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Saturday, July 31, 2010

The L Word

by Bonachichi

A man told me he loves me today. He's one of my show-biz friends/clients, so I said, "Yeah, ya luv me. You guys luv everyone."  "No," he said. "I really do love you."  WTH?

I don't like that word, simply because it's over-used. People love food. They love chairs. They love their cars. It's especially dangerous when saying it to a member of the opposite sex. When that happens, the other party has to wonder, "HOW do you love me?" I don't mind a gay man telling me he loves me. If a girlfriend says it, I know she is fond of me. When a straight man other than my husband says it, alarms go off. This opens a potential can of worms. How do you prove that the fondness you feel for a member of the opposite sex (okay, same sex for some of us), is innocent love and not lust?

When a woman tells a man she's dating that she loves him, it's our secret code. We're letting them know they're in our sites. We want more. So when a man says it to a woman, what's that mean? My client/friend hates his drunken wife. It's not a rumor, I've met her. She's a drunk. Still, I don't want to put myself in a position where I'm accused of being in the middle of someone else's marriage.

I wish people would stop using that "L" word. I say, "adore." You can back-pedal from that. That one word, "love" has destroyed more relationships than it's built.  When you tell someone you "love" them, what's it mean to you? Did you ever think it could make someone else uncomfortable?

85 comments:

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Moaning Sunshines~

Tina~in_ut said...

Bonachichi~ I love that word~ ugh~ I use it all the time....I once told an old boyfriend that I'd love him forever....but I meant like a friend....i think he took it the wrong way~ Men are geeks that way~ Thanks for sending the blog~

Tina~in_ut said...

Sackie~ Thanks for yesterday's blog....sorry you're in need of a lube job......want help arranging that? :)~

Jodi said...

TINA!! My aren't you pretty today.....luv u....mean it!!

BONACHICHI - I use the L word all the time. I think if you put it out there, you're certain to get some back ♥

Off and running....dropping Tim off at Armada Cadets, hitting Wallyworld, and just for me getting a pedicure today. Don't ya just LOVE IT?!!?

Maureen said...

Good morning TINA, you ravishing beauty.

I think the phrasing is important. I love a lot od people, but right now I am not IN LOVE with anyone. I love my friend Gary, but I am certainly not IN love with him.

Being IN love with someone is when your tummy flutters at even the thought of him and he still sends spingles down your spine at his touch. Makes you cry happy tears when he says it back or says something sappy.

Now I'm even more depressed!

Maureen said...

HODI...enjoy your day! Sounds LOVEly!

Tina~in_ut said...

Good Morning, Jodi~ Have fun today~

Wow Mo~ After reading your description, I think I'm in love with DeeDee~ :D

DeeDee said...

Good Morning ladies....


Oh Tina! I'm blushing.....

Tina~in_ut said...

DeeDee~ It's prolly a hot flash~

Maureen said...

Uh oh...I think DEEDEE's zorch is aflaming

DeeDee said...

I don't have hot flashes.....

Its very nice today in Rhinebeck NY.....80 is the expected high....

Madeline Albright is in the hotel room next to mine and Vernon Jordan was in there most of the night with her.....he's a screamer....lq

Oprah got here last night and she got her fat ass stuck in a doorway......had to call the fire dept....they coaxed her loose with a side of beef.......

tried to teach Chelsea to give head but without sanding those teeth of hers back its going to be like sticking it in a pencil sharpener for the new Mr. Chelsea.....ouch!

oh yeah...speaking of flaming zorches....Bill stopped by during his morning jog....I hooked him up with a "lewinsky'.....yowzaa....woof...

DeeDee said...

oh yeah...Bonachichi.....I told Bill I love him!!!

DeeDee said...

cough! cough! Sorry yall! Been a while since I had smoked a cigar...if u KWIM.....cough!

Bebbilane said...

Bonachichi! Wow, great blog! I respect your feelings about the "love" word. I am realizing recently that the word scares a lot of people. And, it is used too much. I do over use it but it may not be lust always that someone is feeling maybe it's just an overwhelming sense of who they are and realizing that you feel a strong connection. It's not always attached with the sexual feelings..sometimes it just a deep admiration for the person. I have a close friend and her hubby is sick. I love him, unconditionally, totally. I have told him this. His wife, my best friend doesn't get upset because she understands the kind of love I am talking about. It isn't the "I want to fuck you" kind of love, it is the "you are strong and I admire so much the person you are" kind of love.

I guess I feel easier saying "I love you" rather than "I admire you for your strength and your being".. Does that make sense at all to anyone else but me??

Sometimes I wonder, because other people really do get "put off" by it.

Tina..you are so pretty (as usual and said with a dull disdain) ...haha..sorry not every enthusiast about saying it today...hehe. ;)

Bebbilane said...

OH TINA..it is so good to see that someone else can understand that too...about you telling your ex boyfriend you would love him forever!!! Perfect example. I have some old boyfriends that I will always love. It doesn't mean I want, need or desire anything from them, it's just how I FEEL. A place in my heart, means I love you to me.

Bebbilane said...

DeeDEe: Gross...please don't say "give head" and Chelsea in the same sentence. My daughter's name is Chelsea and that just grossed me out...uggh. LOL..I know you were not talking about her though..but gosh..YUCK>

Bebbilane said...

There ya go MO, that is another good example. Just because I love you doesn't mean I am IN LOVE with you.. Very good!! I miss you Mo!! I love you too..but I am not in love with you. haha.

Bebbilane said...

Bonachichi: Did he mean he was really in love with you? What happened? I bet that did make you uncomfortable.

Bebbilane said...

Jodi: Loving what you said, "if you put some out there, you certainly will get some back" AMEN to that!

Bebbilane said...

I am serial posting again..somebody stop me....help.. me... i... can't....stop.

Bebbilane said...

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East Bay J said...

Good morning!

Dee Dee I hope you brought an alternate dress to wear to the wedding... in case Bill got his stains all over it!

OMG, too funny!

Bona I like saying the L word to people I feel that way about. Like MR. E, parents, brothers, family, friends. And of course, Poe and Nancy! :)

I like when they say it to me too! Can't have enough love!

Bebbi what you summed up is how I feel too. To me it is a term of endearment, not sexual but a deep feeling of I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU! :)

I have to catch up on yesterdays blog, and Face book.

Be back later, have a good day everyone!

Bebbilane said...

EBJ ^5~!! :) Yay.another person to stop my serial posting....oh wait....you are leaving..that is okay cause Bonachichi will be happy to see huge numbers on her blog..hehe, I know I always do...


Okay, I am rambling again. Just too excited! Going to a Tie Dye/Fish Fry! I went to Target last night and bought a shirt and had one other one and I am going to make two tie die tshirts...excited..can you say..FUN...!

bonachichi said...

Well I come to check the Nest and what do I find? LOVE!

DeeDee's in NY? Did she actually go there, or has she teleported?

Tina~in_ut said...

Bonachichi~ i'm thinking she telefarted~ ijs~

bonachichi said...

Bebbi, you really hit everything about the Love word on the head. If I know someone throws the word, "love" around, it's meaningless to me. I feel no more honored than a favorite cut of meat.

I rarely use that word. To me, it means that I have deep and genuine feelings for another. There's nothing I wouldn't do for that person.

In the case of my buddy, he does not use that word. We also have a history. I don't know what his motivation is, but it made me uncomfortable.

bonachichi said...

Tina, good to know DeeDee's got a powerful propulsion system. Maybe she's the answer to our energy woes?

Bebbilane said...

Just over here trying to nap and throwing around some love.

Bebbilane said...

Watch out bonachichi, I think I just hit you in the eye with some.

Bebbilane said...

What's that honey...love in your eye... Let me wash it out for you..it could get sticky.

Tina~in_ut said...

watch out, Bebbi~ that sticky stuff is the Bill kinda "love"~

DeeDee said...

They have designated a no-fly zone....thank God we won't have to worry about pesky flys!!!

about to scramvle wifi and everything!!!

i can

if you
I agree....

Tina~in_ut said...

Zsa-Zsa~ quit posting my e-mails!!!~ ga!!!!~

DeeDee said...

S I L E N C E Y O U F O O L !!


whoa! where did that come from.....

bonachichi said...

Yeah, um. This Clinton wedding is kind of getting out of hand, yes? I mean, they're not royalty. It's not Princess Di. Why the big deal?

Lynn D said...

I love that all of the dead crap is now out of my garage. Dead, washing machine, dead refrigerator, 2 dead riding lawn mowers and more gone gone gone!!!!

clean up and clean out at my house. I will let you all know when I have a yard sale when I start on the rest of the house. Baby steps.

Waving at everyone!

DeeDee said...

She is the daughter of one of Americas favorite presidents and her Mother...Hillary.....she is the 67th United States Secretary of State....

well...now that I have settled that (dusts hands off) the thing is starting....and I am one of the flower girls......

I hope the whole thing is Jewish...so much more exciting...especially the reception!!

Mazel tov!!

Tina~in_ut said...

she is NOT the daughter of George OR John OR Abe!!!! my GOD!!!! She's the daughter of that spunky guy!!!!!!~

DeeDee said...

AND the 67th United States Secretary of State..

Dianne/Denver said...

Sitting at a tim mcgraw and lady antabellem concert--beautiful outside weather

bonachichi said...

DeeDee, just because you used floral douche this morning doesn't mean you're a flower girl. ;)

Maybe I am just not into the socialite world. I don't want 400-500 people watching me do anything. It'll be egg on their face if it doesn't work out. Even odds, that.

Just_Lin said...

Tina It took me a moment to realize you wrote Good Moaning. LOL You are quite lovely in your little white outfit with the blue stripe accent. You appear much shorter than I recall, however. ;)

Bonach Excellent blog today. If what your friend said to you is making you uncomfortable, then I suspect he means it in the way you fear. The way he said it probably told you that. That does put you in an awkward position since you cannot reciprocate those feelings. My ex-fiance has told me he never really got over me and that he loves me. He also is very clear that he loves his wife and he thinks he still feels love for his first wife, too. His love doesn't make me feel uncomfortable at all as it doesn't feel like lust at all, but about a deep and enduring caring. He would protect me from all hurt and troubles if he could.

There are family and friends that I love. Being in love is totally different. I try not to be too stingy with the word and let those I love, know it. There are people I admire, that I think are great, but I can't honestly say that what I feel for them is love. I do, however, love turkey dinners and am not ashamed to admit it. LOL

Waving a wing at MO, LynnD, EBJ, DeeDee, Hodi, Bebbilicious, and Dianne.

Tina~in_ut said...

have i ever mentioned that Mr Di tells me he loves me when he gets off the phone with me? What do you think that means? :D hubba hubba~

Tina~in_ut said...

J/L~ i would NEVER with a bad moaning on anyone~ :)~

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Sounds like he totally wants you.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Re. Area 51...SacBarb I don't think you are an old clunker. I'm sure there are many people out there who would love to look under your "hood" and see what makes your "engine" reve!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Bonachichi the word "love" is uncomfortable for me. It wasn't something that was said very much when I grew up. I never saw it between my parents. I haven't experienced it in a relationship. I'm uncomfortable using the word because I'm not sure when I really should. I spent a number of years not feeling loved at all. I now know there are people who do love me and there are some that I love too. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone other than me, but that's my comment and I'm sticking too it!

Zona said...

Hi Guys!

BONACHI: I tell my friends and family I love them all the time..I don't think about it too much..I just do it. It lets them know I care about them and that they mean a lot to me. They know I'm not speaking from my loins..now THAT's a picture..lol..

I really think that it's better to tell people how you feel about them today..because you might not have the opportunity to do so tomorrow.

TINA: How did you know what I was doing this morning? ;)

JODI: Busy busy! I hope you are tipping back a Spotted Cow just about now! :)

MO: I still get 'spingles'..it's just harder to feel them at my age.. ;)

DEEDEE: Give Bill a smooch for me! :D

BEBBI: The word does scare a lot of people..I wonder why? It's never scared me..I like knowing that someone cares enough about me to tell me..

EBJ: I really, really, really like you!!! :)

LYNN: Omg..I so need to de-clutter..you have no idea! BARB does though.. :D

DIANNE: Remember to send a note up to Tim McGraw and tell him you came straight from surgery to see him..and for that he should at least give you a kiss..or a lap dance!! Have fun!! :D

J/LIN: I will proudly stand beside you and tell the world..well at least the blog..that I love turkey dinners too! And mushrooms!! :D

It's been a rainy day here today..LOVE IT! And now back to making Taco Salad...yummy!

Have a good night everyone!

Jodi said...

BONACHICHI - Didn't realize it meant that I was a socialite when I got married. We served 410 people dinner....ijs!!

DEE DEE - How was the wedding? Did you get to use the fancy schmancy terlets?!!?

DIANNE - Enjoy the show!!

LYNN - Good for you!! Doesn't it feel good?!!?

SLIN - Waving back at you....♥ u!!!

Jodi said...

I'm so proud of Tim!! His performance was great!! Had a total flashback....he looks sooooooo much like my brother Dale on the field. Especially playing the snare.

Just got back from my friend Donna's 50th B'day party. ZONA...actually I got quite friendly with "the Captain"....ahoy!!!

Zona said...

SHIRLEY: It makes sense to me..and you're right..there are a lot of people who love you! :)

BEBBI: I have to correct my comment..it scared me when Andy said he loved me waaaay back when..**shiver**..and not in a good way!

Jodi said...

SHIRLEY - Your comment made me sad. I grew up in a house that used that word EVERYDAY!!! As a matter of fact, I KNOW that it was the last thing that I told my brother and my mother before they were taken from me so suddenly (ZONA....right?!!?) I for one love you as a friend....and I hope that you can feel that ♥

Jodi said...

Oh, what the crap!!

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Jodi said...

Loo, loo, skip to Chelsey's loo....♥

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Zona said...

JODI: AHOY! LOL!! I just saw the pics..you are rockin' that red..ijs.. :D

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Jodi said...

love, love, love, love ♥

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Jodi said...

left, left, left, right, left!!

Jodi said...

69!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Jodi said...

Ahoy...........ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Jodi said...

ZONA - Actually it is my favorite OPI shade....Pompei Purple!!! It's really a lovely hot pink with a bit of an iridescence to it!!!

Jodi said...

I best get to bed. Even though I have tomorrow off...I have to be up early and have Tim out to his Grandpa's by 5:30 am. He's taking off to go with the race team.

Good night HOoters ♥

Mary/MI said...

I LOVE ALL OF YOU!! So make something of it lol!

I "LOVE", my friends, but then again I "LOVE" file Mignon!
I save my"emotional LOVE" for my family. I assume most know the difference. If I thought someone would take it the wrong way I wouldn't say it, simple.
I "LUST" BonJ,Johnny Depp,G. Clooney!

Mary/MI said...

Dam, I got trampled by "Lovabl" Jodi!

East Bay J said...

Hey!

I LOVE the word LOVE! I love to say it and I love it said to me!

Zona I really, really, really like you too! :)

Shirley, isn't it wonderful to know there are people who love you? I think it is so comforting and wonderful.

Di, hope you are having fun at the concert. I love outdoor concerts, there is a wonderful venue near here, love going there for summer night events.

I use the word love a lot I notice!

A shout out to Lynn, Mo, JL, Jodi, Tina, DeeDee, Mary, Bona, Tina, Jodi and Bebbi.

DeeDee said...

I'm not naming any names at this time...but someone we all love has been making secret trips to Cambodia...

and may or may not be involved in a little "side-business"....

Are any of you familiar with the
Mreah Prew Phnom trees in Cambodia?

I'm just going to leave it at that for now....

Bebbilane said...

Tina: LOL!

Zona: Why did it make you scared when he said it?

Bebbilane said...

J/L : Bebbilicious.. I like that lol

Mary/MI said...

"Harvested to make Ecstasy, Cambodia's trees are felled one by one." That's what I found about "Mreah Prew Phnom" trees. Now who could be transplanting them? I only know one farm-a-holic!

Mary/MI said...

Sweet dreams everyone. I had a little to much sun,fun,and one teeny tiny genuine gyro! My alergies have been kicking my arse!
Tonight was the last day of the fair & the local "Idol" contest. I felt so bad for them. They were singing as the huge tractor pulls were going on. Black smoke and engines revving were pretty bad!

Have a great week hooters :)

Bebbilane said...

Goodnight Mary..the fair sounds fun though.

bonachichi said...

DeeDee, who's the MDMA phreak?

Jodi, I respect that you had a large wedding. In politics though, sometimes the celebrants are not personally motivated, but politically so. I was not aware of Chelsea Clinton's role as America's Sweetheart. Regardless, I've seen some pics online, and she did look beautiful.

Just_Lin said...

I forgot about Chelsea's wedding. Wonder if they'll show a pic of her on the news. She's not a natural beauty so I hope she looked gorgeous on her special day.

Dianne/Denver said...

Just got home from the concert and it was great. I decided to bring Tim home with me so he could get a good night sleep off of that bus...so...shhhhh....don't want to wake him YET!!

TINA: MRD either tells you he loves you for the reason SHIRLEY mentioned: a) he wants you or b) he forgets you aren't one of the kids!!

I like the word love but am careful who I say it too.. I try not to just throw it out there for anyone I do feel love for friends that mean so much to me...sounds better than hanging up the phone and saying "bye, like you".

Good blog today ChiChi and yesterday with the Clunker, BARB. I just had to copy that and send it to a few of my girlfriends that will love love love it.

Jodi said...

DIANNE - lol @ not waking Tim up yet!! GOLDIE called me twice last night when she was at the Bon Jovi concert. So nice of her to share her boyfriend with me. The best lullaby evah ♥