by Dianne
This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals & top secret code words, the better off they are.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas : There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshipers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk.
36 comments:
1
Dianne the last paragraph made me lol. The Chip Monk. :)
Bonachichi sorry I did not get to comment on yesterdays post. I still have not watched the vid. :(
A two year old left my stick vacuum laying on the floor and grandma went to turn off the timer on the stove hit the handle in mid stride went flying through the air and landed squarely on my right knee cap. Swollen and a mess. Debating whether or not to go to urgent care today and have it xray-ed just in case.
I don't know if Mr. Lynn D and I will survive the two year old.
Lynn!! So pretty today! :)
Ohh, sorry to hear about the knee. I hope that it gets better..yes, it sounds like the two year old is kicking some LynnD bootay.
Oh my gosh! This is better than breaking Enigma! The Catholic code book! Thank you Dianne!
LynnD, you need velcro walls and a trampoline floor. I'm betting we can find you a velcro suit somewhere. If you're going to fly in your house, might as well have fun doing it.
Hiya Bebbi!
Good Morning!
DIANNE: I love the definition for "Pew"..so true! Ok..I feel guilty now..yes I'm Catholic..no I don't go to church. I know you didn't mean to make me feel guilty..it just comes with being Catholic. I'll get over it. ;)
LYNN: OUCH! **CRINGE** I'm so sorry to hear you hurt your knee!! I think you should have it xrayed as soon as you can..better safe than sorry..imho. You and Mr LynnD will survive..in what shape though, I'm not sure! ;)
BEBBI: Hello Sunshine! :)
J/LIN: I hope you're feeling better today! :)
From 51:
BONACHI: Catchy tune..but I kind of felt sorry for that lady..she really looked shocked and scared.
Have a nice day everyone!
"HOLY SMOKE!!"...ha hahaha
Very good Dianne! This is funny!
LynnD...sorry about the knee but don't blame the 2 year old....lol
Accidents in the home are common even without chirrens underfoot...just look at the gaping hole in my head..
I have enjoyed learning about the catholic church since I have known the #1 catholic in Utah...
Tina loves her religion so I love it for her....but those poor kids of hers.....so good to participate in everything their Mother wanted them to do....if those 3 have dressed up like Obi Wan Kenobi once...they have done it 50 times!
And there is of course...the built in guilt feature that catholics have...great for raising kids!
signed....
KYRIE ELEISON...!!
omg! love the avatar Lynn!!!
Zona! Hi! :) Happy day to all.. :)
DeeDee: LOL at Chirrens..too funny.
LynnD Are you sure you didn't trip on the vaccuum while rushing in here to be first today? Congrats on being the most beautiful among us today but, yikes, I'm sorry about your injury. This is why we have babies when we're young. The older we get, the more likely it is that they will kill us. LOL
Zona Thanks. I just wish I'd stop coughing. I feel like I've coughed up one lung and am now working on the other.
DeeDee I think most accidents happen in the home, don't they? Like when you tripped over the toaster in the bath the other day. ;)
Dianne These were very funny! Thanks for the chuckles today. I like the one about the choir allowing the rest of the congregation to lip-sync. LOL
Waving at Bonach and Bebbi!
Oh, yeah, I really liked the Chip Monk one, too. I didn't see that coming. LOL
Hi J/L!
Diane, I had no idea!! I feel like I have learned so much! That explains a lot about Tina lol!
LynnD,Puppies are a danger zone too! I have learned to "shuffle along" instead of walking or making a turn-about. especially in the kitchen! I have to put up a baby gate when cooking. I would have stepped on her and prolly spilled hot stuff on her. I am a messy cook! LOL!!
Bebbi!!!!
Bonachi!!!
Zona!!!!!!
DeeDee!!!!!
HJustlin!!!!!
Justlin, I have no idea where the "H" came from lol!
Mary I thought it might be shorthand for "hi". LOL
Well went to urgent care. No Breaks no tears. Very bruised and swollen. Have to stay off of it and ice ice ice. I was very lucky!
LynnD Glad to hear nothing is broken. It probably hurts like a mofo, though. (((HUGS)))
DeeDee How's your mouth?
SacBarb Where are you and how's your foot?
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J/L...sorry...couldn't talk...had a big dick in my mouth....
There....thats better...
My mouth is good....healing....still can't eat real food but I'm losing weight...12 lbs....lol...I really don't have any more to lose...but I have 3 weeks to go...
But! Since word has gotten out that I had my top teeth pulled I have become very popular with a lot of men folk...
I just wrote my phone number on a few restroom walls and before I knew it they were lining up....I think all the protein is supplementing my diet too!
Some of the guys give me diarrhea though....I don't get it....but running to the terlit does give me a chance to freshen my lipstick before the next one....
Jesus God we are the toothless coughing walking wounded around here! Everybody else get out your pads and head gear. Be very careful!
Sending (((Hugs))) to everyone.
DeeDee~ ur a sick shit!!!~
LynnD~ even broken ur pretty~
Di~ those were funny~ I loved the Chip Monk~ Thanks for sending it....and the one you sent today too~ That one wouldn't do over well here.....i'm thinkin'~ :D
Hi to everyone.....especially the frozen Sackie~ lol~
DeeDee,I am shocked!!! You swallow???
bbl have to get on treadmill........
Good evening feathered friends!
LYNN...you are gorgeous today, even if you are gimping along! Sorry about your knee. Hoping you feel better soon. {{hugs}}
JUST LIN...did thee go to the doctor? Feel better.
DEE DEE...swirl and spit...ijs!
ZONA...Jews and Catholics are def related...especially in the guilt area!
DIANNE...OMG...too funny! I learned a lot! CHIP MONK!!! bwahahahahahahahahaha
Sorry I was AWOL yesterday. It was a long ass day. Had a funeral in the morning, worked late then calling hours in the evening.
Good Evening Owls....LYNN: You are so lovely today even with your bum knee. I am glad there is no tear or break. Rest, rest, rest!!
I was surprised to see the blog was done by me today. Tina, every email I send you isn't always a blog. This one was fine but some are just too naughty!!
I thought the chip monk was pretty funny too. It seems like most of the definitions are pretty true to form---I guess they should have listed guilt too.
DEEDEE: I hope your mouth is feeling a little better. It seems like you aren't having any problems with your social life.
J/L: I hope you are doing better too. It doesn't seem like you are as "active" as DEEDEE is today.
I just got done riding my recumbant bike for a mile. It isn't much but good for me.
CHICHI: I am still singing "backing up". People look at me strange!!!
Well TINA, thanks so much for not sending any snow to me. It was in the 60's today. You seem to skip me a lot this year with that snow...thank you.
Hope everyone has a good night and thanks for the comments on my blog today.
Dianne "Backin'up" keeps running through my mind, too.
uh....dork Dianne~ want me to send you your email saying that I could use this as a blog~ duh~ I think you need to lay off the gas next time ur at the dentist~ ijs~
tonight we watched my oldest on tv! thank God he didn't do anything crazy!!!! My dad was watching too~ Gonzaga's basketball game was on, and the kid was in the second row acting like a nut....i wonder where he gets that from! (no commenting on that Mary!!!!!)
Tina Of course he was acting like a nut! That's what one does for the first two years of college.
lol J/L~
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