The Great Gatsby

by Zona

The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books..I liked the movie from the 70's as well. I think this re-make looks pretty interesting. I'm not sure about Leonardo DiCaprio as Gatsby..but that's just because I think Robert Redford was so perfect in the original. I'm really looking forward to seeing this movie..and not just because there are no super heroes in it.... ;D

When a Woman Lies

by Dianne

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.. 

When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies. 

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.  

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. 

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.  

The seamstress replied, "Yes."  

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. 

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?'' 

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" The Lord asked. 

"Yes," cried the seamstress. 

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" 

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said "no" to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said "no" to him, you would have come up with my husband... Had I then said "yes," you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said "yes" to George Clooney. 

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:
 
Whenever a woman lies,
it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the
best interest of others. That's our story, and
we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women

Take a Tilt-Shift Trip to Disneyland Paris

by Zona

This video was shot using Tilt Shift photography. At times..the objects in the video appear to be miniatures..but they're not..it's just the lens the photographer used. I am absolutely fascinated by this..I don't understand exactly how it works..but I think it's very, very cool!

Lesson for the Day

by Sac Barb

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep crap now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says, "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! 

BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

~ BODDING- Heart Like Mine ~

submitted by Tina~in_ut

Dictionary

by Sac Barb

These definitions fit so well, they should be in a dictionary:

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: 

A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS: 

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: 

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: 

Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: 

Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: 

Cold Storage.

INFLATION: 

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: 

An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: 

A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: 

Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: 

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
 

The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: 

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: 

An honest opinion openly expressed.

And MY Personal Favorite!

WRINKLES: 

Something other people have,
Similar to my character lines.

~ 24 Hours to Live ~

by Tina~in_ut

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. 

Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?”

Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks, “Honey, please… just one more time before I die.”

She says, “Of course, Dear,” and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.

Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he’s down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. “Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could…”

At this point the wife sits up and says, “Listen Morris, enough is enough. I have to get up in the morning… you don’t.”

Cartoons about MATURING

by Sac Barb

CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OCEAN

by Maureen

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Richard, age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

So shines a good deed in a weary world...

by Zona

Randy and I went shopping yesterday..not for anything fun..unfortunately..but to get new tires for the car. Everyone dreads this kind of purchase..it's expensive..and it's boring. I understand that you have to have good tires..especially in this kind of heat..but it's still a pain to have to lay out that kind of money for something that doesn't even make you smile...kwim? We've always gotten our tires at Costco..and since they were having a sale..that's where we headed. Andy..the Tire Center guy..told us that a set of four tires would run us around $600. I think I stopped breathing for a minute..I looked over at Randy..he looked sick. "Seriously?" I asked. Andy explained that they were Michelins..had a 90,000 mile warranty..and blah blah blah..I don't even know what else he said. Randy finally sighed..and said 'Ok'..reasoning they would probably last the life of the car..that they were excellent tires..and more blah blah blah. I could only seem to hear 'cha-ching..cha-ching'. He paid for the tires and installation..while I checked the computer screen for the 5th time..hoping to find that Andy had transposed numbers somewhere. Nope. Dang. We were told it would take about an hour to change the tires..we left a cell number just in case there was a problem..and then walked over to In-N-Out to get something to eat. Thank goodness we had a gift card..or I would have insisted on getting Costco's $1.50 hot dog and soda special! We ordered and then sat down to wait for the food..there wasn't much talking going on. We were bummed. About 5 minutes later Randy's phone rang..it was Costco. He answered..listened for a couple minutes and said "Ok..I'll be right over.." and hung up. He had a confused look on his face. "Oh geez..what now?" I asked..sure that they had found something wrong and that it was gonna cost even more. He didn't say anything for a minute..then said.. "Andy said we have at least 20,000 miles left on our tires..we don't need a new set...he wants me to come back so they can refund our money." We were both shocked. Really? When was the last time someone sold you something..and then told you to come back so they could refund your money because you really didn't need what you had just purchased? Unbelievable. I have to admit..I was surprised by that kind of honesty from a business..I really was.

 

To Randy and I...what Costco did truly was a good deed in a world where there seems to be too few of them anymore. Thanks Andy.  :)

Kulula Airlines

by Shirley

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a read about their Customer Relations.

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.


Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

---o0o---

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

----o0o----

On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

----o0o----

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

---o0o---

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

---o0o---

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

---o0o---

From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

---o0o---

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

----o0o----

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

---o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

---o0o---

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

---o0o---

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

---o0o---

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

---o0o---

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

---o0o---

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

---o0o---

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

---o0o---

Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

Hey Mama by Mat Kearney

Submitted by Just_Lin

Okay.  So I am suffering from old-timers' disease because I can't remember if I've submitted this vid before or not.  I like this song as it always makes me tap my feet and has an upbeat feel to it.  Also, it reminds me of some great memories I have of visiting New Orleans.

~ Archbishop Tutu Speaks at Gonzaga University Commencement ~

by Tina~in_ut

SPOKANE, Wash. – Nobel Laureate Desmond Tutu told Gonzaga University graduates Sunday (May 13) to dream, reject cynicism, and collaborate with God to create a gentler and more equitable world.

I know this is long, but it's SO worth listening to. He's an amazing speaker with a beautiful message~

Beg Your Pardon???

by Maureen