBJ that you just gotta be real and if thats not suitable to some its their loss....
But as I am sitting her contemplating the trials and tribulations...and triumphs of everyone who posted today....I have gotten tickled to the point of needing a tissue....
What came to mind is a REAL lesson in courage!!
Remember when Carol was going to that fancy party at the fancy house and she walked smooth into that glass wall!!??
And went on in to the party anyway!!??
Now thats courage!! Thats got to be right up there with Goldies "LIVE" root canal...
excuse me...I was referring to what SacBarb said....not EBJ....about being the best person you can be....so sari!!
Dee Dee, I was thinking it, tho!
HAHA!!
I was trying to think of something courageous I've done to share, but nothing comes to mind.
I loved your blog today Bebbi, and it was so heartfelt. I admire you for your determination in pursuit of health!
Today I went to get a mammogram. I was chatting with the tech, I told her my mom had breast cancer and I would get a mammo every month if I could.
She told me she was getting a mammo on Monday. She is 2 years late! And her mom also had breast cancer.
She said she was afraid to get one.
I wanted to give her a big hug, here she does mammograms all day long and probably sees suspicious areas on the films when she develops them.
I would have thought she would be in there every year for hers.
Dee Dee, have you heard from Lisa since she went on the road? I was wondering about her. I am not sure if you posted about her recently and maybe I missed it.
EBJ....
thanks for asking...
yes I have...and they are having a great time doing nothing....almost 2 months of it....and no plans of stopping anytime soon.....
Lisa is making very little contact with anyone back here....I told her I didn't want to hear from her unless she just felt like calling....a lot of the time she doesn't have a signal....and that suits her just fine....
They are basically isolated from the news....everything... absolutely not a care in the world....no responsibility...
I can't really even wrap my brain around that.....lol
Naturally I just hope her health holds up forever....
BEBBI: I think that just writing the blog you did today shows courage. It took a lot of introspection on your part and that can be very difficult and scary. I know I don't have the courage to do it..and I really do need to. Thank you for such an inspiring piece of writing..you've given me much to think about.
..btw..I'm a Leo..and I'd describe myself as being more like the Cowardly Lion before he meets the Wizard..never has an Astrological sign been so wrong for a person than that one has been for me! GRRRRRRR!! ROAR!! ...yeah right..are y'all scared?? LOL!
Zona: What is all that roaring about? I was over on FB and had to come over and see what the heck the RACKET was...! Goodness you Leos are a noisy bunch! :)
You are not so cowardly in my eyes, you always have your eyes open and have such a strong intuition about people.
DeeDee..LOL! Thanks for the boost of confidence, I am so proud that I was able to apply and pass the qualification tests (which are quite rigorous!) and was able to pass the test. You are a true friend. And, speaking of that..my Mom asked me when we were going to go back to Havana Rumba, it seems that is her new favorite restaurant! :) I hope that your friend got the note I sent.
EBJ: You showed your courage, you got your boobs squished. As you see, some people are afraid to face that head on, but you do. I congratulate that courage! :)
Mr Z is home on a mini-vacation. We went to see "Inception" this morning..a little confusing..but oh so good!
When we came out of the theater and I started the car..yes me!..the check engine light came on. I got right back out again..lol..and Mr Z drove to the dealership. It's so hot here, you really can't mess with that kind of stuff. Well..$500 and 4 hours later we were on the road again. DEEDEE did you drop my Voodoo Car too? ;)
BEBBI: You are lookin' mighty pretty in first today!
DEEDEE: I need lessons in '..if that's just not suitable..it's their loss..'
LYNN: I'm finding lately that I just don't have the energy to worry about everything anymore..that's one good thing about getting older I guess..
MARY: I'm a middle child too..my mom called me "Miss United Nations" because I was always trying to settle arguments..I hate fighting..hate it..
SACBARB: I also need lessons in not worrying so much about what others think..I bet that surprises you..LOL!
Mr Z is talking about something and I can't hear him and he won't move so I better go check on what he's saying..in case it's something good.. ;)
Waving HI to J/LIN, EBJ, SHIRLEY, DIANNE, GOLDIE and BONACHI!
So pretty today Bebbi!
:)
I hope to think I have courage, at times I am not so sure, but it seems I go thru so much in my life and take things head on, so I guess that would be courage..
When I speak my mind I am very careful of the wording, as the wording will make it or break it. This I have learned from being in business, if you choose the right wording you can always get your point across easier..
Great Blog Bebbi..
I has another awful day.. but I don't want to talk about it, cause lately all I do is complain..
So I instead am sending out bunches, and bunches of smiles to all of you and to me..
Zona.. lol on you getting out of the car when the light went on.. so funny.. but not so funny of the cost to fix it...
"Don't fuck with me fellas....this ain't my first rodeo!"
Dee.. love it!
DeeDee Thanks for reminding me of the time Carol walked into that glass door. That was priceless and, yes, she was brave to continue on into the hoity toity party as if nothing had happened. : )
Carol Sending extra smiles your way. And you have mail. :)
I just read eveyone's comments.. and since I can't answer each my name, cause I never remember.. I will say this..
Each and Everyone you have more courage than you think.. Just coming onto the internet when you first did and dabbling into this crazy world. And little by little opening up to all of us (us being one time serial killers) when at a time we did not know each other well. To be that is courage, and then I guess that would mean be to..
I agree with Sacbarb, on Shirley. Shirley you have more courage than you think. You just stood by your mum from the day she was diagnosed, knowing what the end result would be.. You certainly could have stayed away, but you did not.. your handled all with courage.
Dee.. Never thought of that as courage.. always thought of it as a silly girl making a fool of herself.. but I gotta tell ya, I like your version much better
J/L..
I think of you often, and the courage you possessed that day so long ago.. You are a testament of what a person must go thru to protect their family and themselves. The courage you possess has only made you stronger and certainly wiser..
SWAK
J/L..
Dropped in while I was typing about you.. I will go check in now..
and
Thanks!
HA HA HA HA.. I got 50!
:O)
J/L..
you have e-mail.. and before you open it up.. make sure you spray some air freshener.. Tina sent me a e-mail and it was on top of yours and she farted..
So sorry!
and with that, I am taking my tired bones to work..
I plan on being out all day tomorrow even if its going to be 100.. I need some sun..
:O)
Zona: Ouch on the car repairs... !!
Carol: Good morning and you have really had a lot of courage lately. I hope you get lots of sun today.
Bebbi~ loved ur blog~ You are extremely courageous....to go to Chicago was a big deal.....and then you showed courage again and again while you were there~
I really think every person here has courage....I agree with what everyone else said...except Shirley~ .....and I've already told you how courageous I think you are! :D
Good morning Tina! Well Said..thanks for the comments on the blog too. Hope you have a good day today. :)
I am going to Hullabaloo which is a big music festival. We will see Joan Osborne, Huey Lewis & the News, and STEPPENWOLF!! I am so excited about it. I will take lots of pictures. :)
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