by Shirley
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoon and comic strips:
* Lost: small apricot poodle. reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
* A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine foods expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
* Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
* For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
* Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
* Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too!
* Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory
* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
* Great Dames for sale.
* Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
* Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
* Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
* Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
* 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
* Illiterate? Write today for free help.
* Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
* Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.
* Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
* When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.
84 comments:
I'm #1!!!!!
I'm #1!!!!!
I'm #1!!!!!
I'm #1!!!!!
See, I don't have to moan to be #1!!!!
And MY beauty is all natural, not from a makeup case!
Oh my what a funny blog! Thanks Shirley!
You are welcome Shirley! I like to make you laugh!
And I sooo appreciate that Shirley.
I appreciate you too!
But I appreciate you more!!
No no I appreciate YOU more!
NO, I appreciate YOU more!
Look Bitch I said I appreciate you more and that's it! Period! End of discussion!
Well if you put it THAT way...thanks!
The lack of appreciation here is palpable.
Shirley: You are number 1 and you are a very beautiful number one today too! :)
I liked: Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover
For some reason this one really tickled my funny bone..but they are all very funny! :)
LOL Lynn!! :)
I appreciate you to infinity, Shirley. :) xo.
From area 51: Bonachichi, you easy to put up with..! :) So fun!!
Also, Sacbarb, enjoy your new i-phone..!!!! Lucky Duck! :)
Great adverts, Shirley! How many personalities are you sporting today?
I'm curious about how many people are going to switch their iPhones from ATT to Verizon. Anyone?
SHIRLEY.....I personally like... Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too! Too bad it doesn't come with an extra eye for poor DEE DEE!! The other one that caught my attention was.....Great Dames for sale. MOHO....are you hanging a red light, too?
not me!! ...you know I invented AT&T.....I may have invented the iphone...I'll have to sheck....
SHIRLEY....Congrats on #1!!! And I appreciate you more than both of you put together ;)
LYNN!! How's Baby Eva?
BEBBI....waving a wing at you!!
BONACHICHI....I have AT&T but no iPhone. Just your standard little crappy flip phone for me.
DEE DEE.....don't you mean iCorn?!!?
Happy Tuesday Owls.
Shirley, very funny ads. I like the ear peircing one too. I could use an extra pair.
Bebbi, I got the $49 iPhone deal. My son talked me into it. I'm still trying to figure it all out.
Waiting for the plumber. The shower runs out of hot water in about 5 minutes even though the sink faucet runs hot water. Is a puzzlement and will probably be costly.
Waving to all the Owls. bbl
Jodi~~ Waving a wing back!
Sacbarb: I have Sprint so I am still waiting for i-phone..ha ha. :) Really, I need a new phone but it will have to wait. I am on a more stringent budget now.
Happy 1-11-11 everyone!
"For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers" Perfect! I'll take it! :D
Great list beautiful #1 #1 #1 #1 SHIRLEY! :D
LYNN: Praying that every day is a little better than the day before! :)
BARB: So..how was the plumber's crack today? ;)
JODI: I really do need an extra pair..ijs.. ;)
DEEDEE: AT&T too? Now I understand the phone they offered in the 80's that was shaped like an ear of corn! Well..kinda..
BEBBI: Hi Sunshine! :)
BONACHI: No iPhone here either..I don't know how to use the phone I have yet..but then I've only had it 3 years.. ;)
FROM 51:
BARB: I tripped over Nikki on Sunday. Eventho I tweaked my knee..I still went for a walk yesterday. About a half mile down the road..my knee really started to hurt and I stumbled and fell. Getting up was the tough part..not so much for me as for all the drivers that had to see my big ol' butt as I tried to stand up..lol..I'm ok..just a little sore. :)
BARB - I hope he is at least HOTTT ♥
ZONA - Pair of what?!!? Melons....cheeks.....knees?!!?
JODI: YES!! :D
Shirley,I see you were playing with yourself this mouning, until Bebbi interfered lol!!
My fave classified is "Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it"
Zona, I have been worried about you since I read about your fall! I hope you are alright. I seem to be a klutz lately. Why is it that I always hurt the one knee that has been replaced? Hurts like a MOFO!
Waving at Bebbi,Bonach,LynnD, & Jodi~~~~
Mary if the knee is still under warrenty maybe you can go in for a tune up!
Anyone heard from DeeDee? Is she still getting drilled by her dentist?
Good evening feathered friends!
SHIRLEY...were you #1? LOL! Yes you must have been with that natural beauty you exude!
Loved the blog! Like JODI, I immediately was drawn to the ear pierceing and thought about DEE DEE having a spare set of ears to make up for the 1/2 set of eyes!!
I also thought the desk was specially made for me!
ZONA...sorry to hear about your fall. You need to carry your cell phone so you can text an SOS! Feel better.
HODI...no red light here! Damn it!
It snowed like a mofo today and it isn't supposed to stop for a couple of days. Ugggh.
SHIRLEY...maybe DEE DEE is stuck on her dentist. Perhaps when she shoved her shoe up his arse she had forgotten to take her foot out!
MARY...maybe you can wrap some of your Depends around your knee to act as a cushion to protect it...ijs!
Zona, No plumbers crack.
Jodi, No he wasn't HOTTTTT but he wasn't old and ugly either, and he charged me $250.00. I didn't enjoy it all that much.
MO MO MO!! What I need is a big hunk of a man like BJ to assist me around the house ;-)
Shirley, LOL @ parts under warranty!!
I will be going to an Orthodontist next week to get fitted for braces! @ my age! My front teeth keep separating and pushing out...no jokes here bout "you-know-what" b cuz I don't do that no mo lol!!
I'm right here....
steps from behind drapery wearing a veil
Well I'd better be off!
looks in purse for keys...tube of POLY-GRIP falls out and hits floor...
THATS NOT MINE!!
Has anyone seen Shirley?
oh Tina!! Thank God ur here!!
Here! I dropped your lube on the floor! Here ya go....
rushes out for DC..
DEE DEE...better Poli-Grip then Prep H!!
Where are you going out so late at night?
Mo~ she's going to the Handi Smack for her nightly crack~ Her dealer is going to love her tonight cuz he's gonna git gummed~ no more biting~ :D
TINA...I just spit out my ginger ale!
Mo~ Have DeeDee git u another one while she's at the Handi Spank~ Make sure she washes her hands first...and her gums~ ijs~
Looks like DeeDee will be gumming it for awhile! Ha!Ha! When do you see your "specialist" again?
My new avatar picture is one of the new DeeDee!!
Tina thanks for posting my blog...eventually!! Muah!!
Mo I don't think Mary can spare any Depends for her knee, you know how leaky she is!!
Zona didn't you trip over your dog not so long ago? Woman you need to be careful!!
Bonachi there is only one of me...any more and the world would be in grave danger!
SacBarb, Lynn D and Bebbi glad you liked the blog! Jodi thanks!
I really wish you Americans would keep you snow storms down there. We really don't want another nor'easter, but it looks like one is coming tomorrow and Thursday. Thanks! **she says sarcasticly and glares**
50
Congratulations on 50, Shirley! LOL!
Somebody has big mouth! I got my DC...and thats all!!
Shirley...that person in your avatar looks like he/she has no teeth!!
I have teeth!!
granted my previous teeth are probably in a landfill by now but I WILL get new teeth and when I do I am going to BITE YOU ALL that made fun of my oral re-do!!
What??? You didn't save your teeth to make a necklace???
Oh well, I can't wait to see the new diamond grille (sp)!!
Hey Gumm...I mean DeeDee, do you have a blender? Gee that's a dumb question to ask you. How would YOU know if you had a blender?!! Silly me! Anyway ask Cook if you have a blender and then she/he can puree all your food for you! You could have oatmeal, bacon and eggs for breaky, and oh I bet potatoe salad and meatloaf would be good for dinner! Great idea right?? I've always said there was a brain behind all this natural beauty!!
The kitchen has been instructed pertaining to the present situation.....
I am high on Vicodin and all is well.....
Cook has planned a varied menu of mushes....which I am sure will be... delicious....and soft...
meantime I have some lovely bread-sticks to suck on and plenty of warm salt water to slosh....
Mmmmmmmmmmm sounds wonderful!! Enjoy!!
Well Owls I'm going to bed. I had to turn my fan on by my bed to get it nice and cold for me because I have be sweating all evening. I have turned all my heat way down and I have my bathroom window open. If snow comes in there I don't care. This pre menopause stuff sucks!!!
Nighty night!!
Shirley Thanks for the fun blog today. Oh, and both of you are totally beautiful today, no matter what DeeDee says.
DeeDee Did you have one or more teeth pulled today. I totally sympathize. If you've lost your Poli-grip, I'll share my Fixodent with you. : D
Bonach I have Verizon and am happy with my Blackberry Curve.
MO LOL @ your suggestion to Mary.
SacBarb But did the plumber fix the problem? And what was the problem, anyway? Inquiring minds want to know.
Zona, Zona, Zona Please stop falling down.
Waving at HOdi, Bebbi, LynnD, Mary, Tina and Bear!!!!
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Aahhh! Congrats to me. : )
Congrats to you too, J/L !!
Dee Dee: Vicodan always makes me constipated.
Bear Thanks! Also, I agree about the Vicodin. That's an unfortunate side effect.
J/L, Yes the problem is fixed. He put a new thingy that mixes the hot and cold water in both faucets. Both bathrooms have one of those single faucets.
Please send some good thoughts to San Diego for my son's fur baby Canton. Things are not going well for him tonight. He hasn't eaten today and all he wants to do is sleep. The vet told them to take him in early tomorrow. They are afraid of what they will be told. Thanks.
Good night and sweet dreams to all the Owls. I am going to take a vicodin and go to bed.
BARB - Poor Canton....sending positive thoughts and prayers ♥
BARB: I will be praying for Canton..I hope he'll be ok.
J/LIN: I try not to..but it just keeps happening...
SHIRLEY: I am careful..it's Nikki who needs to watch where she's laying! ;)
MARY: I'm fine..just a dork..lol..
I'd march to 100..just like the good ol' days..but I probably wouldn't make it..lol..
Good night everyone..sweet dreams!
Good morning to all the owls getting up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning too! :)
I'm up, but not so bright eyed and bushy tailed!
Still snowing. Snow warnings thru 7 tonight.
OVER IT!
shhhhhh Mo~ they took us off calls....shhhhhhh~ Don't tell them it's still snowing~
TINA...ok, I won't tell anyone it's STILL SNOWING! How's Janice?
Morning--it is 3 below brrr and I'm awake
Mo~ Janice keeps yawning and is making me sleepy~ We are working really hard! :)~
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